Finding Faith (8 page)

“
Oh no. There’s girls, but not one
that’s steady.”

Her face lit up as I expected, and
I smiled to myself.

“
So you’re a player? Isn’t that
what they call boys like you?” She started picking at the cookie
dough and rolling it into balls.

“
I’m not a player. I’m honest with
girls. I just don’t do the whole girlfriend thing all that
well.”

“
Oh come on, Finn, there had to be
a girl that got through that hard exterior of yours once or twice.”
She smiled up at me as she continued to pick the raw cookie dough
from her fingers.

I wanted to tell her that
technically she had gotten through, but I didn’t know how that
would sound. We were friends—I’d never really been friends with a
girl before—and we had an easy relationship. But I’d be lying if I
said it wasn’t slowly becoming uncomfortable. And if it was
becoming uncomfortable, then maybe there was more there.

“
Yeah, once or twice.” I playfully
winked at her to play it off.

She laughed and threw a wad of
dough at my chest. It made a wet smacking noise and stuck to the
front of my Guns N’ Roses T-shirt.

“
Oh no you didn’t,” I said in a
girly voice as I wiggled my finger at her.

She laughed harder.

I picked the dough from my shirt
and threw it back at her. Next thing I knew, we were running around
the small kitchen at the back of the church and throwing flour and
sugar all over each other. She held up her hands and screamed as I
sprinkled sugar over the top of her head.

“
Such a sweet girl like you should
taste sweet, too.” I laughed.

She turned in my arms and put her
hands up to stop the sugar. I held the bag even higher out of her
reach. She stood on her tiptoes and pressed her petite body against
mine. Her sweet breath warmed the side of neck and she slid up and
down my front as she tried to reach the sugar. She felt good
against me and it was making me hard.

Everything stopped. The smile
slipped from my face as I stared down at her. She continued to
smile, flour dotted her cheeks, and sugar shimmered in her hair.
Once her eyes met mine, she stopped reaching for the bag above my
head. My arms fell slowly and I let my empty hand cup the side of
her face, using my thumb to wipe some flour from her
cheek.

Her smile slipped, too, as she
looked up at me with wide brown eyes. Her eyelids fluttered closed
as I caressed her cheek with my fingers. Little puffs of heated
breath came from her mouth, pulling my attention to her soft pink
lips. I ran a finger across her bottom lip, drawing a soft sigh
from her.

I wasn’t sure what was happening. I
just knew I liked it, and by the glazed look in her eyes when she
opened them, I could tell she liked it, too. I moved closer to her
and she didn’t move away. She felt amazing. I set the sugar bag on
the counter beside me as I slipped my arms around her tiny waist.
I’d never been nervous with a girl before, but Faith wasn’t like
any other girl I’d spent time with. She was better than them—so
much better, as in she was too good for me.

She swallowed hard and licked her
lips and I was gone from that point on. As if magnetized, I was
being pulled into her for a kiss. Her lips and eyes begged for it.
I slipped my fingers into her thick hair and pulled her face closer
to mine.

My lips were barely touching hers
when the door opened. We pulled apart quicker than I thought was
possible and started awkwardly cleaning up the mess we’d caused. My
heart was still beating funny even though we weren’t close
anymore.

“
What the devil happened in here?”
her dad asked from the door.

“
We accidently spilled some,” she
said with her head down.

I instantly missed the playful girl
from minutes before. I hated what happened to her in the presence
of her dad, which only added to my hatred for him.

I couldn’t believe what had almost
happened. I couldn’t believe how badly I wanted something as simple
as a kiss from her. My thoughts were a mess. I didn’t even respond
to the pastor when he asked what happened. Instead, like some shy
punk, I put my head down and kept cleaning.

“
Well, let James clean it. There’s
someone here that wants to meet you.” He held the door open and
waited for her.

I hated the name James. The fact
that he insisted on calling me that after I’d asked him to call me
Finn enraged me, and I knew my anger stemmed from his treatment of
Faith more than what he called me.

Faith smiled shyly up at me before
she stepped away and out of the room. I didn’t miss the smug smile
on the pastor’s face as he shut the door behind them and shut me
out.

Five

Faith

Finn. He was doing something to me.
Since we’d started hanging out so much, I’d never felt so alive.
I’d never secretly smiled to myself so much. Smiling wasn’t
something I did often, and since I’d met him I couldn’t seem to
stop. I felt like I was breathing a little easier, looking at the
sun a little differently.

I wasn’t out painting the town red
or doing any drugs; I was just being around him, and it was
amazing. He made me laugh until I cried and was probably the
sweetest guy I’d ever had the privilege to meet, even though he’d
never admit it. Not that I’d met a lot of guys, but there was just
something about him—something special.

It was more than his baby-blue eyes
that seemed to see right through me or his dimples that I was
almost positive he reserved just for me. It was more than his
looks, period. He made me feel different. Like I was just finding
myself and living for the first time ever.

I couldn’t believe he was about to
kiss me in the church kitchen. I’d never been kissed before and,
honestly, kissing had always kind of grossed me out, but the
thought of feeling those full lips against mine made my stomach
tighten in a way it never had before and gave me a breathless dizzy
feeling. It was scary and exhilarating at the same time.

I was still feeling high off him
when I came face to face with a family I’d never met before. I
barely had time to collect my thoughts before my dad was
introducing me to them. They’d just moved to town and were thinking
of joining our church. My dad told me their names, but my ears were
still foggy and I missed it. Still, I reached out my hand to the
mother and smiled sweetly.

“
And this is Stephen, their son.
The Petersons were just telling me that Stephen’s the same age as
you, Faith. Isn’t that nice?”

I looked over at Stephen. He was on
the shorter side with cropped auburn hair and freckles across his
cheeks and nose. When he smiled at me, his teeth were covered in
metal, but still, he had a very nice smile. He was khaki covered
like me, but instead of feeling comfortable with him, I instantly
hated the dreariness of his whole look.

It was even becoming harder
for
me
to put on
my boring skirts in the morning. I knew in the back of my head that
it had to do with Finn and his comfortable jeans and colorful band
shirts, but I didn’t care. He was showing me a thing or two about
being comfortable in my own skin, and the prudish cover I’d been
wearing my entire life had never felt more
restricting.

“
It’s nice to meet you, Faith.
That’s such a beautiful name,” he said boldly.

I felt my cheeks turn hot as I
looked over at my father and waited for the angry look on his face
that was always there when Finn said nice things to me… except,
there was only a happy smile on his lips.

I didn’t understand it. Daddy had
never liked me being around boys, yet here he was introducing me to
one and smiling happily as the boy complimented me.

“
Thank you,” I whispered
softly.

“
That’s such a nice thing to say,
Stephen. You know, since you’re new in town, maybe you and Faith
should catch a movie or something. Maybe she can show you around
town and get you familiar with the place before you start your new
school on Monday. How’s that sound, kids?” my father said
proudly.

My jaw almost hit the floor. My dad
was definitely having a midlife something. Perhaps he was in the
middle of a stroke and the side effects hadn’t starting showing,
because my dad would never say such a thing. He’d never be okay
with me going anywhere with anyone besides him and my mom. The idea
of him allowing me to go on a date with a boy wasn’t something I’d
ever thought would happen.

I looked back over at Stephen and
he blushed brightly and smiled over at me.

“
I think that sounds like fun. Do
you want to go to a movie with me, Faith?” he asked.

I looked around at our parents, who
were all full of smiles and crazy eyes. I needed to run to the
bathroom and pinch myself. My occasional bathroom breakdowns had
stopped, thanks to Finn, but I definitely needed a hard pinch or a
nice slap across the face to fetch me back to reality.

I stood there with my mouth gapped
open as everyone stared at me and waited for a response. Part of me
wanted to say no. I didn’t know this boy from Adam and he looked
about as boring as I felt, but then again, what were the chances of
my dad practically pushing me out the door and to the movies with
some boy? I had to take what I could get, I guess. At least that
way I’d have a moment to breathe some fresh air outside of school,
home, and church.

I looked over at my dad and asked
his permission with my eyes. He smiled down at me and shook his
head yes.

“
Okay,” I squeaked.

The whole time all I could think
about was Finn and how much I wished it were him I was going to the
movies with. I really had to stop thinking about Finn so much.
Yeah, it looked as if he was about to kiss me not ten minutes ago,
but I had to face facts, and the fact was I wasn’t even close to
the kind of girl Finn would want. We were friends. I had to really
stop thinking that sometimes when he looked at me there was more
than friendship in his eyes.

After agreeing to my first date
ever and watching as our parents made the arrangements, I stopped
by the bathroom at church and splashed some cold water over my
cheeks. They still felt warm from Finn’s touch and the last thing I
needed to do was go back in the kitchen with hot, embarrassed
cheeks and make our friendship uncomfortable.

When I got back to the kitchen,
Finn was leaning against the counter with his arms crossed. He
hadn’t heard me come in and he was facing the window with his eyes
closed. The room was cleaned and all the cookies were in the oven.
The smell of chocolate chip and sugar cookies filled the room. I
would forever associate the smell with Finn, which made perfect
sense since he was so sweet.

I smiled secretly at my thoughts.
If I had ever told him I thought he was such a sweetie, he’d
probably growl and do something ridiculously rude just to prove a
point.

“
Hey,” I said as I walked up to
him.

He opened his eyes and smiled at
me. He looked genuinely happy to see me.

“
Everything okay?” he
asked.

“
Yeah. My dad wanted to introduce
me to a new family who’s joining the church. And something kind of
crazy happened.”

He turned, rested his elbows on the
counter, and cupped his cheeks with his hands. When he smiled, one
of his dimples was hidden behind his palm and I wanted to pull it
away so I could see them both.

“
My dad set me up on a
date.”

His smile dropped instantly, and I
thought for a minute that he’d ask me not to go. If he asked,
whether I needed freedom or not, I’d skip the date. All he had to
do was say the words, but instead, he started laughing. It felt
like a slap in the face.

Why was it so funny that I could
have a date?

“
What?” I asked rudely.

“
Nothing. It’s just…” He couldn’t
finish his sentence he was laughing so hard.

“
It’s just what?” I asked again,
louder.

He was really starting to make me
mad.