We Shouldn't and Yet... (20 page)

AIDEEN

“I think lazy morning sex is the only way to start a day,’’ Jensen whispers softly in my ear. He sighs softly, his broad chest expanding under my head as his big hands moves over my back.

I push my head farther into his hot chest and nuzzle his pec. It’s difficult to contain my burgeoning smile, the silly kind of smile I don’t think I’ve ever had stretching my mouth before. I trace his abs with my fingers, marveling at his perfect body. It’s so new to me to explore at my leisure, to just feel.

“Hm,’’ I agree quietly and gently place a kiss on his pec. It’s funny how since our talk last night and the incredible sex on his bike has changed things between us. “But it doesn’t make me want to leave the bed.’’

He chuckles and I hear the sound coming from inside his chest, right under my ear still plastered to his pec. “Good point.’’ He gently puts a hand under my chin and brings my head up to look at him. “Can I ask you something without… Shit, as if it’s not going to ruin the mood.’’ He starts frowning and shakes his head. “Never mind.’’

“No, ask away. After last night…’’ I shrug and bring my hands under my chin on top of his chest and let him wrap his arms around me as if to keep me there so I can’t escape. It’s comforting to be held like this, naked and without a barrier between us. It’s intimacy at its finest and I’ve been missing out on this. It warms me, not just my body but my heart too.

Jensen stares at my face with intensity until he slowly nods and squeezes me tighter against him, just enough to remind me he’s here, that I’m here with him.

“There’s no easy way of asking this, beautiful.’’ He clears his throat. “After last night and what you told me about Yann and what he went through I wonder how it was between you two. I mean… sexually.’’

I tense, my muscles going from pliant to hard in a blink of an eye, but I don’t try to move out of Jensen’s embrace. It’s not like I didn’t know it’s something he would ask. It’s only human to be curious and to wonder. I close my eyes and sigh.

“Don’t close your eyes, beautiful.’’ His voice is soft, coaxing me into opening up instead of holding things inside me.

This too is new. I’ve always been asked by Yann to hide things, to protect his secrets and I’ve always been the first to lock away my deepest thoughts and fears and emotions. In a way, Jensen is the first one to touch where I hurt and push me into sharing more of myself without giving me an easy way out. I don’t understand why I can let go with him.

I re-open my eyes and force a sad smile on my face. “I loved Yann, you know, so the sex wasn’t the most important thing.’’

“It’s still important.’’

I nod and sigh again as some memories come back to me. So many of these memories are tainted by the sick bastard who broke Yann in ways I can’t think of without getting sick. “He would never be the one to make a move. I was always the one demanding sex. At one point it brought tension between us, and not the good kind of tension. He…’’ I clear my throat, embarrassed and also unsure if I should tell him this about Yann now that he’s not here anymore. “He wouldn’t let himself come and when he did…’’ I swallow thickly, remembering the first time we had sex and he came. He pushed me away so harshly afterward. “For him having an orgasm was linked to awful memories. I guess that… before you I didn’t really know what it’s like to let go, to enjoy and just feel when having sex. It’s new to me.’’

He stays quiet for a minute or two, his eyes still locked on mine. I see understanding passing in them and also sadness, but what throws me is being able to read him so easily when we’ve known each other for less than a month.

“Maybe it won’t make any fucking sense to you, beautiful, but this is new to me too.’’

My heart tightens in my chest. It’s not painful at all, though. In fact, it’s like the warmest and most comforting embrace of all. Everything in me is in tune with this man so very different from me and yet who is a reflection of parts of me I’ve ignored for way too long. He’s waking me.

I kiss his chest once and then a second time and sit up. He groans and tries to bring me back against him with his big and strong arms, but I move quicker, chuckling at his scowling face. “It’s late and I’m starved.’’

Right on cue his stomach growls. His scowl turns to a glare as his eyes land on his stomach. And just like that, my nerves and sadness leave as I laugh with a happiness I’ve forgotten all about. My laugh is loud in the small bedroom, brightening the mood between us and bringing something we don’t really have together; levity.

He sits up and snatches me by my waist and pulls me on him again. His back hits the headboard, making it clang against the wall with both of our weight bumping into it. My breasts are plastered against his chest and my nose is a breath away from his. All I see is the amusement in his eyes, suddenly looking lighter than I’ve ever seen them.

“Having fun yet?’’ He nips at my lower lip before he steals a quick kiss that makes me want more. His right hand falls to my ass and he massages it.

“Not that kind of fun. Stop it!’’ I laugh again and pull away from him. “You’re going to break me if we go at it again. Let’s go eat something.’’

He lets me go and watches me as I grab my bathrobe on the back of the bedroom door. I don’t need to look at him to know his eyes are on me. I always know when he’s staring. There’s constantly a burning sensation inside me that makes it impossible to ignore him.

“I wouldn’t mind eating you for breakfast, beautiful.’’

“Oh my…’’ I start and then shake my head. Fire ignites my cheeks, but they’re not the only thing ignited by his words. “Just get up.’’

“But I already am,’’ he fires back and looks down at the sheet barely covering him. Actually, it’s highlighting his thick shaft pretty well in such a way I have to press my thighs together when a new wave of lust attacks me.

“You’re…’’ I shake my head and turn around to leave the bedroom. If I don’t walk out now, I’m going to crawl back on the bed with him and I don’t know when we’ll ever leave the damn bed. “I’ll get pancakes ready.’’

“Killjoy,’’ he mutters right when I leave the bedroom and I can’t stop another bout of laughter from leaving me.

***

JENSEN

I scowl at my phone. I’m ready to throw the damn thing against the wall. I grit my teeth, take a deep breath and release my tight grip from around it. It falls on my lap as Hal walks in. He’s been in a shitty mood since last Saturday and I know it’s because Aideen pushed him away. All in subtext, but Hal knows now that she’s not ready for him. At least, he thinks she doesn’t know about his feelings and he’s sure that she’s against all and every relationships. If only he knew the real truth.

“Doing something tonight?’’ I ask, my voice gravely.

Hal shakes his head and grabs a beer from the fridge. “I’m going to meet up with Stacy and Marco for dinner. Wanna come?’’ He opens the bottle and takes a long sip.

“Nah.’’ I glance back down to my phone and curse Aideen in my head. It’s already Thursday night and I haven’t seen her, been inside her or kissed her since Sunday around noon when she kicked me out of her apartment after eating some really bad pancakes made by the sexiest woman. She’s always working and if she’s not working, I’m the one busy with work, with helping out some friends with their bikes or cars. Blue balls don’t feel that great, not when you have a hot woman supposedly available. I adjust myself and groan under my breath when my cock starts waking and pushing against the zipper of my jeans. Aideen makes me feel like a horny teenager all over again and it’s starting to piss me off. It also worries me how much time I’d rather spend with her than anybody else.

“You have plans? Should I stay out of the house until…’’ he trails off with a chuckle. His frown starts to ease up. After all, he doesn’t look too heartbroken, just disappointed and maybe a little hurt. And
he
saw Aideen last night. At least, he can see her without any issue and without having to go behind everyone’s backs.

“I’m not bringing women home, Hal.’’ I shake my head and scratch at my shaved cheeks. Only a light scruff from the day covers my face and it’s itching me.

“It’s your house, that’s all I’m saying.’’

I stand up and stretch my back. It cracks right in the middle and I sigh in relief. “I already told you. It wouldn’t sit well with me.’’ I start picturing Aideen in my bed while Hal is in his bedroom down the hall. Actually, it makes me want to puke. But my dick enjoys the visual of a naked Aideen sprawled on my bed with her legs parted for me. I seriously have issues.

He rolls his eyes and types a text message on his phone before he sips the rest of his beer, getting ready to leave. “We should have a night out this weekend. It’s been a while. What d’you say?’’

“Aren’t you supposed to see Aideen?’’

He shakes his head and flashes me his phone. “She’s going home to visit her parents. She leaves on Friday after work. Anyway, I think I really need a night to chill and forget this shitty week.’’

I awkwardly pat his shoulder and that earns me another chuckle from him. Yeah, I’m not exactly the best at expressing emotions and shit with another man, even if that young man is my son. “She’s still your closest friend, Hal. That means a lot and dating could mess that up.’’

“I know, but…’’ He shrugs. “I really thought we could have a thing. But there’s something different about her since she’s been here and I can’t put my finger on what it is.’’

I clear my throat and rub at my neck. Well, that something is probably me. I force a smile to my face. Not only do I not know what to say to him when Aideen is brought up, but I’m also mad that I’m the last one to know that she’s leaving for the weekend. Even real communication we can’t have apparently. She’s been texting me since last Sunday and she hasn’t told me about this. I thought we were past this.

“Saturday night we’ll go out. I work Friday evening. I’m volunteering at the gym to give a few self-defense lessons to some women and then I’m supposed to meet up with Q to help him build the crib for his kid.’’

“Saturday.’’ He nods and walks out, his gait a little bit more assured.

I’m no expert, but unreturned love should mess him up harder than that. I’m more messed up than he is just because I can’t see Aideen and fuck her as much as I want. Speaking of… I make sure that Hal’s car is speeding away and dial Aideen’s number, ready to clear things up. If there’s one thing I hate is when someone is taking me for a fool. If she’s having second thoughts about us, then she should just say it instead of stringing me along.

It rings only twice before she picks up. “Hey, Jensen.’’ She sounds tired, but there seems to be a smile in her voice and it softens me a little. But it only makes my cock twitch in my pants.

“Hey. My son told me that you’re leaving for the weekend,’’ I rasp, keeping myself in line. I don’t want to be an ass without knowing exactly where I stand. Then, all bets are fucking off.

“Yes. I told my parents I’d come and visit them. Are you mad?’’ She moves around, probably getting something to eat.

“Are you for fucking real?’’ I growl out and forget all pretense of calm and cool. I’m fuming. I stand up and go straight for the kitchen, pouring myself a strong drink, hoping the burning of the alcohol would calm me down.

“What’s wrong with you?’’ I hear something crashing on her side. “I’ve had a long day at work with a group making all sorts of complaints about our service and I had to handle this mostly on my own. I’m beat and now you’re getting mad at me because what, I’m going to see my parents? Are you listening to yourself, Jensen?’’ Her breathing is rushed through the phone and it turns me on. It also makes me want to wring her neck. She’s seriously doing a number on me.

“Don’t play that fucking game, Aideen. You’ve been avoiding me all week and you didn’t tell me about your plans this weekend. I find it very convenient.’’ I throw back my drink and slam the empty glass on the counter loudly.

“I have to work, Jensen. I can’t exactly decide when I’m free or not to see you, okay? Damn, you should be adult enough to get that.’’

I laugh without humor, shaking from head to toe as my muscles flex harder. “You’re afraid, aren’t you? You’re afraid of wanting me, of wanting to fuck me day in and day out. That’s the real issue so don’t go and hide behind your work. We’ve been texting for days and you couldn’t tell me about this weekend? Please, don’t disrespect me by taking me for some dumbass.’’

I’m waiting for an answer, for a scream down the line, but instead I’m met with silence. I scowl harder and check my phone. Yeah, she’s hung up. I grit my teeth, put down my phone next to the whiskey bottle and pour myself another glass. I grab my drink and the amber liquid almost spills. I’m shaking from anger, from lust, from not exploding like I want. I sip my drink slowly, taking deep breaths, but nothing helps. My heart is still hammering in my chest, my dick is still hard as a rock and my body is tight and ready to pounce.

Just as I polish off the last of my drink, the doorbell rings. I rub my temple and pad barefoot to the door, not caring that I’m not wearing a shirt. If it’s the old lady from next door looking for her cat again, I’m going to lose my shit. I open the door and I’m met with a tornado of brown hair and big angry hazel eyes.

She pushes me back inside with all her strength and I’m too surprised to not go with the momentum. My back hits the wall in the hall as she steps in and closes the door loudly.