The No Cry Discipline Solution (22 page)

Discipline and Cooperation: Choose Your Adventure

85

Another lovely benefi t to this method is that it is a great way

to avoid saying those fi ghting words (
no
,
don’t
,
stop
) quite so many times in a day. Here are a few examples:

•
When
you put your pajamas on,
then
we can read a story.

• Eat your lunch
now
, and then you can have a piece of candy

later
when you fi nish lunch.

•
You may
play outside
after you
clean up your toys.

You’ll notice that this pattern has a very pleasant feel to it. You are

telling your child that, yes, he can do the thing he wants to do, but

after he does the thing you request of him. Or, to put it another

way, yes, he can do what he wants, but later.

Mother-Speak

“ The wonderful thing about the When/Then technique is that

you are, in effect, giving your children the power to make

something happen. They feel in control, and they learn that

they can be responsible people who make good decisions.

You accomplish your goal of getting them to cooperate with

you . . . and everyone’s happy!”

—Barb, mother to Caroline, age 4, and George, age 3

Distraction and Redirection

Distraction can be a lifesaver when an insignifi cant issue is at

hand and you’re just too tired to be otherwise creative or it’s just

such a minor issue that it’s not worth getting into it. It can also

work to end fussiness and tantrums before they really get roll-

ing. A child who is in the middle of a low-level fuss can often be

86

No-Cry Discipline Parenting Skills and Tools

Yasmin, age 18 months

distracted by the mention of a cat walking on the front lawn or

a butterfl y fl itting by. Or, he can be given a pepper shaker with a

white napkin to sprinkle the pepper on or another interesting task

to carry out.

Distractions can be part of a usual routine in some cases. Some

examples are a fl ashlight used during diaper-changing, a shoe box

of special toys to be used when Mommy or Daddy is on the tele-

phone, or a child’s backpack fi lled with fun activities to take along

on car, bus, or airplane rides.

Redirection is when you purposely alter a child’s attention from

one thing to another. For example, if your child is getting frus-

trated while putting together a puzzle and you sense a tantrum is

building up, it’s sometimes best to move him away from the puzzle

and direct his attention to a different play activity. If two siblings

Discipline and Cooperation: Choose Your Adventure

87

Mothers-Speak

“ Here’s an idea that works well for us: I send the children

outside to play and let them run. Fresh air and exercise can

help everyone feel happier.”

—Suzanne, mother to Laetitia, age 4, and Clément,

age 10 months

“ After a particularly trying day, I ‘transferred’ my daughter and

myself onto my bike for a lovely long ride. We both rode

silently enjoying nature and the wind in our hair. Our moods

calmed, and we shared smiles when we returned for a quick

dip in the pool and then a nursing session. In unison, we

forgot our troubles and reconnected.”

—Lynne, mother to Erika, age 2, and Colin, age 6

are getting on each other’s nerves, you might send one off to a dif-

ferent room to run an errand for you. If your child is getting bored

and whiny, bundle him up and take him for a walk.

Distraction and redirection are particularly helpful for families

who have more than one young child in the household. If you

have to deal with every single fuss, whine, and struggle, you will

make yourself a bit crazy. Instead, be willing to fall back on the

distraction technique from time to time to keep your sanity and

maintain peace in the house.

Family Rules: A Key to Peace

Even the youngest child can grasp the idea of a rule. It may be a