Shampoo (43 page)

“
Or detectives,” I
added. “Like in Moonlighting.”

Matt completely cracked up
laughing. “Moonlighting!!! I like that.” He laughed some more. “I’m
David Hayes and you’re Maddie Addison.”

(close enough)

I LOVE how he knows their
names!!!

(sort of)

I fell. More so. In that
moment.

Turning up at my doorstep, taking
me to look for my car, FINDING MY CAR, dropping everything to rush
over to me this morning, putting me first, like all that wasn’t
enough…

The knowing and getting
Moonlighting did it for me.

I’m in trouble here.

4.31pm

Ever rang. I’ve got tears in my
eyes, cause I didn’t tell him how I feel.

(you’re gone, buddy, and Matt is
in!!!)

He was all, “I hear your car’s
been stolen!”

(Dan)

“
Yes, but we found
it.”

“
You FOUND
it??”

“
Yeah. Me and
Matt.”

(couldn’t help enjoying that
little knife in his side)

Silence. Throat cleared. “You and
Matt?”

“
Yeah, well, I RANG YOU
FIRST, and your mum said you were asleep, so I spoke to Matt, cause
– “

(I’m secretly half in love with
him)

“ –
I was going to
drive us and Lachie and Melinda to the coast tomorrow, so had to
tell him I can’t, my car’s been stolen, and he turned up here, like
IMMEDIATELY, and we went looking, and we found it.”

Silence. Wounded silence by Evvy.
“I would’ve taken you to look for it, you know.”

“
But. You
didn’t.”

“
If you’d told my mum
your car’d been stolen, she would have woken me. I would’ve come
over and taken you to find it.”

(how does that pain feel, Evvy?
Hope it fucking hurts!!!)

“
Would you have,
Evvy?”

“
YES!!!” Pause. “Can
you come over?”

“
DUH. My car was
stolen. It’s at the insurer’s.”

“
Shit. I can’t believe
it was stolen!”

So then we got off the phone and
he didn’t offer to come pick me up.

Nice.

5.18pm

Mark and Josie have been
round.

They’re so nice. I love them so
much. I love the Scooby Gang.

They always take such an interest
in me, like I’m this fascinating creature. It’s nice to feel
loved.

(happens so rarely)

“
Have you seen our
boy?” Mark asked.

“
No! I see you more,
Mark.”

“
You want us to drop
you at Evvy’s?” the sweet, sweet Josie offered.

I can only imagine how OCD Evvy
would react if I was unexpectedly dropped off at his house. He’d
have a fit, ignore me, treat me like shit, and I’d have no way of
getting home.

“
Ah, that’s sweet of
you to offer, Jose, but he wouldn’t drive me home.”

“
What?” Mark asked,
confused.

“
Trust me, he
wouldn’t.”

“
I can’t believe that!”
Mark exclaimed.

Josie kinda looked like, “I
can.”

She is HIS friend, after all.
Friends since school, not Evvy and Mark. So I’m sure she knows what
Ever is REALLY like.

“
He needs his head
examined,” Mark declared.

“
Hmmm,” was my
response.

(instead of, “Hell
yeah!!”)

5.33pm

So I rang Ever to give him a
serve.

If Josie and Mark hadn’t egged me
on, I so wouldn’t have rung him and got myself all
upset.

So I begin revving him, and he’s
half asleep and dopey

(dopier)

and going, “I don’t want to hear
it!”

He’s been crap for weeks again.
I’m so disappointed in how it is.

“
How about I just hear
it from you tomorrow night,” he said nastily.

What did he mean by that?? That we
have plans tomorrow?? That I’m such a nagger that I’ll be on the
same rant tomorrow still?

(he’s probably right. I will be.
Cause I’m so unhappy in this crap relationship!)

I just hung up on him. He’s not
going to hear anything from me now!

Going to go cry.

7.33pm

I just watched THE best episode of
Moonlighting EVER!!!

It’s the one where they FINALLY
get together. Oh I loved it so much. It’s Thursday night’s episode
I taped to video.

I will keep it forever.

It reminded me of Ever and I.
Maddie and David were both saying they’re sick of the time wasted
on each other, to still not be together, and they’re going they’re
miserable, it wasn’t meant to be…

Then they kiss and make
love!!!

Swoon.

Sigh. Why is Matt’s face coming
into this picture though?

Tomorrow is what should be Ever
and I’s six month anniversary. Six months from the first time we
kissed.

(and got arrested)

But does he know that?? No. I want
flowers and romance.

I want his love. He doesn’t love
me.

Mark and Josie just came in. They
got home with Nat and Dan from wherever they went, and came into my
room and asked me straight away, “What happened with
Ever?”

(like they knew I would call him
after our convo!! Or Ever told them. Does everything really get
discussed in this group?? Seems like it does. I can’t SHIT without
one of them telling the other I have)

(kinda warms my heart, I love
being talked about and cared about and thought of)

“
I said to him, ‘you’re
annoying me, I want to tell you how you annoy me, ‘ and he said he
doesn’t want to hear it, and I hung up!”

(funny how things get a bit lost
in translation)

I’ve got to sleep.
Depressed.

Monday 27 November
2000

7.00pm

Had to do everything with my car
before work this morning – pick up hire car, sign forms at Suncorp
repair centre.

I got to see my baby covered in
fingerprint dust. The assessor told me the police had dusted her
for prints yesterday afternoon.

Then I drove my new hire car, a
Toyota Camry

(yuck)

to work, and found Matt and I
finding my stolen car the talk of the place.

All the warehouse boys (including
Matt) came out to look at my car. “See if you can thrash this one,
Pinky,” Benny said. Then, “piss on Toyota.”

I agree, Benny. But she’s actually
got a bit of guts in her! I’m impressed and trying not to be. Must
stay loyal to Holden.

I quite like driving her. I love
the gears for some reason.

(shh, my car might
hear)

Ever didn’t call today. He’s
called me every day. Until today.

Tuesday 28 November
2000

7.34am

Can’t wait for my
holidays.

10.00pm

I’ve been to Ever’s. And, WHAT A
SURPRISE, I’m very upset.

Kinda numb, too. Defeated. In
shock.

Just bloody give up on him,
woman!!

(oh my God, he calls me woman all
the time. Heart ripping itself out of chest)

Evvy and I talked and talked, and
nothing was resolved.

I was all, “I can’t do this
anymore,” and he was all, “I want to see you still.”

I wish he’d stop fucking saying
that. It just keeps me hanging onto him. Why can’t he just say ‘I’m
over it, be gone woman’??? Would make it much easier for me to walk
away.

“
I want you madly in
love with me, Everard! Can’t stand it, going crazy, pull your
fucking hair out love!!” I said.

“
I can’t!! I can’t BE
that person! But I CARE, okay? I care about you, and don’t want you
to end this.”

(he admitted to
caring!!)

“
I know I’ve done so
much wrong, woman. I WILL get it right.”

“
Will you?”

“
Eventually,
yes!!”

“
I only want a proper
relationship. I don’t want all this other crap!”

I burst into tears then. He
grabbed me and pulled me into bed with him.

Then he started kissing me, and
positioned me so he was on top of me while he ravaged me with his
lips and hands. Was hot.

But there was no way I was making
love, making myself that vulnerable, then walking out and us being
over

(or worse),

or things exactly the same between
us.

Evvy basically BEGGED me to stay,
while I was begging HIM to tell me how he really feels.

“
USE YOUR WORDS,
EVERARD!!!”

“
I don’t have any
words!”

“
Then I’m going!” And I
would push him off me, go to stand, and he’d grab me and flip me
back on my back and climb back on top of me.

Fuck it was hot.

“
I just can’t SAY
IT.”

“
It?”

“
It.”

“
Ugh, Evvy, you’re SO
ANNOYING – ”

“
So are you, Lady!!
TRUST ME!!”

Then we’d stare at each other some
more, inches apart, him pinning me down, then grab each other and
kiss madly.

Then it would start all over
again.

“
I need MORE,
Ever!”

“
Then let me get there
in my own time – ”

“
It’s been SIX MONTHS,
Evvy!”

“
Really? It’s been six
months?” while he pinned my hands above my head.

“
It was our six month
anniversary, like, the other day.”

“
That’s cute. Our six
month anniversary OW!!”

(I’d managed to free a hand and
whack him)

“
I can’t do another six
months like this.”

“
I’ll try
harder.”

“
I don’t WANT you to
try harder. I want you to be SO INTO ME you just ACT like a loving
boyfriend.”

“
I just CAN’T!! I may
NEVER be able to – ”

“
Then. Let. Me.
Go!!”

We went round and round and round.
Finally, I said, “You call me when you want a relationship,” and
Evvy was all, “No, you call me when you want to see me.”

He eventually ALLOWED me to get
up, and followed me, and it damn near broke my heart, cause he
didn’t seem so tough and unbreakable anymore. He seemed like a lost
puppy.

I got to the door

(with him right behind me – now he
chooses to walk me out??),

and Evvy said, “You can call
me.”

And I whipped round and cried,
“Ever, no!! I’ve told you how I feel. I want to be with you, but
not like this. YOU call ME when you want a relationship. A real
one. Not this shit.”

Ever hates ultimatums, he hates
not being in control, and I could see his motherfucking, stubborn
ass, ego driven

(like all males)

face change.

Gone was Lost Puppy, in was
Stubborn Asshole.

He started shaking his head, said,
“NO. No. I. Won’t.”

I opened his door. “Ever, I’m
done. I’m not going to argue with you any more.”

And I turned and walked
out.

And he let me!! He fucking let
me!!

How can he let me go???

I can’t believe the way he held me
and kissed me. I felt it, even if he couldn’t (wouldn’t) say it.
But I know myself, and I can’t keep going through any more of this
crap with him, any more of these outings where he ignores me
completely, any more of his ‘don’t touch me or talk to me’
moods.

Enough is enough. I gave it six
months of a go.

Yet I feel completely
heartbroken.

Wednesday 29 November
2000

6.58pm

I’m lying in bed feeling very
sorry for myself. I’m getting sick AGAIN.

This is what happens from total
lack of sleep and being so upset.

I think I cried for HOURS last
night. Was just wrong, being that sad.

House is quiet. Work was long. Nat
and Dan are MIA.

I can’t believe last night. All
that went down, all that was said. I can’t believe I let Evvy see
me cry THAT HARD. I was bawling, sobbing, “You’re not madly in love
with me!!” and he looked to die for. So gorgeous. So intense. So,
haha, this is ironic, MADLY IN LOVE WITH ME.