Student of Kyme (16 page)

Aruhanisday, Windmoon 7

Yesterday
was the anniversary of the day I woke up to a new feeling. I’ll
always remember it. I just looked at Ysobi that day and saw him
differently. It is the moment when you look upon a har and think
that you will know him for the rest of your life. I gazed at Ysobi
and saw a fountain. I realised that the uplifting feelings I’d been
experiencing over the past weeks had been the touch of his energy
against my own. He was nourishment to me. Suddenly, as if a veil
had been lifted, I saw this incredibly deep beauty in him, and it
was shocking. A wave of cold and heat went through me; I did in
truth behold a different har before me. I looked at him and
thought, ‘is this what love feels like?’ And he looked at me too,
threw back his head very slightly in a sort of theatrical gesture,
as if he too had just had a revelation about something. He smiled
in that enigmatic way he has, eyes ablaze. We said nothing to one
another, but afterwards it felt as if we’d talked for
hours.

The
universe rolls and turns. It positions challenges and trials,
perhaps even demons, in our path, that lie in wait for us. I don’t
know what is going to happen to me from this point forward, but I
must relate what has led to this moment.

I asked
Crytah for the day off from work, because I wanted time alone. The
thought of other haras’ voices was intolerable. I needed the quiet
of nature around me. It wasn’t that I wanted to dwell and brood
upon the past, but in my mind, I did need to visit a grave and
place a flower upon it.

It was a
perfect morning. The sky looked as if the dehara had painted it
several times to get that intense and faultless hue. It had rained
before the dawn, so the land seemed to be drying out after a
protracted session of weeping. There was a freshness to the air
that smelled of purged sadness to me. Even as I ate my breakfast, I
was eager to immerse myself in the landscape. It called to me with
a lilting song that I could almost hear with my physical ears. The
song of life. Huriel was chatting away amiably, but I don’t think I
heard half of what he said.

When I
went outside, I could sense the change in the air. It was as if the
earth had rolled over in its sleep, and had uttered a waking sigh.
I walked over the old bridge, which is covered in moss. Below it
lies a straight road, overgrown with grass that somehar had once
told me humans used for vehicles that ran on tracks. Most of the
tracks have gone, because they have been used for building. Spring
flowers were beginning to unfurl. The air tasted green.

And it
was down in the meadows that I saw him. He was like a spirit, an
emanation of the world itself, perhaps of the season, walking
slowly through the woken grass. I knew at once he was of the
Nagini, simply because of his clothes and the colour of his skin.
His hair was loose down his back like a banner and it seemed to me
as if tiny flowers fell from his skin as he walked. In such a way
is beauty recognised. I knew at once this sighting was important
and relevant. A dehar had come to me, and I followed
him.

He went
to the old pools, where the gentle cattle came to drink, and here
the naked whips of the willows dipped into the dark waters. He knew
I was watching him, of course, because no matter how fey and
distant he appeared, I became aware of his own
awareness.

As I
stood among the willows behind him he spoke, and at first I thought
it was in my head. He said, ‘I will send a dream to you.’ And then
I somehow came to my senses, half dazed, and found myself
alone.

I fell
asleep among the early flowers, and there dreamed of a mighty city
surrounded by green fields. At the edge of one of the fields was a
deep ravine and when I looked into it, I expected to see a horse,
but what I saw instead was a lion. It looked up and caught my eye
and I could see at once it was fierce and hungry. My companion, for
I had one suddenly, even though I could not see them exactly,
exclaimed how beautiful this creature was and went to the edge of
the ravine to reach down toward it. I cried out in alarm and told
my friend to draw back, that the creature was angry and would
attack us. I saw that indeed the lion was now leaping up to try and
escape its prison, and as I looked upon it, so other creatures
manifested around it, pure white tigers, snarling and twisting and
reaching up with their great paws.

‘
But how beautiful they are,’ said my friend and knelt at the
edge of the ravine reaching down. I could not pass the obstruction
of this wayward friend, and the tigers were leaping ever closer to
the edge, swiping with their claws, clearly intent on blood. Then,
just as one of the tigers nearly scrambled onto the field, my
friend appeared to realise our predicament and cried
‘Run!’

And so we
ran, and behind us came the velvet pound of relentless paws. We ran
into the city and the tigers followed us. There seemed so many of
them now, and they were all of different colours, but it was the
white tigers that caught my attention. They threw themselves into
the air and spun round to become invisible. They plunged and
pounced and all around them hara were running and
screaming.

I had
brought the tigers into the city. It would never be free of them
again.

When I
woke from this dream, I felt strangely revitalized, and it was as
well I felt that way. As I walked back to the house, I was asking
the universe, show me what I must do. There is a feeling inside me.
I’m not sure what it is, but it’s something.

Huriel
was flustered in the library. ‘I know you’ve got a day off, but
will you go up to the academy for me? Abraxxas wanted these notes,
and I would go myself, but I have all this to do.’ He indicated a
mess of papers on his desk.

‘
No problem,’ I said and bent to kiss the top of Huriel’s
head.

He
glanced up at me, his expression bemused. ‘What’s wrong with
you?’

‘
Nothing. The air is just good today.’

He
smiled. ‘Good. I’ve been concerned about you lately. You’ve seemed
distant. Perfectly normal and yet distant. I’ve sensed
it.’

‘
I’m fine. Give me the notes.’

‘
Are you going out tonight?’

‘
I don’t know yet. Don’t fuss.’

I
considered having some lunch first, then thought, well, I won’t be
that long, and opted for getting the little task out of the way
first. Actually, I wasn’t that hungry.

The
academy was very busy, hara milling about the entrance hall. What
event was going on? I couldn’t recall that one was scheduled. I
began to push my way through the crowd, intent on reaching
Abraxxas’s office as quickly as possible. I was concerned somehar
would spot me and ask me to do another job. As I reached the main
staircase, my steps faltered. Every single har in the room faded to
a blur, but for one. He stood with his back to me. Very tall, a
flag of burnished hair. Malakess. I knew him even from behind.
Nohar had told me he was coming back. Still, with my centred mood,
I was more than capable of dealing with this situation. I composed
myself for a cheerful greeting.

As I
reached out to touch his arm, I said, ‘Kess, how are
you?’

He turned
then and we stared at one another. I thought, you look like him
more than ever. This is cruel. I must have just looked
stunned.

‘
Gesaril,’ he said. ‘This is a… surprise.’

It wasn’t
Malakess. How could I have thought it was? ‘Ysobi,’ I managed to
say. ‘I’m sorry… I thought you were…’

‘
Dead?’ he said and laughed.

‘
No, I thought you were Malakess. What are you doing here?’ It
was surprisingly easy to talk. I felt calm. Why should that
be?

‘
I was asked to come,’ he said. ‘A conference of hienamas, a
conclave.’ He grimaced. ‘Sinnar felt I should come.’

‘
How is everyhar in Jesith?’ I enquired.

He nodded
his head slowly a couple of times. ‘Fine. Life is as it always is.
You know Jesith.’

I winced
a bit. In his position, I would not have said that. ‘Good. Well…
I’d better get on.’ I waved the packet I was carrying. ‘I have work
to do.’

‘
You look well,’ he said. ‘Life here clearly suits you. I’m
glad.’

Don’t say
any more, I thought. I managed a smile. ‘Yes, I like it here.
Anyway…’

‘
We should catch up,’ he said. ‘Tell me about what you’ve been
doing.’

‘
Er… yes… maybe.’

He put
his head to one side. ‘Gesaril, we should. There shouldn’t be
awkwardness between us.’

How he
could say that astounded me. I was actually shocked into
speechlessness for some moments. There were so many snarling
retorts I could make to that suggestion, that he really deserved,
but all I said was, ‘If that’s what you want.’

‘
It is,’ he said, and smiled. ‘I had a feeling I’d run into
you today. I’m really pleased to see you so well. All I ever wanted
was for you to be happy.’

And all I
ever wanted was you. His fond concern was like poison to me,
because it wasn’t the sort of fondness I craved. How could he
expect me to sit somewhere making small talk with him? There would
be so many things I couldn’t say; it would be torture. ‘Are you
here for long, then?’

‘
About a week, maybe.’ He shrugged. ‘I’ll have to see how it
goes.’

‘
Oh.’

He gave
me an inscrutable look, long enough for me to lower my eyes from
it. ‘Jass will get annoyed with me if I’m away for too
long.’

As ever,
the surgeon’s precision with a remark that would cut. ‘I’m sure.
Well, I really must be…’

He took
hold of my arm to stop me leaving. ‘I’ll be free later. How about
dinner? You can take me somewhere interesting.’

A voice
inside me was screaming: Don’t do it! Don’t do it! Naturally, I
ignored it. ‘OK. Where are you staying?’

‘
The Ivy House in the grounds here. A few of us are
there.’

‘
Will eight o’clock be all right? I can call for
you.’

‘
Perfect,’ he said. ‘See you later, then.’

‘
See you later.’

Somehow,
on legs that felt as if they were made of paper, I got up the
stairs, turned into the first corridor and there, leaned against
the wall. I fanned myself with the notes package. I put one hand
over my mouth. I laughed. Then there were tears in my eyes. Are you
insane? My inner voice demanded. You really shouldn’t do this. You
know you shouldn’t.

‘
Oh shut up!’ I said aloud, and went to deliver Huriel’s
package.

As you
can imagine, I have been thrown into in a completely peculiar state
of mind. Part of me is filled with anger and a great desire to
inflict some kind of revenge on Ysobi, another part is ecstatic at
the prospect of seeing him again, and yet another part is
terrified.

When I
returned home from my errand, I had no intention of saying anything
to Huriel, sure of his disapproving response, but, like the fussing
surrogate parent he has become, he noticed something was afoot the
minute I stepped back inside the house. I suppose I brought it with
me, the spectre of my impending assignation, like a large roaring
fire that curled the wallpaper from the very walls and made it too
hot to walk upon the floors.

‘
Gesaril!’ Huriel called, emerging from his office. ‘Did you
deliver my package?’

‘
Of course I did,’ I replied lightly, making great effort to
appear and feel – to Huriel’s senses – normal.

Huriel
narrowed his eyes. ‘What’s happened?’

This was
a crucial moment. I could lie, which would inevitably be found out,
and would perhaps damage my relationship with Huriel, or I could
tell the truth and get a lecture. ‘Well…’

Huriel
folded his arms. He meant business. ‘Gesaril, there’s no point
trying to hide anything from me. What is it you have to tell
me?’

‘
You’ll be angry,’ I said, sighing.

‘
Then tell me quickly to get it over with.’

‘
Ysobi is here in Kyme.’ I held my breath.

‘
What? Why?’

‘
He said he was summoned…’

‘
You’ve seen him? Spoken to him?’

‘
Yes.’

Huriel
frowned and when he spoke it was as if to himself, not me. ‘I know
nothing about any summons, and I surely would have done. He hasn’t
contacted me.’

‘
Does he contact you?’

Huriel
glanced at me. ‘Of course. We are friends. I am his
mentor.’

‘
You’ve never told me this before. Has he spoken to you about
me?’

Huriel
didn’t appear to hear my question. ‘He said he would never come
here. I told him not to…’

‘
Huriel!’ I took a few steps towards him. ‘You’ve spoken to
Ysobi about me… recently?’

Huriel
sighed. ‘I was never going to tell you but… yes. Not that recently.
I thought it was in your best interest after you confided in me
that day.’

‘
How can I ever trust you?’ I snapped. ‘First the secrecy
about Malakess, now this. You disappoint me… greatly.’