The Best Friend (30 page)

“Well, it added a lot of drama too. Anyway, the engagement just happened. I got word I was shipping out again and she started planning the wedding. And then… this happened.”

He shifted his gaze from the ceiling to her face before descending to the wall.

“What happened after you came home?”

“We lived together after we got engaged. So I came home to her. Like this. It wasn’t for very long. About three months later, I moved back here.”

“What did she do? I mean, how could she do that to you after what happened? After what you sacrificed.”

He sat up and his stomach muscles bunched as he did so without the help of his arms. “It’s not like what you think. Or what everyone else thinks. I put her through hell. She didn’t just dump me because she didn’t want to deal with this. She… tried. I didn’t let her do too much. I didn’t talk to her. I didn’t do a lot. I sat there mostly; and there were days when I didn’t get out of bed. I didn’t have sex with her. I wouldn’t touch her. Or let her touch me. I deserved it, Gretchen. I know what you were thinking, that we could blame Tony’s bad attitude on the girl who dumped him after he lost his arm.”

She ducked her chin down. Yes, she’d thought exactly that. She thought some flighty bitch just dumped him because his amputation was too much to see. Or too much work. Or made him too imperfect.

“You think I’m not so nice now? I was far worse to Audrey. I wouldn’t let her near me. Tell me, what was she supposed to do with that? She was only twenty-five. I sometimes wonder about the extent of what I inflicted upon her. So you see, it wasn’t like you thought at all. I didn’t love her enough to trust her near me. I was mean and depressed and I took it out on her. I moved home to try and shut myself off from society so I wouldn’t do that to anyone else. Yet, I still did it to Donny and my folks. I tried to do it to you. This is kind of it for me.”

“Wow. No one can fault your honesty. If you really feel that way, did you ever apologize to her? Or try to tell her you were sorry?”

He shook his head. “I haven’t seen her since.”

“Maybe you should think about doing it.”

He met her gaze. He nodded. “Maybe I should.”

“And Tony?”

“What?”

“’This’ isn’t all there is for you.”

“What else could there be?”

She held his gaze. “Me? Someone else? I don’t know. There’s no way to know, but look at what you’ve done in just the last few months. That website is phenomenal. Your speeches bring tears streaming down my face. You are not the same person you describe yourself as being two years ago.”

He blew air into his cheeks before slowly letting it escape through his lips. “Yeah, maybe you’re right. So what were you going to say about Olivia?”

“Her grandmother asked me last summer if I’d adopt Olivia when she dies. There is no one else. She’ll have to go to foster care. I said yes. And I want to. I love Olivia. There is simply no way I could allow her to be lost in foster care. None. No way. I suspect even if Helen hadn’t suggested and started arranging it, I’d have petitioned for custody regardless after she died. I can’t allow Olivia to be lost in such a harsh system. She’s too young. And too fragile. And too wonderful. And she means too much to me. I can help her, so I intend to.”

He jerked to sit up and his eyes widened. “You’re going to take care of her? As in being a mother to her?”

She pressed her lips together. “I am. I know it’s kind of a shock. But there is really no one else. Look, I didn’t plan on this thing with you. I don’t even know where we’re going. Olivia will be mine sooner than later. You saw yourself how Helen is doing. That’s why this day was so important to her.”

He ran his hands through his hair. “Jesus, Gretchen. That is not what I expected.”

“I know.”

“You… you’re really doing this?”

She met his gaze and her eyes caressed his face: the beard, the brown eyes, the hair drawn back. He could still surprise her at times. She could picture the old Tony in her mind’s eye. Not this new, gruffer, scrubbier Tony. This Tony who set her heart racing and her palms sweating. “I’m really doing this.”

“And this with us? A last affair?”

“No. I didn’t plan for this.”

“You can see I’m not fit to take care of myself, or you, or whatever, and there is
no way
I’m ready to be involved with a child. I mean…
shit.”
He ran his hand through his hair restlessly.

“Let’s not worry about it tonight. You know. There’re no games. Maybe we should try the shirtless sex. We’re already halfway there.”

He glanced down and frowned. Had he forgotten he was half naked? She smiled slightly. He had. He even forgot to be self-conscious.

He nodded as she pulled him closer and started to kiss him. He held her face for a second. “You understand then, there is no way I’m going to be… whatever, dating you, or something, with a kid involved.”

She put her hand over his. “I know, Tony. It’s okay. You’re the last person I would expect that of.”

Chapter Nineteen

Tony slept until nine the next morning. When he rolled over, he found a note on the pillow. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, pushing his tangled hair off his forehead. He grabbed the note and read it; then tossed it aside. He felt disgusted because he didn’t have to be anywhere and she did. Gretchen said she was sorry, but had to work, and went home to get ready. She would call him later. He flopped down on his back and stretched out.

Was this for real? Had he just spent two nights in a row with Gretchen Moore?
Hendricks.
God, he couldn’t get that to stick. He didn’t want it to stick.

He quickly showered and dressed. When he ran upstairs, he found his mother alone in the kitchen. He kissed her cheek as she sat reading a magazine at the bar. They exchanged pleasantries, and eventually, he ran back downstairs, turned the computer on, and started to work.

It was kind of new having something to do, and having someone so interested in what he was doing.

She called the next day.

“Hi.” Her voice was soft and breathy over the phone. She could easily have been on one of those phone sites where men pay to hear the women talk dirty to them.

“Hey.”

“Tony?”

“What?”

“I missed you.”

He slouched down and rested his elbow on his knee. Damn if her words didn’t make his blood race… and worse, ring completely true. “I think it’s been only a day.”

“Tony…”

“Okay, okay I’ll stop being obtuse. Yes, I missed you too.”

They chatted awhile about their days, his website, and ordinary stuff. It had been a long time since he talked about ordinary things with anyone besides his mother.

“What are you doing for New Year’s?”

“Uh, less than I planned on doing for Christmas.”

“I have a get-together that I attend every year. It’s mostly with other therapists I work with. It won’t excite you and you’ll probably hate it; but I’d like you to be my date.”

His heart seemed to stop and restart. It was such a simple statement. One he never expected would be directed toward him. Gretchen wanted him. As a date. As a normal,
let’s go out on New Year’s
, kind of date.

He cleared his throat, “Yeah. Sure, I’ll come.”

Her tone was soft and he swore she must have been smiling. “Good. I’ll plan on it. Pick you up, say at six o’clock?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

He really needed to do something about wheels. He couldn’t have her picking him up like he was a freshman in high school who was lucky enough to be dating an older girl with a car.

Maybe it was time to fix that.

****

Tony didn’t seem to hate the dinner. They were at a local French restaurant and about twenty of her colleagues and their spouses/dates showed up. It was dry, she felt sure, for him. Not his kind of crowd, but he was polite, and even charming a few times with the women. All around, he was unusually pleasant for Tony.

When she came to his front door, her mouth again dropped open. It might have been the third time she saw him dressed in anything other than sweats, but it still surprised her how he could clean up so well and look so neatly groomed. His hair was pulled back neatly, and his beard trimmed. His shirt was buttoned up and pin-striped with dark slacks. Everything was all tucked in and he looked very nice.

There were some curious glances at his missing arm. It must be hard to be stared at. Her mouth was set in a grim line as she contemplated him while he ate the noodle dish he ordered, most likely because it was the easiest one to eat single-handedly, and with no help. It wasn’t like those who glanced at him were trying to be cruel. It was just human nature to look upon that which is different. And Tony’s upper body was different. It was even startling. And it was hard not to look at a little, simply just from the curiosity of how it happened. But it didn’t involve cruelty or malicious interest either.

But damn, he must get tired of feeling different, and always being gawked at. Again, the magnitude of what he had to live with crushed Gretchen’s chest. The longer she was around him, the more she understood what it was like. Right off, the first time she saw him, she thought she could help him. But he really didn’t need help. He just needed some understanding.

And his choice to stay home was so he wouldn’t stand out as being so different, and so it wasn’t so glaring all the time.

He looked up while grabbing his glass of water, and his eyes held hers. She smiled slowly and he responded in kind. His mouth lifted on one side and he winked at her. Her heart responded with a resounding “thump!” She dropped her spoon onto her plate. Surprised, she glanced down and heat filled her cheeks. She cared. She really cared for him. He might make her feel unsettled and uncomfortable, but he also made her heart shift around in a weird way inside her chest. She desired him physically, and felt something very big and deep whenever his eyes met hers. It was an emotional reaction, that went far beyond their new, and very obvious chemistry.

It might have been hard for him to deal with being out in the world and a part of society, but he could handle it. Look at him tonight. He was a perfectly well groomed, polite, mannerly, and well informed. He held up his side of the conversation with both men and women alike, although he knew none of them but he chatted and smiled easily nonetheless. He could do this.

He could actually be part of her life.

Her chest rose and lowered as her breath increased to almost panting.
Shit.
Where was all of this coming from? It hit her like a Mack truck. She was well trained in emotions, observation, and reading the motives behind people’s actions and behaviors; yet with Tony, she was completely broadsided. The man she so quickly, and purposely seduced was also the man she might have been falling in love with.

Gretchen grabbed her drink and downed it in near panic.
No. No. No!
This was not the time in her life to harbor feelings for any man. She had gone several years since having a meaningful relationship. She hadn’t been in love since Will… and now she was choosing his best friend, and at the time in her life when there was absolutely no room for a man. Or a relationship. Or a change.

His words filtered through her head.
“You understand then, there is no way I’m going to be…whatever, dating you, or something, with a kid involved.”

Everything all came back to Olivia. Right now, her whole life was all about preparing for Olivia. It wasn’t easy. She didn’t get to start with a baby and grow into it. She didn’t get to share it with a father and have help. She would be taking in a young girl whose life just had everything meaningful  destroyed, which would leave her grief-stricken. It wasn’t going to be an easy transition, nor an easy fix. It would, no doubt, consume Gretchen.

Who could deal with that? How could she even ask anyone to? Especially, someone as troubled as Tony. She couldn’t see it happening.

Why did life give you everything you ever wanted, but at exactly the wrong time? Or in the wrong order?

She knew the answer, of course; it was because life was not fair. Life was hard and long. Good things happened, and so did bad things. She was trained to help young, innocent kids deal with the errant blows from life, which were all extremely unfair to them.

Now she had to grow up and do the same for herself.

****

“So, Tracy, Vickie, and I were going to take a girls’ weekend in January. But now, Vickie isn’t, and Tracy says she really can’t get away… so do you want to come instead?”

Tony glanced up from Gretchen’s laptop. He’d been updating his blog and going through his messages. “For what? A girl’s weekend?”

“No, we’ll call it a lover’s weekend with me.”

He squinted his eyes at her. “I had no idea you were such a dork when I wanted to get in your pants all these years. A lover’s weekend?”

“Ha. Ha. What would you call it then?”

He grinned, and her heart had a spasm, which was a weird reaction. It was so rare, not to mention, beautiful, to see him grinning and so easy going. He grabbed her arm and spun her towards him as he smiled. “Yeah, I’ll go with you on a lover’s weekend.”

She pretended to try and slip away, only for him to do a super-hero hold on her just to keep her trapped against him. The longing look in his eyes had her pulse skittering. His eyes zeroed in on her mouth. Breathlessly, she mumbled, “What you can do one-armed is a little freaky when you want to.”

“There again, stuff you shouldn’t say to an injured war veteran. I might have to teach you a lesson about respecting our nation’s heroes.”

He started lowering her to the floor of her condo and she held onto his neck with happy abandon. “Oh, you might have to. So we’re on then? Next weekend?”

“We’re on,” he mumbled as his mouth found her collarbone before he started sucking on it.

****

Leila glared at Gretchen as she stood there awkwardly waiting for Tony. Gretchen didn’t know why she hated her so much. Leila did no more than grunt at her the few times she came to pick Tony up or stay there. She rarely stayed, however. It made much more sense to go to her condo. But the few times she crossed Leila’s path, it felt like rockets could have been launched from the heated glares she directed towards Gretchen.