Finding Faith (13 page)

I rode in the passenger’s side of
Stephen’s mom’s car, thinking about whether or not I was in love
with Finn. Was it even possible to love someone in a month? What
would I do once he didn’t come to the church to work anymore? Would
I just forget about him? Could I? I knew I didn’t want to. I wanted
him. Even if I didn’t understand what it meant to want someone, I
wanted him.

I contemplated pulling out my hair
when Stephen bought us movie tickets to yet another G-rated movie.
In the back of my mind, I begged for something dirty and R-rated. I
thought about asking Stephen to take me to a bad movie just so I
could at least get a laugh from of his appalled facial expression.
Geez, he was such a stick in the mud. More than ever, I longed for
Finn’s flirty ways and bad-boy looks.

An hour into the movie, I got up to
go to the bathroom. I didn’t really need to go, but a girl can only
look at so many cartoon characters before her eyes start to blur. I
stepped into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror.
Something was different. I was different.

I washed my hands, dried them, and
then ran my fingers through my hair to get it to lie down. When I’d
killed enough time, I opened the door to leave the bathroom. I
gasped when I found Finn standing there in the doorway, looking
back at me. He pushed through and pulled me into the large stall in
the back of the room.

Part of me was nervous, and the
other part was so happy that something exciting was happening.
Leave it to Finn to make things feel more alive. My hand felt small
in his. The warmth from his fingers dissolved into mine and worked
its way up my arm.

Once we were in the stall, he
locked the door behind us and pushed me up against it. It didn’t
hurt and I was disgusted by the fact that I liked it. I enjoyed him
taking over me—I enjoyed being manhandled. It was refreshing after
dealing with Stephen and his shy, passive ways.

He placed a hand against the door
on each side of my head, trapping me between them. Stormy blue eyes
took me in—anger in his brows. Reaching up, I gripped his arm and
took a deep breath. His eyes left mine and dipped down to my mouth.
The anger on his face melted away and his face softened.

“
I didn’t mean to scare you,” he
slurred.

“
What are you doing here?” I
whispered.

Removing his hand from the door, he
caressed my cheek with his thumb. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the
feel of him.

“
I needed to see you.”

He wasn’t talking right—his eyes
not focusing well. There was a strange smell to him that stung my
nose and made my eyes water. I could only assume it was
alcohol.

“
Have you been drinking?” I asked
as I pressed against his chest to make him back up.

“
That’s right. Push me away. Do
you know I’ve been pushed away my entire life? There was always
someone giving me away like I was nothing.”

He was talking out of his head and
I was getting a little nervous.

“
What are you talking about,
Finn?” I reached down for the lock on the door just in case he
wasn’t the guy I thought he was and he pulled something
crazy.

“
My mom calls me Jimmy Finn. She’s
the only person who calls me that. I think that’s funny since she’s
the only person who’s ever wanted me. Foster home after foster home
and the one woman who gives me a new name keeps me.”

He was finally starting to make
sense.

“
You’re adopted?” I
asked.

He nodded his head with sad eyes.
I’d once heard that kids were treated badly in foster homes. Amanda
told me a story about a kid who’d been accidently killed by the
parents and they never reported it so they could keep collecting
money from the state.

I reached up and pushed his hair
from his forehead. He closed his eyes and pressed his face into my
palm. It was such a sweet thing for him to do. I ran my thumb
across his cheek over and over again, enjoying the feel of his soft
facial hair.

“
I didn’t know that about you,” I
said.

He opened his eyes and looked down
at me. His blue irises glowed under the florescent lights of the
red-and-black tiled bathroom.

“
There’s a lot that you don’t know
about me.”

I opened my mouth to say something,
but the bathroom door cracked open, stopping me.

“
Faith?” Stephen called into the
room.

No way would someone like him come
into the ladies restroom. Instead, I could hear him standing
outside the door. The noise from the theater lobby spilled into the
bathroom and echoed off of the walls.

I moved to open the door, but Finn
stopped me and held his finger against his lips, telling me to be
quiet.

Stephen called my name into the
bathroom once more before the door shut and the room became quiet
again.

“
Finn, I can’t stay in here. I
have to go back.”

“
Stay.” He swallowed hard and his
eyes glistened.

I’d never seen him this way. He
looked vulnerable and it broke my heart. From what I knew of him
over the past few weeks we spent together in church, he wasn’t
afraid of anything or anyone, but something was scaring him, and I
suddenly had the urge to comfort him—to make him smile and bring
life into his eyes.

“
What’s wrong, Finn? You can tell
me whatever it is.” I ran my fingers through his tousled
hair.

Closing his eyes, he let out a
quiet gasp, as if my fingers were the best thing he’d ever know.
When he opened his baby blues again, they collided with mine and
then something unexpected happened. A single tear wobbled on his
lashes before escaping and rushing down his cheek.

I cupped his cheek and caught his
tear with my thumb. “Sweetie, please tell me what’s wrong? Did
something happen?”

Again, he closed his eyes as if he
were feeling pleasure before opening them again and showing his
pain.

“
Say it again,” he said roughly,
as if tears were clogging his throat.

“
Say what?”

“
Call me sweetie.”

The expression on his face pulled
at my heart. I wanted more than anything to make it go
away.

“
You’re scaring me, Finn. Whatever
it is that’s bothering you, just tell me. Let me try to make it
better.”

He surprised me as he leaned over
and rested his head against my shoulder. His breath was hot against
my neck and I couldn’t stop the chills that rushed through my body.
I was hot and cold all over and the strange pulling sensation in my
stomach left me feeling dizzy.

Sliding his arms around my waist,
he molded himself to me. I had to admit, it felt amazing to be held
that way. I pressed the back of my head into the door and cupped
the back of his head in comfort.

“
I’m sorry I’m scaring you. I’d
never do anything to hurt you. I swear I’d never do anything to
hurt you, ever. I’ll be okay if you promise to stay. Don’t go with
Stephen. Please stay.”

I melted all over. Finn, the most
careless person I knew, was holding me in a manner I wasn’t
familiar with and begging me to stay with him as if he cared. I
wanted to. I wanted to stay there with him, locked in the theater
bathroom. Just the two of us in peace and quiet while the world
outside moved on without us, but then I remembered that Stephen was
out searching for me. He’d probably already called my dad, freaking
out.

“
Finn, I can’t. He’s outside
waiting on me. I can’t do that to him.”

He looked up at me. His eyes still
weren’t focusing and briefly I thought maybe the only reason he was
acting like this was because he was drinking.

“
Him? Don’t do this to me. Please,
Faith, stay.” He pulled away and leaned against the wall. I hadn’t
noticed before how badly he was slurring and leaning.

I’d never seen a drunk person
before, other than on TV, but I was positive he was
drunk.

“
How did you get here?” I
asked.

He peeked up through his hair, then
laid his flushed face against the tile wall. “I drove.”

“
You drove drunk?”

I couldn’t believe he’d just said
that. Who would do such an idiotic thing?

He chuckled to himself and then
finally smiled. His cheeks lifted and his beautiful dimples showed
themselves. Even unsteady on his feet, with unfocused, glazed-over
eyes, he was still gorgeous.

“
Baby, I’ve done a lot worse.” His
grin became sinister.

“
How are you supposed to get
home?”

No way was I letting him drive
home. He’d once made sure I made it home safely, and even if I had
to call his mother, I’d make sure he made it home okay, as
well.

“
I’m driving. Why are we talking
about this? Let’s talk about something more fun. Like, can I kiss
you again?”

I wanted him to. Lord knows I did,
but I couldn’t do that. Not when he was drunk and probably had no
idea what he was saying. He’d wake up tomorrow and regret it.
That’s if he even remembered it. I never wanted to be something
someone regretted.

“
I’m calling your mother. I’m not
letting you drive home like this.” I turned to open the door and
leave.

He caught my hand and slowly
intertwined our fingers. He pulled me into his chest and used his
other hand to push my hair from my face.

“
I have her car. Will you drive me
home, Faith? I need you.”

Those three words did me in. I
didn’t want to say no to him. He needed me and I’d be there for him
the way he had been for me. Even if he didn’t know he was helping
me, he was. He brought color to my life and I’d always be grateful
for that.

“
Give me your keys.” I reached out
my hand and waited as he dug through his jeans pocket.

I’d only ever driven a car once. My
dad let me drive home from the grocery store and I’d hated it. I
wasn’t very good at it and every time a car came up behind me, I
freaked out, but I had to do what I had to do.

We snuck out of the movie theater,
careful not to run into Stephen or ever worse, my dad. I’m sure
he’d been called by now. I was already thinking of things to say to
my father when he freaked out on me. Not to mention poor Stephen. I
felt awful for doing this to him, but he’d never understand. He was
like a younger version of my father. They had no idea what it meant
to be alive.

Finn leaned against me through the
parking lot to his mother’s Jeep. I opened the passenger’s side and
helped him get in. Once I was inside, I felt like I was too high
off of the ground. It was much different than being in my dad’s
Taurus. I rolled down my window and slowly pulled out of the
parking space.

I was more nervous about the fact
that Finn watched me like a hawk from the darkness of his side of
the car while I drove than I was about driving. I tried to remember
how to get to Finn’s house, but I’d only been there once and I had
to keep asking him which way.

Nothing looked familiar to me and I
kept waiting for his neighborhood to come up, but there was nothing
but woods. I was starting to worry that Finn was drunker than I
thought. I continued to drive as thoughts kept coming to me. Like,
how was I going to get home? I thought about all the trouble I was
going to be in when I finally did get home and how badly I was
going to get it.

“
Take a left here,” Finn said from
the darkness.

I took a left onto a dark road and
continued to drive until finally I came to a clearing. There were
woods behind me and in front of me was the ocean. The smell of
saltwater engulfed the car as the waves rushed toward the shore
that was practically in front of us. A long dock stretched out over
the water and in the distance, I could see boats with lights on
them. The Cooper River Bridge was the backdrop. It was lit up with
light-blue lights as cars drove across it and into the black
star-filled sky.

“
It’s beautiful,” I said in
awe.

I’d never seen a place more
beautiful in my life. Not that I’d been many places.

I turned when I felt Finn’s fingers
in my hair. He was sitting beside me and pulling softly at my
fingers on the steering wheel.

“
Then it’s perfect for you,” he
whispered in my ear.

My body went up in flames. I was
burning and it felt so wonderful.

He captured my face in his hands
and turned me to face him. Even in the darkness, I could see his
light eyes as they skimmed my face and then landed on my
lips.

“
Can I please kiss you again?” He
ran his thumb across my bottom lip as he asked.

I nodded my answer and closed my
eyes. His soft lips landed on mine and I absorbed everything I
could. The feel of his breath, the taste of him, and the way his
tongue moved softly over my lip. I didn’t want to miss a single
second. Tiny noises traveled from his lips and rushed down my body,
landing in the bottom of my spine.

When he broke the kiss, he pressed
his forehead against mine and we both took a much needed
breath.