The No Cry Discipline Solution (46 page)

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Specifi

c Solutions for Everyday Problems

require very different things from me, yet other things from their

dad. When parents expect all children to act exactly the same, or

if they expect the same child to respond precisely the same way

in every situation (which they don’t!), they set themselves up for

frustration. That’s why I think that it’s important for us to have a

wide repertoire of parenting skills so we can modify what we do

to make our discipline plan work best for each child in our family,

and in each different situation.

The best advice I can give you is to be fl exible and ambidex-

trous! As each situation arises, apply what you learn to each of

your children in the unique and special way that is best for them.

Then take pleasure in the variety and spice that they give to your

life.

Each of the following topics could easily fi ll an entire book, and

there are several hundred additional topics that could be added to

this list. So, what you’ll fi nd in the following pages are a handful

of the most common discipline-related problems that occur during

early childhood, along with a variety of solutions for each issue.

The solutions all have a common denominator: respect—for both

child and parent. In addition, these solutions can help you to avoid

anger and tears (both your child’s and yours). All the options will

help you guide your child to become a thoughtful person with

healthy self-discipline and self-esteem. Yet the options are varied,

allowing you to customize your response to best suit both you and

Mother-Speak

“ The list of topics in this section sounds like my three-year-old

daughter’s daily ‘to-do’ list!”

—Patti, mother to Maddison, age 3, and Mason, age 1

Applying No-Cry Parenting Skills to Everyday Problems

193

your individual child, leading you toward the best solution in each

situation.

The combination of solutions for each problem that follows is

diverse. I don’t mean for you to follow every single suggestion as

if it were a road map. These ideas are meant to act as a starting

point for you to develop your own customized solution. With this

in mind, the following chapters provide you with a number of

practical solutions for solving each type of parenting problem.

When you are struggling with a behavior issue, look up that

particular topic and any other similar topics, as you might pick

up pointers in various places. Look over the ideas, combine them

with the other skills you’ve learned throughout this book, and cus-

tomize them to create several options that suit your family. Review

your options, and consider your child’s personality, your parenting

style, and your family goals. Then put your decision into action. If

your original plan doesn’t bring success, try another option, and,

on occasion, even a third option, until you feel good about how

things are going. Remember: This too shall pass. Relax, take a

deep breath, and remember to hug your child.

Baby Talk

My preschooler has gotten in the habit of talking

in a baby voice. When she was a baby, that kind of

talk was adorable. Now that she’s not, it’s extremely

annoying.

Think About It

This is a normal stage of behavior. Many preschoolers think that

talking like a baby makes them sound more cute and lovable. It’s

one of those phases that will pass on its own but can be frustrating

in the meantime when you want your child to “act her age.” You

can give nature a nudge and move your child past the baby-talk

stage more quickly by using some of the following suggestions.

What to Do

• Give more attention.
Children sometimes use baby talk to

hold on to babyhood as they take a developmental step forward. It’s

a way for them to feel safely rooted in the familiar cared-for envi-

ronment they are used to—but that they know they must leave

behind. Acknowledge this as a real need, and give your child a bit

more loving attention. A few extra hugs or a chance to sit on your

lap or hold your hand may build her sense of security and give her

the courage she needs to grow forward.

• Express your feelings.
Let your child know how much the

baby talk bothers you. Ask for her help in changing the behavior.

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Baby Talk

195

“The baby talk really bothers me, and I love your big-girl voice

very much. Will you please use your regular voice for me?”

• Fail to understand her.
When she says, “Me wanna gas of

mik.” Look at her with a very confused look on your face and say,

“I can’t understand. What do you want?” This should be easy, since

you probably don’t fully understand her anyway. Don’t respond to

her request until she uses her normal voice.

• Be silly.
Intentionally interpret her baby-talk request into

something ridiculous, like “Did you say you want some lima beans

and liver?”

• Give your child more responsibilities.
Help her to see that

she is growing up, and encourage her with praise. Choose fun tasks

for her, such as helping to prepare the salad for dinner, feeding the

cat, or sweeping the fl oor. Often, when a child begins to see herself

as a big kid, the baby talk will disappear.

What Not to Do

• Don’t assume she’s doing this to annoy you.
This reversion

to baby behavior isn’t intended to irritate you, because it’s not about you at all. Sometimes it’s a sign that your child is sorting

through her feelings about growing up and leaving her babyhood

behind.

• Don’t mimic or mock her baby talk.
Your child may not be

fully aware of what she is doing or how often, so don’t call it to her

attention in an angry or sarcastic manner.

Backtalk

See also: Bossiness; Hitting a Parent; Swearing,

Bad Language, and Bathroom Jokes

I always thought backtalk was something older kids

did, but my four-year-old is proving me wrong.

Think About It

The fi rst time a child talks back to a parent, it is usually just an

honest emotion being expressed, typically indicating he doesn’t

like something. The problem is not the child’s opinion—which he

is entitled to—the real problem is the way that opinion is voiced.

If the parent doesn’t correct the way the child is communicating—

then and there—the pattern will continue and become worse over

time because the child will assume that this is an acceptable way

to express his feelings.

What to Do

• Identify it.
When your child talks back to you, immediately

call attention to it. Look your child in the eye and, in a serious

voice, fi rmly say something like, “That is backtalk and not a proper

way to tell me what you think.” Then, since you want to teach

good manners, use your good manners as you request, “Please don’t

talk to Mommy that way.”

• Teach.
Your child is talking back to you because he disagrees

with you. His disagreement is not the problem; his manner of deal-

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Backtalk

197

Jobe, age 2

ing with it is the problem. Teach him how to politely and respect-

fully voice his opinion by demonstrating how to communicate

politely. “What I want to hear you say is, ‘Mommy, can I please

play a little longer?’ That’s using your good manners.”

• Watch for bad infl uences.
Keep your eye on your child’s