The No Cry Discipline Solution (58 page)

256

Specifi

c Solutions for Everyday Problems

Mother-Speak

“ My children were constantly fi ghting over toys, even if there

were two identical ones. My husband bought one of those

label-making machines, and now if one of the children has a

special toy, we label it. My son, Daniel, is into spelling things

right now, so he types his name into the label maker, prints

it out, and sticks the label on his toy. We help my daughter

label her toys, too. They both beam at seeing their names

on their special things, and they respect each other’s toys

as well.”

—Ezia, mother to Daniel, age 4, and Sedona, age 2

• Let your child know what to expect prior to a sharing

situation.
Before a friend’s visit, let her know how long the friend will be there and reassure her that all her things will still be hers

after the friend leaves. Allow your child to put away a few favorite

things that do not have to be shared. Never require a child to share

a special toy that is a frequent plaything or bedtime companion.

• Praise good sharing moments.
Watch for good things that

happen—no matter how briefl y—and praise your child for sharing

nicely.

What Not to Do

• Don’t shame your child for not sharing.
If your child isn’t

willing to share, she needs to learn more about the process. Teach,

rather than punish.

• Don’t embarrass your child with a public reprimand.
Even

if you’ve given lessons, prepared your child, and set up a good situ-

Sharing

257

ation for sharing, your child might still refuse to share. When this

happens, take her to another room, discuss the issue privately, and

set a plan for how the rest of her playtime should progress.

• Don’t force your child to share special toys, gifts, or

“lovies.
” Some things should be exempt from sharing rules, such

as a favorite doll, a stuffed animal she sleeps with, a fragile toy, or

a gift recently given to her.

Shopping Misbehavior

See also: Backtalk; Car Problems; Dawdling;

Doesn’t Come When Called

I have to go shopping once or twice a week, and I

have to take my child with me. He hates to go, and

so he usually ends up begging for candy and then

fussing, crying, or having a tantrum in the store.

Think About It

Often it’s not shopping that young children object to, but the stress-

ful, businesslike approach parents adopt when running errands. In

addition, many adult events are uninteresting to children and the

length of most shopping excursions tends to exceed a child’s lim-

ited amount of patience.

What to Do

• View shopping trips as events rather than errands.
This is

a great time to achieve two things at once: get your shopping done

and have some quality time with your child. If you are a busy, mul-

titasking parent, you’ll fi nd this mind-set helps you have a more

patient, pleasant attitude, which will easily rub off on your child.

• Plan more time to shop.
When you are not in a rush, you

and your child will be more relaxed and have a more pleasant

time. If you must hurry, make a list in advance and stick to it.

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Shopping Misbehavior

259

Roaming the store for random purchases makes it a much longer

trip.

• Engage your child.
Most children love to be helpers at the

store. They can carry things to the cart, choose produce, and fi nd

items on the shelves. Children who can read might enjoy having

their own short list of items to fi nd.

• Ask your child for input.
When you can, pick two similar

items and ask your child which one you should buy. Having a say

in what you put into the cart is very exciting and empowering for

children.

• Acknowledge your child’s desires.
“Yummy. Those cookies

do look good.” Follow this with a statement of why you’ll not be

buying it, without sounding reproving—for example, “But we’re

not buying any cookies today.”

Mother-Speak

“ I did an experiment with my son one day. I decided (without

telling him) to let him lead us through our shopping experi-

ence. I had no schedule for the day, and we were just out for

fun. He walked and I followed. He found all kinds of things

that were interesting to him, and I found lots I wanted to see,

too. Unfortunately, he ‘made me keep moving’ to get where

he wanted to go. I found myself wanting to wander off or

go home, but we stayed until he wanted to leave. It was an

excruciatingly painful experience and a test of my patience,

but it made me realize what children go through as they are

dragged along on countless uninteresting errands with busy

adults.”

—Janell, mother to Allen, age 4, and Megan, age 2