Shampoo (52 page)

I especially love how he pulls me
to him all the time. That is my weakness with him.

Tee was ESPECIALLY FUNNY last
night. I don’t see her drunk often, she’s always classy and in
control and the responsible one, screaming, “We’re gonna die thanks
to you, Karina!!” as I do something stupid…but she let loose last
night.

Was so funny to see!

She was doing these perfect
cartwheels in her vintage clothes last night in the carpark near
Mary St. I was cracking up laughing.

And so frickin’ jealous she can do
cartwheels. I’d fall on my head.

Nanna Nat drove Tee home, and then
me, Nat and Matt came back here.

Can’t stop thinking about how Matt
looked last night in the city…how he was…

Goosebumps.

Anyway, so today Nat and I had
Christmas Day with Gran and Grandy and Jackie and Steve.

We drove all the way to Lowood and
sat in the sweltering heat outside, eating a boiling hot Scottish
lunch in 40 degree heat.

I’m boiling just remembering, let
alone living through it.

Wish I was on the beach. Got
social obligations though.

Sunday 24 December
2000 CHRISTMAS EVE

9.03am

I ended up going over to Tee’s at
6.30pm yesterday.

It was even fun ON THE WAY to
Tee’s – was a bright, STUNNING, summer afternoon. I had the windows
down in my baby, and the summer breeze blowing through my hair, the
stereo cranking, me revving my car, hooning around…

Heaven.

And I had to stop at the bottle-o,
and grab food, and at each stop, I’d look up at the sky and sunset
and just get goosebumbs, it was all so delicious.

Nothing like summer air in
Queensland. It’s like you can SMELL and FEEL the beach on the
breeze. There’s nothing like it.

It was like one of those AMAZING
moments in life. And that excitement of a great night to look
forward to.

I love that more than anything,
that ANTICIPATION of great moments to come.

Anticipation, excitement,
unresolved sexual tension…they kinda make me happy and my world
turn.

Like a Moonlighting episode. Life
would just be SPECTACULAR if it were one big Moonlighting
episode.

So I arrived at Tee’s in the BEST
mood, lugging a bag of presents, bag of champagne, bag of takeaway,
and my luggage from the car and up her stairs.

“
Two words, Karina,”
Tee laughed, as I struggled. “Two. Trips!”

“
Stop laughing and
bloody help me!”

Tee and I drank champagne for a
couple of hours, WARM champagne, cause Tee’s fridge is
broken

(that must kill her, her fridge
being broken, the foodie that she is),

and we opened our presents to each
other.

That was the most fun ever!! Tee
spoiled me so much. She’d already bought me a pink, sparkling, 70’s
style bag

(very Charlie’s Angels)

that she gave me the night before
and I took to Dicey’s; plus last night she gave me a GORGEOUS pink
and gold beaded cushion, and a pink, fairy-like hanging lantern
thingy…with the cushion, I’m imagining a pink genie-type room. Plus
all these beautiful odds and ends, like a pink genie bottle, pink
stationary set, and a (pink) Groovy Chick pencil case, which I just
ADORE.

(I love Groovy Chick)

I love all my presents, they’re so
beautiful. I feel so lucky and loved at the moment.

(it’s a strange
feeling)

Tipsy (ie. drunk) on warm pink
champagne, we walked to the Norman Park ferry, but missed it, and
the next one wasn’t for an hour, so we started walking to the Story
Bridge, walked all the way there then hailed a cab, and went to
Mary St.

(where else??)

We stayed upstairs drinking for
awhile, then went downstairs and danced all night.

I had a pang for Evvy on the
dancefloor. Was just cause it was Mary St I think, and I associate
the place with him.

But upstairs, all I could think
about was Matt. I feel like he’s been permanently by my side
lately. I felt a bit lost without him by my side.

Not good.

Downstairs – Ever. Upstairs –
Matt. Is Mary St my heart????

I’ve barely thought about Ever
really. Wow. Who knew that could actually happen?

Out of sight

(almost),

out of mind.

Beautiful song on the
radio at the moment. I love it!! Shivaree, Goodnight Moon.
Dreamy.

I’m also about to read more of
this new author I found a book of hers down the coast the other
week, Meg Cabot. Oh my God, I am loving ‘Boy Meets Girl’ like a ten
million dollar whore.

Anyway, last night Katrina was SO
DRUNK. I love when people get wasted around me. I’ve never seen her
that drunk before. She was hilarious! I think all we did all night
was laugh hysterically. She fell over in that spot outside Mary St
that I always fall over

(someone really needs to fix that
hole!!),

and I was in stitches. Doubled
over, trying to cling to the wall for support while I cacked
myself.

Tee just lay there on the sidewalk
for AGES.

Oh God. TEARS.

Then we went to McDonalds on
Elizabeth, and Tee was all, “I’m outta toilet paper!! Quick, get as
many napkins as possible,” and we just stood there, stealing
napkins, while the guy waited to serve us.

We seriously stuffed like 200
napkins in our evening bags. We were hysterical as we did it, even
the guy couldn’t stop laughing.

(what does he care his workplace
has all their napkins stolen? He’s being paid four dollars an
hour)

Then we ordered enough food for
ten people. Burgers, nuggets, cokes, shakes, sundaes.

(“Oooh, apple pie!!”)

Oh my God, the list went
on.

Worse, WE ATE IT ALL.

Tee squirted the tomato sauce
sachet on the (24) nuggets and it landed on my drink lid and made
the perfect smiley face. Was fucking freaky!

We were gone again, in stitches. I
carried that drink round to EVERYONE eating Maccas, going, “LOOK!!
Can you believe this?? A perfect smiley face!!”

One guy asked for my phone number.
I was all, “Dude, do I look like I’m in any state to remember my
own phone number??”

“
Oh my God, YOU’RE SO
EMBARRASSING!!” Tee squealed.

Today Nat and I and Dan have
Christmas Day to celebrate with Mum, since Mum refused to be at
Gran’s for Christmas if her sister was there.

And by celebrate, I mean SURVIVE,
then tonight me, Melinda and Lachie’s sister Louise

(Melin and Louise are best
friends. Sucks to be Lach hey!)

are celebrating Melin’s birthday
together.

I think I’m still drunk from last
night.

Wednesday 27 December
2000

7.46pm

Just got home from Tee’s. My God,
so much has happened.

I’m in love. I’M FUCKING IN
LOVE.

And, for the first time ever, I
feel it so reciprocated on my ass!

How did this happen?? It’s like I
went from no love, to unreciprocated love with Ever, to me still
alone and hurt, to no Matt, to suddenly Matt there, and then Matt
and I in love.

IN. LOVE.

I can’t quite believe it myself. I
feel completely swept off my feet.

I’ve been reading romance novels
since I was 8 years old. I’ve always wanted someone to sweep me off
my feet.

Oh God, he is everything I’ve
always wanted!! I’m so happy and high on one hand, and so fucking
scared on the other.

For surely I will sabotage this.
I’m in over my head.

I’m not healed from everything
that has happened to me. My issues with men run very deep. Don’t I
have to be on my own first, POSSIBLY FOREVER, before I can be okay
with someone else? Before being in fucking love?

Feels like it. I feel impending
doom. Pink storm clouds above me.

I don’t deserve Matt. I’m not good
enough for him.

I will SURELY fuck this
up.

Sunday Nat, Dan and I had
Christmas at Mum’s. We were spoiled rotten.

We got home in the afternoon, and
I had to race to Garden City with the rest of the last-minute
losers, for Christmas presents for everyone.

I was in a bit of a tizzy, trying
to shop with a beautiful heart and get heartfelt gifts, but also
grabbing shit madly off near-empty shelves too.

I just about died, in a good
way

(for once),

when I checked my bank balance at
an ATM.

There was almost two grand in
there.

This holiday pay thing is
GENIUS.

I feel so rich.

I came home and spent the
sweltering afternoon madly wrapping presents and doing a very bad
job of it.

“
That looks like
something you might throw up, Kerry,” Dan declared, coming in to
watch my madness. “And I should know!”

“
Shut up and pass me
that sticky tape.”

He held up what looked
frighteningly like an empty holder. “You mean the empty
one??”

I started yelling, “Shit. Shit!
SHIT!! Shitty shitty fuck fuck,” and ran to their room, where I
knew my sister’s Christmas stash was in their cupboard.

I had to be at Melinda’s by 6pm,
and I arrived so happy to see Lach there. I gave him a big
hug.

Louisa and her six year old girl
were there, and Lach left us girls for our night.

Lach, Melin and Louisa are all
hippies basically, and I was hacking up a lung constantly, so I
found myself lying on the floor suddenly covered head to toe in
various colourful crystals while the girls did a crystal healing on
me.

“
Can’t I at least have
my spew madly?”

(spumante)

“
Ssh. Lay back. Here,
another crystal goes on your forehead…”

Lord help me.

But damn if I didn’t stop
coughing.

It was lovely spending Christmas
Eve with them. I feel like I have all these friends again, after so
long on my own.

It makes my heart full. I love
everybody.

Melinda bought me such gorgeous
presents. A beautiful pink pot, a GORGEOUS pink silk nightie
set

(that I LOVE LOVE
LOVE),

and a pink wax comb for my
board!!!

I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!

Everyone has bought me such
thoughtful gifts. I feel so lucky.

Before Lachie left, I gave him his
present, and you should have seen his face. He loved it so
much!

It’s a three pic long frame with
three photos of him doing those incredible burnouts in my hire
car.

Oh my God, the smoke, and the car
really clear amidst all that smoke, and Lachie, his arm hanging out
the window, thumb up. Classic!

Lach gave me a pink tub of surf
wax – although it’s called sex wax. I was very confused for a
second. I almost said, “Lachie, Melinda is here. Give it to me
later,” but then realised what it was.

I love my surf stuff so
much.

Notice how Lachie and Melinda’s
presents to me match?? She bought me the comb to wax my board with,
and he bought me the wax.

They are SO getting back
together!

Thank God.

I got home about 10pm and fell
into bed.

Then it was Christmas morning. And
instead of being alone, feeling alone, being ignored by Evvy, etc.,
I had Matt arrive, loaded with presents.

I took one look at him walking in
the door and just died.

I WANT him. I want to be glued by
his side all the time.

Yet I start scratching all over
when I think those thoughts.

Nat and Dan had already left to
have Christmas morning at Dan’s parents, so Matt and I had the
place to ourselves.

“
Let me kiss you,” Matt
said, while I was already in his arms.

“
No,” I
whispered.

“
You’re like a
frightened kitten,” he said.

I scratched my neck. “With
hives.”

“
That’s hot.” Except he
said it like it really was hot!

I laughed. “I love how you think
everything I do is hot.”