The Best Friend (34 page)

He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. Everything he ever wanted lay across his body, wanting him, needing him, and he was going to… what? Risk it all? Jeopardize losing her? Or changing whatever they had? It made no damn sense. But then… it did.

“I was offered a job. With an organization that fundraises for veteran causes and  organizations. You’ve probably heard of it, the
Hero!Fund
.”

She jerked up, pulling her legs beneath her. Her face bloomed into such pride and joy over his revelation, it seemed as if he’d done something truly miraculous, so he turned away, feeling slightly embarrassed. She grabbed his hand and sandwiched it between her two. He stared at them. She had perfect hands: long fingers, neatly manicured, and delicate nails painted today in purple with little half moons on them. She had soft veins that shone blue through her translucent skin and capable hands. His hand felt rough and hairy inside hers. His only hand.

He just couldn’t believe she truly didn’t give a damn about it.

“It’s in Washington D.C.”

Her face crumpled. “D.C.? A-are you considering it seriously?”

“Yes, I am. Gretchen, you know…”

She lowered her forehead to their joined hands, and rested it on their knuckles. Tears fell on his skin. “I know. You don’t want a ready-made family.”

“It’s more than a ready-made family, Gretchen. You’re adopting an eight-year-old, very troubled, little girl.”

“One that you like. You’ve helped her more than almost everyone else! You don’t have to move across the country.”

“Why not? Because I should move in here and… what? Take care of her while you’re at work all day?”

She slowly lifted her face and her tears began to dry as her gaze narrowed in on him. “Well… why not? Why couldn’t you? Why couldn’t you do just that?”

His mouth dropped in astonishment. He never expected that response from her. Her mouth suddenly flattened. “I mean it. Women tend to children all the time while men work, so why couldn’t you? It’s a valuable job. It’s more valuable than anything else there is. So why the hell couldn’t you do that? Why can’t you stay here? And be with me? With us?”

She suddenly slid off the bed and got onto her feet, now pacing as she spoke.

He flipped off covers and stood up too so they were staring across the bed at each other. “I can’t do that.”

“What can’t you do? Be with me? You already are. And you’ve been doing it just fine.”

“I can’t refuse this job. I can’t go back to how I was even a few months ago. I want to be different. And it’s taken me a long, tedious time to want that.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “So great! I made you feel so much better, you’re going to bail on me.”

He smiled slowly and shook his head. “Not exactly how I’d explain it.”

“Then how would you explain it? Huh? Why don’t you just come out and tell me? How you can’t be with me because poor you has only one arm. What does that have to do with the situation? Or being in a relationship with me? Despite Olivia or because of Olivia. Why does her living with me suddenly make or break us? Or am I to believe there is no us?”

“There’s definitely an us.”

“And we are fantastic together.”

“I told you from the start, I’m not in this to become a father figure.”

“So don’t be. Who asked you to?”

“Olivia does. Every time she’s with me.”

Gretchen rolled her eyes. “So being needed and wanted by a little girl scares you? Why don’t you quit hiding from every damn little thing that tries to enter your life? Why don’t you muster up some of that courage that you had while you were a soldier and use it here? Now? With me? I deserve that from you. We deserve that. Olivia and I. My ass, you weren’t ever doing this! When I told you on Christmas Day, you could have bailed then. You should have made it clear then. You should
not
have started helping me take care of Olivia, or sitting with Helen, and being, oh, I don’t know, like the goddamned father figure in the situation!”

Yanking the bedspread off in frustration, she bunched it up and threw it down before fisting her hands at her side. “You are utterly impossible. I can’t even tell you how much. First, you hide in your parents’ basement for two years after a failed engagement. Then you won’t drive. You won’t work. You won’t talk to friends. You won’t even be nice to the people who are trying to help you. Finally, after you stopped doing all that, and just started to make teeny, tiny steps forward, then you do this. You unilaterally decide  not to be with me. After three months of you being angry with me because I didn’t notice you for twenty fucking years, or that you wanted to be with me. Twenty! That’s a really long time—two decades. Who does that? Who gets exactly what he wants, the woman he claims he always wanted so damn much, and then… pisses it all away because he gets a little bit scared? Who does that?”

Her breathing sounded ragged and her voice was nearly a scream at the end. “What’s more… I fixed you. I made you nicer and made you value and appreciate what you still have. I motivated you to do something with your miserable ass. You wanted to impress me, so don’t you dare stand there now and deny it.
I
am the reason that this new Tony, which the veteran organization wants so badly, even exists. You would have never pursued anything without my presence in your life. Or my influence. Don’t you dare try to deny it… you wanted to sleep with me just to not feel like a miserable, damn failure. So my influence is what indirectly got you this offer. And now you’re going to leave me over it?”

He couldn’t remember the last time anyone could floor him so much, he couldn’t even find the words to answer her.
Gretchen?
Was this really the woman who so kindly cared for Olivia, and him, and everyone else while never admitting if it bothered her or not. Was this calm, responsible, respectful Gretchen the same woman he’d been dating now for enough months that he should have known she was prone to dramatic, unreasonable rants? Never, not even at Vickie’s choice for a wedding date, had he seen her so inflamed. Or so emotional. Or so crazy.

“Yeah, yeah, it was because of you. You’re right about all that. The thing is: once I started to heal, everything else got better too.”

“Well, no shit! Engage people and be nice, and gee… look at that! People might want to be around you more. Having other people’s comments and feedback about your one-armed heroism seems a lot better than hiding all alone in your basement. Wow! News flash. You found the mysterious reason that most grownups have jobs, girlfriends… and, you know, lives. The things you completely lacked. Until me, that is.”

She whirled around and headed for the door, but he was faster. Slamming the door, he stood in front of it and she nearly screeched at him in fury. “Move! I am done. With you. With this. With poor Tony and his one arm. You know what? It doesn’t matter. It never mattered. I loved you with it, or despite it, or maybe because of it, whatever you want to call it. I have loved you unconditionally and now, you intend to leave me because of it.”

Tears began streaming down her face. She raised her hands and buried her face in her fists. She shook her head as he grabbed her and drew her against him. Her body convulsed. She fought him, pushing against his chest. He could barely restrain her there.

“Shh…” he murmured softly as she finally ceased fighting him. With her hands around his neck, she stood there beside him as her body shook with tears. He leaned his head down until his lips were in her hair.

She finally sniffed. “Aren’t you supposed to say ‘it’s going to be okay?’”

“I hate being told that. I doubt you want to hear it, so no, I’m not going to say that.”

She finally wiped her nose with the edge of her nightgown. “I suppose you want to talk about it now? Like adults?”

He shook his head. “No. I want to make love with you and impress you with my one-armed…what did you call me? Oh yeah… show you I’m
not
a miserable, damn failure.”

She dropped her head, shaking it against his chest, and hiding her expression from him. “I might have gotten a little carried away.”

“Nah. You didn’t. I
was
a miserable failure. I was miserable company and miserable to live with. I did nothing, and preferred it that way. You changed everything for me.”

She lifted her head and he was taken by the emerald green of her eyes now glossed over from tears. He touched the pad of his thumb to one eye, and then the other. She shut them as she took in a deep breath. “Do you realize what I just said?”

“Yes, I realize what you just said.”

“And?”

“And I don’t think it should come as a shock to learn that I love you too. I’ve always loved you.”

She clutched at his neck and took in a shuddering breath. “You have a strange way of showing it.”

He didn’t answer, but trailed his fingertips over her face, to her chin, and her neck. He touched her collarbone and pushed down the straps of her nightgown. First one shoulder, then the other. The gown dropped to the floor in a puddle of fabric. She was only wearing her sheer, lacy, white panties. Standing there with her eyes closed, she allowed him to stare at her. He touched her nipple, which she loved. He liked making her feel good. Her legs wobbled slightly as his fingers played with it, pulling and elongating it. Her breath sucked in. He dipped his head, and put his mouth over it as his arm encircled her waist. She always felt almost crazy-boneless when he did that. He was ready to support nearly all of her body weight while she clung to him. She leaned her head back, and her hair feathered across his arm. Her long, white throat was exposed to his gaze as he sucked and kissed and licked her just the way she liked. And he liked.

He stepped forward, pushing her backwards, and still sucking on her. She clumsily, but somehow, guided them to the edge of her bed, where he lay her down. She wasn’t often on the bottom, for obvious performance issues. He couldn’t easily support himself above her. She was, however, game for anything else they could physically accomplish.

Reaching down, he slid her panties down her legs as she lowered her feet to the floor. Sliding his hand up her thigh, he momentarily wished he had two hands just to feel both of her legs. She never complained that he didn’t. Her legs trembled at his touch, in anxious anticipation. She arched her back and leaned herself closer to him. He pushed on her thighs, indicating he wanted her to open them. She complied. Her eyes closed, and her breathing hitched. He looked at her, so open and responsive and ready for him. She wasn’t shy. Or embarrassed. And she never tried to stop him from doing anything.

He touched his lips to her right knee first and she sighed. Then he kissed the length of her thigh in a long, slow ritual. Her whole body arched and rose up toward his lips as he came closer. She twisted and moaned in anticipation, always totally open with what she wanted and how much she wanted it.

He dropped to his knees before the bed, and leaned closer, kissing her softly at her opening. She nearly catapulted off the bed. Then she squirmed. When he touched his tongue to her, and into her, licking every part of her, she nearly screamed in response. Her entire body reacted to him as if begging for
more.
Now. She was swollen and slick with wetness. Her hands twisted and tugged at the blankets. She was nearly spread-eagled.

Her incessant cries were erotic, calling his name, along with plenty of ohs and groans that nearly made him come just from listening to her. His tongue twirled and twisted inside her. He licked her just like he did her tits until she came the way only Gretchen could.

Finally extracting his mouth from her, he glanced over her. He loved how she never covered herself. She wasn’t modest with him. She allowed herself to completely succumb to him and her ensuing reactions were nothing less than
hot.
He crawled up towards her head, and paused to lick her breasts until he was back at her mouth. She opened it and groaned when she tasted herself on his lips. Her tongue touched his lips, and engaged his tongue.

Placing her hands on his chest, she pushed up his t-shirt and tugged it over his head. He leaned back finally, parting just long enough to discard it. He had, long ago ceased caring about her seeing him naked. Or shirtless. Or one-armed. She sometimes kissed him there, or stroked it absently with her fingertips. It wasn’t something she ever avoided, or obsessed over. She often grabbed the capped-off spot where his arm should have been for better leverage when they were making love. At first, it nearly stunned him, but she was so damn open about it. He never expected to be so comfortable with any woman. Or to allow any woman to be so comfortable with him. But long ago, Gretchen managed to make him stop feeling weird about his amputation.

She switched to oral birth control after a few weeks of being together with Tony, so when he shifted and she climbed on top of him, he could easily sink right into her. The moan of ecstasy that came from his lips was the most genuine of his life. He could not get enough of her. He slid into her, as always… perfectly. He watched her come every time. He watched every twitch in her face, and her eyes when they shut in bliss or stared at him intensely with her emotions nearly glaring. Sometimes, he merely observed the jiggle or sway of her breasts, or how she flipped her head back and exposed the long column of her throat. She always looked so free, abandoning all worries and cares, when she was with him. Or when he touched her, or made love to her. And it wasn’t something he ever expected to encounter in his lifetime.

Gretchen Hendricks
. He turned her on, satisfied her, left her still wanting him, needing him, and nearly squirming with genuine desire despite his broken, amputated, incomplete body. It still didn’t compute that this was really happening to him. She trembled and moaned before leaning down and setting her palms on his chest for better leverage. Now lifting her hips higher, she eagerly impaled herself on him, engulfing him fuller, and making him harder, and more aroused. Closing his eyes, he finally relished all of the sensations that almost made up for… everything else. Being with Gretchen nearly compensated for everything else he’d ever lost in his life. He was practically whole again, and a complete man, when he was buried inside her. Rock hard and stiff, her wetness, and slick heat nearly finished him off when she climaxed. Feeling her hot body over him, and around him, he happily succumbed to her.