A Sadness Within (14 page)

“So,” he stopped and looked at me. Did he want me to talk first? I bit my lip nervously, and Will withdrew his hand and put it in his pocket before clearing his throat.

“I want to apologize for last night. I’m not sure what you think of me, but that was very out of character for me. I don’t just go around kissing people I hardly know. ” He looked away again at the waves. “Then again, I’d do it again if I had the chance.”

A nervous laugh escaped my lips.

“It’s okay,” I assured. “Actually, as long as we are being honest, I’m sorry I pulled away. I just wasn’t sure I was ready for all of this.” I looked up and smiled shyly at him. His face was soft as he looked back at me. “It’s not every day that a girl like me is kissed by a guy like you.” I thought I saw his face falter a moment, but his smile was back making me wonder if I had imagined it. 

Now we both watched the waves lap the shoreline. The sound was spellbinding. My foot began to make little circles in the sand, and I anticipated what would happen next.

“Do you want to sit a minute?”

“Sure.” If I didn’t sit soon, I was afraid my legs would collapse. The sand cushioned us as we positioned ourselves side by side, gazing out over the water. We both looked out at the lake. I hugged my knees to my body. A storm was definitely approaching. The air that had been warm, now contained a chill.

“Julia, I have to say something to you.” I angled my face toward him, resting it on my knee as he continued. “I came by last night to tell you this, and I know I already said something earlier, but it didn’t come out right. I don’t think I can explain it well, but I like being with you. I mean, I enjoy working with you and all the time we’ve spent together this week.” His brow crinkled for a minute and he groaned in frustration.  “No, that’s not what I mean. Enjoy is not the right word. That makes this sound so frivolous.”

I looked at him and waited patiently, a little thrill going through me as he said my name.

“I adore every moment I spend with you. I look forward to it. I count down the minutes until I will see you again. I love it.” Will’s face twisted, pained for a moment. He reached out and grabbed my hand, cradling it between his own. It was ice cold, probably from nerves, yet I could feel the tingling start again. “It’s so soon, and we hardly know each other, but I feel like you know me better than anyone and I… ” He hesitated again, and I simply gave him the room and the time to speak. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

I hoped that there was no shock registering across my face.
Falling in love
?
With me
? This was all a dream. Just a fantasy. Who would love me? Yet as I looked into his grey eyes, I felt all of my own emotions come to the surface. Everything that I hadn’t felt in years, all came to a head, and despite all of my reservations, I knew at that moment that I loved him back.

“I think… I think I’m falling in love with you, too,” I stammered back. His whole face lit up as he turned his body toward me, placing his face just inches from mine.

“You do?” Will’s voice came out as barely a whisper. His eyes were magnetic, pulling me in. I leaned forward toward him, and put my hand on his shoulder, wanting so much to touch his face. I waiting for him to kiss me, but he didn’t. Instead, a pained looked crossed his face.

He looked away, stood up abruptly and brushed the sand off his jeans.

“Oh God, Jules,” he said, and I savored the sound of my nickname. “There are things you don’t know about me. Things that might make you want to stay away. You aren’t the only one with secrets.”

I didn’t know if he was waiting for a reaction from me or not, so I just waited for him to say more.

“I haven’t always been a nice guy. I’ve done things that I’m not proud of. I have a dark past.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked away. I watched him for a moment. He clenched his jaw and stared out intently at the lake. There was a darkness cascading off him that I hadn’t seen before, and he seemed to be struggling to push it back in. I had my own darkness and secrets, so I could only imagine what he could be hiding.

Moving to stand in front of him, I stood on my tiptoes so that I could be as close to eye level with him as I could. I tried to stare into him to unravel the mystery, but all I could see was sadness and worry in his eyes. I needed to convince him that I would be here for him. He hadn’t run from me, and I would not run from him. This I could promise.

“We all have our secrets, Will. It’s part of who we are. Nobody is perfect. Love makes people want to stay. We can figure things out. Together. We can help each other fight our demons. Lord knows you’re already helping me get past mine.” He wouldn’t meet my eyes. Instead, he was looking just past my shoulder.

I touched my hand to his cheek and pulled his face closer to mine, urging him to look at me. “Will, look at me.”

I traced his jaw bone with my fingertips, feeling the roughness of his stubble and then ran my finger over his mouth. His lips parted slightly inviting me in for a kiss and for a moment, there was only the two of us in the world. I leaned in, our foreheads touching, and closed my eyes until our mouths met, just as the first raindrop fell. The sensation was unbelievable. Last night, his kiss had been tentative and questioning. Today there was a want, a primal hunger coursing through his lips. His hand reached up to my face, sending an electric charge through my skin, as if I was being burned.  I ran my hands over his back and through his hair, wanting to stay this way forever. Our tongues and lips tangled and became one.

Finally, Will pulled away tentatively and looked up as the rain began to come down in big drops. When he turned back to me, there was a fire flashing in his eyes, and I knew that the only thing that made him pull away was the weather. A flash of lightening over the lake
and thunder that followed emphasized that point, and since we came on the motorcycle and not the car, it was going to be a wet ride home.

“I think I’d better take you home.” His voice was a raspy whisper, and he was breathing hard. Hell, we both were.

All I could do was nod, as any words stayed stuck in my throat.

We ran to the bike, and within a few minutes, we were on our way. The rain was assaulting, and I buried my face into his back, my hands gripping him tightly. I closed my eyes and my house loomed ahead soon enough. We ran up to the front porch, my hand in his, and he pulled me into an embrace once we were out of the rain, his face snuggling into my neck.

“We need to get you inside, you are soaking wet!” he cried out with laughter. 

“I’m okay,” I started, but my teeth were chattering. I didn’t want to leave his arms.

“No, you’re not. Now go inside and put some dry clothes on!”

“What about you, you’re just as wet!” I didn’t want him to leave, but I didn’t want him to be cold either.

“I’ll be okay. I’m not as wet since you were blocking most of the rain from hitting me,” he said smiling. “Just bring me out a few towels and I’ll be fine.”

The initial chill brought in with the rain was gone and the air had warmed a bit with the now steady rainfall.

Reluctantly, I went in the house to change. Once inside, I ran upstairs, struggling to get out of my wet clothes and into clean, dry sweats. I toweled my hair a little, grabbed another towel and a couple of blankets, and rushed back to the door.

I opened the door slowly to try to make it look like I wasn’t hurrying when in reality, I couldn’t wait to be with him again.

“Here,” I said, crossing the porch to hand him the towel and a blanket. He was standing and waiting for me, leaning against the porch railing. I started to wrap a towel around his shoulders but Will grabbed my wrists and pulled me in for a kiss.

“You need to dry off. You’re going to get me all wet again,” I joked, pulling away smiling. His hair was wet and the rain was dripping off of his chiseled features. He had taken his wet jacket off, and the black t-shirt he wore clung to his muscled chest. My breath caught in the back of my throat. He was irresistible. Insecurity rose in me again as he toweled off his hair. I turned to sit on the swing, drawing my legs up under me, and wrapping the blanket around me. Will wrapped the other blanket around himself.

“Can I sit with you?” His boyish grin always took my breath away.

“Sure.” He sat closer than I had expected. The space between us again became electric.

“Are you okay? Are you warm enough?” I must have had a shocked look on my face. I had to admit that I was still in awe of him.

“Oh, I’m fine.” I shivered a little, but not because I was cold.

“Come here.” Again his voice was dark and seductive. He opened his arms and pulled me in, throwing my legs over his own so that I was practically sitting on his lap. I laid my head on his chest, and as usual, felt a sense of calm come over me.

“So where do we go from here? What are we now?” I had been afraid to ask the question for fear that I wouldn’t like the answer. He pulled away a little and I could feel him stiffen.

“I was serious when I said there are things you don’t know about me, Julia. I’m not sure if you’ll feel the same way. I never want to hurt you.” He caught me off guard and I could feel my defenses rise again.

“I told you I loved you, too. Doesn’t that mean anything? Whatever happened in the past doesn’t matter to me. I’d like to forget about my own past and start over.”

“Well, I didn’t know what you would think.” I could feel the warmth spreading through my cheeks again. I looked up at him longingly.

“We do have lots of time to get to know each other.” I could see him thinking. Or was he deciding.

“True.” He tipped my chin up toward his face and kissed me lightly on the cheek, the nose, and finally my lips. My skin felt cool where his lips had been. I don’t know if I would ever get used to that feeling. It was delicious, and I could feel it all the way into my toes.

We sat in silence, rocking back and forth on the swing, my head on his chest, his hand running along my back. A phone vibrated and Will tensed. He looked at the caller ID and frowned. I could feel his mood change instantly.

“I think I had better go. I didn’t mean to monopolize your entire day. You may have other plans and I didn’t even check.”

I could sense his hesitation. Hesitation to leave or hesitation to stay?

“Are you sure? You don’t have to go. Maybe we could get some dinner later?” I questioned.

“No.” His voice sounded resolute. “I mean, I want nothing more than to take you to dinner or something, but I do have to go. I have some things to take care of.”

He swung my legs down and hopped off the swing. I immediately felt his absence.

I’ll call you later, I promise,” he said, as he loped off in the rain and back to his bike. Just when I felt I had started to unravel the mystery of Will Bradley, he would elude me again.

I shrugged it off, went back inside to warm up, and decided I needed to call Kara. I had left my cell phone here, and by the looks of it, she had been trying to reach me for quite a while. Besides, this is not something I could keep from my best friend or I would never hear the end of it!

The phone rang loudly before I even had a chance to dial her number.

“Hello?”

“Where have you been all morning?” she accused on the other end.

“I’ve been out.  Am I not allowed to go out?” I teased. I wasn’t sure how much I wanted to tell her now that I was hearing her voice. I felt that this was too new for me to just broadcast it to the world. I could tell her that I kissed him, maybe, but not that he said he loved me. “I forgot my phone. Sorry. Did you need something?” I said.

“Well, I just wanted to see if you wanted to catch a movie today or something, but now I really want to know what you were up to. Were you alone or was a certain stranger with you?” Kara wasn’t asking, she already knew.

“What does it matter?” I didn’t want to lie to her, but I couldn’t hide the smile in my voice.

“I knew it. You have to tell me everything!” The excitement in her voice was infectious, and I couldn’t help but feel like a school girl dishing out gossip.

“Well, he came over this morning and we took a drive out to the lake to go for a walk. But then the storm came, so we came back. No big thing. I think we are going to get dinner tonight or something.” I tried to sound nonchalant, but didn’t think she was buying my blasé attitude. She was silent on the other end for a moment. I could almost hear the gears working as she tried to figure out my new secret.

“Well, I don’t believe that’s all that happened. I think there is way more to this story that you’re not telling me.” I stayed silent on my end, wanting to make her sweat a bit.

“Fine, be that way,” she said suddenly. “I
will
find out one way or another what really happened. But for now, I’ve got to run. I’m hoping to bump into that cute guy on the bike path again. This conversation isn’t over, though.” Of course, her own boy problems would be the
only
reason why she would stop pestering me about mine.

“Okay, I’ll see you later,” I said innocently.

“You know I will get it out of you. You won’t be able to hide it for too long. Bye.”

The phone clicked and she was gone. I smiled to myself at Kara’s silliness. I shouldn’t be so hard on her; she was just being my friend, as she always had. And we hadn’t had a reason to gossip about
my
love life in years. I’m sure she was simply excited for something that might finally improve my social life. She did know me better than anyone.