The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (26 page)

Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. EPHESIANS 5:2

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE your spouse to do for you? Your answer to this question will probably reveal your primary love language. If your answer is clean out the garage, paint the bedroom, vacuum the floors, wash dishes, or walk the dog, then your primary love language is acts of service. If you would really like your spouse to hold your hand when you go for a walk, your primary love language is probably physical touch. When you know which of the five love languages most connects with you and your spouse, you know what needs to happen to really make both of you feel loved.

Before you start preaching to your spouse about speaking your love language, stop and ask yourself, "Does my spouse feel loved by me?" You might even ask your spouse, "On a scale of 0 to 10, how full is your love tank? That is, how much do you feel loved by me?" If the answer is anything less than 10, ask, "What could I do to help fill it?" Whatever your spouse suggests, do it to the best of your ability. After all, in Ephesians 5, Paul challenges us to "live a life filled with love." When we follow Christ's example and offer love freely to each other, good things happen. As you learn to speak your spouse's love language, chances are, your spouse will learn to speak yours.

Lord, l want to please you through my acts of love and service to my husband or wife. Help me to focus my energies on him or her, not on myself. Enrich our marriage through expressions of love.

The commandments of the LORD are right, bringing joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are clear, giving insight for living. PSALM 19:8

WHAT IF YOUR SIGNIFICANT other's love language is acts of service? What if you discover that the thing that really makes her feel loved is your taking out the garbage, washing the dishes, or doing the laundry? One husband said, "I'd say that she is probably not going to feel loved." Well, that's one approach, but the more biblical approach is to learn to serve your spouse.

It may not be easy for you to learn to speak the language of acts of service. I remember one wife who told me, "I'll have to admit, there were some trying and humorous times in those early weeks when my husband began to help me around the house. The first time he did the laundry, he used undiluted bleach instead of regular detergent. Our blue towels came out with white polka dots. But he was loving me in my language, and my love tank was filling up. Now he knows how to do everything around the house and is always helping me. We have much more time together because I don't have to work all the time. Believe me, I have learned to speak his love language too. We are a happy couple."

The Lord loves it when we serve each other in love and put each other's needs above our own. When we follow his commands, joy often follows-as mentioned in the psalm above and as evident in this couple's example. Learn to speak your spouse's love language, and you, too, can have a growing, thriving relationship.

Father, following your commands brings joy. Thank you for the love and rejuvenation that can come when we serve each other and communicate love to each other. I pray for the grace to do that willingly.

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 CORINTHIANS 13:7

I'VE BEEN COUNSELING people with marital struggles for more than thirty years. Often they come alone because their spouse will not come with them. And often they have no hope. They are living in very difficult marriages.

I am under no illusion that I can provide a magic formula to bring healing to all such marriages. However, I do believe that in every troubled relationship, one partner can take positive steps that have the potential to change the emotional climate between the two of them. The first step is to decide not to give up. Read a book, talk with a counselor or pastor, or share with a trusted friend, but don't give up. According to the verse above-taken from the apostle Paul's famous "love chapter"-when you don't give up, don't lose faith, maintain hope, and endure, you're practicing love the way God defines it. That brings great encouragement. After all, nothing is impossible with God.

Father, I believe that anything is possible for you. When my relationship seems so difficult-or even beyond repair-I come to you, the healer. Please rekindle my hope and breathe new life into our marriage.

Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. COLOSSIANS 3:14

CONTROL IS A SIGNIFICANT ISSUE in some relationships. One wife who was struggling with a controlling husband told me, "I feel like I'm a bird in a cage. Actually, I feel like a hamster in a cage-I don't have wings anymore. I don't want a divorce, but I don't know how much longer I can go on living under such pressure." This wife has lost her freedom and is feeling the pain of incarceration.

Is there hope? Yes, and it begins by believing that things can change. Can her husband change? Yes! Can she help stimulate that change? Yes! Her most powerful influence is love. The apostle Paul writes in Colossians 3 that we should seek love above all else. Why? Because love has the power to unite people, to bind them together even more closely. That's a powerful influence in a marriage.

In this woman's situation, two kinds of love are needed. First comes soft or tender love. She needs to learn to speak her husband's love language and seek to meet his need for emotional love. Second is tough love. She can say, "I love you too much to sit here and do nothing while you destroy our marriage" Then she must lay out some ground rules and consequences-in effect, tell him what she will do until he takes steps to change his behavior.

When a spouse first feels tender love, he is then able to receive tough love.

Father, when I'm struggling in my marriage, help me to respond first with love. May my genuine, tender love speak to my spouse and clear the way for the necessary tough love to follow. Please guide me as 1 take these steps.