Through The Lens (7 page)

Turning on his heels,
he said, “Follow me.” And I did.  We ended up in a small room that seemed to be
decked out for the occasion.

“Wow,” I said.

“Yeah,” he replied.

“So, you’re like a
professional or something.”

“Or something,” he
whispers.

“Wow,” I said, again at
a loss for any other word to describe.

Not being a
photographer, I couldn’t name all the equipment in the room.  But there was a
lot of it, and it included a sink, too.  Trays full of liquid, bottles of
liquid, canisters, and what looked like an old-fashioned clothesline ran the
length of the room.

“Be still.  Stay where
you are.  I’m about to turn off the lights.”

“What,” I protested.  I
kind of knew that this would be the case.  They don’t call it a darkroom for
nothing.  Being alone in the dark with Ethan, however, didn’t seem like the
best idea at the moment.

“Try not to move until
I turn on the lights,” he smirked, just before everything went black.

If I ever feared the
dark, I would have screamed at this point.  But I didn’t.  Once it was dark, he
changed.  He became the teacher and I his student.  As much as I was interested
in what he was doing, I was distracted by his movements.  He seemed to brush
against me at every opportunity.  It was dark, I tried to tell myself.  But
even when the light was on, he made it his mission to touch me in little ways.  Thus,
I didn’t catch everything he said.  Added to his invasion of my bubble, I was
still grasping that I was here in a boy’s house alone.  That boy was utterly
fascinating to me. 

In the end, I did pick
up that the chemicals had to be a certain temperature so timing was key.  But
what I really got before the light came on was that processing color film or
C-41 was an advanced technique I wasn’t really ready for.  So, why was I here? 
Ethan wanted me here. 

“I’ve loaded your
camera with black-and-white film.  It’s easier to process than color. And I
promise to give you hands-on practice with developing.”  I got tingles down my
spine at the words “hands-on” remembering his on me when he tickled me earlier.
I was surprised then as I was now at how much I’d enjoyed his closeness. When I
looked up, he was watching me with that sly grin.  It was as if he could read
my thoughts and I stifled a shiver. Goosebumps still formed on my skin.

A while later with the
negatives set to dry, we headed out of the room.  My muscles felt stiff from trying
to remain like a statue.  Even after the light was on, I felt like a fish out
of water and didn’t want to be in his way despite his determination to be in
mine.  So I’d remained motionless pretty much the whole time.

“Are you hungry?” he
asked.

“No, I had dinner
before you came,” I said.

Nodding, he said, “I’m
hungry.”

“Okay,” I said, because
what did you say that?

I sat at the lone table
in the kitchen.  He opened the refrigerator and pulled out a pizza box.  Next,
he took out a paper plate and stuck a couple of slices on it, and into the
microwave they went.  The pizza box went back in the fridge. “Usually, I’d warm
it up in the oven.  It tastes better that way.”

His words only reminded
me just how lonely he must really be.  But his smile, now warm on me,
contradicted that.

He was pulling out the
pizza when Allie came sweeping in.  She hadn’t knocked, and I guessed she must
have a key.

“Hey y’all,” she said,
feigning a Texas twang.  Her character in the show was from the Deep South, and
she must have been practicing.

“Hey, babe” Ethan said,
placing his pizza on the counter and pulling her into a bone chilling hug.  His
mouth found hers, and then they were kissing.  Turning my head to avoid the PDA,
I wished for the first time tonight that I had my turn with the car so I could
leave.  It wasn’t that I was jealous.  Okay, maybe a little, but I didn’t hang
out with my own best friends that much anymore because I of my third wheel
status.  I had no need to repeat that feeling with people I barely knew.

“Sorry,” Allie spoke,
her accent gone. “You guys done?”

“Yeah,” we both said at
the same time.

Looking between us, she
said, “Jess, I was kind of hoping you’d do me a solid.”  We both stood watching
her as she bit her lip like she was afraid to ask.  “There is this boring
ladies’ tea I have to attend tomorrow, and I was hoping you would go with me so
I don’t have to go alone.”  She focused on Ethan for a second before returning
to me. “I was going to drag Ethan along, but I figured if you had the time,”
she trailed off, sounding unsure of herself.  That was odd.  She was a TV star...
I'd always expected that meant she had confidence.

“What time?” I asked,
already agreeing without saying so.

“It starts at three.”

“Sure,” I said a little
quickly.

Allie raised her
eyebrows.  Was I acting suspicious, based on how we were reacting to her? And
if so suspicious of what? Wanting to get on her good side because she was Ethan's
girlfriend?  “Great.  Can I take you home then?  This way I’ll know my way
there tomorrow.”

“That would be great,”
I said. “Thanks, Ethan,” I mumbled before following Allie and heading out the
door. I didn't look at him as I leave and I ignore the pain in my chest. He had
a girlfriend and she was Allie and I'm fine with that, really.

We left out the front,
and Allie had a cute and what looked like a really expensive convertible.  It
screamed with every designer inch that it was worth more than my college fund,
but I didn’t ask.  Once she turned on the car, music filled the space, and it
was a popular song we both liked because we broke out singing and laughing at
our individual solos.

Singing and giving
directions along the way gave no time for Allie to tell me off for hanging around
her boyfriend too much.  I knew we’d done nothing, but my conscious left me
feeling guilty.

Parked in front of my
house, she said, “You have a nice house.”

It seemed odd for her
to say that seeing as we'd just come from Ethan’s literal mansion.  And judging
just from the outside, his beat my house hands down.  My house was half the
size of his.  Green shutters stood out against the white frame of the house. 
My mother took care of the plants that line the house, but they looked nothing
like the living greens sculptures outside of Ethan’s.

“Ethan’s is way
better,” I  admit honestly, thinking maybe she was just trying to be nice.

“Maybe,” she said,
voice suddenly softer. “Before my move to LA, I lived in a townhouse with my Mom
and sibs.”

She seemed lost in
thought which gave me another moment to realize just how normal Allie and Ethan
were.  Ethan’s with his wealth and Allie with her superstardom, both were just everyone
else with the same insecurities.  They were just people.

She turned to me again,
thrumming her fingers on the steering wheel.  “I was thinking you could go with
me tomorrow to get something to wear to this thing.  Can I pick you up around one? 
Since it starts at three, I want to make sure we should have enough time to get
ready and there.”

“Sure,” I said with a
smile, really starting to get excited for this thing.  As I walked to the door,
I again start thinking just how surreal my life had gotten.  I was hanging out
with Allie McDougal tomorrow.  Even knowing she was just an everyday person
didn’t scrub the fact that she had the status of celebrity stamped on her
forehead.

Just before I reached
the door, I got a text from Ethan:

U Left UR Camera
. 
Come over Monday and get it.

My heart stops,
splutters before kick starting again. Texting with shaking hands, I replied
K.

Morning brought Madison to my doorstep. 
My Mom must have let her in because I woke with her hovering over me, her arms
crossed over chest

“Crap, Madison, you
nearly scared the shit out of me,” I said, squinting, voice husky from sleep.

Walking over to my
window, she opened the blinds, letting the sunlight blaze in evaporating the
darkness in the room. Closing my eyes against the sudden brightness, I turned
over to avoid it all but Madison planted herself on the bed in my field of
vision.

“So, tell me
everything,” she said.

Rolling my eyes and
wanting to go back to sleep, I turned over to be assaulted again by the
sunlight. Giving in, I groaned and turned back over in Madison’s direction,
“Give me a minute.”  I complained slowly getting up, I walked out of my room
and down the hall to the bathroom I shared with my siblings.  After taking care
of the necessities including a quick brush of my teeth, I headed back to my
room.

Madison had made
herself comfortable, tucked under my sheets and head on my pillow.  After
studying her in disbelief and a tiny hint of affection, I gave in. Laying back
down I said, “You know you suck.”

“Why?” she  mused
cheerfully.

“Because you have a
permanent tan I’d kill for,” I said, grabbing her arm in my hand, admiring her
golden hue. Madison’s Mom was black, and her Dad was white.  And the mix was  stunning,
Madison was simply gorgeous.  She had hazel eyes, curly light brown hair with
natural blonde highlights, and a lightly tanned skin tone.

Snatching her arm away
from me in mock anger, she said, “Stop avoiding the topic, Jess. Tell me.”

And so I did. I told
her in great detail about my night with Ethan leaving no stone unturned.

“Let me get this
straight.  He gave you a look after tickling you?”she asked.

Leave it to her to zero
in on that. “Yes. But it could have been nothing.”

“Maybe,” she replied.
“But, it could mean that he likes you more than he should. Maybe in the same
way you feel about liking him, But with that girlfriend...”

I interrupt before she
can go on, “I don’t want to think that way.  It’s not going to happen between
us. It's just confusing.  Anyway, what’s up with you and Bradley?  I feel like
you guys don’t tell me anything anymore,” I pouted, successfully changing the
topic to something more important.

“Come on, Jess, I don’t
want it to get weird for you.  You’ve like known him longer than I have.”  This
was true.  I’ve known Bradley since forever.  He’d always lived just down the
street from me.  Madison had moved here with her family in the fifth grade and
had joined our duo to successfully make a trio that had lasted until now. 

“I don’t know.  Just
tell me like you would tell me about any other guy,” I pleaded.  I didn’t want
things to get weird between too but things were really changing, and I didn’t
want to lose my two best friends in the process.

She looked nervous. 
“You can’t tell him this,” she begged.  Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.
They both were important to me, and keeping secrets from them was hard especially
about Allie.  I didn’t relish the idea of adding more secrets to the mix. 
“I’ve always thought Bradley was cute.  But we were friends, and I never
thought we’d end up together.  Now, I love him like a brother.  But I don’t yet
love him like a boyfriend.  It’s weird.  I like him a lot.  But I don’t love
him yet.  Is that wrong?  I mean, this is all new.  He told me he loved me, and
I froze.  I didn’t say it even though I do because it’s just not yet the way I
think he loves me.”

Oh gosh darn.  What the
hell was I supposed to do with that information. “Do you think you could ever
love him that way?”

Her look was
thoughtful.  “I think so. I mean when he kisses me it’s like magic.  And I
definitely feel strongly about him.  I just can’t say it’s love yet.”

“Then it will all work
out,” I said. And for a while we just laid there in comfortable silence, both
in our own worlds.  I wondered whether I would bust at the seams with all these
secrets, I never had to keep so many before and they all had such a weight and
their impact if or when they came out would so great. I could only wonder what
the future held.     

Madison had to leave
for work,  the spell was broken and I knew I had to go over to see Bradley.
Getting dressed in sweats and a tee and headed down the street without
breakfast.

Knocking on the door, I
was greeted with a warm hug from my second Mom.  “Have you eaten?” she asked
looking me over as she did recently, like I no longer had enough to eat.  

“No,” I admitted and
was soon ushering me into her kitchen, and within moments a bagel slathered in
creamy goodness was in my hand.  I bit in, knowing I’d have to run twenty miles
to work it off.  But there was no saying “no” to his mom.

Thanking her and bagel
still in hand, I made my way upstairs to assault my prey like Madison had done
to me.  Sure enough, Brad was sprawled out under his covers with a pleasant smile. 
When I jumped on the bed, his eyes flashed open in horror.

Then, I was tackled in
a bear hug. “I’m going to kill you,” he said in my ear. 

Laughing, I struggled
but didn’t get free until he let me. Standing, he adjusted himself.  Seeing me
give him a quizzical look, he said, “This isn’t your doing, sweetheart. It
could be anyone and I’d still be like this.”  His hand covered his family
jewels, and I rolled my eyes and looked away.  I mean ew gross.