Textastrophe: A Collection of Hilariously Catastrophic Text Pranks (9 page)

Hi, is this the person that rents the margarita machines???

Hi!
Yes, this is Brenda.

ok good, how much??

???

$99 includes the mixer, 40 cups and straws and one mix of your choice! (:

Oh also the delivery is free!

fine fine, is the ice cream included or do I have to buy that?

Ice cream?

There is no ice cream.

ok doesn’t matter, how quick can you deliver it to me??

I can get it to you in the next couple of hours depending on your location.
Where do you need it delivered?

Can you just bring it to the Dairy Queen off 5th street?

I guess so?

Do you live near there or something?

Brenda, I’m not gonna try and sugar coat this.

I really screwed up this time.

I don’t understand.

I’m the assistant manager over at the Dairy Queen. I was trying to bring the blizzard machine home last night because I have a big date tonight and I wanted to impress this girl with some fancy kitchen appliances.

You know how women love kitchen gadgets.

OK?

Long story short, the blizzard machine fell down the stairs outside my apartment and now I’m just looking to put something in its place at the DQ until I can get this thing fixed.

If my boss finds out, I’m fired for sure.

I’m sorry. I don’t think I can help you. These machines only make margaritas.

Brenda, I’ve been working around frozen treats for almost 6 months now and I can tell you that a margarita maker will make a blizzard if you just throw ice cream and some reese’s pieces in it.

No it won’t.

And I’m sorry but we don’t rent them for that.

What the hell do you care what I use it for?

Why do I care?? This is my business and these are my margarita machines!

If you put ice cream and candy in them, it will ruin it.

Ok, tell you what, forget what I said earlier.

Tough luck, find somebody else.

I text her 30 minutes later from the same phone number …

Hello. I would like to rent a margarita machine for a Tropical themed birthday party for my Uncle Gary.

Are you joking?

No.

Stop texting me!

You got a lot of nerve trying to rent one again

You really fucked me and Uncle Gary over this time, Brenda.

How dumb do you think I am?

Hey, do you know if Party Time Margarita is hiring?

No!

Hi! Are you still looking for boat storage?

Yep, do you have anything available?

Thanks

My parents have a huge backyard and a giant garage. They’re away on business for a few months. I think they’d be totally cool with you keeping the boats here.

Are you sure?

Definitely.

How big is the garage, dimensions? And will it be available for the next 3 months?

Dude, I think you could probably fit everything in the garage.

It fits 3 cars.

Ok

They’ll need to be stored soon due to state leasing and watercraft regulation issues during the winter months.

You can bring them over today if you’d like.

But first, I have a couple of questions.

Will you be using them every day?

I won’t be using them at all.

They just need to be stored for the winter.

Ok

I ask if you’re using them everyday bc is it cool if I take one out sometimes?

Like, you think it’d be cool if I used the jet ski every now and then?

No, that would not be cool.

My friend Taylor’s dad has 2 SeaDoos and he said they’re easy to drive.

Dude, plans are almost locked in for Saturday. Get ready bro, we’ll be cruising all over the lake Don’t forget to tell Bridgette and Melissa.

Sorry, wrong text.

Right

Well thanks for the offer, I’ll let you know.

One more question.

If you did use our garage, would you be able to get everything out like really quick if my parents came home?

Probably not, but thanks.

This is the garage, you could probably just kick all my little brother’s stuff over to the side.

Yea, I’ll pass.

I text him 30 minutes later …

Can you let me know when you can move the Jet Ski into my garage? I wanna let Taylor know if we can go to the lake on Saturday

Sorry but let him know you guys will have to go another time.

… let Bridgette and Melissa know, as well.

Hi, are you still looking for 2 12 inch subs and an amp?

No

Oh, I saw your ad. I’m trying to get rid of some. Real cheap.

I have to get rid of them today. I can give you a great deal.

Have a radio too?

No radio, but these are top of the line subs. You and a friend can enjoy them.

$50 for everything.

Wat kinda amp and wat kinda subs?

I’m not really sure, they’re my ex’s subs. He was REALLY into subs and amps. I think they’re pretty good.

I cant buy them right now I only have something to trade

What do you have to trade?

A mini crotch rocket motorcycle.

Can you send me a photo?

I’ll send a pic when I get home

Ok, but I need the photos soon. I have A LOT of potential buyers.

im at work i cant leave

Alright, well I can’t guarantee anything. Lots of people want this stuff. How soon can you get home?

Im gunna try an sneak out of here and ill send you the pic. Dont sell it

here it is

can you send me a pic of the subs and amp

Here they are, pretty sure they’re both 12’s. Bottom one is definitely a spicy Italian, top one could be a cold cut trio, but I can’t really tell.

wait what are you joking i left work for this

Ok, after a second look, the top one is definitely a cold cut trio, I’ll take a pic from a different angle.