Shampoo (48 page)

Look at me. After everything I’ve
gone through, I emerge shallow as ever. I should choose the guy who
has the best boyfriend ability. And still I put passion and sex at
the top of the list instead.

I will never learn.

It’s so blissfully summer right
now. A perfect summer night. The air coming in my window…heaven. It
even smells and FEELS like summer.

Holidays are almost
here!!

Thursday 14 December
2000

9.35pm

I think I’m officially on
holidays!!! Cause Renee sent me home from work today, sick, and
called to my retreating back, “And don’t come in tomorrow like
that! Take an extra day’s holiday!”

You don’t need to tell me
twice!

I went to the doc, and
I’ve got whooping cough again. Go figure.

Ever rang. And we had a LONG,
LOOOOONG talk. Like too long even for my girlishness to bear, let
alone how he must feel.

(but who really cares about
that)

Oh God, I’m too tired to go into
it all. Will write it all tomorrow. But basically, he cares. He
kept saying he does.

I fell hard, all over again for
him.

I don’t know what to do. Ever has
said all this before

(not quite as much as he said it
tonight though),

but Matt’s there, being and doing
all the right, sexy things…

(God, Matt is sexy…but this is
supposed to be about Ever)

Ever said it over and over,
practically begged me

(was so hot)

“
Give me one more
chance. Just one more chance, woman.”

Oh, it tore my heart in two! He
sounded so hot, and upset! And him being upset over me was even
hotter!!

I don’t know! I kept crying that
too – “I don’t know!”

I don’t want to get hurt again.
And I don’t want to hurt Matt.

Matt has suddenly become this
PRIORITY to me. Sucks!!

Friday 15 December
2000

2.22pm

Officially on holidays!! Woot
woot!!

And too sick to move.

My cough’s better today

(liquid codeine is my friend…my
BEST friend),

but I still feel like
shit.

Tee visited late yesterday arvo,
and brought me a container of her handmade brownies.

Oh God, they’re so good…eating one
now in bed. Crumbs everywhere.

She’s so sweet to me.

We watched ‘Never Been Kissed’
together, draped over my bed.

Ever rang at 5.30

(that, too, is a change for him
and his OCD ways),

and it went like this:

“
Hello?”

“
Dan there?”

“
Nope.” I had to
bestill my out of control beating heart, cause I did not want to be
hurt by him. Him ignoring me and asking for Dan would normally send
me screeching and wailing. I just wanted to get through this phone
call with him, calm and zen-like.

(for once!!)

“
So…how are you?” he
asked.

“
Fine.” I was giving
him NOTHING. Nothing, I tell ya!!

“
You sound sick
again.”

“
I am.”

Awkward, giant, ROOM FILLED pause.
I could practically FEEL how surprised he was by my monosyl replies
and tone. I’ve never talked to him like that before.

(how does it fucking feel,
Everard!!!! Feels pretty shitty, doesn’t it!!)

I could tell he was shocked I
wasn’t yipping away at him. And that was eating away at
HIM.

(if I’d known that works, I would
have tried that a long time ago)

“
Just tell Clewsy I
called,” he finally said, sounding so put out.

(ha ha!! Suck it!)

“
Okay.” I hung
up.

Then I ran back into bed, laughing
and squealing. Tee shook her head at me. “You’re learning,” she
said.

“
Did you hear that??
Did you hear how rude I was? I’ve NEVER been like that with him
before – ”

“
I heard.”

“
Ahhhh, that was
BRILLIANT!!”

Tee and I’s eyes widened as the
phone rang again. We both knew it was him.

“
Oh, he loves you so
much…” Tee laughed, while I was running for the phone,
squealing.

“
Hello?”

“
Maybe I should ring
back for Clews…” Ever trailed off.

(oh God, I’ve discovered I love
this uncertain Ever)

“
That’ll be easier,
hey?”

“
Whatever floats your
boat, Everard.”

“
So how are
you?”

“
Sick.”

“
Yes, I think we’ve
covered that…”

“
There’s a lot of sick
to cover.”

“
You need to take
better care of yourself – ”

“
Oh, don’t give me that
CRAP, Ever!” I snapped. The pink beast was loose.

“
What crap?” He sounded
relieved. The girl he knew

(and loved??)

was back.

“
The boyfriend crap. It
doesn’t become you.”

“
Don’t use big words on
me. I’m just a lowly warehouse worker – ”

“
Hiding Donald
Trump.”

Ever laughed. He sounded relaxed
now. “So how have you been?”

“
You know how I’ve
been, Everard.”

“
No, I really don’t –
”

“
Calling might have
helped clue you in.” A pause. “I’ve been devastated.”

“
That’s not what I
hear.”

“
What do you hear?”
Damn Dan.

“
That you’re with Matt,
EVERY SECOND – ” Bless Dan.

“
Like I said, Ever,
don’t go all boyfriend on me now – ”

“
Right, right. It
doesn’t become me.” He paused. “How was your weekend last
weekend?”

My invisible Girl Antennae shot
up. The weekend he slept in my bed while I was away. Why is he
interested in last weekend??

Matt.

“
Fine,
fine.”

“
I hear you stayed with
Joy – ”That gave me a heartstart right there. Yeah, I’ve talked
about Joy with Ever, but he’s never once repeated back any of my
friends’ names. He was showing exceptional interest in my life all
of a sudden.

Was so hot!!!

“
Yessssss,” I replied,
meaning, get on with it.

I knew it was coming.

“ –
and you stayed at
Matt’s…” He left it open, like a question.

He wanted confirmation.

“
Yep,” I replied, like
this was beneath me.

(it kinda is)

(but ohhhh, I want to make him
pay, so bad. I want him crying on a floor somewhere. Like he’s done
to me for six months)

Hope was beginning to flare in me,
though, that he cares.

“
So you did stay at
Matt’s?” He sounded surprised.

“
Yes, Evvy.”

“
Why, what did you
do?”

“
Just had dinner, went
to the pub with his mates.”

I swear I could HEAR the audible
gulp from Ever. “I SEE…”

(no, Everard, you really
don’t)

“
That must have been,
AHEM, nice for you,” he continued.

“
It was.”

“
Where’d you
sleep?”

“
Excuse me?”

“
Where’d you sleep? His
bed, the floor – ”

“
The
FLOOR??”

“
Well, you do like to
get drunk – ”

“
I don’t NEED to get
drunk around Matt – ”

(hmm. Was that true?? Feels
significant)

“
Is that right?” He was
all snide now.

(even his snide tone is still
sexy. I could listen to Ever’s voice all day long. I love his
voice)

“
Yep-pah.”

“
Did he kiss
you?”

“
Oh my God –
”

“
DID HE??”

“
Will you
stop!!”

“
I just want to know –
”

“
Well I’m not telling –
”

“
So he DID kiss you
–”

“
NO! Everard, he
didn’t.”

Sigh of relief by Evvy. “Did you
sleep with him?”

“
I don’t know how YOU
make love, Ever, but it’s pretty hard to sleep with someone without
kissing them.”

“
You KNOW how I make
love, woman.” Oh God, his sexy growl reply was my undoing. I went
weak at the knees and collapsed on the floor. “Did you sleep with
him, Karina?”

“
You’ll never know,
Everard.” Ha! Ha ha ha ha fucking ha! He so deserves
this.

“
I’m not playing, woman
– ”

“
Neither am I,
EVERARD.”

“
Ugh. You’re so FUCKING
INFURIATING – ”

“
What do you care
anyway, Ever? We’re over,

remember – ”

“
I care, okay? I
CARE.”

I snorted. “Pfft. That’s some
fucking joke – ”

“
Are you not listening,
woman? I CARE. I FUCKING CARE!! Are you HAPPY NOW??” he started
yelling. “EVERY BODY, I CARE!!! I just shouted it out my window!
HEY, YOU OVER THERE!! I FUCKING CARE!!!”

“
Alright, alright. Calm
down. Don’t get your knickers in a knot.”

(I was like HIGH on his yells of
caring. So fucking high)

“
Please don’t talk
about knickers, woman – ”

“
Why not?”

“
Cause all I can think
about is yours. Pink. Lacy.” He made a groaning noise.

“
Ever – ”

“
I care,
woman.”

“
I heard you. Whether I
believe you is another thing – ”

“
Keep seeing
me.”

“
What?”

“
Keep seeing me,
woman.”

“
Define
‘seeing.’”

“
How it was –
”

“
No deal.”

“ –
but
MORE.”

“
More how?”

“
I’ll do more things,
I’ll be more boyfriendy – ”

“
Ha!”

“
I’ll do it all –
”

“
Ever, you’re not
capable of it – ”

“
I am! I am!! Just give
me another chance – ”

We went round and round in circles
for ages.

Tee finally stepped over me, waved
goodbye, whispered to me I needed privacy for Evvy’s big Love
Declaration.

“
I want to keep seeing
you, just not as full on as you want it, but give me time –
”

“
Just admit you don’t
want to be a boyfriend, Everard, and be fucking done with
it!”

“
THAT’S NOT WHAT I
MEANT!” he suddenly yelled.

(I hate how I find him sexy, even
when he yells)

“
I want it proper, or
that’s it.”

“
I WANT to see you,
just not full on – ”

“
That’s not GOOD
ENOUGH, Evvy!”

“
What WOULD be good
enough?? A fucking marriage proposal?”

“
It’d be a start,” I
replied calmly, while my heart frolicked like it was at the
beach.

“
How about my blood?
Would you like that, too?”

“
You’re being AWFULLY
dramatic tonight, Everard, and girl like – ”

Ever let out a frustrated growl.
“You’re KILLING ME, Karina!!!”

“
Good! Now you know how
it FUCKING FEELS!”

“
It feels like SHIT. I
don’t like it.”
“Welcome to my world, Everard.”

“
I want to BE in your
world.”

“
No you fucking don’t!
Not properly!!”

And we were off again. Shouting at
each other and going round in circles.

“
You’re fucking
stubborn, Karina – ”

“
Oh, I am?? You looked
in a mirror lately, Ever??”

“
Take what I’m offering
or leave it, woman – ”

“
I think I’ll leave it,
thanks – ”

(oh I am so brave now…especially
with Matt standing in the wings, ready to step in and take
over)

“
Ugh, I HATE THIS COCKY
YOU, KARINA – ”

“
You prefer me crying
on a floor somewhere, don’t you Evvy?”