The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (23 page)

The wife is called to be a "helper;" according to Genesis 2:18. Without her, the man would be alone-which God says outright would not be good. Her help is clearly necessary and valuable. Yet how can she be a helper if she has no opportunity to share her ideas? Wise King Solomon wrote, "Two people are better off than one" (Ecclesiastes 4:9). That is certainly true in decision making. Why would a husband want to make a decision limited to his own wisdom when God has given him a helper?

Father, thank you for the plan you have set forth for marriage and the valuable roles you have for each of us. Help me to understand those roles and fulfill my part with love and wisdom.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.... Husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.

EPHESIANS 5:21-22, 25

MANY WIVES SHUDDER when they hear the pastor say, "Turn in your Bible to Ephesians 5:22." They know that's the verse that says,"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord" (NIV). But you don't know my husband, they think. I sometimes imagine that God responds, But you don't understand submission. Submission is not a command that applies only to females. In fact, Ephesians 5:21 instructs us to "submit to one another" because of our love for Christ.

Both the instruction to husbands about loving and the instruction to wives about submitting call for an attitude of service. Submission does not mean that the wife must do all the giving. The husband is to give his life for her. Nor does it mean that she cannot express her ideas. The goal of Paul's instructions is unity, which requires both to have an attitude of service.

Father, I see that you have given my spouse and me equally challenging tasks. We need your help to fulfill them. Please help us to love and serve each other as you would have us do.

Both day and night belong to you [Lord]; you made the starlight and the sun. You set the boundaries of the earth, and you made both summer and winter. PSALM 74:16-17

THE BIBLE TELLS us that God has created all the boundaries of the earth, including the rotation around the sun, which causes seasonal changes. The seasons come and go: winter, spring, summer, and fall. So do the seasons of marriage. Relationships are perpetually in a state of transition, continually moving from one season to another. But the seasons of marriage don't always follow the order of nature. You may be in a spring marriage today and in a winter marriage next month. What do the seasons of marriage look like?

Sometimes we find ourselves in winter-discouraged, detached, and dissatisfied. Other times we experience springtime with its openness, hope, and anticipation. On still other occasions, we bask in the warmth of summercomfortable, relaxed, enjoying life. And then comes fall with its uncertainty, negligence, and apprehension. The cycle repeats itself many times throughout the life of a marriage, just as the seasons repeat themselves in nature.

In the next few days, we will look at these recurring seasons of marriage and help you identify which season your marriage is in. I will also suggest ways to enhance the seasons of marriage. You're never "stuck" in one season; you can make positive changes.

Lord, you have created different seasons of the earth, and we can see different seasons of our lives. Butt know you did not create us to be in cold, wintry relationships. Encourage us as a couple to renew the hope and optimism we have for our relationship.

The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.

PROVERBS 27:9

TELL ME YOUR EMOTIONS, your attitudes, and your behavior toward your spouse, and I'll tell you the season of your marriage. Today we focus on the winter marriage.

What are the emotions of winter? Hurt, anger, disappointment, loneliness, and rejection. What are the attitudes of a winter marriage? In a word, negativity. You might hear things such as, "I'm so discouraged with my marriage' "It's such a frustration." "I don't know if we're going to be able to work things out."

What are the actions in a winter marriage? Speaking harshly or not speaking at all, destructive and perhaps violent behavior. In the winter season of marriage, couples are unwilling to negotiate differences. Conversations turn to arguments. There is no sense of togetherness. The marriage is like two people living in separate igloos.

The good news is that a winter marriage often makes couples desperate enough to break out of their suffering and seek the help of a counselor or pastor. The book of Proverbs refers to heartfelt counsel from someone who cares for us as very sweet. Good advice is highly valuable, and often the perspective of someone outside the relationship is critical for people who really want to change. Those who seek help will find it.

Father, when our relationship is in trouble, filled with rejection and discouragement, help us to find a wise adviser. Give us the grace and energy to work on rejuvenating the love between us.

Remember this-a farmer who plants only a few seeds will get a small crop. But the one who plants generously will get a generous crop.

2 CORINTHIANS 9:6

A SPRING MARRIAGE is filled with hope, anticipation, optimism, gratitude, love, and trust. Does that sound exciting? It is! Some of you are saying, "I remember the early days of our marriage when we were in spring." I want to suggest that you can have spring again and again. A healthy marriage will have many spring seasons throughout the years.

How do couples create this kind of climate? By making plans and communicating openly. Those who want to live in a spring relationship are willing to seek the help of a counselor or read a relevant book. Spring is a time of new beginnings, when the streams of communication are flowing. A couple feels a sense of excitement about life together. They have great hopes for the future, and they are planting seeds from which they hope to reap a harvest of happiness. The above verse from 2 Corinthians gives us this promise: If we plant generously, we will experience a good return on our work. Those who plant seeds will see the flowers of spring.

Father, l remember times of spring in my marriage, and 1 want that again. Please rekindle in us a sense of excitement and optimism. Help us to put in the time and effort to plant seeds in our relationship-that we may reap a good return.