Struggling Free (Hidden Secrets Book 5) (14 page)

“Why
not? I would like to get to know you and maybe…more.”

“I
just got out of a relationship.”

“Me
too.”

I
sighed, halting my quick escape and faced him. “So what are you saying?”

“Let’s
test the waters. If anything we help each other push away the memories of our exes for a little while.”

Starin
g up into his eyes for a moment, “I’m Vicky. I own the cove property.” I grinned.

His
smile widened. “I’m Casey. I own the cliff property. Can I take you out for supper?”

I
smiled. “I’d like that, but can we just have a picnic either up there or at my cove? I’ve been on the road all day and really don’t want to have to go back out again.”

“That
sounds nice. Well, since you’ve been acquainted with my property, let’s dine at your cove. I’d love to see it up close.”

I
nod. We agreed on a time to meet in three hours. It’d give me an hour to get home and a couple hours to prepare myself. Honestly, I’m shocked to be going on a date with someone. I don’t even know Casey, but something told me I needed to do this. There was a bit of guilt there because I do love Jake, but he doesn’t return the feelings. If he had when he came here, he would have told me he loved me not just kissed me. The sex was explosive between us and I know my feelings for him are real. Unlike anything I’ve ever felt with anyone before, but I won’t be in a one sided relationship with someone and do it in front of the world to laugh at.

Casey
arrived on time. I helped him carry everything down to the cove. It was beautiful this time of night.

“You
are so lucky. This view is just… wow,” he said, staring at the setting sun.

“I
am lucky. My parents bought it when I was young so we had a place to get away too. It’s my favorite place.”

Conversation
flowed between us easily. We got to know a bit about each other. Casey worked in graphic design. He was almost finished building his home and will have a decorator in in a couple months to make it complete. He’s the oldest to three younger sisters. His parents are deliriously in love and have been since they were young. It was a good night. As he leaned over to kiss me, I was glad he was there. For the first time in a while, I wasn’t thinking. For tonight things just happened, I thought as he lowered me to the sand and hovered above me, kissing me.

Slut!
Echoed in my head, the longer we kissed. It’s been almost a month since we were last together. I’m sure he’s moved on. Why let life pass me by, holding on to a dream of a man that will never see me in the same light. My heart needed to let go and so did I.

# # #

Before I knew it two months had passed. Two amazing months. Casey was a great guy. His ex-girlfriend was a fool for letting him go. Though I have to say the shocker of everything would have been finding out that I was pregnant. Thankfully Casey was there for me because I almost lost it.

Casey
and I have yet to have sex so I know exactly who the father is. Plus add the fact that I’m already starting to show it definitely wouldn’t be Casey’s. Casey acts like it is though. He’s constantly rubbing my belly. The conversation about telling the father was a constant, but when I make him leave, he drops the conversation for a couple days.

“Do
I really have to go with you? This is your house not mine.”

“I
know, but I’d like your opinion,” he said from the living room as I tried to find clothes.

“What
opinion do I have? My place is still as it was left when I was thirteen.”

“Okay,
you have a point there, then just come so I can feed you.”

“Ugh!”
I threw a shoe at him as I walked out into the living room. “Fine, but this is under complete duress.”

“Duly
noted, now let’s go.”

“Are
you sure I look okay?”

All
my clothes fit tightly, but right now I refused to get maternity clothes. It was still not fully setting in that I was going to have a baby yet. Even though my stomach is getting bigger, I just felt buying the clothes meant it was official I was going to be a single mother. Honestly, I thought, no I hoped, that Jake would have come by at some point, but he hasn’t. It was just more confirmation that he doesn’t love me.

“You
look beautiful. Now stop, I’m going to be late.”

“Fine,”
I growled.

We met in a restaurant in the next town over. The drive was long, but probably even longer for Casey. I had to hit every bathroom along the way. Honestly, my bladder must be the size of my pinkie. Not only all the stops made it a long trip for him, but I whined the whole way there about not wanting to go. So when we pulled into the restaurant parking lot, he turned to me and smiled.

“If
you get through this with no whining or bad attitude, I’ll buy you ice cream.”

“Oh
that’s mean,” I said.

“I
know, but I know it will work,” he grinned at using my biggest craving against me.

“Fine,
deal.”

Once
we walked inside we were seated. The designer wasn’t there yet. Shifting in my seat uncomfortably so, I finally had to excuse myself to use the restroom. I stared back at the woman in the mirror as I washed my hands. My face was fuller. There was a glow almost to my cheeks. The only plus was my boobs. I finally had some. Laughing at myself, I finished up washing my hands. As I rounded the corner, I saw that the designer was there. Good hopefully they got everything out of the way and we can leave and get my ice cream.

Just
then Casey looked up at me and a smile spread across his face. He stood and walked to me. He leaned in and whispered, “Now behave so you can have ice cream.”

“Quit
teasing me. I’ll be good, but I’m not going to like it.”

“That’s
my girl,” he smiled, kissing me gently on the lips.

“Here
she is. This is my girlfriend Vicky. Honey this is the designer, Kylee.”

My
face pales and I’m suddenly super dizzy. Swaying, Casey wrapped me in his arms and gently lowered me to a seat. I couldn’t focus. My vision bounced from clear to blurry. Then his hand started rubbing my belly. Despite my panic, I was soothed by the gesture. I look up at the face of my heart’s desire’s sister.

“Hi
Kylee. How are you doing?”

“I’d
like to say I’m good, but judging by what I’ve just found out…I’m pretty pissed.”

Squaring
my shoulders, “You don’t have a right to be.”

“To
hell I don’t! Here Jack was going to bat for you and your hoeing yourself out already! Did he mean nothing to you? Did you just use him like all the women do?”

I
stood quickly. “I love your brother. He is the one that’s to blame here, not me! I don’t need to explain anything to you. Casey, you can finish your meeting, I’ll be in the car.” With that, I stormed outside and walked across the street to a small little park and sat on a bench.

Resting
my hand on my stomach, I thought about my options on where I could go to get away. I just know that Kylee is going to run and tell her brother. Then there’s Casey though. Can I leave him? He deserves better than me. I care about Casey, but was it more than what I still feel for Jake?

“Hey,”
he said cautiously as he approached me.

“Do
you hate me?” I asked without looking at him.

“Absolutely
not! Why would you think that?” He said, kneeling in front of me.

“Because
you wanted me to behave myself.” I tipped my head in the direction of the restaurant. “That was far from behaving,” I said sadly.

“I
think you handled yourself well, all things considered,” he smirked.

“Do
I still get ice cream,” I bat my eyes at him while pouting my lip.

“Definitely,
but first there’s something I need to ask you?”

“I
figured,” I dropped my head.

He
tips my head up with a gentle finger beneath my chin. As he leaned in, his eyes searched mine. Casey was searching for something, it was clear in his eyes. Sealing his lips over mine, he kissed me with a need I’ve not felt in any of his kisses. When he finally broke the kiss, he rested his forehead against mine.

“I’m
falling in love with you Vicky. Every day I fall deeper and deeper. I need to know if you love me too. If there’s even a chance that you and I and this miracle here,” he ran his hand over my belly. “Is there any chance we can all be happy together and you love me too?”

Chapter Eighteen

Jake

Time
has both dragged and flew by. I’m not sure how it’s done that, but it has. When I left Vicky’s completely crushed, I knew I was stopping at nothing to get her back. But I also knew that Vicky needed
me
not the addicted loser me, but the whole me. So I decided I’d give her space while I detoxed. It wasn’t pretty. My family was there for me every step of the way. If Eli had been there, I’m sure I would have ended up with black eyes. The thought made me smile. Jackson was my best support.

Getting
clean wasn't as enjoyable this time around. When I had Vicky, there was something to keep me occupied.  The surprise support was Danger.  Though he's an asshole on good days, he kept me focused through all of this. He said it was because I kept him distracted. Even I knew he cared. As much shit as he gives everyone, he knew he was part of a family and we'd all stick together until the very end.

I've
tried to call Nate several times but haven't been able to reach him. I know it's not because I'm missing him. He was avoiding my calls, all of our calls actually. Even Mary has tried calling. Colt decided to fly over and check on him. Jason offered to go, but he has a newborn baby to be with. Because I was a mess at the time the plan was made, no one would let me go. Probably better that way since I was the one that pissed him off to begin with.

Stepping
out in the backyard, I took a deep breath. It was a great feeling to be able to breathe and know it’s different now. I wasn’t trying to clear my head after a crazy drug induced night. No, now I know what happened last night or there were no horrid flashbacks of what happened. I wasn’t waking up on my bathroom floor anymore. I was waking normally and for the most part happily.

The
haunts that constantly beat in my head, they were gone now. Part of my family’s plan for my detox was to address the reasons I started to begin with. The hardest part was sitting down with Kayla. I felt I’ve let her down the most.

“Will you hold Jackie for me for a second?” Kayla asked with her arms full.

“Do
you think that’s a good idea,” I grumbled.

“You
won’t hurt her. I know you,” she said confidently as she handed me Jackie.

Holding
Jackie cemented in me what I was doing this for. It was for her, Colbie, Mitchell, EJ and Ella. They needed someone to look up to and get the right information from. The man I was would never be that man. All I can do is hope that I was becoming the right man now.

“Do
you want me to take her now?” Kayla sighed, as she sat everything down.

Looking
down at my beautiful niece, “No, I’m okay right now.”

She
looked so much like her mother, but every now in then, in a face, you could see a bit of Jason in her as well. Jackie was just drop dead gorgeous even at only a month old. One day I hope to have at least one of my own. My heart clenched in my chest and I have to fight against the guilt that shot through me.

“You
almost didn’t have this because of me,” I whispered, not taking my eyes off Jackie.

“No,
I have this because of everything that happened. Look Jakey, I know what happened to me was a shock to all of you, but look at it from my prospective please.”

“How
in the world will that help me,” I yelled, causing Jackie to start to fuss.

I
bounced her gently in my arms shhing her. Slowly she calmed down and looked up at me with those gorgeous eyes of her mother. Her eyes had a calming effect on me. Soon I smiled down at her then she grabbed my finger.

“What
I mean for you to do is understand what I’m about to say. Alex took a lot from me, Jake. A lot. The only thing he hadn’t taken was you guys. I know that you guys wouldn’t have turned on me, but you would have taken the blame. And you did, Jake. You and Carson took it to heart more than the others, but you all did.”

“How
could we not, Kay? It was happening right under our noses and we didn’t even see it.”

“Don’t
you see,” Kay said as she moved in front of me. “As much as I wanted you to see, I didn’t. It wrecked you all. It’s a moment, I can’t take back from you and I hate myself for it every day. The thing is though, I wouldn’t be here right now if it all hadn’t happened. This precious little girl named after my two favorite brothers, she wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t have the love of my life. Frankly,” she looked up at me, “I’m happy with my life right now. What happened is in the past. I’m not letting it taint my future, why are you?”

For
the first time I looked at my sister as the strong
woman
she’s become. Kayla is no longer the cute little sister that hung on my leg every time I’d leave for a while. She’s not the little girl that danced on my feet. Kayla definitely isn’t the woman that Alex thought she was. The woman that sat before me was no longer in need of her big brother’s help.

“You
are so smart, Kay Key.”

She
took a deep breath and tears filled her eyes. “No one’s called me that since…”

“I’m
so sorry. I forgot that Eli gave you that nickname. Sometimes I just…”

“It’s
okay. It just took me by surprise is all,” she said after a few moments. “I still can’t believe he’s gone.”

“Me
either. I feel like I lost part of myself when he passed,” I murmured sadly.

After
a few moments of silence, she stood. “Jake, you need to let go of the guilt over me. It’s going to ruin your life. You have so much to live for. Eli lived every day he had left to the fullest. We should all take a page from him. Stop letting things stand in your way to happiness. You deserve it, whether you think you do or not.”

Kayla was definitely smart. Never did I expect for Kayla to teach me a lesson. I always thought it was supposed to be me teaching her. Having the whole conversation with her that day changed something inside of me. It seemed to give me strength. Every time I just wanted to give up, just wanted to end it all, her words came back to me.

My
family has always had the knack of pulling together when one of us was in need, but what was even stronger was our bond not only between each other, but others we’ve pulled in along the way. Our family never judged on blood. We always judged on bonds. To make you a sibling did not mean you were blood. It simply meant you were a part of our hearts. Once you made it that far, you never left.

Turning,
I walked back inside and was greeted with a warm hug from my mother.

“Good
Morning Mother.”

“Good
Morning my dear, sweet son. How are you feeling this morning?”

“Like
I’m ready to get my life back in order,” I smiled at her.

No
one would ever be as beautiful as my mother. Her beauty was not just in her looks, but the amazing heart she had. It shined brighter than the sun. For a long time, I hoped for my wife to be just like that. After a while and all the women only wanting me for my career, I began to doubt that I’d ever have that. Many times it got so bad that I felt like giving up my career just so I stood a chance. Now, though, now I know my future wife will have that same light because I’ve met her. Now all I need to do was make her see that too.

One
of the many things that got me through this point in my life were thoughts of my beautiful Vicky. She was guarded and hidden behind walls. I saw her struggle with our being together, that whole client thing, and I guess that made me an ass for keeping up the whole thing. The truth of the matter was I just couldn’t stop myself. Being with Vicky, I felt different. It was like for the first time I was living. I was alive. In order for my life to be complete, I needed Vicky.

“I
think you are too, but not before a good homemade breakfast.”

“What
are you going to make?”

“Hmm,
where’s that menu for
Alphonzo’s
?”

“Why
do you need the menu?” I asked, confused.

“How
do I know what we’re going to have without the menu,” she smirked.

“Wait
a minute. All our Sunday breakfasts were ordered out.”

She
laughed. “No Sundays were all me. Some of the other days of the week, I can’t say the same for.”

“Oh
Mama,” I teased.

“Hey,
you cook for thirteen on a regular basis and see how much time you have in a day, then we’ll talk,” she smiled.

“Good
point. Not to mention all our friends we brought home. I guess I can excuse you. Why order out today though? It’s just us and Dad.”

She’s
moving around the kitchen, opening drawers. “That’s where you’re wrong. Everyone is coming over. There is no way I’m cooking for twenty-four people son. Not without having started last night,” she laughed.

“Good
point. Cupboard by the fridge the pull out cookbook.”

Mom
smiled and patted my cheek. “Do you need my help with anything as you get things back in order?”

“No,
ma’am. I need to grovel and beg if I have to.”

“Oh
Vicky huh?”

“Yes.
I love her Mom. I just couldn’t tell her until I had my life in order first. She deserves better than that.”

“When’s
Colt leave to talk to Nate?” I asked as we browsed through the menu, writing orders down.

“Tomorrow.
I hope he can make things right again. Oh, and Nick is going instead. Colt had some things come up.”

“Probably
better that Nick go. It will get him away from his constant depression.”

Mom
stopped what she’s doing and looked at me. “What’s wrong with my boy?”

“Um,
nothing?” I said cautiously.

“Jacob
Williams! If I have to use your full name you’ll be getting put over my knee young man,” she warned.

“Jennifer
left him, but I didn’t tell you that.”

“What?
What happened?” Mom loved Jennifer. She honestly thought that the first marriage would have been between them.

“All
I know is that Nick finally told her he loved her and she broke it off with him and left. That’s all I know.” Mom gave me that look that made any of us divulge our secrets. “Okay and she moved across country. That’s really it though I swear it.”

Mom
always had a way with getting anything out of us kids. No matter what it was or how long ago it happened, she could get it out of any of us.

“Mom
you have to let him tell you.”

“Oh,
he will,” she smiled at me.

We
set about ordering the food, waiting the hour for it to get there. When it arrived, we quickly changed it out into dishes. Just as we were setting it on the table, Jack and Shannon arrived with the boys. Immediately, I was pulled into hugs from the boys. Laughing as I tickled them before they ran off, I stood to be pulled into a quick hug from Jack.

“It’s
good to see you again,” he said sadly.

I
sighed, “It’s good to be me again. Honestly, I never thought I’d get to this point.”

“I’m
glad you are. You really had me worried,” he said just as sadly.

“No
looking back right,” I grinned.

“Right.”

Everyone soon arrived and we were all sitting around the table enjoying the ‘homemade’ food. That’s when Jeff made a comment that had me laughing so hard I about fell out of my chair.

“Mom,
it’s official, you are where I get my cooking skills from. This is delicious as it always is.”

Mom
glared at me as my laughter became harder and harder to control. I pounded my fist on the table, tears streamed down my cheeks as Mom graciously accepted the praise for the meal. Soon Mom was joining in and followed by the boys who admittedly said they didn’t know what was so funny. That only made me laugh harder. Everyone gave me and Mom strange looks. It only served to make us laugh harder.

Dad
coughed. “You two care to share what is so funny,” he said with a small smile.

My
attention turned to Mom and she’s trying hard not to laugh. “Oh, fine,” she said. “I didn’t cook this. I ordered it from
Alphonzo’s
and switched everything to dishes with the help of Jake here.”

“What?”
Jeff said. “This tastes like your normal meals.”

“That’s
easy to figure out there Jeffrey,” I joked.

“Every
time?” Jeff gasped.

“Not
every time, but most of the time. Sundays have always been me.”