The Remedy Files: Illusion (13 page)

As I hoped, the edge of the woods isn’t too far away so I dart to the cliff’s edge. Without a second’s hesitation, I jump over it. The water splashes all around me as I cannonball in and sink further and further into the lake. Water fills my mouth and nose as I drift to the bottom.

“Evangeline, can you hear me? Evangeline, wake up.” A familiar voice calls out to me.

I can’t see very far in the white cloudy water so reach out my hands to try to find the source of the voice. I touch something that feels soft but covered with rough prickles.

“Open your eyes. Wake up. Evie, wake up.” A warm hand touches my face and it feels as though I’m being delicately pushed back up to the top of the lake. Slowly I am being lifted out of the water.

My eyes open and I begin coughing in efforts to spit out any water I swallowed. Attempting to sit up, an arm wraps around my shoulders, cradling me. I lift my head and see the light blue eyes that I know so well.

“Gavin.” I choke out but the sound is barely audible.

“Shush. Just be quiet for a little bit.” He pulls me close to him as the woodchips, fire, and soap combination aroma surrounds me. I breathe in his scent and instantly feel calmer. A comforting warmth fills my body. Gavin is here. Everything will be all right.
 

CHAPTER 19
 

I have returned to the middle of the field. Gavin is waving his hands from the trail to my right as the unknown man is standing on the edge of the cliff to my left. I know I have to get to the tree this time. I’ve seen every other option. This one has been the most difficult to get to.

I dash to the cliff, running as fast as I can. “No!” I hear Gavin shout but I keep going, trying hard to block out his insistent cries. As I reach the base, I begin the ascent up, using the man’s extended arm as my focal point and motivation. Ever thing in me is screaming that I need to get to him.

This time, there’s no sliding rocks, no slipping steps. I make it up the cliff quickly and latch my hand to the man’s. His hand tightens against mine as tingles shoot throughout my body. I watch the muscles in his arm protrude as his grip gets stronger and he pulls me up over the edge of the cliff. I land on my knees and hands, panting, feeling as though the wind was completely knocked out of me.

Once I catch my breath, I look up. The sun has shifted behind the trees, the limbs blocking its sharp glares and I finally see the face that has been shadowed in my dreams for way too long. Liam. Those eyes, with the long lashes and hint of green that outline the brown, more similar to mine than anyone else I’ve ever met. He is smiling and reaches out one more time to help me stand to my feet.

I discover that I don’t want to let go of his hand. I want to trace every part of it, feeling the creases, the veins, as though somehow that would tell me more about him. When he lets go of me, I’m disappointed and contemplate slipping just so he will reach out for me again.

Instead, he gives a slight wave, wordlessly telling me to follow him as he walks towards the tree. My awe of him instantaneously transfers to the tree. Seeing it up close is even more surreal than my view from under the cliff. Every part of it is absolutely magnificent. The bark of the trunk is dark and stained, lines twisted throughout showing signs of age and wisdom yet still incredibly youthful as a whole. Each limb seems to extend for miles and though thin, the strength of them is apparent as though each one could carry the weight of the world for centuries to come. The leaves were flawlessly heart shaped with white swirls dancing in the soft deep green beds. It was perfect and I would be content staring at it, taking in its beauty for days to come.

Liam points up, deep in the tree several feet away from one side of the trunk. Squinting, I eventually can see the outline of a person. Within an instant, the full picture comes into view revealing a beautiful woman with a tiny nose, long, straight auburn hair and big brown eyes rocking a baby in her arms. The woman’s legs are dangling over the edge of a limb, swaying together to a song that I can scarcely hear her humming. The baby is wrapped in a blue blanket, its face hidden from my view.

Liam doesn’t need to say it. I know this is his wife and child. It is my reminder that he has a family already, and I don’t have a place in his life. Liam holds up a finger as to say “hold on” and walks back to the direction we came from.

I return my eyes back to the vision above me. There was something so incredibly serene about seeing a mother with her baby. Maybe one of the most stunning yet completely average sights I’ve ever seen before.

All of a sudden, an eerie silence crosses the air. There was always a slight rustling sound of the leaves as faint gusts of wind would blow through them. Now everything abruptly stops. The woman’s hum is all that remains. The green leaves above me turn brown and crackle, falling down from the limbs of the tree. The ground beneath my feet crumbles in peices and I watch in horror as the ocean seems to rush in, licking up the rocks as though starving and ravenous for more.

I fall, pushing myself back on my hands and feet as the ground continues to crumble. A large splintering sound pierces the sky. As though slow motion, a portion of the tree’s massive trunk breaks off from the rest, the limbs trembling with fear as they take a dive into the ocean following the cliff’s path of erosion. On one of those limbs sits Liam’s wife and baby, her face still somehow remaining serene as they tumble in the air, mixing with broken limbs into the water. The broken trunk piece lands on them with a loud thud as it hits the water, pushing them to the bottom of the lake.

I hang over the newly created cliff, trying to reach out to them, trying somehow to help them. My mouth is open but no sound is coming out. I look over my shoulder and watch as Liam is walking back to where we all once stood. Except now only I remain with one half of the tree. His face is twisted in anguish and confusion. He looks helpless as he seems to be processing the scene in front of him. I want to reach out to him but I’m stretched out to the ocean, hoping that maybe I will feel the hand of his wife or his baby and can at least rescue them to help him.

***

A jolt in my body makes me wake up. Someone is screaming in my ear. No, that’s me. I’m screaming but I can’t stop.

“Shhhh…” I feel a hand rubbing my back

Sweat is dripping down my face and arms. I try to turn over so I’m lying on my back but I can barely move. My head is pounding and every single one of my body parts is on alert- some as though on fire and others with a throbbing ache. 

“Here, let me help.” Someone slowly and ever so gently rolls me over. It is pitch dark so I wait for my eyes to adjust. The sound of a match striking a box propels a small flickering light which sweeps over the scene in front of me.

I gasp and try to crawl backwards using my arms but the pain is so great I simply collapse. I look into a face that I’ve seen once but have dreamt about so many times since. His now completely amber eyes are peering into mine.

He reaches out and brushes my hair out of my face. “I’m Liam,” he says.

Liam… My heart feels like it is beating out of my chest. I think he can hear it and see it, for that matter.

I turn my head to the left and the right but it is still too dark to see anything that falls outside of the candle’s glow. “Where am I?” All I can see are trees and a variety of canvases shaped like tents in between. Further down through the darkness I make out the outline of a fire dancing in the night. When I look back at Liam, fear overcomes me. “I am very sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I shouldn’t have asked.” My throat becomes drier than what it was already. “Please don’t tell anyone.” I can’t handle being punished again.

Liam gives a little smile. It is the same smile he gave me when we first met. I feel a warm chill run through my body. “It’s okay. We’re in a community called Rebirth. It’s okay to ask questions here.” He pauses, then reveals, “Gavin is hunting for food. He should be back soon and he told me to let you know that.”

Gavin? I pull myself up. I need to see him. “Gavin is here?”

Liam nods. “We have been taking turns to keep watch on you to make sure you are okay. Speaking of, don’t push it yet.” He helps me lay back down. “You’re not ready yet.”

“How long have I been here?”

“We got you out a few days ago. You’ve been hard asleep since then.”

I suddenly have so many questions. “How did
you
get here?” I ask.

Liam dips a towel into a bowl, wrings it out and then lays it on my forehead. A coolness covers my forehead. It feels really good in the midst of fire that seems to be pulsating through my body.

“We’ll have time for more questions later. Right now you need to continue to rest so we can get some strength in you. Do you feel like you can eat?”

My stomach turns at the thought of food. “I- I’m not sure.” I stutter.

“Well, let’s at least try. It has been days since you’ve had anything. I will be right back.” Liam stands up and I listen to the crunch of the leaves as he walks away. 

Silence. I turn my head in the direction Liam walked despite the pain in my neck. I can’t see his outline anymore. I look in the other direction. Nobody is in sight.

He said he would return, Evangeline,
I try to coax myself.
He will be back.

I mumble out loud, “Please come back.”

Silence.

“Hello?”

Nobody responds.

Did he abandon me? What if he was lying about Gavin? What if Liam was the one that put me in the box? What if he wants me to die? Does he think I killed his wife and child? Does he think I’m involved since I work at the Clinic? Is he trying to get revenge?

I scream. “Help! Somebody help me! Help!” 

The crunching of the leaves returns at a quicker pace than before.

“No! No, not you! Somebody help!”

Liam drops to his knees next to me and puts his hand on my arm. “Evangeline, shhh, it’s going to be okay. I’m here.”

“No! Go away!”

“Evangeline-“

“I didn’t do it! I didn’t kill your baby!”

Liam’s mouth drops open and he falls back with his arms bracing his weight. He looks stunned as water fills his eyes. He speaks but then stops, letting his head drop, his eyes turned to the ground.

More crunching of leaves. “Evie, are you awake?” Gavin. His voice. His nickname for me.  

“Gavin! You’re here!” I cry out. I am surprised by my relief to see him.

I see the outline of Gavin’s body appear as he gets closer to the light. He jogs over to me, dropping the gear from his back to the ground. He gently helps lift me up, puts his arms around me, and cradles me into his chest. Brushing my hair with his hand, he whispers into my ear, “Just breathe. I am here now. I am so sorry I left. I needed to get some more food.” 

Tears run down my face. Despite my pain, I feel so happy. Happy. This is what happiness is. Gavin is here.

He holds me as tightly as he can without hurting me. After several moments of silence, I lift my head and look behind us. Liam has left. I didn’t hear him leave.

“Gavin,” I look up at him, his blue eyes piercing my own. “I don’t understand. I need to know what’s going on.”

He nods and moves his hand in tiny circles around my back. It makes me want to fall asleep. 

“There’s no easy way to say this and I was going to wait a few days until you recovered. However, I know you well enough to know the questions won’t stop until you have answers.” He chuckles lightly. I try to return his smile but feel strained to even do that. “Evangeline, your community punished you for your denial of pairing during the Futures Ceremony. No one has ever rejected them before in such a public way. They saw it as a sign of rebellion which, as you know, is not tolerated in Impetus.”

My head is spinning. I was punished by
my
community? For refusing a future they made up? I can’t believe they were the ones that put me in a glass box! They left me to die without food, water, or Remedy… Remedy!

“Gavin, I need my Remedy!” I try to squirm out of Gavin’s arms. “Oww! Gavin! That hurts!” Gavin’s arms tighten around me. “Let me go! You’re supposed to help me!”

Instead of loosening his grip, Gavin stiffens it even more. “Please stop moving. Evie. Stop. Look at your wrist. It’s gone. The monitor is gone and you’re still okay.” I glance down at my wrist and see the thick white blotch of my skin from where the monitor had been all my life. Completely bare. It looks so strange. “You need to listen to me and trust me. I have never led you astray and you know it.”

I stop struggling. Gavin was right. As scared as I am right now, he has never put me at risk. I trust him with my entire life. I know he would only do what it took to protect me. “Okay, I’ll listen.”

Gavin takes a deep breath and says, “The Remedy is a lie. It’s a drug used to help keep control on people in Impetus by neutralizing their physical and emotional feelings. When you rebelled against the Community Board, it shows that the purposes of the Remedy can be overcome which is not acceptable. The glass box is a torture device used to punish people who rebel. They put you in it without Remedy so that you would have to feel the most awful kind of pain which is even worse when you are not used to feeling at all. They do it to remind you to follow the rules established by Impetus in efforts for you to depend on them even more.”

Remedy isn’t real? It’s a lie? I don’t understand.  “Why were so many Community people waking right by me? Were they told to not help me?” I shudder at the thought.

“Picture the Remedy advertisements located in the center of the streets. Those square steel rectangles that remind people the importance of taking their Remedy? You were locked in one of those which are called punishment chambers. Even though you were able to see out of it like clear glass, all anyone who walked by you saw was the Remedy advertisement. They can’t see inside the box. Like you never could when you walked by them.” 

“But Gavin… there is one box down each street in Impetus. Please don’t say that each one of those is a punishment chamber.”

Gavin looks away from me. “I’m afraid so.”

How many people have I walked by every day as they withered in pain, wondering why I wasn’t stopping to help them? The thought made me feel as though I could vomit again. Strong waves of nausea flow through me. 

“You referred to those boxes as punishment chambers but I felt like I was going to die. Were they trying to kill me?”

“What you experienced is called withdrawal. It’s what happens when someone takes away a drug that they are addicted to. Impetus has made all of its members completely reliable on Remedy and has fed you the idea that if you don’t take it, then you will die. Of course when you’re addicted to it, you feel like you will die without it. The wrist monitors don’t determine how close you are to death based off of not taking the Remedy. It only identifies your sense of feeling returning which is why it probably felt like you were dying since it was completely different than anything you have experienced before. The monitors would beep when you were starting to sense a feeling that was either higher or lower than neutral.”