The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (52 page)

At this point you might be saying, “Yeah, I'd love to have our wedding at home, but we don't live in a very impressive place and we don't really have a huge area that would be appropriate and that back room is kind of junky and…” Hold it right there, buddy. You may be feeling that you're not set up for a large gathering because you're so used to seeing your habitats as just that—your habitats. The kitchen is for cooking, the den is for reading, the bedroom is for… sleeping. Try instead to look at everything with new eyes. Wander through the various parts of your home and think about using any and all of the spaces you have. It will help if you begin to declutter the house a little, even mentally, as you take this initial tour. You'd be surprised how inviting a side porch can become when you remove those big bags filled with recyclables.

Don't be too hard on your place. We've heard of absolutely great weddings taking place in small apartments and modest backyards. But if after much examination you decide that your home just isn't appropriate, don't forget the possibility of using somebody else's digs—maybe those of a member of your family or a close friend.

Carefully consider the number of guests you're inviting.
Look at the space with a critical eye, and try to imagine how many people could stand there with elbow room. (Think of all of them lifting glasses to their mouths to drink; now you know why they call it elbow room.) Depending on what sort of vittles you'll be serving, think about where all the folks will perch in order to eat. Unless you live in a large home or you have spacious grounds, you may have to limit your guest list.

Take over all of the space that you have.
Leave no stone unturned in your quest to maximize your usable space. The dead space at the end of the hall is perfect for a small card table that you can turn into a self-service bar. The dining-room table can be pushed against the wall to open up the room for mingling. The utility room can house tubs of ice that hold chilled soda and champagne. Can the basement be cleaned up a bit and its lights turned down low for dancing?

Let the character of your home help establish the character of the celebration.
If you have a balcony or a room with a view, use it as a natural backdrop for the ceremony. Invite your guests an hour before nightfall and exchange vows as the sun begins to set. If you have wide-open spaces and you love dancing, hire a DJ and get down, get funky.

Design your day in a way that suits you.
Whether
you're hiring a caterer to do the food and a florist to do the decor or doing it all yourselves, remember that this is your celebration, in your home, and that it should reflect your tastes, not the tastes of the people you're paying. (Unless you don't have any taste yourself and that's what you're paying them for.)

Consider an open house reception.
An open house is perfect for smaller homes, where you want to invite fifty people to the reception but are afraid they won't all fit at the same time.

Are you thinking of using your home for both the ceremony and the reception, or merely for the festivities following a church wedding or vows exchanged on the steps of city hall? If you're doing everything at home, you may want to think in terms of creating separate spaces for the two parts of your event. Prearrange to have certain people move furniture; you can quickly turn a romantic wedding-vow area into a party room. (If the move is at all complicated, you might even want to have a rehearsal of this the day before or the week before.) Anyway, the home ceremony and the home reception each have special needs. Let's tackle the ceremony first.

As you search for the perfect place to say “I do,” keep the following suggestions in mind.

Look for a background with some drama.
This is not as hard as you think. Favorite spots include in front of a fireplace, on a balcony, at the foot of a staircase (you can make an entrance!), under a tree, or on a back lawn. Spaces that informally frame the ceremony—between two columns, for instance, or in a doorway—work very nicely, thank you. The archway between a living room and a dining room creates both an architectural framework and a large space in which guests can gather. You can even rent a wood or brass arch for around $50.

Don't feel obligated to create a formal audience seating area.
Guests don't have to sit on chairs separated by a middle aisle as they would in a chapel or synagogue. They don't even have to be separated in a formal way from “the stage.” Think of them as being a part of the action, like environmental theater.

All of your chairs don't have to match.
You can rent or borrow folding chairs if you wish, but don't rule out a mixture of sofas, stairs, ottomans, and rocking chairs, with pillowed floor space for the kids and the agile.

Guests can stand.
But in all fairness, don't expect them to be comfortable on their feet for more than about fifteen minutes.

Don't rule out minor cosmetic surgery.
Although you shouldn't have to redo your house for the wedding, you can certainly minimize its flaws by covering them up with something beautiful. Oh honey, they do it in Hollywood all the time. Drape fabric over a blank wall, surround your ceremony area with potted flowers, or, if it's an evening affair, use candlelight. Splurge on an entire bank of flowering plants to line the hall.

Take a long look at your front porch.
If you have a modicum of privacy there, or if you don't give a damn what the neighbors think, have the ceremony on your front porch. This is really wonderful because immediately after you've said your vows you can lead your guests over the threshold and through the front door to the first party you have in your home as a married couple.

Do the same space analysis that you did when sniffing out your ceremony area, only now consider the other activities you're planning—eating, dancing, and entertainment. You don't want to have a reception that isn't appropriate for the space. Don't expect to hire a rock-and-roll band and then have people just sit around and listen; they're going to want to dance. Make sure that they won't be doing it on the tabletops. If you're serving “complex” food, there should be a place where people can sit down and actually put their plates on something other than their laps. Can you seat people outdoors on quilts spread on the lawn? If you've hired a psychic to read palms, is there a separate room where that can happen—and take some of the burden off the main party area? You get the picture.

The Technology of Tenting

Let's say you've got a great backyard area, only it's not very private, or the lawn is in atrocious shape, or you're afraid that it's going to rain or that the sun will be so hot that your guests will be dropping like flies. A tent just might be the answer to your prayers; it's like putting a reception hall right in your backyard.

Tenting is the perfect solution for weddings at homes or historical sites. Tents are completely flexible, allowing you to create anything you want inside; you can make them look like parks with trees and archways, or you can make them into elegant rooms with chandeliers, parquet floors, and stained-glass paneling. You can have air-conditioning or heating, depending on your needs. Some tents come with their own generators for cooking, heating, cooling, and electricity for musicians or a DJ. The cost of a tented affair can be about the same as that of a similar function in an established location—a state-of-the-art tent for 150 people might rent for about $1,500—but the upside is that you're celebrating on your own turf.

Have a rehearsal at home just as you would in a church. Set up and check the sound system, the movement you've planned for the ceremony, the musicians for the reception, and so forth.

Post a mother or mother substitute at the front door before showtime. He or she will greet the guests, tell them where they can leave their coats, and direct them toward the ceremony site.

Assign some friends to act as ersatz ushers and help people with seating. Early arrivers will probably rush to reserve good seats; those who intend to stand will find spots with good sightlines.

If you're having a minister or rabbi, ask if you need to set aside a private area for him or her to change. (People really are curious about what clerics wear under those robes, you know.)

Assign someone to deal with guests who arrive late. Decide whether latecomers will be allowed to sneak in, or whether they will be asked to remain in the hall until an appropriate break in the service.