Through The Lens (33 page)

Walking me to my door,
Ethan kissed me goodnight.  It was tender, and it spoke volumes.  Before he
left, he said, “I love you Jess.”

My heart tripped over
itself as he left me standing there with the door open to see my father waiting
in the living room for me and my other sibs to make it home.

Many times after that night, I’d wanted
to confess my love for Ethan.  However, the moment never seemed right. 

“Are you nervous about
graduation?” I asked Ethan.

He looked over at me
from his reclined position on the lounge chair by his pool.  It was a balmy
night.  We’d gone swimming this afternoon.  As night crept in on our last night
as high school students, my alone time with him would be cut short.  The plan
was to attend a graduation party a senior with a huge house much like Ethan was
throwing.

“No,” he said. After a
huge pause, he added, “I do wonder about going away for school.”

That was my fear.  We
had not coordinated our school choices.  So much was happening when
applications were due.   He and I had been accepted at different schools.  “We
won’t be that far apart,” I teased, covering my own fear.

“I’ll be there bugging
you every chance I get,” he said, looking at me with his amazing eyes.

“Right, all the girls
are going to chase you until you forget about me,” I halfheartedly replied.

“I’m just a motorcycle
ride away,” he said, quickly overriding my insecurities.

We weren’t going to be
far from each other, I told myself.  He was going to Penn State University and
I was going to Swarthmore College.  Both were near Philadelphia, PA.  Yet, I
knew, we wouldn’t be attending classes or seeing each other every day.  Things
could change.

“I guess, I’ll go
upstairs and get changed,” I said, feeling slightly less enthusiastic than I
did a minute ago. 

Getting up, he tugged
me on his lap.  “You’re ready to go to the party,” he said.

Shaking my head, I
kissed both of us breathless while straddling him.  We’d spent the entire senior
skip day together.  But he was wrong.  I wasn’t ready to leave.  His mother was
miles away back in California.  Once again, we had the house to ourselves.  My
eighteenth birthday had passed, and my parents’ rules finally relaxed some.  I
think they knew that because I was legal, I could walk away from them.  I
wasn’t planning to do that.  Hell, I needed them to fund my college.  I’d
learned long ago not to bite the hand that fed me.  More than that, it was the
night before graduation.  My parents weren’t hypocrites and knew about the fun
to be had this night.  They weren’t expecting me home anytime soon.

 “I love you, Ethan,” I
said for the first time. He stilled and there was a raw intensity behind his
stare. “And I’m ready,” I added in a firm whisper.  I hadn’t mentioned this
since prom night. An honestly, I had been scared that evening.  But now, I knew
with all my heart this was what I wanted whether or not Ethan repeated my words
back to me.

With strength I didn’t
know he possessed, considering the position in which we sat, he stood up still
holding me while my legs were wrapped around his waist.  Pulling back a little
so that our lips were no longer joined, he said, “I love you, too.”  It was
only the second time he’d said it.  Like everything else, he hadn’t put any
pressure on me. 

“I don’t want to go to
the party,” I said, reaching around my back and untying my bikini top.  Ethan’s
mouth stopped partway open.  “Kiss me,” I breathed, while he held me close the
only thing keeping my top from falling

“Jess,” he whispered,
voice strained.

“I’m sure,” I said,
answering his unspoken question.

Our mouths melded
together in molten heat.  Our bodies fastened together like magnets.  My skin
crackled with electricity. All of this played out as he made his way into the
house and up the stairs.  In his room, he let me slide to my feet.  There was
no denying parts of him were so ready for all I offered him.  We tongued danced
our way to his bed. And for the briefest of seconds, I wondered how many girls
before me had been in there. 

“None,” he said into my
mouth, reading my expression.  “Only you Jess.”

His hands were gentle
at first reached into my hair which looked sandier blonde now that the color
was washing itself out. He’d waited a long time for this, longer than I
imagined he had since he’d lost his virginity, which only made me love him
more.

I couldn’t stop the
squirming I did when he kissed that place at the base of my neck where it met
my shoulder.  He continued his kisses down my collarbone.  When, his fingers
danced over my skin, they brushed over tender  parts, places that I had no idea
would give off the sensations they did.  Mini explosions occurred over my body
preparing me for what was to come as his actions began to get eager.

Tugging off my bikini
top, his exploration only continued.  I hadn’t been aware where his hands were
until I felt freedom from the constraints of my top.  I gasped when he rained
down warm kisses over my sensitive, formerly private places. 

The only thing left
were our bottoms.  His hands were on the ties of my bikini bottoms when he
said, “This is the part where you tell me to stop.”

“No stopping,” I
breathed, with my hands, exploring the plains and muscle lines of his firm
chest covered in silk-like skin.

Freed from all
clothing, I flushed a little when he looked over me. “Jesus, Jess,” he
whispered.

I almost pointed out,
this wasn’t a time or place for religion until his fingers touched the apex
between my tights and words escaped me.  Moans of pleasure filled the room, his
and mine, because I did some exploring of my own.  His skin was softer there
than I imagined, yet it was very rigid.

All precautions in
place, he placed a scorching kiss to my mouth.  My body was fire, and he was
melting ice.  Together we created steam.  And like the red sea, I parted for
him giving him access to my one-time gift.  There wasn’t any doubt in my mind
about taking this step.  I would have no regrets.  He was the one.  And no
matter what the future held for us, I couldn’t imagine sharing this experience
with anyone else. 

“It’s going to hurt a
little,” he said.

“It’s okay, I know,” I
breathed.

Theoretical and real
life were different, however.  The pain was sharp and forced a gasp to leave my
throat. “Jess,” he said, strained unmoving.

“I’m okay,” I rasped. 
It was done.  No need to cry over spilled milk. “I love you,” I added to ease
his mind.  This is what I wanted.  What I signed up for. 

When the earthquake hit
our bodies, he murmured, “I love you, too.”

Summer had flown the coop and with his
bags packed, I watched Ethan load up his car.  His mother was inside while I
stood and watched him close the trunk.

“You’re really going,”
I said with a pang of loss.

His thumb caresses my chin
before bringing me close to kiss me.  My mouth was already swollen from his hungry
kisses.  We’d spent much of our summer together.  And now he was leaving for
school a couple of weeks early.  “I don’t have to go.  I can tell the coach I’m
not interested.”

Ethan’s former life as
a football star had been noticed by the coach of the Penn State.  When he’d
found out that Ethan would be attending, he’d requested for him to come out for
open tryouts.  That said a lot about just how good he’d been.

“No, you should totally
go. I’ll be fine.  I’ll miss you like crazy, but I’ll be fine,” I lied.  Being
with him had become addictive.  I now understood why Madison and Bradley had
wanted alone time when they’d gotten together.  The idea of spending the last
two weeks without him was daunting.

“It’s only for a backup
position.  And it’s not like I need the scholarship he’s dangling in front of
me.”

Pressing my mouth to
his, I said, “It’s okay.  It’s a good opportunity.  Don’t pass up free money.”

“I’d pass it up if it
meant I would lose you,” he groaned into my mouth.

Pressing myself into
him, I gave him something for him not to ever forget. “You won’t lose me.” More
likely, it was the other way around. “We’ll see each other soon.”

With a fisted handful
of my shirt, he said, “God, what I wouldn’t do to take you upstairs.”

Laughing, I said,
“You’re mom is back, so you know that’s not happening.” He stepped me back into
the mammoth of a vehicle.  He ground into me, filling me with the promise of
all he could offer. 

When I didn’t relent,
he asked me for the hundredth time, “You have the email right?”

“Yes,” I said while
nodding.  His skills fogged my mind for a second.  When he took a slight step
back, I could finally think.  He’d forwarded me the reservations he’d made at
some fancy hotel in Philadelphia.  Both of us in dorms with roommates wouldn’t
be the best place for what we had in mind for our reunion. We would meet there
the second Saturday after classes began.  He’d wanted to have us meet earlier,
but I wanted to have some time to acclimate to my new school.  More than that,
I wanted him to have time to see if he couldn’t forget me.  Insecurity or not,
Ethan was hot.  Girls would be on him like wet tee-shirts.  Scratch that, they would
probably wet their tee-shirts to get him.  I wasn’t foolish enough to believe
love would conquer all. “Are you sure we should do it that day?  If you make
the team, you’ll have a game that day.”

“It’s a home game in
the afternoon.  I’ll be there at eight.  I’ll be dying to see you Jess. You’ll
be lucky I don’t show up at your dorm the day you move in.”

What I didn’t voice was
the nasty devil on my shoulder telling me otherwise.  “You better get going,” I
said after a final kiss.

“Don’t be late,” he said,
back to his master plan. “In fact, you don’t have to be wearing anything,” he
chuckled. 

“You freak,” I teased,
playfully slapping at his chest. “I’m coming dressed for a strip poker.” Which was
my cool way of warning him that I’d be wearing layer upon layers of clothes.

Groaning he tugged me
back to him. I’d slowly been stepping away afraid I wouldn’t let him leave. “If
you do that, be prepared for it all to be destroyed.” Then his smile slipped
and he got serious. “Jessica Shelby, I love you.  Never forget that.”

“I won’t,” I said. My
voice cracked much to my dismay. And even with my doubts, I did believe with
all my heart he did mean every word he said. “I love you, too,” I said a wee bit
more firmly.  His smile came to life again after dipping from my show of pain. 

And so I stood alone,
while he got behind the wheel of his car and began to drive out of my life. 
His mother was already inside. She’d had come at some point and I think I’d vaguely
said goodbye.  Maybe I waved. We’d been so wrapped up in one another; I don’t
remember anything about his mother.  And even though I had an awful foreboding
that things were going to change, I held close that we would beat the odds.  I
couldn’t worry about statistics and others’ experiences.  And even if we didn’t
make it, I would hold our relationship as one of the best things that ever
happened in my life.  I would cherish it always.  Wiping a solitary tear, the
only one I would allow myself, I smiled, my other hand in perpetual motion
sending him off.

With a final wave at
the drive, I blew him a kiss.  One I hoped he would catch. To myself out loud,
I said, “I’ll always love you, Ethan Hart.”

Shannon Dermott
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