Struggling Free (Hidden Secrets Book 5) (9 page)

“How…”
Jake broke off shaking.

“Let’s
go in,” Jack said.

“I’ll
go sit in the waiting room,” I said, turning to leave.

“Please
don’t leave, Vicky. I need you with me.” Jake pleaded. “I’m not strong enough,” he whispered.

“Look
at me,” I urged cupping his face in my hands. “I’m here for you, Jake. I love you and will always be here for you.”

My
eyes widen when I realized what I just said. I could see Jack’s eyes were pretty big too. Jake, however, didn’t even seem to hear what I said. Part of me was relieved that he didn’t.

“Thank
you Vix,” he kissed me lightly on the lips before taking my hand and walking into the room.

The
room was crowded. The bed wasn’t even visible. Jake’s hand tightened on mine as he slowly moved further into the room. Sobbing and machines beeping were the only sounds to be heard. My heart was breaking for everyone in the room. As we got closer to the bed, Jake’s hand began to shake in mine.

Squeezing
his hand tightly in a feeble attempt to offer some comfort and strength, he turned his head to look at me. His eyes were full of tears and sadness.

“I
can’t do this,” he choked.

“You
need to. I’m right here. As long as you need me, okay?” I struggled with my own emotions.

He
rested his head against mine as he cried. After a few moments, he pulled away and we walked the rest of the way to the bed.

Chapter Twelve

Ja
ke

Seeing
my brother hooked up to all those machines killed me. What hurt the most was seeing how pale and fragile he looked. Eli was one of the strongest men I knew. Hell, Carson was the talented fighter that he was today because of Eli.

Standing
next to his bed, I reached out with my other hand and held his. Slowly, he turned his head in my direction. He groaned.

“Oh
not you too. Have all my brothers turned into pussies while I was away?”

“Eli…”

God!
I couldn’t talk. Here’s my older brother that I looked up to, played with, secretly had contests over girls with, laying in a hospital bed looking like half of himself.

“Get
me paper and a pen please. Please,” he begged me with his eyes.

“I’ll
get it for you Eli,” Vicky said leaning down kissing Eli’s cheek.

I
wasn’t sure what I’d do without Vicky right now. Giving her a small kiss, she left the room.

“Why
didn’t you tell us?” Finally finding my voice.

“Right
and have all my
younger
siblings come running to me and ruin my time. Besides I’m the oldest. My job was to look after you guys not to be looked after. I’ve only had a few episodes since I left.”

Pulling
a chair over, I sat down so I could hear him over the crying and chatter behind me. Eli took a deep breath.

“I’ve
been happy, Jake. Please don’t make me feel bad for finding some happiness.”

“Is
that where you disappeared to lately? Wherever you’ve found your happiness?”

“Sometimes,”
was all he said.

Taking
a deep breath, “Is there anything they can do?” My voice was shaking.

“No
, brother. Hey, can I ask a favor from you?”

“Of
course,” tears filled my eyes.

“Can,”
he took a deep breath, “can you and Jack look out for the others? Take over for me?”

The
air left my lungs. My determined, let nothing stop him, brother was giving up. He was letting go.
God No!

“E,
please don’t. You can’t talk like this. Please,” I pleaded with tears streaming down my cheeks.

“Jake,
I have congestive heart failure level four. It’s not ‘if’ anymore. It’s when. Please I need you to promise me. Give me this peace of mind. Please.”

“Yes,”
I croaked.

Vicky
came back in with three notebooks and several pens. Smiling at Eli, she handed them to him, kissing his cheek again.

“Here
you go. I hope that’s enough.”

“Thank
you, Vicky. I know what you’re doing for my brother and that means so much to me.”

Her
eyes flew up to meet mine. I shook my head. Honestly, I had no idea how Eli knew, but then again this guy would know if you sneezed from four hours away. There was no way I could fill his shoes like he wanted. Jack couldn’t really help either because he had his family with Shannon being pregnant and the boys.

“Come
on, you don’t think I don’t know my brother by now? He’s always thought he was slick, but I’ve always known and have done my damnedest to get you to stop, but every time I failed. I’m glad you’re finally getting help now.

Everyone
stayed in the room for a few more hours talking until Eli kicked us all out. No one wanted to leave, nor did we go far. Vicky and I walked across the street and got a hotel room. Mom and dad did the same.

When
Vicky and I got into the room, I was drained. My heart was heavy and I couldn’t even begin to wrap my head around the fact that I’m losing my brother. How was I supposed to not want to talk to Eli when our team lost or one of our siblings messed up? Walking over to the window, I stared out at the hospital. He can’t be leaving us. He just can’t. He’s too young.

Vicky’s
arms wrapped around me from behind. Resting my hands over hers, I take a deep breath. Her strength is the only reason I haven’t fallen to my knees and broke completely down. In the time we’ve been together, she’s really began to mean the world to me. Okay I won’t lie, from the day I met her she meant more to me than I wanted to admit. Turning in her arms, I pressed a gentle kiss to her lips.

“Thank
you for being there for me today, Vix. It really means a lot to me.”

“Like
I told you before, I’m here for as long as you need me,” she said smiling up at me.

She
took my hand and led me over to the bed. Honestly, I wasn’t sure how I was going to sleep, how any of us were going to sleep. The only thing I could think about was when I shut my eyes was that my brother might be too. Vicky curled around me and I wrapped her in my arms.

“He’s
going to be okay, right?”

“I
don’t know,” she said quietly.

S
he tightened her arms around me and started to press kisses against my neck. Just like she always has, she turned me on. My blood left my brain and roared south. Tonight was different though. It was a different feeling. This time
she
was different. She looked at me differently. We made slow passionate love until we both screamed out our releases collapsing to the bed and fell asleep.

# # #

We were all back in Eli’s room bright and early. The minute visiting hours started we were all there. None of us wanted to miss a moment with Eli. Vicky sat on my lap and we all just kind of sat quietly as we watched Eli sleep. My heart was heavy. It was aching.

Please
Lord, save my brother. Take me. Take me in his place. Please just don’t take my brother.

“Amber?
Amber? Where’s Amber?” Eli asked with his eyes still closed.

Kayla
grabbed Eli’s hand and held it to her tear soaked cheek. “Who’s Amber, Eli?”

“Amber?
Amber? Where’s Amber?”

He
kept repeating this over and over again. Tears fell down my cheeks. None of us knew what to do or how to find her. Jack told us later that he had found Amber and was trying to rekindle what they had. That man has never stopped loving her. The problem was that we have no idea where she was. Eli never told any of us.

“Amber
can you hear me?”

Vicky
climbed off my lap and sat on the bed next to Eli taking his hand. “I’m right here,” she whispered.

“Oh
thank God. I love you. I love you so much. The time we were apart only made me love you so much more.”

“Eli-”

“No wait, listen. My family will love you. They’ll watch over you. They will. Stay with them, please. Please promise me, Amber.”

She
looked up at all of us and we all nodded. “I promise, Eli. I promise.”

“You
were my world, you always were. Now I’ll watch over my world with wings to carry you. I love you. Help my parents. They are going to need a new lawyer, even if you’re only a writer now. Look out for my brothers and sisters. Please don’t let them fall because I flew. Remind them always how much I love them. I- I- I…”

He
starts gasping and jerking in the bed. Nurses and doctors rush into the room and we’re kicked out. We all crowded together in the hall. My heart was breaking in my chest. My whole body was shaking, sweat broke out over my forehead. It was getting so hard to breathe.

God
no! Please don’t take him. Please don’t take him! He’s not ready to go! I’m not ready to let him go!

The
door opened and the doctor said that he’d give us all a chance to say our goodbyes. That was it, nothing more. After my turn, I hit my knees and cried. I sobbed like there was no tomorrow. Vicky kneeled down next to me, wrapping her arms around me. I jumped up and quickly backed away from her.

“Don’t
touch me,” I hissed at her.

“Jake…”
she started.

“No!”
I yelled and everyone turned and looked. “This is your fault! He’s dead… My- My brother is dead because of you!” I roared.

“I
thought-”

“If
you’d kept your fucking mouth shut he’d still be here.” Running my hands through my hair, everything was blurring in my head. “I- I need to get out of here,” I said as I started to run off.

“Jake
, no! You’ve been clean this long. Don’t fall off now. Eli wouldn’t want it!” She yelled from behind me.

I
spun around. “Don’t you dare bring my brother into this! You don’t get to kill my brother and then use him as some kind of leverage.”

Tears
fell down her cheeks, “Jake, I-”

“Shut
the fuck up! Stay away from me!” Turning, I stormed off.

The
minute I got out of the hospital and in my car, I called my dealer. “Hook me up triple this time. Leave it in the drop zone. Your money will be there at the normal time.”

“Man,
are you sur-”

“Do
what I asked damn it!”

“Sure.
It’ll be there.”

Zipping
down the roads, I reached the drop off found my package, replaced with the money. Then drove off and went back to my room. I thought about going back to the club, finding a girl to get my rocks off with, but truth was no matter how lost and angry I was Vicky was it for me. However, I died with Eli. There was nothing left of the man that lived in this body.

Sitting
in my office with pictures of Vicky and I and Eli and the family, I continued to push the drugs. The first amount wasn’t enough to clear my head, so I kept going until a clear thought finally formed. Staring down at the photos before me, Vicky will never forgive me for the way I treated her and I just couldn’t go on without my brother. Pulling out some paper and a pen, I start to write a message.

I’m
sorry, Vicky. I love you, but I’m no good for you. Just know that I died with a love that I never thought I’d feel. You gave me life, now I’m giving you back yours. Goodbye.

Tears
fell on the paper, I pulled out another piece.

I
couldn’t save him. I prayed for God to take me instead, but instead he took Eli and left only my shell behind. I can’t let you down anymore. I can’t be the man I once was. The man I’ve become does not deserve to be here and I can’t seem to make him go away. I love you all very much. Find your happiness and hang on because the minute you let it go nothing will make sense again… Goodbye.

More
tears fell, I grabbed the remainder of my drugs. Looking at the pictures one last time, then took the last of it. As the panic consumed me, I sat firm in my chair staring at the last face I wanted to remember. She looked so beautiful in her evening dress, but the picture I loved the most, it was her in her pajamas and messy hair. My heart started hammering rapidly in my chest that I swore I could see it through my shirt. My vision started to blur as my breathing picked up and then there was nothing…