The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (24 page)

"Don't sin by letting anger control you." Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for angergives a foothold to the devil. EPHESIANS 4:26-27

IN A SUMMER MARRIAGE, there are feelings of happiness, satisfaction, accomplishment, and connection. There is a deep level of trust and a commitment to growth. Life is more relaxed, and communication is constructive. A couple in this stage is likely attending marriage conferences periodically, reading books, and growing spiritually.

The climate of a summer marriage is comfortable, supportive, and understanding. The couple resolves conflicts in a positive manner. Having accepted their differences, they seek to turn them into assets, utilizing their differences to help each other. In summer, husbands and wives have a growing sense of togetherness.

There is one downside to summer: There are yellow jackets. They live underground and represent those unresolved issues that have been pushed beneath the surface in order to have peace. Remember the wise instruction in Ephesians to deal with anger right away. Letting things fester, even in the name of peacemaking, only makes things worse. Ultimately, you must deal with the yellow jackets, or your summer marriage will be headed toward fall.

Father, thank you for a comfortable, positive relationship with my spouse. Even though 1 am grateful for the peace between us, let me not seek that at the expense of genuine resolution of our problems. Help me to deal with them lovingly.

We put our hope in the LORD. He is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. Let your unfailing love surround us, LORD, for our hope is in you alone. PSALM 33:20-22

IN THE FALL where I live in North Carolina, the leaves begin to change colors and eventually fall off the trees. That is what happens in a fall marriage. It may look good on the outside, but it is actually falling apart. In the fall season, couples sense that something is happening, but they're not sure what. One or both spouses begin to feel neglected. They are disengaging emotionally.

In a fall marriage, you begin to feel sadness, apprehension, discouragement, fear, and eventually resentment. You have neglected your relationship and have drifted apart. There is a growing concern, uncertainty, and a tendency to blame each other.

The fall season of marriage is a wake-up call to seek help: See a counselor or pastor, read a book, or attend a class. Unlike the real seasons, marriages can move from fall to spring without going through winter, but you must take action to make that happen. If you do not take action, you will soon be in the coldness of winter.

The Bible reassures us that there is always hope. Trust in the Lord as your help, and let his love surround you and encourage you that better days can be ahead.

Lord, thank you for being our hope-for the world, for salvation, and for our relationship. Give us the courage to address the problems and do what needs to be done.

Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. Wherever you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. RUTH i:16-17

IS MARRIAGE A CONTRACT or a covenant? It's both, but the emphasis is on covenant. Why? Because most contracts apply to a limited amount of timefor example, a three-year contract to lease a car. Unfortunately, many people enter marriage with a contract mentality, thinking, If it doesn't work, we can get a divorce. Consequently, some research indicates that one-half of all marriages end within two years.

Covenants, on the other hand, are intended to be permanent, as we see in multiple places in the Bible. God made a covenant with Noah that extended to "all generations" (see Genesis 9). He did the same with Abraham (see Genesis 17). Covenants between two humans were also seen as permanent. For example, Ruth told her widowed mother-in-law, Naomi, that she would go wherever Naomi went and stay with her, adopting her culture and her religion, even until death. That beautiful statement of commitment is the language of covenant marriage. In fact, it's similar to what we say in most marriage ceremonies: "For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, so long as we both shall live."

Christian marriage is viewed as a lifelong covenant. It is this commitment to marriage that helps us through the rough spots of life. If we have a contract mentality, then we bail out when things get tough. Perhaps it's time to remind yourself that you are committed to a covenant marriage.

Lord God, lam amazed that you entered into permanent covenants with sinful humans. You have made clear that marriage should be a permanent covenant as well. When my spouse and I are frustrated in our relationship, please remind us of our commitment. May it bean encouragement and a joy to us.

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me.

JOHN 10:27-28

IN YESTERDAY'S DEVOTION, we noted that contracts are temporary, but covenants are permanent. What is another difference between a covenant marriage and a contract marriage? Contracts are conditional: I will do this if you will do that. For example, the bank allows you to drive your car so long as you make the payments. Stop the payments, and the car goes back to the lender. Some couples view marriage in the same way. If you keep your end of the bargain, then I'll keep mine. This is a cheap view of marriage.

Covenant marriage is based on unconditional love. I am committed to my spouse's well-being, no matter what. Isn't that the kind of love God has for us? When we accept Christ, we become his children. We may be disobedient, but we are still his. He will not disown us. He will hold us accountable, but he will not walk out on us. In John 10, Jesus compares himself to a shepherd who sacrifices himself for his sheep. He gives his sheep-believers-eternal life, and no one can separate them from him, no matter how hard they try. That's a picture of covenant.

This is the pattern for Christian marriage. We must be committed to seek our spouse's well-being, no matter what he or she does. Certainly we will seek to hold each other accountable for sinful behavior, but we will not abandon our marriage because we are each other's best source of help. Covenant says, "I will always seek your best interests."

Lord Jesus, thank you for loving us unconditionally. Even when we do the things that real sheep do-run away, act foolishly, ignore your voice-you hold on to us and love us. May that picture inspire me as 1 try to love my spouse unconditionally. Renew our love and commitment, Father, l pray.