Shampoo (61 page)

“
Oh you cheers
ANYTHING, Steve! Hey, I’m going to the fucking toilet! CHEERS!!!
Oh, I’ve gotta go do a GREAT BIG SHIT! CHEERS!! Oh that cat just
got run over! FUCKING CHEERS, MATE!!”

Tears just remembering.

Then Andy was all, “My fucking
balls hurt.” He glanced over at me. “What? They fucking do! You’ve
never had a lit cigarette land on your balls, hey Pinky? Your pink
balls.”

I’m off again. Can’t stop
laughing.

When I got home, the house was lit
up like a Christmas tree.

Considering how late it was, I
wasn’t expecting Fred and Ethel to still be up.

(now that I think about it, they
were waiting up to see where the fuck I was and if I was gonna
return home, or if I were lying in some ditch somewhere)

Prior to leaving, I’d been alone
in the house, Dan and Nat were nowhere to be seen, the house had
been dark, Ever had been hurling abuse at me over the phone, and
I’d been sobbing my heart out.

I guess I’d expected to come home
to a dark, evil house. Loneliness. Heartbreak.
Something.

Instead, the house was lit up,
warm, Dan playing Playstation loudly¸ Nat at the dining room table,
drawing

(least it’s not
knitting),

Cleo came bouncing over to me and
Gizmo meowed from her perch on the ironing board in the
kitchen.

It felt like coming home. Which
was a beautiful feeling after shattering that badly
earlier.

“
Finally, she graces us
with her presence,” Dan said. “You know your fucking boyfriend has
rung here two hundred times.”

“
Which one?” I cracked,
plonking down on the couch next to Dan. Which wasn’t even funny.
Considering.

Dan laughed though. “The new
one.”

“
Where were you?” Nat
asked in her mumsy way.

“
Out with Steve and
Andy. Why, were you worried?? You could’ve rung my
mobile.”

“
Oh, which mobile is
that?” Dan asked sarcastically. “The one you left near the phone,
the one that’s been ringing all fucking night?”

Oh, dear. Matt.

“
Whoops.”

Nat was watching me. “So…you gonna
tell us what happened with Evvy?”

So they knew. Of course they all
knew.

I shrugged. “Not much to tell. He
called me names, swore lots. Reckons we were in a relationship all
along, but PFFT. Seriously.” I tried not to cry again. “It’s
finally over.”

“
It’s been over a long
time,” Nat declared. “Since he started being a douche.”

“
So you all heard?” I
asked them.

Dan shrugged. “It’s the Scooby
Gang, as you call us. We all hear everything pretty fucking
quickly.”

Oh God. I just couldn’t even care
anymore.

“
We told Ever you were
missing, that your car is here, your phone is here, that you’re not
with Matt and no one knows where you are, and that Matt is fucking
freaking,” Dan added.

“
And that he must have
done a fucking number on you,” Nat contributed. “I told him he’s a
fucking fucker, that when you get hurt that bad, you’re more than
likely about to do something fucking stupid.” Pause. “Ever said,
‘Oh, more stupid than her usual stupid?’”

I couldn’t help myself. My heart
rose from where it was lying on the floor, bleeding, and raised its
weary head. That heart of mine was almost done, yet still it raises
its head in fucking hope. Hope of love. Somebody to fucking love
it. “And what did he say?”

“
He fucking turned up
here, Kerry! I heard his car roaring here from up the street! Then
he slammed fucking in here, and demanded, ‘Where the fuck is she?’”
Dan laughed like this was all in great fun.

I just about had a coronary. I
couldn’t believe THIS. “Ever TURNED UP HERE??! Everard, the guy who
never drives fucking anywhere? Or ever cares about me?”

Oh, boy. THAT WAS HUGE.

“
The same one,” Dan
laughed some more. “He fucking cared tonight!”

“
He stayed awhile,
thumping around,” Nat said. “Fucking funny seeing him lose his
precious self-control for once! Good job, sis!”

Oh God. It was all too much for
me.

“
I think, GIVEN YOUR
HISTORY KERRY, he thought you were in some ditch somewhere.
Suicidal, thanks to him. He was both worried and PISSED AT
YOU.”

“
If I was going to take
myself out, I’d do it with my Commodore. I wouldn’t leave it
here.”

“
Thanks for the
reassurance,” Nat said sarcastically. “We’ll know that for next
time you disappear and leave your car and phone here.”

Dan looked at his girlfriend.
“Maybe one of us better text Ever that the Pink Highness has found
her way home, and that she’s not dead.”

Nat snorted. “Nut. Fuck him. Let
him worry some more. Serves him fucking right.”

(I love my sister)

Dan just laughed. “Alright. You’re
the boss.”

“
You better ring Matt
back though,” Nat said. “He’s rung constantly. Even though I told
him you forgot your mobile. He was frantic, cause I didn’t know
where you were, but your car was here, so that flipped him the fuck
out – ”

“
I said you were out
with some boy,” Dan laughed.

Oh fucking God help me.

“
Well where else could
you have been?? You were either picked up by a guy, or you had
stumbled to the local pub. Or you were dead by the side of the road
somewhere.”

“
Oh, you couldn’t have
told him Tee picked me up or something! You had to go for a
guy!”

“
Well, you’re
destroying all the boys tonight, Kerry. May as well slay another
one, you heartbreaker!”

Nat rolled her eyes. “You’ve gone
from one extreme to another, with Ever and Matt.”

“
Although Evvy
certainly pulled his finger out tonight,” Dan declared.

Too little, too late. Evvy’s
MO.

I stumbled into bed, grabbing my
phone on the way. There was indeed a TON of missed calls. I felt
like I just couldn’t deal with it right then. Couldn’t deal with
Matt’s wrath too.

(and I’m SURE there would be some,
after going out all night and not telling him)

I just couldn’t deal with any
more.

I turned my phone off before it
could ring again. I would suffer the consequences for that tomorrow
(today) I figured.

I fell into bed. I still felt like
my heart was shattered.

I can’t believe Everard. I can’t
believe he showed up here.

10.01pm

So I arrived at work today,
hungover, still miserable, feeling like my heart was just
done.

I can’t do much more of this love
shit. I hate it.

(while at the same time, living
for it. I live for romance)

I hadn’t rung Matt back AT ALL. I
was fully aware that must have killed him.

I felt so low over that,
too.

But I’d needed to wallow. I was so
ridiculously upset by that phone call with Ever, there was NO WAY I
could have added to my misery and talked to Matt last
night.

I walked into the
warehouse

(yes, I braved it, I didn’t run up
the front stairs, I faced up to the music)

and Matt stopped what he was doing
and burned me with his eyes.

(they weren’t happy love eyes this
time!)

I came right up to his workspace
and stood before him. Figured stuff the others finding out about
us, I owed Matt my attention. I could practically see the steam
coming out of his ears. “Hey.”

Matt thumped the box of shampoo
down and glared at me. “Oh. YOU’RE ALIVE – ”

“
That’s
debatable.”

“
Where THE FUCK were
you?”

I sighed heavily. “Just out with
Steve and Andy.”

“
Do you know how
worried about you I was? I couldn’t get you – ”

“
I left my phone at
home – ”

“
Yeah, THANK YOU. I
figured that – ”

“
I’m sorry –
”

“
It’s FUCKING
FRUSTRATING how you NEVER HAVE YOUR PHONE ON YOU. It’s like you DO
IT ON PURPOSE, so no one can get you – ”

“
Matt, please –
”

“
So I can’t get
you!”

“
Matt!”

“
What?”

“
I have a headache –
”

“
I bet.” He dumped
another box of shampoo down.

“
Can we talk about this
later?”

“
You bet your ASS we’re
going to. Tonight. At my place.”

I muttered something, shaking my
head at Benny, who was holding his hands up, like “what the fuck is
going on there!”, and slunk off.

All day I suffered. I hurt. Every noise pierced
my ears. I suffered Matt’s silent wrath, too.

(that hurt the most. Oh I hate how he can just
WOUND me so easily)

Every time an invoice had an error, which was a
lot today

(who the fuck is making all these errors
today??),

or an item was out of stock and needed to be
removed from an order, Matt would storm over to my desk and slam
the invoice down next to me, then lean

(in Benny’s spot)

on the edge of my desk, his arms crossed, his
eyes deadly.

“
Whoa,” Jules said quietly, after
he’d stormed off. “I can feel the shit storm. What did you do,
K?”

I sighed. “Went out with two guys last night
and left my phone at home.” I paused. “Without telling
him.”

Julia cracked up. “Well, when you put it THAT
way – ”

“
You’re on his side!” But I laughed
too.

“
Oh, just go love his brains out
tonight. He’ll get over it.”

I ended the day as I begun it: slinking
guiltily up to Matt’s bench. “Okay, I’m finished,” I said, trying
to be cheery.

“
Me, too.” Matt grabbed his keys and
we walked out together.

I had just about reached my car when Matt went,
“Oh no you don’t,” and picked me up, throwing me over his shoulder,
and stalking to his car.

I squealed and squirmed. “MATT. We’re AT WORK –
”

“
I don’t GIVE A FUCK.” I heard the
beep beep of his car unlocking, and Matt opened the door, plonked
me in the passenger seat, then slammed the door very angrily on
me.

I watched him get in and start the car and
absolutely ROAR off.

I’ve never seen him like that. So pissed off
and hurt.

(was, I hate to say it, fucking hot)

My heart hurt though, that I’d done this to
him. I’d caused this.

And Ever last night, screaming abuse at me.
He’d sounded so fucking devastated, too.

It’s all me. It’s all my fault.

“
Matt, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to
hurt you last night – ”

“
Yet. YOU DID.” He was absolutely
flooring it.

(so much for precious cargo)

“
I’m sorry – ”

“
You were out with TWO GUYS –
”

“
FRIENDS OF MINE! You make it seem
SO

SEEDY – ”

“
How THE FUCK do I know it
wasn’t?”

“
Because you should KNOW ME BY
NOW!”

Matt laughed a horrible laugh. “That’s EXACTLY
WHY I was so fucking worried! Cause I fucking know you!”

“
Oh, that’s low!”

“
Is it?? You PUSH ME AWAY every
chance you get – ”

“
God!!”

“ –
and you’ve been FUCKING SOME GUY
who treats you like SHIT for HALF A YEAR – ”

I started crying then.

“ –
WHILE YOU START SOMETHING WITH
ME – ”

“
This is so fucking low of
you!”

“
YOU’RE A FUCKING MESS –
”

I started fully sobbing then.

“ –
YOU GO OUT WITH TWO GUYS,
INTENTIONALLY LEAVE YOUR PHONE AT HOME – ”

Crying noises by me.

“ –
SO THAT I CAN’T REACH YOU –
”

Sobbing. Oh, my heart FUCKING TORE.

“ –
SO OF COURSE I WAS FUCKING
WORRIED – ”

Blur. A mess of pain and heartbreak.

“ –
THAT YOU WERE OFF GETTING FUCKED
BY SOME RANDOM GUY – ”

Oh look. A couple strolling hand in hand,
looking so in love. I fucking sobbed harder.

“ –
OR FUCKING WORSE, BY THIS EVVY
GUY YOU’RE STILL HALF IN FUCKING LOVE WITH!!”

I thought Matt was about to have an aneurysm,
he was shouting so loud.