Un-Break my Heart: Book 2 (The Heart Trilogy) (6 page)

Chapter 11

We must have dozed off for a little while but when I woke James was awake too. I could just make out his shape in the pale moonlight seeping through the gap in the curtains.

“What time is it” I asked.

“Our time” he replied, leaning over and kissing me again. Immediately my body yearned for him and he must have felt it too for he pulled me into his arms once more.

“You make me feel like I’m twenty one again” he murmured, as our hands moved over each other. It was as if we were making sure this was real and not a dream.

After he had claimed my body once more, he reached for my hand in the darkness and we lay side by side.

“Tell me about what happened, how you were feeling” he said “I feel I need to know everything about you again from that moment in your life until now”

I could feel his fingers stroking my scar as I took a silent deep breath, not sure if this was the right time but thinking that perhaps it was. In the darkness he wouldn’t be able to see my face as easily and it was a dark subject to talk about.

“When you sent me that letter telling me you wanted to finish things I felt my heart start to crack, it was only a small fissure at first. I clutched at straws, refusing to believe that you could think this after all our declarations of love. When you agreed to come and see me for that final time I put a plaster over the edges, believing that I could change your mind with the touch of my lips, the feel of my hands on your body as we made love for the final time” I paused to take a breath, aware that I was starting to shake from the emotions of remembering those dark days.

“You ripped that plaster away when you left me broken on the bed, cold and lonely for the sunshine and warmth you used to bring to my life. It was as if my world turned from colour to black and white in the flick of a switch”

The tears I had struggled to contain had built up behind the dam of my closed eyelids. I could feel them starting to seep out, James must have seen them shimmering in the weak light. His finger reached out to my cheek and caught the tears, as if they were precious pearls. He remained silent, waiting for me to speak.

“I tried to continue with my life, college, hospital radio and friends but nothing seemed worthwhile anymore. I struggled to contain the darkness that leapt out around me, surrounding me with its claws. I suffocated as I tried to present a happy face to the people around me, when inside the crack in my heart continued to bleed”

“Go on” said James, softly “But if you would rather stop I’ll understand” I could hear that his voice was controlled; he was holding back his own emotions as he listened.

“Then on New Year’s Eve an envelope arrived in the morning and it was addressed to me in your distinctive handwriting. I opened it, believing for a tiny second that you might have had second thoughts, changed your mind about us. Inside I found the invitation to your wedding and your St Christopher. At that moment my heart splintered like the mirror I later broke. I couldn’t stop it, my life from that point held no hope” I was sobbing desperately as he enfolded me into his arms once more. My tears fell on his warm skin as the sobs shook my body.

“I had promised my friends that I would go out and party so that’s what I did. I never mentioned the invitation to anyone, just hid it under my pillow until I had the strength to deal with it.”

Pausing I remembered the night so vividly, the sights and sounds of the club, finally the way that Mark had looked at me when he held me close for the slow songs. I had seen the love there in his eyes it sparkled brightly as my eyes had once done.

“After midnight they played the slow songs and Mark asked me to dance as we were the only single people in our group of friends. Then “Take my Breath Away” started to play and I looked up and started to tremble as I knew that I was never going to get over my feelings for you. Mark must have misunderstood as he tried to kiss me and that’s when I ran” I was struggling to get the words out so James found a glass and filled it with water for me. The cool liquid calmed my sore throat and I put the glass down and leant back against James’ solid chest.

He wrapped his arms around me and held me secure.

“Are you ready to continue or would you rather leave it for another time” he asked.

“I think I need to finish this now, it might make me start to feel better about myself” He dropped a kiss onto the top of my head.

“When I got home I kind of knew what I needed to do, I needed to rid myself of the darkness that was consuming me from the inside out. I did ring your home number but no one answered so I filled the bath, drank vodka, broke my mirror and cut my wrists with one of the shards. I remember putting your St Christopher on along with a shirt of yours that you had left at my place. I ripped up the invitation and then climbed into the warm water of the bath, I saw you waiting for me as I closed my eyes.” I said, my voice petering out. I turned round and sought out his lips and the feel of his mouth on mine eased the dark thoughts away.

“I don’t really remember much then until I came round in the hospital. Sarah, Chris and Mark found and rescued me apparently it was a close thing as I had almost drifted away. I have a lot to thank them for although at the time I didn’t feel like that at all. I still felt helpless, desolate and alone but Mark prescribed me anti-depressants and I somehow managed to carry on. I never finished college instead I continued work at the hospital on the radio and sort of drifted into a relationship with Mark.” I said. Closing my eyes again I felt tears of shame burning on my cheeks now.

“I never loved him; I tried to pretend that I did. He was so good to me, so kind and gentle and he already knew about my past so I didn’t need to talk about that, or explain my scars to anyone new. It was safe, it was easy and unfortunately I knew that he loved me. I tried my best to love him, but I could never forget you. I hid the St Christopher in my jewellery box, my diary and our letters in the attic. I boarded up the broken pieces of my heart to protect it.”

I looked across and realised it was nearly four in the morning but I knew I needed to just keep going for a little while longer.

“So Mark and I got married a little after Sarah and Chris and then I fell pregnant wit
h
Charlotte. I knew as soon as she was born that she was the daughter I should have had with you so I named he
r
Charlott
e
after Charlie in Top Gun. She bought so much joy to my life and then fate stepped in again and took Mark away from me. I was so numb already, so alone since 1988 that I just shut my thoughts about that period away too. I poured my life into Charlie. I gave her everything she wanted or needed, loved her with a fierceness that I hadn’t felt since the day we finished” I paused, and wiped the tears away once more.

“I guess in a way I felt ashamed that I was so relieved at Mark no longer being in my life. Living a lie with a smile on your face is the hardest acting job I have ever had to do, but that’s what I did and that’s what I still have to reconcile now”

It felt good to have opened up to James even though I knew that I still had a long way to go with the whole healing process. I still felt like damaged goods, unworthy of any depth of feeling. I was still afraid that falling for James would just lead to more heartbreak but I also knew that being there with him now was like being rescued from a stormy sea. James was my life raft and I hoped he could cope with me clinging to him. Getting off the bed I headed for the bathroom and washed my face. I looked across at the bath and the pool of moonlight that was shining on its surface from the skylight above. I turned the tap on and started to run the warm water. On the side was a bottle of bath oil and I added that and let the scent of lavender fill the steam.

James must have followed me for I turned to find him standing naked in the doorway, gazing at me with love burning in his eyes.

“Do you want to join me, I don’t think I can just go back to sleep after all that” I murmured. I crossed the cool tiles and laid my head on his chest, wrapping my arms around him and holding on tightly. I never wanted to be anywhere else for the rest of my life. Once the bath was full we stepped into the warm water together. I lay back against James as he ran his hands over my neck and shoulders, trying to rub away all the tensions in them.

“You shouldn’t feel guilty about how you felt about Mark, I should know as I speak from the same but slightly different position. My marriage was anything but happy with Felicity but I tried to make the best of it for my boys. When she left I felt relieved and happy but I still found you in my thoughts and dreams”

In the pause we both looked up into the night sky above us, stars twinkled there in the darkness.

“I could hardly believe it when Mitchell bough
t
Charlott
e
home; it felt as though I had gone back in time. Apart from her green eyes she is the spitting image of you. I could hardly believe it when Mitchell told me you were single and I knew then that I had to try and make things right between us. It was my chance in a million to have you back in my life again” he breathed.

“And here I am” I replied “Back in your life”

“I don’t think I ever want to let you go now” James said. I could feel his finger tips dip beneath the water surface and down to my nipples. He caressed them gently and then his hands slid down over my stomach and then between my thighs.

I closed my eyes and gave myself to the feelings deep inside me, they were pushing to the top and even though the bath water had cooled it felt so hot around our bodies. Getting out together he wrapped me in a towel and rubbed me dry, I did the same and then we headed back to the bed to continue what we had started. Afterwards I lay in his arms until I fell asleep. That night I found no nightmares lurking, just happy memories of the day we had just spent together.

James watched as Stephanie slept in his arms, how could he have been this lucky to get a second chance. The day they had just spent together fulfilled all his dreams and more. He knew that she was the one for him and now it was just a simple case of working out how they could be together. This time he didn’t want long distance, he wanted to wake her up every morning, drown in her beautiful blue eyes. Surrender to her touch and be there for her, no matter what. Closing his eyes he kept her body curled tightly into his and finally joined her in their dreams.

Chapter 12

Having been awake for so long the night before; I opened my eyes as bright sunlight poured in through the windows. I looked across at the clock and discovered it was nearly eleven and my stomach was starting to grumble. James arms were wrapped around me and as I tried to slide out of them he woke up.

“Morning gorgeous” he said, smiling up at me.

“Morning handsome, I think we’ve missed breakfast” I said “And I happen to be slightly hungry”

“Give me a kiss and I’ll see what I can do” James replied, grinning as he pulled me back against him.

“Are we getting dressed to go and eat or staying here” I asked. James took the hint and reached for the phone.

After a short wait we heard a knock on the door and our food arrived. I stayed under the covers as James pulled his dressing gown on. He put the tray down on the table and I hopped out of bed to join him. I smiled as I sat down and saw the feast, Fruit, yogurt and bacon sandwiches.

“Did they run out of fish fingers” I joked, as the scent of the bacon left me no other choice than to tuck in.

“I don’t trust anyone but me to make you my speciality” he replied. His foot nudged mine under the table and I nudged his back, running my toes up the inside of his one leg and thigh. I saw him smile back at me, and when my foot dropped he repeated the same move on me. In my mind I realised there was so much I wanted to experience with James, both in and out of the bedroom and I made a decision that I would try everything once. I was like a new diary waiting for experiences to write on the blank pages of my life ahead.

We lingered over our coffee and just gazed at each other. It felt as if we were memorising every little piece of skin as once again we both knew that the hotel was just a break from our reality.

“So what shall we do for what’s left of the day” James asked.

“I don’t mind really, although the town we drove through looked nice for a stroll around”

“Ok, I think we can walk it as it’s not too far and the weather seems to be holding up” James suggested.

“I think I may need a shower first” I was about to say something more but I didn’t need too. James took my hand in his and we headed for the bathroom together. Once again the feelings of d
e
j
a
vu
e
hit me and I squeezed his hand in mine. I wasn’t sure if I could cope with all this happiness all the time but I was willing to try.

The shower took a little longer than expected and was followed by another trip back to bed and then another shower. When we eventually set off down the drive it was already two in the afternoon. It felt good to be out in the warm afternoon air and as James took my hand in his we strolled along, easy in each other’s company.

“I walk a lot with Jester and he is dying to meet you” James said.

“I’m looking forward to meeting him; Charlie told me he’s a real softie”

As the thought of Charlie popped into my head I reached into my bag for my mobile phone.

“I asked her to let me know how they got on at the audition yesterday” I said. Turning the phone on I spotted two messages waiting for me, one from Sarah and one from Charlie.

“Hi Mum, we’ve been chosen to dance in the video, more details to follow when I see you on Sunday. He’s a rapper and you won’t know him probably!

Hope you are having a nice time with James x love you Mum x” I quickly tapped out a short reply as I walked.

“Hi Steph, so hope it’s going well and that the things we did and bought on our shopping trip have hit the spot with James, you deserve to be happy again so just take it. Call me when you get back, Sarah x”

Once again I typed out a short reply and then turned the phone off I didn’t want any further interruptions today.

The town was quite small but had a few interesting shops to look around. Then we sat in a small café and had a cup of tea and cream cake too.

“Shall we eat in the hotel this evening” James asked.

“Sounds good to me” I replied, as we headed back to the hotel.

“I booked you in for a massage at six and if you fancied having your nails done too it can be arranged” James said.

“And what are you going to do while I’m being pampered”

“Use the gym for a bit and then marvel at the end result when you join me in the Jacuzzi”

James pulled me closer and I looked up into his eyes once more. Then I felt his lips on mine and I surrendered to his touch, wondering if I really wanted to be pampered when he was doing pretty well by himself.

With the rest of the early evening planned we headed through the hotel, James to the gym and me to the spa. As I lay on the table I closed my eyes and thought of all the time we had already spent together. Then I sat and had both my finger and toenails manicured and then nail varnish applied, I chose a lilac shade as I knew that the underwear would be making an appearance tonight. Stepping into the pool area I spotted James doing lengths and I sat on the side and watched.

“Have you been pampered then” he asked.

“Can’t you tell” I said, beaming at him and waving my newly polished nails.

James jumped up beside me and took my hand in his.

“Perfect” he said. We sat in the bubbles of the Jacuzzi and talked before heading back to the room to get ready for dinner.

Once again we had no problems finding enough to talk about as James told me about his son’s. I knew a little about Mitchell from what Charlie had told me and I kept an open mind as he told me about Darren and his girlfriend Sophie who would be moving t
o
Mancheste
r
soon. The food was exquisite and we even managed to share a desert before coffee.

“Do you want a drink at the bar” James asked. I shook my head

“Take me to bed or lose me forever”

He didn’t reply just took my hand in his and when we knew we were out of sight we ran down the corridor.

Inside I managed to sneak my underwear from my case to the bathroom without James noticing and as I slipped it on I felt so excited. Spraying myself with my favourite perfume and adding a final touch of lip gloss I stepping back into the bedroom.

“Wow” James said, crossing the room at speed and getting me to give him a twirl.

“You look stunning” he finished, as he pulled me close. His hands travelled from my waist round to my ass and then slipped under the fabric to find my skin. I felt hot and faint under his touch as I swept my fingers through his hair and down onto his shoulders and chest. I started to push him gently back towards the edge of the bed but he didn’t resist as I saw the sexy look in his eyes. I had never been this bold before in the past.

I slipped his shirt off and then trailed kisses down his chest until I reached the barrier of his belt. I soon dealt with that and then his boxer’s until he stood naked in front of me. I still had my full underwear on as I pushed him back onto the duvet cover and then paused.

“Leave it on for a bit” he breathed, as if he knew that’s what I was thinking. I crawled onto the bed next to him and found his erection waiting for me. I took it into my mouth and paused to take a cheeky glance up at him. He was grinning and smiling as I started to move my tongue over the whole of him, sucking and licking until I felt his hands in my hair pulling me up so that my lips could meet his.

“My turn now” he breathed “before you send me over the edge with your tongue alone”

His hands made short work of un-covering my breasts so that he could sink his mouth over my nipples, each suck made them harder and more sensitive to his caress. Then he moved lower and my knickers were short work as they hit the floor. His tongue followed his fingers into my wetness as I shut my eyes and tried not to scream in pleasure. He still knew where all the right places were that he had originally found many years ago.

“James” I moaned, as he felt me shaking on his tongue. He crawled back up towards me and again I was back in control. I straddled him, eased down and almost came immediately. But I held it back and leant down to kiss him. As our tongues collided so did our bodies in a waterfall of emotions and pleasure. I had truly come home and I hoped that James felt the same way as he held me tight.

The rest of the night we spent either talking, staring at each other with wonder or just kissing and caressing the nearest part of each other’s bodies. It was magical and wonderful, a rediscovery and worship of each other as we were now. I knew we still hadn’t discussed the future but as James had said the previous night this time was our time.