Read The No Cry Discipline Solution Online
Authors: Elizabeth Pantley
Discipline and Cooperation: Choose Your Adventure
79
Tell a Story
Children love stories. These will hold their attention and can get
them to willingly do what you want them to do. Stories can be
used to teach a lesson, ward off boredom, or keep a child focused
on the task at hand.
Stories can be told in advance of any event to let your child
know what’s about to happen and prevent fussing when the actual
event occurs. You can tell a little tale about a boy who goes to
Grandma’s house for dinner and how he says “please” and “thank
you.” The grandparents are so proud of him. This is in preparation
for an actual visit, of course!
You can tell a story about a puppy who goes to the doctor for
a checkup, a dinosaur who visits the dentist, or a penguin’s fi rst
day at day care. You can use the story format to teach important
lessons about sharing, being kind, being patient, or any other life
skill you are trying to teach your child.
Mother-Speak
“ The storytelling tip is effective with Oscar. He is fascinated
with other kids’ misbehavior. When he observes a situation
he later says, ‘You talk about it.’ This means he wants me to
tell a story about the little boy who wouldn’t take turns on
the slide or the girl who was yelling at her mommy in the
locker room at the Y. Oscar asks me to tell these stories over
and over. I think it is very interesting that he’s not at all inter-
ested in stories about kids who behave well! But I feel he
learns from other children’s mistakes. Now, Oscar will often
tell his dad these stories at the end of the day.”
—Nicole, mother to Oscar, age 3
80
No-Cry Discipline Parenting Skills and Tools
Stories can also be used to keep your child still and mentally
occupied, perhaps when you are dressing him, waiting in a long
line at the post offi ce, or putting him to bed at night. A storytelling
routine can be a handy tool in all of these cases. If you have a talk-
ative, imaginative child, invite him to tell his own stories, too!
Be Silly
Experts say that children laugh about three hundred times a day,
but we serious adults laugh less than fi fteen times a day, and for
many stressed-out parents it’s probably much less than that. Not
only does laughter reduce stress, lower blood pressure, and boost
your immune system, it makes you feel happy, encourages your
child to cooperate with you, and ends fussy moods.
Children don’t require a scripted comedy show for entertain-
ment. Any lighthearted banter will do the job. Humor—pretend-
ing to fall, exaggerated speech, or funny accents—can often create
a joyful moment. Being silly—like putting your child’s sock on
his hand instead of his foot—often elicits a laugh, along with the
desired cooperation.
Mother-Speak
“ When my children start to whine I say, ‘Uh oh, where did
your big-boy (big-girl) voice go? Do you know? Is it under
the table? In your shoe? Is it in your hair?’ Usually one or two
questions and they will fi nd their voice in the middle of their
shirt and tell me, ‘It’s right here!’ I tell them they better hurry
and grab it so it won’t get away.”
—Marisa, mother to Elijah, age 4, and Marin, age 2
Discipline and Cooperation: Choose Your Adventure
81
The added benefi t to acting silly, just like the other cooperation
games, is that it will lighten your spirits as well as your child’s. And
you may fi nd yourself smiling and laughing a lot more often.
5-3-1 Go! Fair Warning Prevents Battles
When children are immersed in play, they usually put their entire
beings into the activity. It is this intensity that allows them to
absorb so much about the world in the early years of their life. They
are always learning, always taking in something new. Because of
this intensity, it can be very hard for a child to switch from one
activity to another without fi rst making a mental adjustment.
When a child is in the middle of a wonderful puzzle and a par-
ent calls him to dinner, it’s an unusual child who can immediately
drop the piece in process and run to the table. (Actually, it’s also
a rare adult who can leave an activity that quickly.)
You can help your children change activities by giving them
time to process the change mentally before they follow through
physically. Prior to expecting action from your children, call out
a fi ve-minute alert, then a three-minute alert, and, fi nally, a one-
minute alert. Watch how this happens:
Julie and Alex are happily playing at the park while Mom is
reading on a bench nearby. She gets up, comes over to them, and
at eye level announces, “We are going to leave the park in fi ve
minutes.” (She holds up fi ve fi ngers.) She returns to her bench to
read. A few minutes later, she calls out, “Julie! Alex! We are leav-
ing in three minutes!” (Holds up three fi ngers.) A few minutes
later: “One minute.” (One fi nger is raised.) A minute later, “Do
you want to have one more slide or one more swing before we
go?” After the fi nal slide, Mom announces that it’s time to leave.
Her children don’t respond immediately, so she segues into a fun
choice to get things moving: “Do you want to run to the car or