Authors: Amy Gutman
magazine. “Hi!” she said. “I was wondering if you’d get here today.”
6
“Yeah. Well.” Kate didn’t feel up to chatting. All day, she’d been 7
fighting off a dull headache. If it weren’t for her appointment with 8
Josie, she’d have spent the day at home in bed.
9
“Some woman’s been trying to reach you. She’s called three or 10
four times today.”
11
“Thanks. She’ll probably try again.” Kate rummaged in her 12
purse for the keys to her office door.
13
“It’s already unlocked,” Jennifer said. “I was about to tell you.
14
Justin’s waiting inside.”
15
“Justin?” Kate looked at Jennifer in surprise. Justin was supposed 16
to be out of town by now, off to Connecticut with Laura.
ort 17
As she cracked open the door, Kate’s heart beat faster. It was reg 18
Justin, all right. Right there in her chair, studying something on 9858_02_153-356_r6jm.qxd 9/28/00 3:59 PM Page 319
E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H
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the computer screen. He looked up. Their eyes met. In an instant, 1
Kate’s headache was gone, and she was flooded with a sense of well-2
being. She didn’t know why Justin hadn’t left. She didn’t care. It 3
was enough just to see him there, a bemused smile on his face.
4
“Why are you still here?” Kate said. She knew she was grinning 5
like an idiot, hardly an appropriate reaction. But she couldn’t 6
seem to help herself. And the funny thing was that Justin was 7
smiling, too.
8
“Close the door, Kate.”
9
“What?”
10
“Close the door. There’s something I want to show you.”
11
Her heart beating pleasantly fast, Kate complied. “So what is 12
it?” she asked, trying to keep her voice light. “Don’t keep me in 13
suspense.”
14
“Come over here.” Justin gestured toward the computer screen.
15
“I want you to see something.”
16
Kate walked toward her desk. “What are you —” She broke off 17
in midsentence. There, on the screen, were her notes about Carter 18
Mills, the notes she’d culled from her library research. Uncertain, 19
she stared at Justin.
20
“What is this, Kate?” The words carried a hint of reproach.
21
“Honestly, Justin, I would have told you, but I didn’t want to get 22
you involved. Anyway, I don’t even know what it means. Maybe 23
it’s nothing.”
24
“But you don’t
think
it’s nothing, do you?”
25
Kate was about to answer when it struck her that there was 26
something very strange about this whole encounter. Why was 27
Justin here? Why was he reading her computer files?
28
“What are you
doing?
” Kate asked.
29
Justin didn’t respond. He’d gotten out of his chair. Now, they 30
were standing quite close, with not more than two or three feet be-31
tween them. Kate could see the dark stubble on Justin’s cheeks, the 32
thin layer of perspiration on his upper lip. Then he seemed to be 33
moving toward her. For a confused moment, she thought he was 34 sh
going to embrace her. Which is what she’d wanted all along, and 35 re
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A M Y G U T M A N
1
yet for some reason she felt differently now, and she didn’t want 2
him to touch her. Almost involuntarily, she took a quick step back.
3
“Is something wrong, Kate?” The smile had returned to Justin’s 4
lips. “I knew you’d be in today. I waited for you. Aren’t you glad to 5
see me?”
6
“I . . . I . . .” What was going on? Maybe she was really going 7
crazy. Maybe everything that had happened was finally pulling her 8
under. This was Justin, after all.
Justin.
How could she possibly feel 9
frightened?
10
Kate shook her head and laughed weakly. “I don’t know what’s 11
wrong with me,” she said. “I just had the weirdest feeling —”
12
Again, she broke off in midsentence. There was something that 13
didn’t make sense, and she wanted to figure it out. Distracted, her 14
eyes followed Justin’s hand as he reached into his jacket.
15
It was then that she saw the gun.
16
w
17
Josie dragged her feet down the hallway leading to Kate’s office.
18
Fifteen minutes late today. Kate was going to be mad. It was all be-19
cause of the subway. But why should Kate believe her this time?
20
Kate’s secretary looked up and smiled. “Hi, Josie,” she said.
21
“How’ve you been?”
22
Josie dug a Nike-clad toe into the floor. “I’ve been okay,” she 23
said. “The subway broke down at Forty-second Street. That’s the 24
reason I’m late.”
25
“It’s all right,” Jennifer said, tossing the girl a reassuring smile.
26
“Kate went out a while ago, and she still hasn’t gotten back. She’s 27
the one who’s late this time.”
28
“She
is?
” Josie stared at Jennifer, eyes wide.
29
“Yup. Guess you can give
her
a hard time today, huh?”
30
Josie grinned.
Kate was late!
For once, she’d really lucked out.
31
Not that she planned to press her luck. This was the very last time 32
she’d be late.
Ever.
33
Jennifer gestured toward an empty chair. “Why don’t you sit ort 34
down and wait? I’m sure she’ll be back soon.”
reg 35
w
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They moved down Fifth Avenue, edging through the rush-hour 1
crowds. Justin pressed close against her, his left arm clamped around 2
her waist. In his right hand, shielded by her cape, he jammed the 3
gun into Kate’s side. Her cheek rubbed against Justin’s shoulder.
4
The wool of his coat scratched her skin. Frantically, Kate tried to 5
catch someone’s eye, to signal her distress. But the multitudes swept 6
by unseeing. No one seemed to look her way.
7
Kate’s feet moved mechanically forward, mirroring Justin’s 8
stride. She had no idea what was happening, no idea at all. She 9
went over the facts in her mind, searching for some sort of clue.
10
Justin hadn’t gone away with his girlfriend. Instead, he’d been 11
waiting for her. He’d been reading her notes about Carter Mills.
12
And then he’d pulled out a gun. But the more she thought, the 13
more confusing it seemed until she thought that this must be a 14
dream.
15
A left turn on Forty-fourth Street. Kate had a moment of hope.
16
They were actually headed toward the Harvard Club. The very 17
place Justin had said they were going when Jennifer asked for a 18
number! Approaching the club, Justin’s footsteps slowed, and Kate 19
felt her heart grow lighter. How ridiculous to be scared. Of course, 20
this must be some kind of joke. That was the explanation. Smiling, 21
she glanced up at Justin’s face, looking for confirmation. But 22
Justin’s mouth was a rigid line. The smile faded from Kate’s lips.
23
Justin steered her into the club. Kate glimpsed the club’s entry 24
hall. A man with a very red face and no hair. A woman in a snug 25
brown coat. Quickly they moved past the doorman, toward the 26
wide crimson-carpeted stairs. Words floated up from below. “
You
27
know, the last time that I was in Cambridge. . . .
” Then the voices 28
were fading, as they proceeded up the stairs. Kate felt as if she were 29
playing a part. Could this really be happening? As if in answer, she 30
felt the gun, boring into her ribcage. “Justin,” she whispered. “Shut 31
up,” he hissed. The metal bit into her side.
32
Stunned, Kate lapsed into silence, her eyes focused on her 33
shoes. The stairs seemed to go on forever, each landing leading to 34 sh
another set, an endless crimson ascent. Past the club library and 35 re
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A M Y G U T M A N
1
reading room, past various meeting rooms. She’d never known 2
there were so many floors. Her eyes were alert, but her mind was 3
blank. And still she kept climbing stairs.
4
They walked down a corridor lined with numbered doors. Lodg-5
ings for club members and guests. These rooms were in great de-6
mand, almost always booked.
So where was everyone today?
One 7
more flight of stairs and then Justin unlocked a door. Kate caught 8
sight of the number 512 before Justin shoved her inside. She stum-9
bled forward into the room. The door clicked shut behind them.
10
Kate struggled to get her bearings. A spacious if blandly fur-11
nished room. Two armchairs. An armoire. A two-poster double 12
bed. The windows were shrouded in draperies, and Kate couldn’t 13
see outside. But the absence of street noise told her that they 14
couldn’t be facing the street.
15
“What are we doing here?” Kate asked. “Justin, what’s going 16
on?” Now that they’d stopped moving, her fear had abated some-17
what. Some core part of her had burrowed deep inside, where outer 18
events couldn’t reach it.
19
“Sit down, Kate.” Justin was standing with his back to the door, 20
the gun pointed straight at her. He was smiling again, but his eyes 21
were cold.
22
Kate sat down on the side of the bed. The mattress was hard be-23
neath her thighs. A few feet away was a small round table, set for 24
a lovers’ feast. A bottle of champagne. Cheese and fruit. A cut-25
glass vase of red roses. In back of this display, the wall was covered 26
with a dozen or so photographs. Among the hoary likenesses of 27
Harvard alums, a single image jumped out. A beautiful dark-haired 28
woman, one hand outstretched toward the camera. Heart pound-29
ing, Kate stared at the picture. She knew that image, had seen it 30
before. The photo from the red-sealed envelope. The photo she’d 31
given Carter Mills.
32
“That picture. Who is it?” Kate realized she was trembling.
33
Justin’s smile faded. When he spoke, his voice was petulant, the ort 34
voice of a thwarted child. “You know who that is, Kate. She reg 35
brought you to me in the first place.”
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She brought you to me in the first place.
What was he talking 1
about? Kate leaned forward uncertainly, her eyes searching Justin’s 2
face.
3
“Justin. It’s me, Kate. Listen. Whatever you think is happening, 4
it’s not like that. You’re imagining things. Please. We can talk 5
about this.” She realized she was pleading, begging Justin to come 6
back. Memories flashed through her mind. Justin bringing her soup 7
the night that Michael walked out. Justin insisting that she inter-8
view at Samson & Mills. He’d always been there when she needed 9
him. He’d always believed in her. Now he was sick. He needed her 10
help. She couldn’t give up on him.
11
Justin was smiling again. “Okay, Kate. What do you want to talk 12
about?”
13
Kate swallowed hard. “Why are you doing this?” she asked. “Did 14
something go wrong with Laura?”
15
Justin gave her an impatient look. Roughly, he rubbed his neck, 16
as if he were trying to clean it. “Nothing went wrong with Laura, 17
Kate. Laura doesn’t exist.”
18
“What do you mean, she doesn’t exist?” Kate’s heart struggled in 19
her chest.
20
“Exactly what I said. She doesn’t exist. I made her up. I needed 21
to know if you loved me. You see, after I killed Madeleine, I wanted 22
to —”
23
Kate stared at Justin. The passage of time seemed to stop.
24
“I didn’t really care about her, you know.” Justin’s tone was con-25
versational, as if what he was saying didn’t much matter. “It was 26
really all about Carter.”
27
“About Carter,” Kate repeated. A hollow place was growing in-28
side her.
29
“Yes, Kate. I killed Carter. Don’t pretend that you didn’t know.
30
You saw me that night. You looked straight at me as I was leaving.”
31
I killed Carter.
Kate’s breath locked in her throat. Her mind was 32
spinning. She tried to think but the thoughts wouldn’t come.
33
I killed Carter.
34 sh
Again, she tried to pull him back. “Justin, I have to get back to 35 re
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1
work. I have a meeting with Josie. They’ll be looking for me. Re-2
member? You told Jennifer exactly where we’d be. This doesn’t 3
make any sense.”
4
“Oh, I’m not worried about that,” Justin said coolly. “D’you 5
think they’re going to search all the guest rooms? Come on, Kate.