We Shouldn't and Yet... (21 page)

“I know Hal isn’t here, he told me he’s meeting friends downtown.’’ She then squares her shoulders and crosses her arms over her thin tank top. I can see her nipples poking through the fabric. My sex crazed mind focuses there, enjoying the view of her braless tits. “I don’t have doubts. When I do something, I do it without a security net. I’m in this, Jensen and when I say I’m tired or that I’m leaving for the weekend, it has nothing to do with you. My world doesn’t revolve around you, asshole. Wake up or fuck off!’’

I blink at her, unsure of what to say or do. I stay with my back against the wall, watching that little firecracker sizing me up and sneering at me. I smirk then and it pisses her off more.

“I’m not going to fuck off, but I’m going to fuck you.’’ I put my hands on her hips, but she pushes me away again.

“Too bad for you because I’m seriously not in the mood. Maybe you’re the one who should think about this thing because obviously I’m not the one with doubts.’’

I frown and look away. She doesn’t understand that I’m obsessed. She’s always there on my mind and I can’t have enough of her. We’ve been together just a handful of times and it’s far from enough, but now that I know where she’s coming from, I’m…fucking scared. I don’t want to compete with a ghost or be the rebound guy. I don’t know what I want to be to her, but not the rebound guy and she’s treating me like a rebound or a fuck buddy.

“You’ve been avoiding me. Last night you had plans with Hal and that’s fine, but on Tuesday you asked me not to come to your place. Why the fuck not? If you’re tired, you’d just have to open your door, Aideen. I’m not exactly high maintenance.’’

She shakes her head and laughs, the tension leaving her at once. “I’d open the door and we’d have sex like there’s no tomorrow. What do you think it’d do to me?’’

“It’d send you off to sleep even better.’’

“And I’d be awakened in the middle of the night for another round.’’ She’s smiling sassily at me and I’m starting to smirk again, starting to get where she’s coming from and feeling like a jackass. And a dumb, unsure teenager. It’s laughable at my age.

“And probably another.’’

“I saw what it’s like to spend a whole night with you last weekend and there’s not much actual sleep involved.’’

This time, when I grab her and pull her against me she lets me. I cup her face in one hand and I’m breathing easier again. I can forget how awful I’ve been sleeping these nights, how angsty I am and ready to crash and burn. She soothes me in a way I can’t fucking explain.

“But now that you’re here, I’m not going to let you go.’’ I whisper softly, my eyes on hers, my body crowding her. She seems petite and feminine in my arms. And soft, so fucking soft against my hard body. And I’m seriously hard. She gasps when she feels my cock against her stomach.

“You’re not?’’

“In two seconds you won’t want to either.’’ I nip at her lip and push my cock more firmly against her. Her eyes glass over. My blood pumps harder in my veins, going straight south. Her breasts only covered by her thin almost see-through white tank top brush against my bare chest and I have half a mind to crouch down and take those suckers in my mouth. But I want to tease her first. I want to pay her back for this torturous week, for the days spent with blue balls and the minutes lost in the bathroom jacking off like a sex addict who can’t have enough. I want to fuck away the fear of losing this thing between us.

“I already don’t want to.’’ She goes on her tip toes and catches me off guard. She attacks my lips and I’m powerless. I bring both hands to her ass covered by black yoga pants that leave nothing to the imagination and I groan in her mouth.

Her dainty hands trace the muscles on my chest and my abs. I suck in when her mouth leaves mine and she opens my jeans. She smiles at me and the twinkle in her eyes makes my cock twitch.

“Going commando again? Hm…I like that.’’ She pushes down my pants and I let her. I keep my hands on her shoulders, needing the contact with her. It’d be easy to think that she’s a manifestation of my overly sexual imagination.

“What are you going to do ‘bout that?’’ I ask in a rough voice. I trace her shoulder and the side of her breast with the tip of my fingers and when she shivers, I cup her breast, tweaking her erect nipple between my fingers. She bites her lip and her hooded eyes land on my cock proudly standing between us. I twitch again and flex my abs. “Touch me.’’

She licks her lips and takes my cock in her hand. Her touch is soft at first and I have to clench my jaw not to thrust in her hand, seeking the friction that’d be like fucking heaven. Instead, I clench my abs tighter. She wraps her fingers tighter around my base and I groan. I bring a hand to her hip and squeeze as my other hand lands in her thick hair. I’m breathing harder through my nose.

She watches my face as she moves to my tip, right where the first drop of pre-cum gathers. With her fingers she smears it on my length and moves her hand back to my base, squeezing tighter still and I lose the battle. My hips push into her hand once, twice. My head falls back hard against the wall, but I don’t feel any pain. All my sensations are at my crotch, right where she’s giving me one hell of a hand job.

“You like this?’’ she asks me in a whisper, her breath raising goosebumps on my chest.

“It’s fucking good, beautiful.’’ She twists her wrist and I groan louder. I close my eyes. “Fuck yeah, just like that.’’

Her mouth lands on my chest, right at my collarbone. She licks a path there and nips at me. I shiver and tighten my grip on her. She’s going to be the death of me if she keeps this up. I’ve never been so ready to come so fast. Then she traces my abs with her free hand, taking her sweet time to trace each bulge. She makes a low humming sound and I smirk down on her, opening my eyes into half slits. Her cheeks are red, her eyes dark and her lips swollen and ready for more kisses. Just before I lean down to her face, she squeezes my cock harder and moves a tiny bit faster. My knees start to shake and I groan out. “Damn it.’’

She goes to my right pec and kisses it, taking her time to lick my nipple. I shiver again. My fingers claw at her hips, my hand in her hair tugs on some strands, but she doesn’t stop. No, instead she increases the speed of her hand and goes straight for my other pec.

And she starts to lower herself, kissing my ribcage, my abs, my navel, the trail of hair down my navel leading to my cock and now…Now she’s on her knees, in front of me, looking up at me and I have to take a deep breath before I come on her beautiful face turned up to me as if asking me if she can take my cock in her mouth. As if I’d say no.

I nod and her smile is the best fucking thing I’ve ever seen. She opens her mouth and slowly takes me in. I groan out loud when the feel of her warm, wet heat registers. On second thought, the best fucking sight is Aideen on her knees, her mouth open and my dick in it. With her dark pink lips stretched around it, her eyes closed as if she’s getting off on it as much as I am, her hand around my thick base, she’s perfection.

I put a hand behind her head, but I don’t rush her. I just want to feel her head bobbing up and down. My other hand is clenched into a tight fist as I’m trying like hell to not thrust deep into her mouth. I don’t want to scare her. I have to let her do this at her own speed. But fuck if it’s not good.

I keep my eyes open, but it’s hard. She sucks me hard and starts moving faster on me. Up and down. Up and down. I’m getting loud, but I don’t give a fuck. In fact, I love that shit because it seems to push her buttons too. She moans around my cock and the vibrations push a button.

I thrust deeper in her mouth and groan like an animal. All pretense of being calm and slow are gone. I’m fucking gone. She stops moving then and I freeze.

“Aideen, beautiful…’’ I croak, my voice too raspy to sound like me.

Still with my cock deep in her mouth, she looks up and sucks me harder, pulling all the way up until my tip grazes her teeth and she moves back down, taking me deep, deeper than I thought she would. She gasps around me, but she doesn’t stop.

“Shit!’’ I grab her head with both my hands, pushing her faster in to me, urging her on and my hips piston in and out of her mouth. “Fuck, fuck. Fuck!’’ I growl, my voice harsh in the quiet house. I’m breathing faster, harder. My chest is heaving. “Touch my balls.’’

Her hand goes to my sack and she massages them softly, one of her fingers going behind my sack, and I’m done for. She teases me there and I come.

“Aideen! Oh shit!’’ I howl out. I come, again and again and she takes it all, not once stopping, not once easing off. I come hard and long, so damn long. She swallows and lets go of my softening cock, a proud smile tilting her wet lips.

I’m leaning heavily against the wall, my breathing far from slowing down. The blood in my veins is still rushing, the buzz in my ears very present. I don’t know how I’m still standing on my wobbly legs. I don’t remember the last time a blow job has felt so good.

“Give me a minute and I’ll return the favor,’’ I say in between pants. I rub my face, scratching my five o’clock shadow.

She shakes her head and closes the space between us. She plasters herself against me and my arms go around her without a second thought. She tilts her head upward and gives me an open-mouthed kiss, slipping her tongue in my mouth and I groan. I barely taste myself, something salty, but it’s enough to make me crave her. I just need a few to get my dick back in operation.

“It was as much for you as it was for me, Jensen.’’ She smiles again, but this time it’s veiled with sadness. “I wanted to do it.’’

I don’t want to talk about her ex. I don’t want to kill my mood right now, but I still have questions about him and I think I need answers. The poor guy had to go through some of the worst things and I’m sure everything that went down between him and Aideen were far more complex. But for now…

“Okay. Let’s go to bed, then.’’

“My car is parked right there. Hal will see it. I can’t stay.’’

I frown and let her go when she pushes on my chest to take a step back. I reach down my legs and pull up my pants, fastening them quickly.

“Honestly, you gave me an incredible blowjob, beautiful, and I don’t want you to go.’’

She sighs and runs a hand in her hair, trying to tame the mess I made. “Come back to my place then.’’

“Let me grab a shirt.’’ I walk past her, but stop to kiss her forehead and I smile at her when I catch her own.

But inside, I’m not smiling. She doesn’t know it, but she’s starting to get through to me. I hate having to hide what is going on. I hate lying and deceiving everybody. I want to flash her around as being mine. Last time it happened… No, actually I can’t remember when that shit was.

“Jensen?’’ she calls me from behind as I put on a shirt I’ve left there on the kitchen stool.

“Yeah?’’

“You know, I hate this too.’’

I face her again and walk back to where she’s waiting for me, right between the hall and the living-room. I cup her face in my hands and brush my thumbs on her cheekbones, and trace her lower lip. “But I fucking love this even more. Don’t you?’’

“Yes, but I don’t know where it’s heading.’’

“I don’t have a damn clue, beautiful, but I’m hell bent on enjoying the wild ride.’’

She chuckles and pushes me away, walking to the door. I wait a few seconds, my eyes on her sweet swaying ass.

***

AIDEEN

I park in front of the house and shake my head when I see the lower level still alight. Of course they’d be waiting for me. It’s almost one in the morning. I yawn and rub my eyes before I snatch my phone and quickly send a text to Hal to let him know I’m safely at my parents’. Then, as my heart speeds up just at the thought of sending him a text, I type a few words for Jensen. If I’d known that we’d be “together“ by now, I would have never told my mother I’d be visiting this weekend. It’s too fresh, too new, too exciting with Jensen not to want to spend all my free time with him and explore all available surfaces to have sex on. I’ve gone from a restrained and frustrating sex life to a wild and sizzling one, bordering on kinky sometimes.

I immediately receive Jensen’s answering text and that makes me smile silly. I open it and frown when I feel myself get aroused. This man…

Good. Now you can get yourself off in your childhood bedroom thinking of me going down on you. Or maybe you’d fancy my cock more. The fantasy is yours, but your orgasm will be mine, don’t forget it, beautiful.

I put my phone in my purse, grab my overnight bag from the trunk and walk to the house. The neighborhood is asleep and it doesn’t weigh on me too much to be back here. Judgmental and gossipy people aren’t awake to see me and for their own little comments. Right now, it’s almost as if everything is the same. But Yann isn’t here anymore and I’ve got someone in my life to help me get over it. Actually, I think I’m starting to move on.

I don’t bother knocking and walk right in and I’m met with a flurry of arms hugging me too tightly. I return the hug with a soft smile and pull away after a few minutes. My mother looks brighter. Maybe it’s because I’m back for the weekend, but from the way she’s been talking to me over the phone I think she’s getting better. It’s good.

“Come here, Baby Bear. Your mother had the first hug, let me have the second.’’

I chuckle and turn to my father, wrapping my arms around his growing waist. He’s got a good belly on him and it feels familiar. It’s a welcome familiarity. I glance at his face and he looks better too, less tired. The small wrinkles around his eyes aren’t as deeply carved as the day before I left.