Student of Kyme (12 page)

I’d been
thinking about the Sulh’s history as a whole quite a lot and
wondered why there was only one tribe on our island, given that
originally it had comprised several different human races. At one
time, there must have been more tribes, but the Sulh had gained
supremacy to become a nation rather than just a tribe, even though
we still referred to ourselves as such. This intrigued me. There
were certainly no books written about that yet. ‘Were there wars?’
I asked Malakess.

‘
Yes,’ he answered. ‘There were always wars. The Sulh actually
comprise several different major tribes who considered it best to
ally.’

‘
Do any of the other tribes still exist?’

‘
To a degree, yes. They keep to themselves mostly, in
inaccessible regions. And there are always the unthrist, the small
groups of rogue hara, who ally to no tribe.’

I was of
course horribly and intimately familiar with such types.

Agavesday, Mistmoon 29

Well,
it’s been a few months since the Gelaming and Nagini left Kyme, and
I’ve got lazy with my writing again. I suppose this is because life
continues now in the vein it began when Malakess and I got
together. I spend most of my time with him, and it’s pleasant. Is
that a good word to use?

It’s
strange how I have less of a desire to write now that I feel fairly
content. Also, I’ve been kept very busy. The truth is I am writing,
but it’s for my education, and has no place here. Huriel has
started work with me on my caste ascension. Soon I’ll undertake the
Brynie initiation, and that is the first tier of my training
complete. It’s helping me to understand myself more and I feel in
control. This is the training I should have received in Jesith. I
can throw myself into the work and this time it’s so much easier,
because there are no distractions. If Ysobi’s face arises before my
inner eye, I can turn my back on it now. It must be over. It must
be.

Anyway,
the reason I’ve come back to my account is that there’s an event on
the horizon: the phylarch of Kyme is to have a birthday party. This
is not to celebrate the day his human mother gave him life, but his
inception, which he considers to be his true birth. All the local
dignitaries will be invited, as well as a few high ranking hara
from nearby phyles. I’ve received a personal invitation to the
event, which demonstrates that my relationship with Malakess is
known and approved of by – at the very least - the phylarch’s
social secretary.

The
season has turned and the cold winter months crawl upon us. Snow
has come early this year and already a fine dusting mantles the
town. Furnaces are roaring in the cellars of the largest houses.
Malakess has presented me with a fur-trimmed jacket, covered in
embroidery. It’s a beautiful thing. I feel sure, and so does Huriel
because we’ve discussed it, that it’s only a matter of time before
Malakess makes a formal proposal that we should announce a chesna
bond. After that, we think it’s most likely I’ll move into his
house.

In fact,
only yesterday we talked about it at breakfast. ‘Malakess has for
some time talked about the idea of having a har to share his life
and his responsibilities,’ Huriel said. ‘He just hasn’t found
anyhar suitable before.’

‘
And you think I’m suitable?’ I teased.

Huriel
smiled, buttering his toast. ‘He thinks so.’

‘
Has he said as much?’

Huriel
took a bite of toast. ‘No, but we’re old friends. I
know.’

As to how
this conversation made me feel, it’s difficult to tell. In one way,
becoming chesna with Malakess seems a natural and preordained
certainty. In others, I’m not so sure. It seems too easy. But do I
only think this because of what happened in Jesith?

Malakess
and I don’t sleep together every night, but I’m alone only for
about three of every seven. I haven’t set eyes on his assistant
Iscane since the Academy party, but I think he must be aware of my
attachment to Malakess. I sometimes wonder how he feels about it.
I’ve only met the har a couple of times, which I suppose is quite
odd, but on both occasions, Iscane oozed dislike. He must be
jealous concerning his territory and his position. However, if I’m
destined to move into Malakess’s house as his chesnari, Iscane will
have no choice but to put up with it. I must admit that the thought
of a formal bonding with Malakess, even if it isn’t as profound as
a blood bond, is strangely erotic. I fantasise about us having a
ceremony, during which I’ll sneak out to go to the bedroom. He’ll
follow me there discreetly and we’ll do things to each other that
we’ve never done. By all the dehara, I’m even thinking in terms of
harlings – not because I want one, but because I know the aruna
that creates them is the most rare and potent kind.

I wonder
if I could dare to let down my defences and love this har who has
moved me physically so powerfully. I realise I’m holding back
emotionally, afraid of being hurt. But surely, once we’ve announced
to the world we’re a pair, it will be safe to fall back into
Aruhani’s waiting arms, let myself open in every sense to the har
who would share my life.

Miyacalasday, Adkayamoon 4

I’ve had
to let a few days pass before I’ve been able to write again. It
makes me wince to read over the words I last wrote. How the
capricious dehara conspire to trick us!

On the
night of the party, Malakess came to collect me in his carriage and
this time, as we travelled together in comfortable silence, he held
my hand and I sat beside him rather than opposite.

When we
arrived at Poltenemy’s manse, some miles out of town, I noticed
that there were a lot of other second generation hara present,
mostly friends of the phylarch and his chesnari’s son. These were
hara with whom I had never come into contact before. I was not
really surprised that they were slightly territorial and appeared
to view me as an interloper, if their rather hostile inspections
were anything to go by. I decided the best ploy was to keep my head
down and stay by Malakess’s side. But it was impossible to do that
for every single moment, and there came a time when I went alone to
the bathroom, a sumptuously appointed room on the first floor. When
I came out, a har my own age was standing outside the door. I
assumed he wished to use the facilities and inclined my head to
him. To my surprise, he grabbed hold of my arm to prevent me
leaving.

‘
We must talk,’ he said.

I didn’t
know him, and had no idea what he might want, but it was clear this
wasn’t a friendly overture. ‘About what?’ I asked, pulling my arm
away from his grip.

‘
You won’t get away with your tricks here, har. We know about
you.’

‘
Excuse me?’

‘
You think that Malakess can be your Ysobi here, but we won’t
let that happen.’

Those
words virtually froze my blood. Indeed, this har knew about me. ‘I
have no idea what you’re talking about,’ I said, determined to keep
my dignity. I made to walk off again, but he dragged me
back.

‘
What is it with little shits like you?’ he snapped. ‘You see
somehar happy and you want to ruin it. You think you’re so fucking
lovely that everyhar will fall at your feet. And the older ones are
stupid. They fall for it every time. Well, we’re on to you, har. If
you think you can get away with your usual scam here, forget
it.’

My heart
was beating really fast now. I felt slightly dizzy, but had to
retain an outward coolness. ‘I really have no idea what you’re
talking about. What exactly am I ruining?’

The har
bared his teeth at me. ‘How about the life and sanity of Malakess’s
chesnari? As if you don’t know!’

I must
have done a double take. ‘What? What do you mean? He hasn’t got a
chesnari.’

‘
You think?’ The har laughed cruelly. ‘Oh, you know all right.
The moment you saw Malakess you set your sights on him. We watched
it happening.’

‘
But who is this har who’s supposed to be chesna with
Malakess?’ I couldn’t believe this might be true. He spent nearly
all his time with me. I’d never seen him with somehar else, and
surely Huriel would have known and mentioned it.

The har
grinned at me without humour. ‘Iscane, of course. You know
that.’

‘
Iscane?’ I couldn’t help laughing, but stopped quickly,
because the har looked like he was about to punch me. ‘Since when
has Malakess been chesna with Iscane?’

‘
They’ve lived together for four years,’ the har said. ‘Now,
Iscane’s bed is empty of Malakess half the week. He’s suffering,
but he won’t say anything, because he’s loyal to Malakess, because
he loves him. I have no such scruples. I’ll speak my mind. Do the
right thing for once and back off, otherwise your life here will be
a misery. Trust me.’

I
couldn’t have felt more dazed if the har had physically punched me.
This couldn’t be true. Life could not be so cruel. ‘I don’t believe
you,’ I said. ‘Get out of my way.’

The har
blocked my path and I saw from the corner of my eye that three
other hara had arrived, slinking from the shadowy corridor to the
right. My body was filled with the imperative to flee. I knew I was
in danger, and it brought back horrific memories from my childhood.
Helplessness, fear, the knowledge that whatever I did, I couldn’t
make the situation better. Anger and hatred oozed from these hara.
Before I could bolt, one of them grabbed me from behind, held onto
my arms painfully hard. ‘Don’t piss yourself,’ the first har said.
‘We won’t hurt you… yet. We just want to make ourselves
clear.’

I was so
frightened then, all I could think of was self-preservation. It
reminded me too painfully of what I’d gone through as a harling;
strong arms holding me down, the threat and then the reality of
physical pain. The implications of what I’d learned would sink in
later. ‘I didn’t know about Iscane,’ I said. ‘Truly. I didn’t know.
I’ve done nothing intentionally.’

The first
har hesitated, unsure. He must have been able to tell I spoke the
truth, because my words were heart-felt. ‘Well,’ said the one who
held me. ‘Whether you knew or not before, you know now.’

The first
har nodded. ‘That’s right. Malakess will never throw Iscane out,
har. You’ll never have him completely, and Iscane has good friends,
lots of them. So, if you want an easy life, just move on to some
other poor fool. I’m sure there are enough first generation hara
here in Kyme to keep you busy for a few months.’

Their
hostile words and stares, the contempt in which they held me, was
like a physical force crushing my body. I was back in Jesith,
Jassenah standing over my bed. If you want to drown, then do so.
I’ll watch from the edge of the bottomless pool. The first har came
close to me, so that I could smell his breath, the tart reek of
wine. He was a beautiful creature himself, but his beauty was
disfigured by the grimace on his face. He thrust out a hand and
grabbed me between the legs. I let out a cry.

‘
That is nothing,’ he said, letting go. ‘Stay away from
Malakess. Stay away from us. Better still, leave Kyme. We don’t
want your kind here. We look out for each other.’ Now, he grabbed
hold of my face, squeezed tightly. It felt as if my heart had
stopped beating. What could I do? What could I say? Beg, plead with
them?

‘
Nasander!’ one of the other hara said in a warning tone. ‘Let
him go. You’ve said what we wanted him to hear.’

The one
named Nasander held on to me for a few seconds more, then released
me, but the other har still held my arms.

‘
Borlis,’ said my unexpected champion, who I could not see.
‘You too. A warning is one thing, but more than that will only get
us in trouble.’

My arms
were released.

‘
We’re watching you,’ Nasander said, pointing a finger right
in my face.

Somehow,
perhaps through the agency of Nagarana, I pulled myself together. I
wouldn’t let these hara see me wretched. ‘I don’t know what gossip
you’ve heard about me,’ I said stiffly, ‘but you don’t know me, and
you can’t make assumptions. I’ve been led to believe Malakess had
no chesnari. If what you say is true - and I will make my own
investigations obviously - then I will be as affronted as Iscane
is. You can insult me, but that doesn’t change the fact that
Malakess wanted to be with me. That is what your friend Iscane
should think about, as will I.’ I inclined my head. ‘Good evening
to you.’

I walked
down the stairs, head held high, even though I was terrified they’d
fall upon me and tear me apart. But this time, nohar hauled me
back. My mind was a whirling vortex; I couldn’t think straight.
This can’t be true. My memories were drawn back inexorably to the
time when I’d been interviewed by the Jesith phylarch Sinnar.
Gesaril, you must tell me the truth. What’s been going on between
you and Ysobi? Sinnar, Jassenah’s friend. He’d not been brutal with
me, but the distaste in his eyes had been like a slap. It would be
best if you didn’t see Ysobi for now.

Could
history really repeat itself like this? Was it possible Malakess
had this secret chesnari? If so, what had he intended with me? It
became clear to me now that this might be the reason why Malakess
always comes to me at Huriel’s, and why he is reluctant to talk
about his home. I was shocked that so fine and upstanding a har
could be so underhand. It wasn’t that I expected Malakess to have
no other aruna partners apart from me, but a chesnari was a
different matter. And yet it had been me who had accompanied
Malakess to this party, and me who had received my own invitation
to the event, not Iscane. Nothing made any sense, but I had bruises
on my arms now, and my ouana-lim was aching where Nasander had
cruelly squeezed it. Those hara would not have confronted me like
that unless what they’d told me was true.