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Authors: Amy Gutman

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magazine. “Hi!” she said. “I was wondering if you’d get here today.”

6

“Yeah. Well.” Kate didn’t feel up to chatting. All day, she’d been 7

fighting off a dull headache. If it weren’t for her appointment with 8

Josie, she’d have spent the day at home in bed.

9

“Some woman’s been trying to reach you. She’s called three or 10

four times today.”

11

“Thanks. She’ll probably try again.” Kate rummaged in her 12

purse for the keys to her office door.

13

“It’s already unlocked,” Jennifer said. “I was about to tell you.

14

Justin’s waiting inside.”

15

“Justin?” Kate looked at Jennifer in surprise. Justin was supposed 16

to be out of town by now, off to Connecticut with Laura.

ort 17

As she cracked open the door, Kate’s heart beat faster. It was reg 18

Justin, all right. Right there in her chair, studying something on 9858_02_153-356_r6jm.qxd 9/28/00 3:59 PM Page 319

E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

3 1 9

the computer screen. He looked up. Their eyes met. In an instant, 1

Kate’s headache was gone, and she was flooded with a sense of well-2

being. She didn’t know why Justin hadn’t left. She didn’t care. It 3

was enough just to see him there, a bemused smile on his face.

4

“Why are you still here?” Kate said. She knew she was grinning 5

like an idiot, hardly an appropriate reaction. But she couldn’t 6

seem to help herself. And the funny thing was that Justin was 7

smiling, too.

8

“Close the door, Kate.”

9

“What?”

10

“Close the door. There’s something I want to show you.”

11

Her heart beating pleasantly fast, Kate complied. “So what is 12

it?” she asked, trying to keep her voice light. “Don’t keep me in 13

suspense.”

14

“Come over here.” Justin gestured toward the computer screen.

15

“I want you to see something.”

16

Kate walked toward her desk. “What are you —” She broke off 17

in midsentence. There, on the screen, were her notes about Carter 18

Mills, the notes she’d culled from her library research. Uncertain, 19

she stared at Justin.

20

“What is this, Kate?” The words carried a hint of reproach.

21

“Honestly, Justin, I would have told you, but I didn’t want to get 22

you involved. Anyway, I don’t even know what it means. Maybe 23

it’s nothing.”

24

“But you don’t
think
it’s nothing, do you?”

25

Kate was about to answer when it struck her that there was 26

something very strange about this whole encounter. Why was 27

Justin here? Why was he reading her computer files?

28

“What are you
doing?
” Kate asked.

29

Justin didn’t respond. He’d gotten out of his chair. Now, they 30

were standing quite close, with not more than two or three feet be-31

tween them. Kate could see the dark stubble on Justin’s cheeks, the 32

thin layer of perspiration on his upper lip. Then he seemed to be 33

moving toward her. For a confused moment, she thought he was 34 sh

going to embrace her. Which is what she’d wanted all along, and 35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

yet for some reason she felt differently now, and she didn’t want 2

him to touch her. Almost involuntarily, she took a quick step back.

3

“Is something wrong, Kate?” The smile had returned to Justin’s 4

lips. “I knew you’d be in today. I waited for you. Aren’t you glad to 5

see me?”

6

“I . . . I . . .” What was going on? Maybe she was really going 7

crazy. Maybe everything that had happened was finally pulling her 8

under. This was Justin, after all.
Justin.
How could she possibly feel 9

frightened?

10

Kate shook her head and laughed weakly. “I don’t know what’s 11

wrong with me,” she said. “I just had the weirdest feeling —”

12

Again, she broke off in midsentence. There was something that 13

didn’t make sense, and she wanted to figure it out. Distracted, her 14

eyes followed Justin’s hand as he reached into his jacket.

15

It was then that she saw the gun.

16

w

17

Josie dragged her feet down the hallway leading to Kate’s office.

18

Fifteen minutes late today. Kate was going to be mad. It was all be-19

cause of the subway. But why should Kate believe her this time?

20

Kate’s secretary looked up and smiled. “Hi, Josie,” she said.

21

“How’ve you been?”

22

Josie dug a Nike-clad toe into the floor. “I’ve been okay,” she 23

said. “The subway broke down at Forty-second Street. That’s the 24

reason I’m late.”

25

“It’s all right,” Jennifer said, tossing the girl a reassuring smile.

26

“Kate went out a while ago, and she still hasn’t gotten back. She’s 27

the one who’s late this time.”

28

“She
is?
” Josie stared at Jennifer, eyes wide.

29

“Yup. Guess you can give
her
a hard time today, huh?”

30

Josie grinned.
Kate was late!
For once, she’d really lucked out.

31

Not that she planned to press her luck. This was the very last time 32

she’d be late.
Ever.

33

Jennifer gestured toward an empty chair. “Why don’t you sit ort 34

down and wait? I’m sure she’ll be back soon.”

reg 35

w

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E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

3 2 1

They moved down Fifth Avenue, edging through the rush-hour 1

crowds. Justin pressed close against her, his left arm clamped around 2

her waist. In his right hand, shielded by her cape, he jammed the 3

gun into Kate’s side. Her cheek rubbed against Justin’s shoulder.

4

The wool of his coat scratched her skin. Frantically, Kate tried to 5

catch someone’s eye, to signal her distress. But the multitudes swept 6

by unseeing. No one seemed to look her way.

7

Kate’s feet moved mechanically forward, mirroring Justin’s 8

stride. She had no idea what was happening, no idea at all. She 9

went over the facts in her mind, searching for some sort of clue.

10

Justin hadn’t gone away with his girlfriend. Instead, he’d been 11

waiting for her. He’d been reading her notes about Carter Mills.

12

And then he’d pulled out a gun. But the more she thought, the 13

more confusing it seemed until she thought that this must be a 14

dream.

15

A left turn on Forty-fourth Street. Kate had a moment of hope.

16

They were actually headed toward the Harvard Club. The very 17

place Justin had said they were going when Jennifer asked for a 18

number! Approaching the club, Justin’s footsteps slowed, and Kate 19

felt her heart grow lighter. How ridiculous to be scared. Of course, 20

this must be some kind of joke. That was the explanation. Smiling, 21

she glanced up at Justin’s face, looking for confirmation. But 22

Justin’s mouth was a rigid line. The smile faded from Kate’s lips.

23

Justin steered her into the club. Kate glimpsed the club’s entry 24

hall. A man with a very red face and no hair. A woman in a snug 25

brown coat. Quickly they moved past the doorman, toward the 26

wide crimson-carpeted stairs. Words floated up from below. “
You
27

know, the last time that I was in Cambridge. . . .
” Then the voices 28

were fading, as they proceeded up the stairs. Kate felt as if she were 29

playing a part. Could this really be happening? As if in answer, she 30

felt the gun, boring into her ribcage. “Justin,” she whispered. “Shut 31

up,” he hissed. The metal bit into her side.

32

Stunned, Kate lapsed into silence, her eyes focused on her 33

shoes. The stairs seemed to go on forever, each landing leading to 34 sh

another set, an endless crimson ascent. Past the club library and 35 re

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1

reading room, past various meeting rooms. She’d never known 2

there were so many floors. Her eyes were alert, but her mind was 3

blank. And still she kept climbing stairs.

4

They walked down a corridor lined with numbered doors. Lodg-5

ings for club members and guests. These rooms were in great de-6

mand, almost always booked.
So where was everyone today?
One 7

more flight of stairs and then Justin unlocked a door. Kate caught 8

sight of the number 512 before Justin shoved her inside. She stum-9

bled forward into the room. The door clicked shut behind them.

10

Kate struggled to get her bearings. A spacious if blandly fur-11

nished room. Two armchairs. An armoire. A two-poster double 12

bed. The windows were shrouded in draperies, and Kate couldn’t 13

see outside. But the absence of street noise told her that they 14

couldn’t be facing the street.

15

“What are we doing here?” Kate asked. “Justin, what’s going 16

on?” Now that they’d stopped moving, her fear had abated some-17

what. Some core part of her had burrowed deep inside, where outer 18

events couldn’t reach it.

19

“Sit down, Kate.” Justin was standing with his back to the door, 20

the gun pointed straight at her. He was smiling again, but his eyes 21

were cold.

22

Kate sat down on the side of the bed. The mattress was hard be-23

neath her thighs. A few feet away was a small round table, set for 24

a lovers’ feast. A bottle of champagne. Cheese and fruit. A cut-25

glass vase of red roses. In back of this display, the wall was covered 26

with a dozen or so photographs. Among the hoary likenesses of 27

Harvard alums, a single image jumped out. A beautiful dark-haired 28

woman, one hand outstretched toward the camera. Heart pound-29

ing, Kate stared at the picture. She knew that image, had seen it 30

before. The photo from the red-sealed envelope. The photo she’d 31

given Carter Mills.

32

“That picture. Who is it?” Kate realized she was trembling.

33

Justin’s smile faded. When he spoke, his voice was petulant, the ort 34

voice of a thwarted child. “You know who that is, Kate. She reg 35

brought you to me in the first place.”

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She brought you to me in the first place.
What was he talking 1

about? Kate leaned forward uncertainly, her eyes searching Justin’s 2

face.

3

“Justin. It’s me, Kate. Listen. Whatever you think is happening, 4

it’s not like that. You’re imagining things. Please. We can talk 5

about this.” She realized she was pleading, begging Justin to come 6

back. Memories flashed through her mind. Justin bringing her soup 7

the night that Michael walked out. Justin insisting that she inter-8

view at Samson & Mills. He’d always been there when she needed 9

him. He’d always believed in her. Now he was sick. He needed her 10

help. She couldn’t give up on him.

11

Justin was smiling again. “Okay, Kate. What do you want to talk 12

about?”

13

Kate swallowed hard. “Why are you doing this?” she asked. “Did 14

something go wrong with Laura?”

15

Justin gave her an impatient look. Roughly, he rubbed his neck, 16

as if he were trying to clean it. “Nothing went wrong with Laura, 17

Kate. Laura doesn’t exist.”

18

“What do you mean, she doesn’t exist?” Kate’s heart struggled in 19

her chest.

20

“Exactly what I said. She doesn’t exist. I made her up. I needed 21

to know if you loved me. You see, after I killed Madeleine, I wanted 22

to —”

23

Kate stared at Justin. The passage of time seemed to stop.

24

“I didn’t really care about her, you know.” Justin’s tone was con-25

versational, as if what he was saying didn’t much matter. “It was 26

really all about Carter.”

27

“About Carter,” Kate repeated. A hollow place was growing in-28

side her.

29

“Yes, Kate. I killed Carter. Don’t pretend that you didn’t know.

30

You saw me that night. You looked straight at me as I was leaving.”

31

I killed Carter.
Kate’s breath locked in her throat. Her mind was 32

spinning. She tried to think but the thoughts wouldn’t come.

33

I killed Carter.

34 sh

Again, she tried to pull him back. “Justin, I have to get back to 35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

1

work. I have a meeting with Josie. They’ll be looking for me. Re-2

member? You told Jennifer exactly where we’d be. This doesn’t 3

make any sense.”

4

“Oh, I’m not worried about that,” Justin said coolly. “D’you 5

think they’re going to search all the guest rooms? Come on, Kate.

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