The No Cry Discipline Solution (18 page)

Discipline and Cooperation: Choose Your Adventure

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Mother-Speak

“ One of our favorite techniques is the ‘No smiling allowed in

this house’ game. When one of our gals is in a grumpy mood,

they can often be cajoled into a better mood by being told,

‘Whatever you do, do not smile.’ Ninety-nine percent of the

time, this elicits a smile and they move toward a more posi-

tive mood—works much better than giving them a lecture

about being cranky!”

—Jan, mother to Madeline, age 7,

and Bella, age 3

Serious: “Eat your vegetables. They’re good for you.”

Game: “Last time I had a plate full of vegetables, a bunny would

eat some every time I turned around and wasn’t looking. I couldn’t

believe it! I wonder if that will happen again?” (Parent makes a

big production of turning around so that the “bunny” can steal

food.)

Serious: “Drink your milk.”

Game: “Don’t drink that milk! If you do it will make you really

strong and then you’ll win when we wrestle. Stop! Don’t drink it!”

Serious: “Come on. Walk faster. We need to get home.”

Game: “Look at me—I’m a pony! And I’m so fast I bet you can’t

catch me. . . .”

Serious: “You need to go potty. Put your toy down and go potty

now.”

Game: “Here comes the potty train. Chooo! Chooo! All aboard

for the potty-town stop!”

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No-Cry Discipline Parenting Skills and Tools

You certainly don’t have to fi ll every request with fun and

games—nor should you. However, this technique is a handy and

lighthearted way to get through some of the bumps in your day.

Make It Talk: The Remarkable Works-Every-

Time Performance

Toddlers and preschoolers require fi nesse to gain their coopera-

tion. They have not yet reached the age at which they can see and

understand the whole picture, so simply explaining what you want

doesn’t always work. Robert Scotellaro is quoted in
The Funny Side

of Parenthood
as saying, “Reasoning with a two-year-old is about as productive as changing seats on the
Titanic
.” (He must have had a two-year-old at the time he said this.)

You can get around this frustrating state of affairs by chang-

ing your approach. Let’s look at two situations—fi rst the typical

(“
Titanic
”) way:

Parent: Ryan! Time to change your diaper.

Ryan: No! (As he runs off)

Parent: Come on, honey. It’s time to leave. I need to change you.

Ryan: (Giggles and hides behind sofa)

Parent: Ryan, this isn’t funny. It’s getting late. Come here.

Ryan: (Doesn’t hear a word; sits down to do a puzzle)

Parent: Come here! (Gets up and approaches Ryan)

Ryan: (Giggles and runs)

Discipline and Cooperation: Choose Your Adventure

75

Parent: (Picks up Ryan) Now lie here. Stop squirming! Lie still.

Will you stop this! (As parent turns away to pick up a new diaper,

a little bare-bottomed toddler is running away.)

I’m sure you’ve all been there. This tug-of-war can be very tiring

for a parent to deal with day after day. I discovered a much better

way to gain gleeful cooperation from a young child:

Parent: (Picks up diaper and holds it like a puppet, making it talk

in a silly, squeaky voice) Hi, Ryan! I’m Dilly Diaper! Come here

and play with me!

Ryan: (Runs over to diaper puppet) Hi, Dilly!

Parent as Diaper: You’re such a nice boy. Will you give me a kiss?

Ryan: Yes. (Gives diaper a kiss)

Parent as Diaper: How about a nice hug?

Ryan: (Giggles and hugs diaper)

Parent as Diaper: Lie right here next to me. Right here. Yes. Can I

go on you? Oh, yes?! Goody, goody, goody! (The diaper chats with

Ryan while he’s being changed.)

Parent as Diaper: Oh, Ryan! Listen, I hear your shoes calling

you—Ryan! Ryan!

The most amazing thing about this approach is that it works over

and over and over. You’ll keep thinking,
He’s not honestly going to

fall for this again, is he?
But he will! Probably the nicest by-products of this method are that you are in a good mood and you have a

little fun time with your child.

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No-Cry Discipline Parenting Skills and Tools

Mother-Speak

“ We were on vacation and our son, Daniel, was getting into

trouble and not listening. I had brought along your notes and

read through them to see if I could fi nd a tool to help with

him. When I came across the talking diaper section of the

book, I thought, No way! But I decided to try anyway. I used

my hand as a puppet. Well, sir, you could have knocked me

over with a feather! Not only did he listen, but he absolutely

and completely believed my hand was another person! I

now also use it with my daughter, and she’s just mesmer-

ized by ‘Mr. Hand.’ She’ll ask for him specifi cally and always

listens to what he asks her to do. I have told all my friends

about it, but I think some of them feel too silly to try it. Me? I

say, whatever works, and THIS one defi nitely works!”

—Ezia, mother to Daniel, age 4, and Sedona, age 2

When you’ve got a toddler or preschooler, this technique can

be a pure lifesaver. I remember one day when my son was almost

three. We were waiting in a long line at the grocery store and he

was getting antsy. I started making my hand talk to him. It was

asking him questions about the items in the cart. Suddenly, he

hugged my hand, looked up at me, and said, “Mommy, I love for

you to pretend this hand is talking.”

It’s delightful to see how a potentially negative situation can be

turned into a fun experience by changing a child’s focus to fun

and fantasy. This is a particularly popular parenting skill because

once mastered it can be used in virtually any situation to bring

pleasant results.