The No Cry Discipline Solution (47 page)
Read The No Cry Discipline Solution Online
Authors: Elizabeth Pantley
friends and older siblings. Pay attention to TV programs that are
on when your child is in the room. Children imitate other people,
which is how they learn. What goes in children’s ears often comes
out their mouths.
• Be consistent.
This is a situation that will come up from time
to time during childhood, and it can be curbed with calm guid-
ance. The key is to be unswerving in your dedication to address
every
single episode of backtalk.
198
Specifi
c Solutions for Everyday Problems
What Not to Do
• Don’t empower it.
Whenever your child talks back, don’t let
it turn into a two-way argument between equals. The issue is not
the subject that caused the backtalk, anyway. It is the backtalk
itself that needs to be addressed.
• Don’t ignore it.
You must be consistent in your response to
backtalk. If you selectively ignore it, depending on how it happens
or when it happens, then you can count on having to deal with
more and more sass over time.
• Don’t shout or slap.
A child who erupts with a biting, sarcas-
tic remark can bring out the worst in parents, who feel shockingly
disrespected and unloved. Responding with knee-jerk anger may
startle your child into silence, but it won’t solve the problem.
See also: Bath, Not Wanting One;
Bath, Won’t Get Out
Bath time at our house is a disaster. My daughter
splashes, throws toys, and sprays the entire bathroom
with water. Washing up doesn’t happen without a
big fuss.
Think About It
For many children, the tub is a grand private swimming pool and
washing up is last on their list of priorities. They’re not being
naughty—they are just having fun!
What to Do
• Have a specifi c list of bathtub rules.
Children can’t guess
what you expect of them in every situation. It helps to clearly express your expectations. State your rules in a way that lets your
child know exactly what you
want
, rather than what you
don’t
want
. As an example, instead of saying, “No splashing,” a better
rule is “Keep all water in the tub” or “Keep the bath rug dry.”
• Put only a few inches of water in the tub.
Tell your child
that when she shows you that she has learned how to keep the
water in the bathtub, you’ll increase the amount of water you put
in the next time.
199
Copyright © 2007 by Better Beginnings, Inc. Click here for terms of use.
200
Specifi
c Solutions for Everyday Problems
• Allow a shower instead.
If your child is six or older, have her take a shower instead of a bath.
• Join ’em.
If you have a younger child and you’re comfort-
able with family nudity (or with bathing in a swimsuit), you can
sometimes get in the tub with her and have a good time splashing
together.
• Relax, it’s just water.
It may help if you budget extra time
for a bath and put up a clear shower curtain and close it while
your child splashes and plays. That way you can still see in the
tub, but the water stays contained. Bring a chair and a book into
the bathroom and enjoy a few minutes of relaxation. Water play is
free and lots of fun, so if you can make it work for you, bath time
can be a great play experience for your child.
What Not to Do
• Don’t let this routine continue.
Children are creatures of
habit, and your daughter’s bath play is a fun routine for her. In
order to change things you’ll need to revamp your entire bath time
routine.
• Don’t make bath time playtime.
If toys and wild play are the
problem, then don’t put any toys in the tub for a while. Get your
child into the tub, washed up, and out of the tub quickly. Over
time, as bath time gets under control, provide a couple of toys and
see how it goes.
• Don’t complain without action.
If every time your child
wrecks havoc in the tub the only consequence is hearing you
complain about it, then she’ll have no reason or motivation to
change.
See also: Bath, Not Behaving In; Bath, Won’t Get Out
My child never wants to take a bath. She doesn’t
cooperate at all, and it becomes a battle.
Think About It
Take a minute to stop and think about
why
your child doesn’t
want to take a bath. Is it because she’s having too much fun doing
other things and doesn’t want to stop? Is it because bath time usu-
ally includes a battle of wills? Is it because she always gets soap in
her eyes? Or is it because it signals the beginning of the bedtime
routine? Once you fi gure out the real reason, you can take steps to
move past the problem.
What to Do
• Make it fun.
Allow your child to use bubble bath or chil-
dren’s bath foam to make it more fun. Buy a few fun bath toys or
use plastic kitchen products for play. Allow your child to play for a
while before washing up.
• Control the suds.
If your child fears getting soap in her eyes when you wash her hair, let her wear swimming goggles or a plastic
sun visor while you do the washing.
• Be very consistent.
Have a bath every day or every other day
at exactly the same time
and
in the same way. Specifi c routines can overcome resistance after they’ve become regular occurrences.
201
Copyright © 2007 by Better Beginnings, Inc. Click here for terms of use.
202
Specifi
c Solutions for Everyday Problems
• Give a forewarning.
Let your child know ahead of time that
bath time is nearing. Give a few warnings. “Bath time in ten min-
utes.” Then, “Bath time in fi ve minutes.” Your child will respond
better with warnings than if you just drop the bomb in the middle
of her fun activity.
• Change your routine.
Bath time is often done at bedtime
when a child and the parent are tired and grumpy. In addition, if
your child knows that bedtime follows a bath she may want to put
off the entire sequence. Instead, let your child bathe fi rst thing in
the morning when everyone is fresh and energetic.
What Not to Do
• Don’t lecture about the importance of personal hygiene.
Hygiene isn’t the reason your child avoids the bath—she isn’t even
thinking about that aspect of bathing. It’s the time that it takes
and the process involved that she objects to.
• Don’t wheel and deal.
Parents inadvertently get into the
practice of bargaining with their children. “If you get in the bath
right now, then I’ll let you have bubbles.” Bribes are the wrong
approach to gaining cooperation, taking power away from the par-
ent and giving it to the child. Bribes are different from rewards
or encouragement. Bubbles offered to a child up front, to make
the bath more fun, are fi ne. Bubbles offered to stop a tantrum
could be seen as a reward for misbehavior or as incentive for future
tantrums.
See also: Bath, Not Behaving In; Bath,
Not Wanting One; Dawdling
My child doesn’t listen to me when I say it’s time to
get out of the tub.
Think About It
Your child probably doesn’t want to get
in
the tub either! You
might notice that your child doesn’t adjust quickly to any kind of
change. Often, the problem occurs when he’s doing something fun
(splashing in the tub) and has to stop and do something that’s not
