The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (54 page)

See what you can borrow. Friends may be able to loan you most of everything you don't have. (And make a list of everything you borrow.)

Make sure you have adequate refrigeration; you can resort to ice chests for most items on the day of the wedding.

If you can't afford full catering but are not into cooking, consider takeout for one hundred. (Drive-through windows not recommended.)

Use food as decoration. Browse through cookbooks for serving suggestions and food-planning ideas. We've seen towers of colorful food in canning jars behind the buffet, raw veggies spilling from hollowed-out cabbages, and fruits and vegetables becoming still-life sculptures.

In the bar area, display one bottle of each of the beverages you're serving. Keep drinks iced in large galvanized tin tubs, which can be bought quite cheaply at hardware centers.

The most incredible loving wedding I have ever been to in my life… was a lesbian one. In fact it was so cool I actually caught myself thinking,
Damn! I wish I was a lesbian right now… I could meet a nice woman, maybe date and in a couple of months… I could have a lovely lesbian wedding just like theirs!
Honest-to-god homo envy.

—Kathy Najimy

When word of an impending wedding gets out, friends and family are often so happy that everyone wants to get into the act. They'll be calling you and asking, “Is there anything I can do to help?” This is great; it means that you have been blessed with a warm, supportive, and generous circle of friends.

However, remember that old adage about too many cooks and what they do to the broth? Let it be a mild warning to you; don't let control of the planning and running of your wedding slip through your fingers, unless of course you choose to gratefully bow out and have others take over. Be on the lookout for folks who are well intentioned but won't fulfill their end of the bargain as promised. Otherwise, as you prepare to walk down the aisle, you'll find yourselves holding slips of paper that say “I.O.U. one bouquet” instead of the floral arrangements your (until now) best friend promised to make for you.

Be careful about who gets what assignment. The first person who says, “I just got a new camera. I can be the photographer!” may not be the one best qualified for the job, and you'll find your wedding album filled with blurry pictures, mostly of the food table and the husband of one of your coworkers, whom you had never met until that day.

Be absolutely clear with friends as to exactly what you expect them to do. Go over their duties with them as much in
advance as you can, then call to double-check as the ceremony gets closer.

If they're doing something that you would have paid someone else to do anyway, offer to pay them for their services (though they'll probably refuse).

If you initially approach them for the favor, say something along the lines of “We'd love it if you'd consider making some of that incredible guacamole dip of yours as a wedding present. You will? Great, can you make it for fifty?”

If the job requires professional expertise, make sure you see or know the person's work before you commit.

Practice and use the phrase, “No, thank you. We really appreciate your offer, but it's already taken care of. We want you to just come and enjoy yourselves.”