Read The No Cry Discipline Solution Online
Authors: Elizabeth Pantley
simple daily ritual, such as “We brush our teeth before bed” or “We
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No-Cry Discipline Parenting Skills and Tools
take our plates to the sink after we eat.” Or it can be a guide to
behavior, such as “We don’t hit.” Rules work best if they are short,
simply stated, and consistently followed.
The fi rst thing you need to do is to decide on your top rules. Too
many rules make life complicated. And, when there are too many
rules they are easily forgotten, so you’ll want to determine your top
ten or so. The best way to fi gure out your top ten is to make a list
of the behavior issues that most bother you. When you see what
these are, you’ll know which issues are most important to address
with a formal rule.
Once you’ve made a list of your top behavior issues, translate
each one into a clear, simple rule. For example, if your children
are too rough with each other and often push, hit, kick, pull hair,
or wrestle to the point of tears, then come up with a simple easy-
to-understand rule that will encompass all such behaviors, such as
“No hurting each other.”
As you create your rules, make sure they are ones you can and
will enforce. This isn’t a wish list of every nice thing you hope for;
Mother-Speak
“ When I was in college studying to be a teacher, I took a class
on behavior management that covered rule making. The pro-
fessor recommended making the rules a positive experience
from the beginning. Instead of creating the rules yourself,
have the children make them up with you. You could shout,
‘Is this how we should talk in the house?’ Children: ‘No, we
should use our quiet voices.’ Adult: ‘So, what should that
rule say?’ Children: ‘No yelling.’ Having them involved in this
way makes them feel that they are a part of making the rules
and more inclined to follow them.”
—Genevieve, mother to Matthew, age 2
Discipline and Cooperation: Choose Your Adventure
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it’s the top behaviors that you expect and are willing to enforce
consistently.
A great way to proclaim the new rules is to make a family rules
poster. Use bright colors and decorations to make it friendlier, and
then place it on the wall for all to see and remember.
Another advantage to specifi c, written rules is that they carry
with them additional implied rules. “No hurting each other” may
have been created to curb the physical fi ghting between your chil-
dren, but it also implies no emotional hurting. Rules refl ect a family’s personality and culture—the values and morals that guide all of your
actions and establish what’s most important in your family unit.
Mother-Speak
“ I always know when Eva is hungry because she starts whin-
ing, fussing, and badgering me for cookies [solve the real
problem]. If I say no for any reason, a meltdown ensues
[avoid fi ghting words]. Lately I’ve discovered that kneeling
down and asking her if she’s hungry [eye to eye] and offer-
ing her a selection of some healthy snacks [choices] tends
to defuse her. I tell her when she calms down, then she can
pick her snack [When/Then technique]. I fi nish by taking her
to the cabinet to get her selection [distraction].”
—Jocelyn, mother to Elena, age 5; Eva, age 3;
and Rory, age 18 months
Make It Brief, Make It Clear
In an effort to be a good parent, many people say way too much,
turning an intended lesson into a lecture of wasted words and
negative energy. Children often tune out after the fi rst few sen-
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No-Cry Discipline Parenting Skills and Tools
tences. (You can usually tell by that glazed look in their eyes!) And
while you may be trying hard to teach an important lesson, if you
carry on with a long and involved dissertation, your child may not
understand a single word.
The less you say, the more your child will hear, understand, and
remember. So get your child’s eye-to-eye attention and then make