The Best Friend (29 page)

Gretchen cleared her throat and asked in a low tone. “Is this about Audrey?”

Leila froze and whipped around. “Audrey? How do you know about her? No one was supposed to tell you. Tony wanted it buried in the past. Did he tell you?”

“No, Vickie told me. Donny told Vickie.”

“That idiot. He should have respected his brother’s wishes.”

“He pretty much did. I don’t know too much about it.”

“Well, I certainly am not going to enlighten you about Tony’s private life.”

“But you’ll tell me to leave? Isn’t that called meddling? I never dreamed you’d have a problem with my being here.”

“I had no problem with you being his friend. I just never dreamed you’d do something like this.”

“Why, Leila? Why did you never consider I might want to date your son? Because he’s missing one arm? You thought I couldn’t see past that? Or desire him sexually with that? Maybe you should look at yourself first before you start casting stones at me. Why didn’t you think I would? And why aren’t you glad I do?”

Leila’s gaze was fierce. “Because you won’t stay with a one-armed man. You aren’t going to stick. And he is fine now, living here. He’s safe. He’s taken care of. There is no more worry. And don’t I deserve that? After everything I’ve gone through to get him back to a safe place in his life?”

Gretchen’s mouth popped open. “You don’t want anything to change for him. You want him to stay here, and remain living with you.”

“I want him safe so no further harm can come to him. If that means he lives here with me, then so be it.”

Gretchen started to argue, but Tony came wandering in from the living room. He glanced between them. “Everything okay?”

Gretchen forced a smile. So did Leila. “Sure, we were just contemplating if we should have seconds or not.”

“Just what I was thinking,” he said with a smile before turning and rustling around in the fridge to take out the dessert Leila had just put away. His smile was easy going, casual, and happy. Something rare for Tony. How could Leila not want that for him?

“Yes, well, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be getting off my feet.”

Tony frowned as he watched her leave the room. “What’s her problem?”

Gretchen bit her lip. Did she dare tell him? She didn’t want to ruin today, but neither did she want to lie to Tony. That was no basis for any good relationship. “She doesn’t want me here, not like this, I mean.”

“As in…”

“Sleeping with you. I should go. It’s late. It’s been… a lot for one day. For everyone.”

She started to reach for her coat hung on the bar stool and her keys. His voice stopped her dead. “You should stay.”

She glanced up. “Stay here? Under the same roof as your disapproving mother?”

He nodded, fastening his gaze on hers, intense and bright. “Actually, I think I’m done.” He took the dessert and put it back in the fridge before walking towards the top of the stairs and putting his hand out towards her.

Her heart blipped. His mother could still see him from the sofa, even though she probably couldn’t hear them. Lewis didn’t even take his eyes from the TV. Should they say something to his parents? Should she apologize to Leila? She felt a strong urge to do so even though she had no reason. Leila had nothing to do with them. It was ridiculous to care. But she couldn’t help it. She cared. She had always cared about what parents thought of her. Her own parents as well as her friends, and all the men she dated. Most parents, especially the mothers, liked her; and it was a bit shocking that Tony’s mother, of all mothers, didn’t. But Gretchen stiffened her spine and pretended to be the grownup she was supposed to be as she reached for Tony’s hand.

Chapter Eighteen

The basement was much as she remembered. It had the hazy, kinda gloomy atmosphere that was typical of a basement. The windows were high, allowing some light in during the day, and a few flashes of car headlights and streetlights outside at night. It was quiet in there, muffled from the outside noises by the thick concrete walls, which also contributed to the chill, which was significantly more than upstairs. They didn’t turn the lights on. The walkway led to the bed on their left, after only a few feet, and the living area lay on the right of the room.

He released her hand and she slipped her shoes off. “This reminds me a lot of being here at a very different time in my life.”

He glanced around, and turned his body from her as he mumbled, “It hasn’t changed much, huh? Too weird? You want to leave?” His tone was instantly guarded. Her heart froze and collapsed in her chest. He was always so ready to get rejected by her. She didn’t think Tony did that with most people. He was confident enough in himself that he didn’t much care what others thought. Nor did he usually assume they’d reject him. But with her, he usually did.

She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him, pushing her chest into his back while her hand circled his trunk. Again, yeah, kind of… strange on the one side. But not enough to mean anything. Or change anything. Or discourage her from wanting Tony because of it. She leaned her lips into the back of his neck and kissed the base of his skull. “No, not too weird.”

He leaned his head back at her ministrations. His entire body went still as if he were holding his breath. Waiting for what? Her rejection? Or for her to jump on him? What? She didn’t understand why he always became so intense around her.

His hand came to rest over hers. “It doesn’t bother you?”

His tone was quiet and his eyes were closed, but she knew what he meant. “No, Tony. It doesn’t really bother me. I wish it wasn’t so, obviously, for your sake, but not for mine.”

He shuddered when her hands slipped down to the base of his shirt. She tugged on it, pulling it up and he stepped forward. “No.”

His tone was almost panicked as he clutched his shirt and pulled it down again.

She sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. “You know I’ve seen it, right? When I caught you doing the amazing, super-hero push-ups.”

His mouth lifted a fraction of an inch. “They were the same push-ups that any man could do.”

“No. Nope. They weren’t. But anyway, I already saw what you look like. I’ll accept your shirt staying on. I’ll accept whatever you need to do, but I wish you wouldn’t. I wish you’d just trust me.”

He sat down next to her and his tone was weary. “It’s not that easy. I feel… incomplete.”

“Yes. I get that. But I don’t think you’re incomplete. It’s a little weird to grab you and not feel your arm. And a little weird that it doesn’t get in the way when I lay my head on your shoulder. But that’s okay. I mean it just is what it is. But it’s not something that hangs me up.”

“Most people aren’t so open about it. They cringe and try to figure out how to talk about it.”

“Is that bad? I mean it’s obvious you don’t have an arm. So sure, it’s a little different. But different doesn’t mean anything. Not to me, at least.”

His eyebrows lowered in puzzlement. “So, what? You don’t care about it?”

“Only in how it affects
you
. I find you attractive. I think I’ve already proven that. So you can keep your hang-ups, the ones that I’ve witnessed since coming back into your life… Or we could just skip them and be together. Like a normal couple. Like we can change in front of each other. And have sex without our clothing on. You know… normal.”

His lips twitched. “So, I am getting lucky again?”

She smiled. “Yes. But only if you’re quiet. I’d shrivel into a mortified ball if I thought your parents could hear us.”

“It’s weird to worry about parents at our age.”

She touched his face. “Oh, Tony, your life has been ripped to shreds and nothing is easy now. I get that. Probably even more now than when I first caught up with you. I was wrong for urging you to do some of things I tried to make you do. But you have nothing to be ashamed about. Not with me. Not about losing your arm. Not about where you live or what you can or can’t do.”

He averted his eyes, but shrugged. “The counseling isn’t so bad. Dr. Hart comes off a little stiff and formal, but he’s pretty good at getting to the root of things. And seeing through bullshit.”

She nodded. “I’m glad. But it’s not a requirement for you to be with me. There is nothing you need to do or be, nothing more than you are right now, here, today. And I hope you feel the same way about me.”

He glanced at her and slowly extracted her hand from his face. “Okay.”

“Okay? Okay what?”

“Okay, we can be normal.”

Her heart swelled and seemed to fill her chest. It was overflowing with new joy and happiness. He was trusting her. To see him naked. He would allow himself to be vulnerable in front of her. And different. His breath stopped when she touched the hem of his shirt. He closed his eyes, but didn’t try to stop her from lifting the shirt up as he ducked his head through the neck hole. He let her take it off and drop it behind them. His eyes remained averted.

She set her hand at the base of his neck, on his collarbone and ran her fingertips down his shoulder, first addressing his “normal” one. His body shuddered at her touch. She traced his arm, then went back up and down the front of his chest, to his rippling abs. She outlined them.

“I like these.”

His eyes popped open and he stared at her for a moment before finally showing a slow, half smile. “Yeah? Well, I have to do something to counteract the missing arm.”

She smiled into his deep, dark eyes, lifting her hand and setting it on his shoulder, two inches from his scar. He tensed and his entire body went rigid. His muscles grew taut under her fingers.

“Can I touch you? There?”

He closed his eyes and his breathing sounded ragged, but he finally nodded. He nearly gasped and drew in a breath as her fingertips brushed gently over the puckering of the incision. He kept his eyes tightly shut.

She couldn’t think of one thing to say. She didn’t know how to make this any better for him. Or how to make it easier for him to face
with
her. She didn’t know what words would make him feel like he could trust her with it. So she simply leaned over and kissed him. Right, smack dab, on the incision. Her lips touched and lingered momentarily as she softly kissed above and below it. Then she ran her hand along it, and down the side of his body where his arm should have been in the way. She got more familiar with it as it was, and not as it should have been.

It didn’t bother her, but her heart was shattered
for Tony.
For what he suffered and lost. It had nothing to do with her attraction toward him. How he was now truly had no bearing on how much she wanted to look at him and touch him
everywhere
. She didn’t want to gawk over his amputation. She simply wanted to be able to touch and look and kiss him freely… and everywhere.

“I don’t think anyone’s ever touched it before.” His tone was barely a whisper and his jaw was clenched. He didn’t like it, but he let her touch it anyway. She slid into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Even Audrey?”

His heart seemed to slam louder under her ear as his body tensed and his grip around her waist squeezed tighter.

She touched his hand at her waist. “Easy. How the hell can you have such a vise-like grip?”

He relaxed his fingers instantly. “Donny told you?”

“No, not a thing. He didn’t tell me anything. Vickie did. He mentioned it to her. He wouldn’t tell me anymore when I specifically asked him. So I guess I want to know what happened. From you.”

He pushed her off him and stood up. She watched him, and for once, it felt nice to be able to. His chest was long and sculpted. Far more toned and muscled than she would have ever dared to strive for. There wasn’t a trace of muscle definition to be found on Gretchen. His missing arm appeared almost startling from the side profile. He flipped around when he realized it was facing her, then clenched and unclenched his fist.

“I never knew you were engaged.”

“It happened after Will left for Washington state, so I never told him. No, there was no reason to know.”

“Will you tell me about her? You already know about my failed relationship.”

He snorted. “Yeah, I fucking lived through it.”

She stood up too. “Don’t go back to that. I don’t even really like the F-word. Could you not get angry at me just for wanting to talk to you?”

He rolled his neck before sitting back down. “You’re too damn logical, you know. You take all the wind out of anyone’s sails who is trying to be angry with you by how calm you are. And how you never react. And how freaking right you are.”

She smiled. “Freaking’s better.”

She dropped to her knees before him and grabbed his hand in hers, kissing it before she lay her head in his lap.

He sighed. His hand dropped to her hair and he fingered through it. It caused goose bumps to break out all over her skin. “You don’t do or say anything like I ever expect.”

“Will you talk to me then? Without getting angry? Tell me about Audrey, and I’ll tell you about Olivia.”

“Having shirtless sex would be more fun.”

“Really? Because you wouldn’t have said that an hour ago. Talking solved that problem.”

He sighed. “Just one of the pitfalls for dating a trained therapist, huh?”

She sat on the bed, before scooting to the middle where she crossed her legs and waited. He leaned back finally to lie flat on the bed, his gaze glued on the popcorn ceiling.

“What do you want to know?”

“She lived in Calliston?”

“Yes. I met her on leave. We hooked up. I was stationed in North Carolina then, so I didn’t think much of it. I saw her when I was home for a few years. Until we decided to make it a little more serious.”

“How long was it serious?”

“About two years.”

“You asked her to marry you?”

He flopped his hand over his bare stomach. “Yeah. Brilliant move. I got caught up, I think, in all the drama of being here, then leaving. She’d cry every time I left, and we’d count the months until we could see each other again. You know the drill.”

“Yes, I suffered through many a military separation.”