The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (10 page)

Psalm 34 talks about the ultimate blessing we can give our children: teaching them to love and serve the Lord. We do that through reading and talking, but most of all through modeling. What changes do you need to make in your life or in your relationship as a couple in order to leave a positive legacy for your children?

Father, it's good to stop and think about what I'm teaching my children-and how that lines up with the lessons 1 want to leave them. Please show me where 1 need to change. Guide me as I seek to leave my children a positive legacy.

We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. i JOHN 3:16

BEFORE MY WIFE and I got married, I thought that every morning when the sun rises, everybody gets up. But after we were married, I found out that my wife didn't do mornings. It didn't take me long not to like her, and it didn't take her long not to like me. For several years we struggled, greatly disappointed in our marriage.

What finally turned our marriage around? The profound discovery that it was not my job to demand that she meet my expectations. My job was to give away my life to make her life easier and more meaningful. My model? Christ himself, who gave away his life for our benefit. The apostle John reminds us that Christ's sacrifice exemplifies genuine love. Because of his sacrifice, we should also give up our lives for others-starting with our spouse.

In a thousand years, I would never have come up with that idea. But then, God's ways are not our ways. (See Isaiah 55:8-9 for a beautiful description of this.) In God's way of doing things, the road to greatness lies in serving others. What better place to start than in your own marriage? My wife is my first responsibility. When I choose to serve God, he says,"Let's start with your wife. Do something good for her today." When I got the picture, my wife was quick to respond. She was a fast learner.

Love begets love. That's God's way.

Lord Jesus, words can't express how grateful l am for your sacrifice. You gave up your life for us when we had done nothing to deserve it. Please transform my heart so 1 may have that same attitude toward my spouse. Mayl be willing to lay down my own desires and expectations to serve him or her. I know that will reap wonderful rewards in our relationship.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. PSALM 34:18

JOHN WAS A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSMAN whose wife was suffering from depression. "She spends most mornings in bed, and in the afternoons she just sits around the house;' he told me. "She seems to have no ambition. She doesn't have the energy to cook, and many nights she doesn't eat with us. She has lost forty pounds over the last year. To be truthful, life is pretty miserable at our house. I feel sorry for the kids, although they get more attention than I do. But I know they must wonder what is wrong with their mother."

John had just described some of the classic characteristics of depression. Unfortunately, depression is quite common and does not go away simply with the passing of time. John's wife needed medical and psychological help, and without it, things would get even worse.

Many Christians don't understand depression and think it is only a spiritual problem. While it may have a spiritual dimension, it is often rooted in physical and emotional imbalance. In the next few days, we'll talk about the causes and cures of depression. If this is an issue for you or your loved one, remember Psalm 34:18. The Bible promises that the Lord has compassion for you and deals tenderly with you in your time of depression.

Father, you know how depression affects us as a couple. Thank you for your tenderness toward us even when we feel weak and vulnerable. Help me not to criticize my spouse but to be supportive and get the help we need.

He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. PSALM 147:3

WHAT DO YOU DO when you or your loved one is depressed? First, you must get information so you understand the basic facts about depression. It is helpful to think of three categories. First, depression may be the by-product of a physical illness. When we are physically sick, our minds and emotions often move into a depressed state. We temporarily check out. It's nature's way of protecting us from constant anxiety about our physical condition.

The second kind of depression is called situational or reactive depression and grows out of a particularly painful situation in life. Many of these experiences involve a sense of loss: the loss of a job, the loss of a child, a significant transition such as a child going to college, or the loss of a friendship.

The third category is depression rooted in some biochemical disorder. This is a physical disease and must be treated with medication.

Visit the library or talk to your doctor to learn about depression. It's the first step in getting help.

Lord, thank you for your promise to bandage our wounds when were hurt and brokenhearted-whether the cause is physical, emotional, or spiritual. When we're affected by depression, please help us to deal with the situation as a couple.

Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again-my Savior and my God! PSALM 42:5 -6

LONG-TERM DEPRESSION can be extremely detrimental to a relationship. Therefore, if you or your loved one is depressed, you need to do all you can to get help.

The first step is generally to see a medical doctor or a counselor. The physician will often prescribe an antidepressant medication. If the depression happens to have a biochemical root, then the medication can be helpful. Typically, it takes three or four weeks to determine if a given medication is producing positive results. If it does not, the physician will usually try another type of medication.

However, only about one-third of all depressions have a biochemical root. Whether or not medication helps alleviate the symptoms, it is also valuable to see a trained professional counselor who has experience in dealing with depression. The counselor can help you discover the emotional root of the depression and begin therapy. If the depression has lasted for several weeks or months, I urge you to take action. Depression is not an incurable disease. There is hope, but you need to get help. Psalm 42 gives us a vivid picture of hope being renewed. Keep this image in mind as you go through your time of depression. Both of you will one day again be filled with joy and praise.