Through The Lens (12 page)

His eyes narrowed like
he was trying to determine the truth in my words.  “Well isn’t that something,”
he said dryly. 

This wasn’t going as
well as I hoped. Looking down from his piercing blue eyes, I picked at a
hangnail. “I hoped we could still be friends.”

His voice was sharp and
cold. “I’m at my quota for friends.  Thanks for your offer.”

Shocked that his words
stung, I said, “So that’s it.”

Mimicking a shrug with
his mouth, he opened his pad and started back on his sketch to effectively
ignore me again.

 By the time the bell
rang, announcing the end of school, our two tablemates, along with most of the
class, had left quickly.  Ethan had been in the middle of serious concentration
on his work. He hadn’t moved.  We were alone at our table.  “I don’t blame
you,” I said. I knew I’d hurt him.  His avoidance of me said it all.

“You should,” he said,
putting his pencil down.  “I am guilty.” His words were icy, yet I felt the
heat of anger radiating off of him.  My phone vibrated in my pocket.  I was
sure that was Bradley asking where I was.  My sister had cheerleading practice
so I was riding home with him and Madison.  Pulling out my phone, I said, “Wait.”

Yet, he continued to pick
up his things like he was ready to bolt.  Not wanting to lose my chance, I
shook my head and didn’t answer the incessant ringing.  I stood to get in front
of him so he couldn’t ignore me.

“Look, Allie told me
you know.  So you should know this.  If it wasn’t for me, Carly wouldn’t have
been out of the car and into the woods,” he confessed.  “You, princess, were
right.  You don’t need friends like me.”  Allie, of course, had let him know I
knew the details. His voice had been lowered this whole time, and he’d checked
our surroundings a few times while we spoke.  Even still, he showed me how
strongly he felt with his facial expression and how he leaned forward when he
spoke directly to me.

Reaching out reflexively,
I put my hand on his, preparing to say something like he wasn’t guilty. I felt
a jolt of heat when him so close and our skin touching.  Just a tiny bit of
movement and our lips would meet.  His heavy lidded eyes landed on my mouth and
I knew we both possibly thinking the same thing. Breaking the moment, Mr.
Miller spoke, and I didn’t know what Ethan would have said or done because I
pulled my hand back.  “I’m glad you two are joining.”

“Um, actually, I was
just leaving.  My ride is waiting on me,” I said, getting to my feet sad my
time was up to get Ethan to forgive me. 

“Maybe next time then?”
Mr. Miller questioned, a dejected look on his face.

“Yeah, definitely,” I
sputtered.  I left the room, feeling embarrassed that I touched Ethan, what had
I been thinking?  My whole body burned with the warmth that radiated from that
tiny contact.  Leaning back on my locker, I was about to check my message when
my phone rang. 

“Where are you,”
Madison’s voice rang through the phone and into the quiet of the hallways,
which had emptied  at an alarming rate.  How long had I been there talking to
Ethan?

“I’m on my way,” I
said. Pushing through the front entrance, I headed to the parking lot, which
sat behind the teachers’ lot.  It was a bit of a hike.  I think they did that
to discourage people from driving.

 Sliding in the car, I
again found myself taking center stage with my friends.  My problems recently seemed
to be the topic of the day.  This wasn’t my normal role.  I’d been the listener
all these years.  A few times I let on about my crush on Josh, but now I was
the one on the stand.

“I saw him in the
hallway.  He’s super cute and I didn’t get the creepy vibe from him,” Madison
said, her feet on Bradley's dashboard.  “But Lucy was all over him like a wet
tee shirt.”  Lucy was one of Jenna’s friends and a girl to be reckoned with. 
With her perfect face and perfect body, she had any guy in school she wanted. 
And apparently, she had her sights on Ethan.

“That’s a visual I
wouldn’t mind seeing,” Bradley said.  Madison slapped at his arm. “Hey, I’m
driving.”

I couldn’t help but
wonder which of the two he’d visualized.  Mentally, I chastised myself.  This
is what he was afraid he'd get  from Madison if she found out he liked both
girls and guys.  And I was no better.  Shaking my head to myself, I agreed with
Madison. “She was all over him.” And he hadn’t stopped it. 

Madison said,  “Yes, she’s
marked her territory and staked a claim.  And I must admit they looked cozy.”

“He was just being
nice,” I declared. “He has a girlfriend.” I added, defending him.  I’d already
made the mistake of jumping to conclusions.  As bad as it looked, I was trying
not to do it again.

“If you say so,”
Madison said.  The way she tilted her head said she totally didn’t buy that.

Bradley dropped Madison
off first.  Thankfully, he walked her to her door for them to do the kissy
huggy thing.  I loved them both dearly, but it was still weird to see them as a
couple now.

Looking at my phone, my
fingers moved over the keyboard, finally resolved in my task.

Me:
How’s Allie?

Bradley was driving us
home before I got a reply.

Ethan:
Fine
.

Me:
Is she in town?
  

Ethan:
Friday
.

 “You are going to give
me until this weekend right?” Bradley’s voice said.

Looking up, I nodded
unconsciously, my head was somewhere else.

“Earth to Jess.  Is it
that Ethan guy?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said, while
shaking my head.

“I don’t know.  You
have that look when you talk about him that says you like him a lot.”

I swiveled to face him
in alarm.  “You can’t hide that from me.  If the guy’s got a girlfriend, and
you know her, maybe you should put some space between you and him before
something happens that both of you will regret.”

“It’s not like that, at
least not on his side.”

“You’re staring at your
phone like you need to find an answer to the secrets of life.  Obviously, he’s
asked you to hang out and you’re unsure of what to do.”

Bradley had my number. 
“Thanks, Dr. Phil,” I muttered.

The car came to a
stop.  I didn’t have to look to know that he’d brought me all the way home even
though he’d passed his house to get there.  “Aren’t you the same girl preaching
to me about doing the right thing?”

With my hand on the
door handle, I said, “Yes, you're right.”  I got out of the car and made it to
my house still unsure of my next move.  Bradley was right.  He was.  But I
wanted to see Allie. 

Me:
Tell her 2 call
me.

That text may have been
my downfall.

The week blew by in a gust of school,
homework, college applications, and the little sleep I got.  I didn’t see much
of Ethan except in the two classes we shared.  He barely managed to look in my
direction to acknowledge my presence.  I didn’t press.  I was sure I’d see him
tonight when I met up with Allie at his house.

Lunch as usual, he
wasn’t there.  I’d gotten my fair share of attention these days, just none from
him.  Getting my fill of PDA, otherwise known as public display of affection,
from Madison and Bradley, I headed out of lunch early before I gagged.  I loved
them both, but didn’t need to see their carnal lust for each other up close and
personal.  With the empty halls, getting to my locker was simple. With the spin
of the tumbler on the freshly painted maroon locker, I took my time to get what
I would need for my next class.

Jenna tried to tell me
the last couple of days, but I hadn’t believed her.  I mean how could I?  So
when Josh walked over to me at my locker, I stammered for even a hello.

Dimples appeared with
the wide grin he gave me over my tongue-tied-ness. Melting like a Popsicle on a
summer day, I was openmouthed when I proceeded to speak.  “I was wondering if
we could go out to the movies or something?”  Stunned not by just the asking
but by his nervousness over me, I didn’t say anything at first.

Josh had a crush on my
sister for years.  In my dreams, I’d always assumed if he liked her, he could
like me.  I mean I was her twin.  My dreams, however, always landed me in the
mirror to remind myself I’d been the fat sister.  We hadn’t looked alike.  But
those were the thoughts of a younger me.  I was different.  Josh was still
seriously cute, but my eyes fell on a boy who’d come in through the parking lot
doors.

Ethan’s tall frame
entered the hall with a girl that was standing a little too close.  It seemed
Lucy was holding onto her prey and not giving up.  Is this who Ethan was
spending time with at lunch every day?  And what were they doing?  Josh looked
up as they neared.

Hand extended, Josh
said, “What’s up, my man?” He eyed Ethan and Lucy and I didn’t have to see the
look that passed between Josh and the two, to know what he meant from his
words.  I heard the unspoken question in his tone.

Feeling guilty for a
variety of reasons, I fiddled with my fingers looking down anywhere but at
Ethan.  The two guys did some sort of male handshake, I’d looked up enough to
see that.  Lucy gave a sigh, and I looked up to meet Ethan’s eyes.  Josh had
taken a step to my side, placing a hand on my waist that made us look like a
couple.  I could see it in Ethan’s quick look.  Lucy mirrored Josh with a side
step closing in on Ethan with complete satisfaction.

“See you later, man,”
Ethan said, quickly leaving with Lucy on his heels.

“Later,” Josh said,
taking a step back from me.  He was as tall as Ethan, and his nearness made me
crane my neck up to look at him. “So?”

This should have been an
easy answer.  I pushed thoughts about a boy that could never be mine in the
back of my head.  He was with Allie or so I’d thought. Yet, Lucy was following
him like a puppy dog.  Was he scum?  Should I tell Allie?  Then I remembered
the saying my Mom said.  To assume would make and ass out of 'u' and me.  I’d
already assumed and fractured my friendship with Ethan.  I would give him the
benefit of the doubt.

To Josh, I said, “Yes.”

His toothy smile and
deep dimples led him to lean down.  I thought he might kiss me.  I’d never been
kissed.  But he only whispered in my ear.  “I’ll pick you up tonight at eight.”

There had been no one
in the halls, therefore, no need for him to whisper.  Had he just wanted to get
close to me?  I watched him walk away and couldn’t help but appreciate the
view.

Finally, getting my
books out, I was about to close my locker when a hulking presence cornered me
in the confines of my upper locker like a caged animal. “Jessa,” the voice
said.

Jamming my elbow back,
I knocked the wind out of my would-be attacker.  He stepped back, trying to
catch his breath. “Kyle, why aren’t you in class?” I demanded quizzically.  He
didn’t answer.  Instead, he rebounded and reached out to scuffle with me.  That
didn’t last for long before he was reaching in my locker to pull something out.
“Stop it, you oaf”

Before I could try
another defensive move I’d learned over the years with a younger brother who
didn’t seem to grasp that he was the youngest one, and it was my job, not his,
to pick on him, he was gone.  Turning, I found my brother pinned to the locker
with a hand clasp around his throat.  A few people who’d passed stopped to turn
around to see the would be fight.

Reaching with my hand,
I clasped the arm of the guy who’d bested my brother.  “Ethan, don’t,” I said.
His rage-filled eyes met mine as he still held my brother immobile.  Ethan
wasn’t as big as my brother in terms of girth, but that didn’t seem to matter
any.  Not letting go, I said calmly, “He’s my brother.”

His eyes turned back to
Kyle, and he dropped his hand.  My brother clasped his around what looked
painfully sore from his grimace. “That’s even worse. You don’t manhandle the
ladies,” Ethan said to a still shocked Kyle.  Then without even a look in my
direction, he stormed off.  The gawkers headed back in the direction of the
lunch room looking disappointed.

“Who the hell was
that?” my brother gasped.  His pride sounded wounded as his ego shrank.

With a clang, my locker
closed.  Giving my brother a smirk feeling like I’d won this round with my
twerp of a brother I said, “That’s Allie’s boyfriend.”

Eyes shown like flying
saucers, he said, “No shit.”  His voice sounded wistful, and I knew he’d be
hero-worshiping Ethan for not only besting him but having the girl of his
dreams.

Wanting to bring the
focus back to my victory, I added, “And I hope you learned something today. I’m
a lady.”  My head up tilted with my princess status, smugly, trying to make
light of the situation.   

If I thought that with
his protectiveness, he’d forgiven me, I was wrong.  In our last class, he’d still
acted like I didn’t exist.  The one time I caught his stare, the features on
his amazing face were blank.  It was as if he were looking through me like
glass.