The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (89 page)

“Gosh, can't I go to the corner store, buy a few carnations, stick them in water, and call it a day?” Well, of course you can, but if you shop around a bit, you might find a florist who will work with you within a reasonable price range. (
Try citysearch.com
for listings and ratings of local florists; also useful are all the mainstream wedding sites, such as
theknot.com
and
weddingchannel.com
.)

As you set out in search of your florist, take the following into consideration.

Individualized service and personal commitment.
When you meet with a florist, ask yourself if it seems that this shop has a sense for weddings and large events or if the bulk of their business is delivering orange-and-black FTD arrangements on Halloween. Is the florist familiar with the spaces you're using, and, if not, is he or she willing to check out the locations ahead of time?

A specific style or specialty of the house.
Victorian English gardens, an architectural approach to floral design, or a slant toward the exotic are all styles that different florists might work best in. These days, many florists create a unique style that sets their shop apart from the rest. A tip-off is often the flower shop itself. Some florists have magnificent spaces that feel more like a whole environment than a retail store. Shops can be lush with fresh and dried flowers next to bundles of hay and branches, or the essence of simplicity, with a few gardenias floating in oversize bowls. Always scope out the selection in the cooler to get an idea of specific flowers that are most often used in their designs.

What the florist has done for other events.
Since about half of your total floral cost will be eaten up in labor, you're paying for the florist's taste, experience, and skill. Most florists have sample creations on their website, but ask for additional photographs that illustrate how their arrangements will fit into your overall decor. Some shops might give you standard design books or send you to a corporate website and ask you to pick what you want. Avoid this type of prefab flower shopping because you will rarely end up getting what the arrangement looks like in the photograph.

Meanwhile, florists tend to fall into one of three categories:

On the few occasions you bought someone flowers, you went to this little shop in your neighborhood with the nicest people running it, and, gee, you'd love to give them your business. Should you? Well, smaller shops are able to keep only a limited variety of flowers on hand—and a lot of burnt orange chrysanthemums. Maybe they're capable of special events, in which case you'll get very personalized service. On the other hand, they might not be able to handle large orders and will send you elsewhere.

Births, weddings, funerals, proms, horse races—the basic florist repertoire includes all of life's monumental moments. Most florist shops fall into this category and could be perfect for handling bouquets, boutonnieres and table arrangements.
If they do special events, there is probably a large staff on call that will step in to decorate for weddings, so check out references and see what kind of rapport you establish with the shop owner.

Some shops welcome new ideas; others have been cranking out these dove and mum arrangements for years and have a wedding package all set up: in the wedding package you'll get white-carnation centerpieces that for no extra charge can be spray-painted to match the colors of your bridesmaid dresses exactly.

On the other end of the spectrum you have the floral designer as Artist, the one who will give you the Garden of Earthly Delights. This flower connoisseur really fuels his or her work with imagination. Some florists will set up a shop that is also a crafts store or an antique store and use the eclectic articles along with your flowers to create a total look.

Your most reliable source for finding the floral artist or designer is through word of mouth. Some designers will be more than willing to work within your budget and welcome the challenge of putting their thinking caps on to reach new heights of a floral fantasia. Other florists are beyond snooty and will not touch a project unless they have total design control—and an unlimited budget with which to realize their vision.

Once you have a sense of your needs, interview several florists to find the one who strikes your fancy and will be able to work within your budget. And, since flower fees can potentially break you (the flowers for society weddings typically run in the tens of thousands of dollars), if you don't gel with the florist, bail early and begin again.

Not to play on stereotypes, but aside from, oh, perhaps a hairdresser, there's no business professional for a same-sex wedding with whom you're less likely to have friction than a florist. If you are up-front about your budget, and have specific ideas, your newly-found floral friend will try and work within those constraints. But because you should have some idea what questions to ask, here are some thoughts to help you prepare for the task.

If you're not a flower maven, visit nurseries and flower shops and learn the names of the flowers you've always loved the sight or scent of.

Find out which flowers are in season during the month of your wedding; making choices around seasonal flowers can save you money.

Bookmark pictures or arrangements you see online and e-mail the links to the shop.

If you're coordinating colors between clothing and tablecloths, bring in fabric swatches. But don't become obsessive about matching flowers to fabric; you're dealing with Mother Nature here. Flowers are just plain miraculous, and the last thing you should be worrying about is if they “match.”

Once you've found a friend in your florist, take the following steps to make sure that what is in your dreams is what shows up the morning of the wedding:

When deciding exactly what you want, ask again to see actual photos of their work or visit an actual event location and examine their arrangements in the context of a wedding. Some florists will do a mock bouquet or arrangement using flowers in the shop as a sample for your approval. Take photos so whoever has to duplicate the flowers the day of the wedding has something to work from. (The person who is making decisions with you isn't always the one to ultimately do all of the hands-on arranging.)

Get a written contract that spells out the date, time, place, and specific flower arrangements to be created. Each separate bouquet or arrangement should be listed individually so that you can keep track of the number of centerpieces and boutonnieres you ordered and what everything costs.

Spell out specific details, such as whether roses are to be closed or open, whether vases are to be returned afterward, and what substitutions are allowable if specific choices are not available a few days before the wedding. (If there's suddenly a huge frost that wipes out the country's larkspur crop, you've got to have a second choice in mind.)

You really should get free delivery for a large order, but most florists will tack on a setup fee because part of what you're paying for is their artistic eye. If this fee strikes you as unusually high, question it, and consider simplifying labor-intensive decorations.

What time do they come to the reception and ceremony sites, and what will they need when they get there? If they're setting up a few hours in advance, you'll need to coordinate the services with your key person at each site. If they plan on a large time gap between the setup and the ceremony, ask the florist if the building will be too hot or too cold—because, after all, you want the daisies to be fresh as… (you got it.)

Also ask how many weddings they'll be doing that day, and what their staffing is like. If they're doing too much on the same day, the florist could arrive late
and
with the wrong flowers.

Florists buy from wholesalers, usually at a flower market or in the flower district of large cities. Wholesalers get their flowers flown in from overseas and from around the country. The market changes based on availability, and availability changes according to your location, the time of year, and the weather. If you trust the florist, ask her or him to choose the bulk of the flowers by
market value,
meaning the best prices on in-season flowers on whatever day the florist goes to buy his or her stock. Make sure you discuss specific colors and the list of flowers you absolutely hate.

Violet.
In a poem by Sappho, she talks of herself and a lover as wearing garlands of violets. Violets were also worn by men and women in sixteenth-century England to
indicate that they did not intend to marry.