Through The Lens (15 page)

“No.”  It was a simple
word, but so true. 

Allie strode in.  “You
are going to stay for the party tonight?” she asked.  I looked at Ethan, then
back at her.  Him being so close, I waited for her to say,
busted
because I wanted to spontaneously combust in the flames he raised inside me by
his nearness.

What makes a good party?  Music, food,
and drinks, or so I’m told.  Allie always seems to get her way.  She talked me into
staying.  This party would be full of people from their old school.  But she
assured me that I would have a good time.

Dressed in an outfit
that shouldn’t be mine, I stood in a corner and watched the mayhem unfold
before me.  Drinks aplenty and not the soda variety poured freely from a
makeshift bar in the kitchen.  My blue plastic cup cut a contrast to the white
top I wore and was filled with dark liquid of the Coca-Cola variety.

Music bounded off the
walls like the place was wired like a club.  I’d watched the transformation of
the house in front of me, but it all seemed surreal.  With such an empty house,
the place was packed.  Bodies everywhere were swaying to the rhythm of the
current song.

“Hey. This is a party.
You should dance.  With me,” a guy, just a few inches taller than me, said.

Looking up into hazel
eyes, I thought he wasn’t bad looking.  I wasn’t certain of my status with
Josh.  But instincts told me we weren’t exclusive, even though I knew I would
be pissed if I found out he’d been with another girl tonight after the game. 
Even so, it was just a dance.

I wasn’t the world’s
best dancer, nor the worst, just somewhere in the middle.  My partner told me
his name the closer we were to the dance floor, however, I wasn’t able to
hear.  Feeling stupid to ask him again, I’d let it go, wondering if he’d heard
mine.

At some point, he’d
maneuvered me to have my back pressed to the wall with another wall, this one his
all-male body, blocking me in.  Unable to move, I’d stopped dancing, trying to
let him know I was uncomfortable.  When he didn’t get the message, I ducked
under his arm that was pinned to either side of my head.

The guy was quick and
reached out to grab my wrist. Ethan stepped in front of me.  When had he’d
become my personal bodyguard?  His stance was a bit wide, with his arms folded
across his chest.  My former dance partner yielded with outstretched hands and
walked away without a word.

“Sorry about that
loser,” Ethan said to me.

“Thanks,” I said,
looking down.  This was the second time Ethan had come to my rescue real threat
or not.

“Allie?” he asked, only
using her name and an arched eyebrow to convey the question of where she was.

Tilting my head, I
looked over to where she was surrounded by friends she hadn’t seen in ages.  At
least that is what they all screamed when they showed up and swooped in,
leaving me on the outside of their inner circle. I was used to that sort of
thing with my sister.  But I gave her the benefit of the doubt; Allie had tried
to include me.  However, it was the same with Jenna.  They meant well, but I
just didn’t fit.  You can’t fit a square peg in a circle of friends.

“Oh,” he said. “I guess
the welcome wagon of deserters are showing up in the eve of her success.  Do
you want to get out of here?” he asked.

I did, so I said,
“Yes.”

Taking my hand, he led
me through the throngs of people to the stairs.  I’d never been to the second
level of his house.  It was just as naked as the first floor.  Two things I
noticed.  The first was a door with crisscrossed yellow tape over it.  Was this
some kind of decoration?  He passed by it without giving it a second look. 
That gave me a very creepy feeling.

The second was a sign I
couldn’t see from the top landing, but now as I stood before it, the sign read
CAUTION in red letters against a black background.  Those were the only two
things that marred the pristine evenness of the wall color and doors along this
hall.

Pulling a key out of
his pocket, he opened the door to his inner sanctum.  I thought I stepped into
an alternative universe.  This room actually looked lived in.  The walls were a
dark blue.  A few posters of questionable taste hung on the walls.  One was of
the backside of a girl wearing short shorts and, standing in the middle of the
road.  The headline on the poster said, “Do You Want A Ride?”  The other was a
movie poster that had a vintage feel to it.  The guy on it looked menacing and
Terminator
was the title.  It sounded familiar.

“You want to sit,”
Ethan asked, taking my thoughts away from my surroundings.

I sat on his bed which
was made.  The comforter was dark, which only added to the overall effect of
the room.  In fact, his room was rather neat and tidy. “Don’t you have to be
downstairs to entertain your guests?” I asked.

“Not really. This was
Allie’s idea,” he said.  When he didn’t make a move to leave, I assumed he was
leaving everything up to her.

I nodded.  Looking
away, I took in his desk with a laptop sitting open on top.  In a corner I saw
Allie’s shopping bag from earlier, reminding me that this was her boyfriend’s
room.  Then I got to thinking about what they may do in this bed.  That almost
had me leaping up.  I was on the edge of the bed though and hoped I was safe.

“Why was your door
locked?” I asked, reminded of my date last night with Josh grasping for
conversation threads.

“Cause I don’t want any
anyone up here, using it like a hotel room,” he said. “How was your date?”

That threw me for a
loop. “It was good,” I said, sounding a bit too chipper.

“Shocking,” he said.

“What is that suppose
to mean?” I asked.

“You’ve gone to school
with him, and you haven’t heard about him?”

Shaking my head, I
said, “I don’t keep up with what everyone is doing?”

“You could do better,”
he said.

“Yeah, maybe.  Or maybe
he realized he could do better, and that’s why he only kissed me on the cheek,”
I said absently. When he started choking on the drink he had at his lips, I
found myself pounding on his back. “Are you okay?” I asked.

Clearing his throat, he
held up a finger.  His fist beat at his chest. Blinking a few times, he said,
“What‘d you say?”

Sighing, I realized
that I’d voiced my inner dialogue.  Oh well, he was a guy and should be able to
help me out on this.  We were friends, at least I hoped we were.   So I
repeated my question.  “Josh didn’t kiss me when the night was over.  I thought
we had a good time, but he only kissed me on my cheek.  What does that mean?”
Maybe I could get a guy’s perspective other than Bradley.

“That he’s stupid,” he
said quickly.  Then he added, “But what do I know?”

“Maybe because you are
a guy, and I’m not sure what to make of it,” I admitted.

Taking the cup, I
tossed back the contents.  “Guys are stupid,” he said.

“You’re a guy,” I said,
shaking my head and almost laughing.

“Like I said, we’re
stupid.”

Wanting more, I asked,
“Why are you stupid?”

“Because I want to do
something stupid,” he murmured.  Under his breath he said, “Reckless even.  And
this damn liquid courage isn’t helping.”

Not sure at all what he
was referring to, I thought he seemed to have it all . . . well, except for the
messed-up home life. I said, “It doesn’t hurt to shoot for the stars.  What’s
the worst that can happen?”  Isn’t that what a friend is supposed to say? 
Hell, I couldn’t take my own advice without alienating Allie.

Pulling my hair over
one shoulder away from Ethan, I fiddled with it.  Twirling the ends, I ignored
the awkward silence.  I was just thankful, we were past the whole debacle with
my quick judgments.

Lying back, I put an
arm over my eyes.  I hadn’t really noticed that my top had ridden up, until a
finger of his made a circle pattern around my navel.  My arm moved, my stomach
fluttered.  Allie.  My hand clamped over his.

In a swift move, he
twisted our hands so that they were clasped.  Moving my hand over my head, he
leaned in, closing the distance, and he kissed me.

I would be lying if I
said that I hadn’t felt the earth move underneath me to have his soft lips
pressed to mine.  I can’t even say that I immediately reacted the way I should
have, like maybe voice a protest on Allie, Josh and my behalf.  No my brain
froze on contact before the inferno melted all the frozen parts of me.  Finally,
I pushed away and looked at him in alarm. He’d crossed a line.  No, we’d
crossed the line.

“Fuck,” he said,
“Jess.” Shaking his head and stumbling to his feet, he made a beeline for the
door and swiftly left me alone and stunned in his room.

Sitting was all I could do at the
moment.  I had a decision I needed to make.  Allie was a friend, and I should
tell her what happened.  But how?  I looked around his room but the details
were all lost on me.  The fascination for being here dimmed, in light of
everything I would have to tell her.

They say time heals all
wounds, but I wasn’t given any time.  It seemed like seconds later, Allie breezed
in the room.

She came and sat by me
on the bed undeniably calm.  My hands were in constant motion on my lap, unable
to stop the unease of what I would need to tell her right now.

“Ethan came and told me
he messed up.  He’s really sorry,” she pleaded.

Her calm demeanor
confused me.  Her stillness had me worried.  Although Allie would normally be
considered “bubbly” her emotions now came off of her was everything but.

I narrowed my eyes. 
Had he actually told her he kissed me?  She didn’t fully seem like a girlfriend
who had just gotten that news.  Why was she trying to get me to forgive him? 
What about her?

“Ethan’s a little
drunk.  Forgive him,” she said, continuing where she left off.  Her smile
seemed forced and I waited for the accusation from her that I’d made out with
her boyfriend.  “You should forgive him.” Again she flashed me the fake smile,
before finger combing her hair riffling through it.

This would be my
moment.  The spotlight seemed to fall on me.  Yet words came at a high price I
couldn’t afford.  I’d never been in a situation like this and I started to get
a little angry at Ethan.  He’d done this, yet I felt like I was on the hot
seat.

“He’s going to be alone
you know,” she said in earnest.  She seemed resolved in her words.  She and I were
so close; I could smell her tooth paste.  Her eyes implored me to get her
meaning.  Instead my eyes were wide with confusion because, no, I didn’t know. 
“All these people only care about gossip and a place to party.  And when I’m
gone-” she began, as if that was old news.

“You’re leaving,” I
said, sounding pathetic to my own ears. Her words were a shock to me for the
second time tonight.  “Where are you going?”

From within, her whole
body brightened.  She seemed to sit straighter, and her face beamed in
anticipation of telling me some great secret.  “I only just got the word not
too long ago.  I got the movie,” she announced. 

Not having any idea
what she was talking about, at least the specifics, I asked, “Movie?”

“Well, I didn’t want to
jinx it, so I’ve kept it to myself in case things didn’t work out.  But I was
cast in a movie as one of the main supporting characters.  I’ll be leaving
tomorrow for LA, then off to Italy for at least a month initially.  Probably
more like three months when it’s all said and done.”

“Wow, congratulations,”
I said, giving her a big hug.

“It’s pretty freaking
awesome,” she said.  Then she sobered.  “But I’ll be leaving Ethan here alone. 
I feel like I’m abandoning him like everyone else in his life.”  She paused,
looking into space as if she was reliving the moments.  “First his Dad, then
his Mom, then Carly,” she began.

“Carly,” I protested. 
Carly, if I had my facts right, certainly didn’t leave him willingly.

“Yeah, Carly.  That
night when things…changed.   She had broken up with him.  He begged her to give
him another chance.  But I knew that it was over at least from her
perspective.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Ethan was insanely
jealous over all the media accounts of her being with other guys.  But being in
the business, I know that tales get spun just to keep your name out there. 
Then there were pictures.  A lot of that came from things that happened on set
during rehearsals, but it’s leaked to the media to create buzz.”

“That’s messed up,” I
confessed.

“It is, but that’s the nature
of the business.  Carly liked the attention.  I remember when her Mom first
started dragging her to auditions.  Carly forced me to go with her because she
hadn’t really wanted to do it.  Then she landed a part, and so did I.  Things
went from there.”

I knew there was more
to the story but left it alone.  “So what happened that night?” I asked.  This
seemed like a better question.  Allie was in the mood to talk, and I might not
see her again or at least for a while.  I hoped she would shed some light on
what I’d learned from accounts online.