Scars of the Present (2 page)

Chapter Two

After I had showered the proof of my rendezvous with Sean off of me, I put on my slinky black skirt and royal blue tank top before reapplying my make-up. My short, bright blonde hair came down a little past my ears now, and was easy to blow dry and style quickly. As I styled my bangs across my forehead, I made a mental note to make an appointment with the hairdresser this week; my blonde roots were starting to show where my dark highlights normally were.

After I was dressed, I slipped into a pair of four-inch heels and stuffed my necessary items into a small black wristlet. I stood up and took one last glance into the mirror. The pumps had given me a good boost and I no longer looked like I was the 5’4 I normally was. I tugged on my tank top a little so that the v-neck exposed even more of my cleavage, which I considered one of my best assets. The clock read 11:30 pm and I knew the girls would be waiting for me downtown.

The living room was empty as I left my bedroom and so I quietly opened the front door before heading to my car.

It took me a few minutes to find a parking spot once I got downtown, Sacramento seemed to be fairly busy that evening. Once I had finally parked, I walked over to Club Flux and spotted my friends hanging out near the entrance. Becca saw me first and said something to Emily who glanced back at me as well. They waved and waited for me to catch up to the before we went straight to the bouncer, bypassing the long line.

“Hey Jason,” I said sweetly to the muscled man, stretching my neck to give him a kiss on the cheek. He wrapped one arm around my waist and blatantly grabbed my ass.

“Syd. You look good tonight.” His voice was deep and he ran his eyes along my body, stopping at my breasts. The tip of his tongue darted out to lick his lips and I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. Jason was cute enough, his body lean and toned with a smooth, shaved head that I didn’t mind running my hands over. The downside was that he had no idea how to work a woman’s body and the one time I slept with him the sex had been sloppy and like something out of high school.

When he finally met my eyes again, I smirked and gave him a wink. “Thanks Jase.” I didn’t even have to ask as he opened the rope that kept the line closed and let me and my friends in.

“If you’re bored, come find me later, Sydney,” Jason said as I moved to walk through the door.

I glanced over my shoulder and nodded, fixing a smile to my face. “Definitely, handsome.”

We moved up the escalator to the club level and Emily let out a laugh. “You must be magical in bed, Sydney. I don’t know how you do it.”

Emily wasn’t quite as promiscuous as Becca and I were, but she still got around. She and Becca could have been twins with their fake platinum hair that fell down their backs, always curled the same way. The layers of make-up that they wore made their faces look artificial and perfume they bathed in caused me to want to gag. But, they were fun to be out with and I could always count on them to have a good time.

I shrugged at Emily as we made it to the top. “I just know what they want is all.”

The music had become deafening and we moved to the bar to order drinks. Becca flirted with a few guys that had been waiting for their own drinks and soon we had two free rounds in front of us.

After I slammed the drinks back, I grabbed one of the guys and pulled him to the dance floor with me. It wasn’t long before I dancing between him and another one of his friends, and I lost myself in the music as their hands ran over my body.

The first guy leaned in close to my ear, his breath tickling my neck. “Wanna get another drink?”

I shook my head. “You go, I’ll stay here.” 

Most of the time I’d drink just enough to loosen me up, but not enough to make me sloppy. I knew it confused men when we were out, probably because I was willing to go home with them almost-sober when most girls needed to be trashed. I’d learned a long time ago that sex while obliterated was pointless.

He just shrugged and he and his friend left the dance floor to get another drink. Hardly any time has passed before another guy had appeared in front of me and he and I danced together for about three songs before he started to get brave. His hands gripped my ass and he pulled me closer so that his knee was between my legs. We moved like that for a few minutes, me grinding on his leg and his fingers digging into my skin. I put my hands into his hair and had to avoid cringing when I felt all of the gel and other product he had in it to make it stiff. I tugged on his head so that his mouth would meet mine, and we start to kiss heavily.

When I pulled back, he had a smirk on his face. “I’m Nick.”

“Sydney,” I said breathlessly. “Wanna get out of here, Nick?”

He nodded enthusiastically and grabbed my hand to tug me off the dance floor. I caught sight of Becca making out with someone up against the wall on our way out and I decided I’d just text her to let her know I’d left, not that she’d notice.

Nick and I resumed our frantic kissing when we made it to the escalator, only stopping when we stumbled at the bottom. I was glad when I didn’t see Jason at the exit and I paused Nick as I looked around.

“Did you drive?”

He nodded clumsily. “Yeah, but I shouldn’t drive, I’ve been drinking.”

I fought the urge to roll my eyes at the obvious. “I don’t want to go anywhere, Nick. I want to go fuck in your car.”

He looked confused for a moment before a grin started to fill his face. He pulled my hand and led me into the direction of another parking lot.

There was a time when I would have just taken him back to my place, but after one of my nightly hook-ups had beaten Maddie while trying to brutally rape her, I had stopped. Every now and then I’d go back to their place, but I found that sex in a car was as good as any place.

I briefly had the thought cross my mind that this would be two hookups in one day and I knew that basically made me the queen of sluts, but I didn’t care anymore.

We reached a red SUV and Nick unlocked it before opening the back door. I glanced at the child car seat that was buckled in and turned around to fix him with a look.

“Are you married, Nick?”

He didn’t respond right away and I saw him glance to his hand where there wasn’t a ring present. But after looking closer, I saw that the marks of a ring being there recently were present. I opened the passenger door and stuck my head in, glancing between the front seats. There sat the signs of a woman: a few hair ties, a tube of pink lip gloss, and a couple of tampons. I shut the door and turned back to Nick with a frown.

“I don’t sleep with married guys. You’re a prick and your wife doesn’t deserve you.”

I made to leave and he grabbed my wrist quickly. “Oh come on, Sydney. You can’t just get me all excited like that and leave me hanging.”

I pulled my wrist out of his grip and took a step closer to him, my finger pointed in his face. “You’re disgusting. Enjoy fucking your hand tonight.”

I walked away from him, listening for his footsteps in case he decided to follow me. I had a mini-stun gun that had been given to me by Maddie’s older brother for Christmas and I kept it tucked in my small bag, but so far I hadn’t had to use it. I knew I was small, but I liked to think I could hold my own.

By the time I reached the end of the parking lot, I hadn’t heard him follow me and he confirmed it by yelling, “Fucking tease!” across the space. I didn’t turn back around and instead rounded the corner to the main street.

After I was out of his sight, I stood in the middle of the sidewalk, trying to decide if I wanted to go back into the club or go home. A glance at my phone told me it was after one in the morning and I decided that the night was a bust. I stayed still for a moment, assessing my level of intoxication and I realized that even though I’d had those two drinks over an hour ago, I felt almost stone cold sober. I started walking back to my car and I felt frustration start to build in my stomach. Not sexual frustration, but frustration with the world. I just wanted one uncomplicated night, but even that was too much to ask, apparently.

Once my car came into view, I pulled my keys out of my wristlet and pressed the button to unlock it. I had almost made it to the door when I heard someone speak from my left.

“Do you think you should be driving, Sydney?”

I whipped my head around in surprise and narrowed my eyes when I saw Detective David Bradley standing there alone, obviously just leaving the bar on the other side of the lot. He wasn’t wearing the suit I had become accustomed to seeing him in, but instead he was wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that fit him nicely. His light brown hair was just as unruly as it ever was and, along with the slight stubble, there was a small frown fixed on his face.

“I don’t think that’s any of your business,
detective
,” I hissed at him, adding as much venom to my voice as I could. I opened my driver’s side door and tossed my wristlet in before turning back around to face him, startling a little when I realized how close he was. He had taken the steps to close the distance between us and his face looked pissed.

“Do you always have to be such a bitch?” He glared at me, his eyes never leaving my face.

“At least I’m honest about who I am.” My breathing kicked up, and his eyes darted to where my breasts were heaving before he met my glare again.

“That’s bullshit and you know it. You might be fooling the world, Sydney, but I see right through you.”

I opened my mouth to deny his statement, but he took another step and we were suddenly so close that I could feel the heat from his body seeping into mine. The electricity I felt flowing back and forth between us made my whole body feel like it was tingling, and I had to fight to keep my hands on my hips.

David lifted a finger and he brought it to my cheek slowly, running the lone digit down to my collarbone. I let my eyes close and tilted my head back to allow him better access. When he spoke again, I could feel his breath on my lips and I knew his were just centimeters from my own.

“Do you remember that night, Sydney?” His voice was a whisper and I opened my eyes to look at him. “I do, and some days it’s all I can think about. I can still feel it between us, whatever it is, but it draws me to you.”

I’m not sure who moved first, but suddenly our lips were pressed together and his warm tongue was flicking against mine. His mouth tasted like mint with a hint of beer and my body reacted at that familiar flavor. His hands tangled into my hair and I moved mine to his chest, taking handfuls of his shirt in my fists. David pushed me against my car and one of his hands moved down to my upper thigh. As he lifted me, I wrapped both of my legs around his waist and I tried to get as close to him as possible. His lips left mine and started to trail down my neck as I let my head fall back against the window behind me. I opened my eyes slightly and rational thinking slammed into me like a freight train.

“Stop,” I whispered, barely audible as I panted. David didn’t hear me as he continued moving his delicious mouth against my neck. I put both of my hands on either side of his head and repeated myself, louder this time.

He stopped immediately, bringing his dark blue eyes to meet mine.

I moved to extract my legs from his waist and pushed against him. “Let me down, please.” My voice didn’t have any anger left in it anymore, but instead it sounded defeated.

David did as I asked and took two steps to the side to put some space between us. His breathing mimicked mine and his face was neutral, giving nothing away.

“I feel it too, and I remember that night like it was yesterday. But like I told you then, like I told that asshole twenty minutes ago- family men aren’t my thing. So do yourself a favor and forget about whatever this…” I gestured between us. “Is. Because it’s not going to happen again.

I turned to climb into my car and stuck the key in immediately, but when I went to shut the door I realized David was holding it open. He leaned down and put his face near mine.

“You think that you know everything, Sydney, but your assumptions and insinuations are not only old- they’re wrong.” He turned on his heel and walked away without saying another word.

I sat in the parking lot with my door still ajar for a few minutes, trying to decipher what he meant, before I finally shut my door and headed home.

Chapter Three

On Wednesday, I walked out of my classroom and through the double doors into the sunshine. The warm rays hit my skin and I immediately tipped my face up to absorb them. My last final exam was done and I had officially completed my bachelor’s degree.

I should have been more excited, but I wasn’t. I had this business degree now, and I had no idea what I wanted to do with it. My father, of course, expected me to go work with him and had been the one to push me to get it in the first place. I had applied to get my Master’s degree not because I wanted it, but because that would keep him off of my back for a little bit longer. Hopefully by the time I was done with that I would have some semblance of an idea of what to do with my life.

I walked down the pathway heading towards my car and met Maddie and Amanda who were sitting on the grass chatting. Amanda looked up and when she saw me she grinned, saying something to Maddie. Both of them stood and greeted me as I strolled up.

“Your last final go okay?” Amanda asked as I linked one arm through hers and the other through Maddie’s. We walked to the car connected like that and I immediately felt nostalgic for high school.

“Yup, it was actually really easy. How were yours?” I unlocked the car and we all settled in.

“Mine was tedious and I’m so glad it’s done,” Maddie groaned from the backseat.

Amanda laughed and looked back at her. “That’s because you’re such a smarty-pants. Mine was actually pretty hard, but I think I got through it okay.”

We drove in silence for a minute and finally I sighed. “This is the last time I’ll be driving us home from school. Ever. I kind of want to cry right now.” I glanced in the rearview mirror, and Maddie looked like she really was close to tears.

“It’s been a long year. I don’t think I’d even be graduating if it wasn’t for you guys.” Her voice was quiet from the backseat and Amanda and I exchanged looks.

Maddie had been put through the year from hell after being sexually assaulted one night while we were all out. She spent months trying to get back to normal and when she finally did the bastard had tried, unsuccessfully, to rape her again. She’d also lost a good friend that she’d met in her support group to domestic violence and that had been another dark hole she had to crawl out of. But Maddie was tough and she always bounced back stronger than ever.

“Yes, you would, Mad. You’re the strongest person I know.” I said, Amanda nodding in agreement, and Maddie smiled at me in the mirror.

“Mom is throwing a graduation party for us on Saturday at her house. She says to invite anyone you want.” Maddie’s mom’s house seemed to be where we always had our gatherings.

Linda Thomas was an extraordinary lady and the kind of mom I wish my own was. She took all of us under her wings and made us feel as if we belonged to the Thomas clan. She had been a single mom and raised Maddie and her older brother, Matt, by herself and they were two of the kindest, and most down to earth people you’d know. When she married Sean’s dad, Craig, two weeks ago, it was probably the first time I had ever seen her do anything for herself.

“Awesome. There’s no one I want to invite, but I’ll definitely be there.” I parked the car in my usual spot at home and climbed out.

“She, um, invited your parents, Syd.” Maddie said tentatively.

I groaned as we climbed the stairs to our front door. “They won’t come, and they’ll probably mock it the next time I see them. They’re such assholes.”

Amanda gave me a disapproving look as she moved to the refrigerator. 

“Don’t say that, Sydney. They love you in their own way.”

I didn’t respond out of respect for Amanda. I knew I shouldn’t bitch about my parents when her father was dead and her mom was so sick. I just couldn’t help it sometimes.

Being the daughter of Harold and Diane Lewis wasn’t all people might think it’s cracked up to be. My father was the CEO of a big insurance company, having taken over for his father years ago. He had been groomed for that position and when he and my mom hadn’t had any other kids, the next person in line was me. The only problem was I didn’t
want
to take over my father’s job. I didn’t want to live up to the ridiculous standards that they set for life. Mom cared more about her appearance and public image more than anything, and I was basically just a prop that completed the Lewis family image. A disappointing prop, especially because I rarely did as they wanted, but a prop nonetheless. Most people thought I was just some spoiled little rich kid and in some ways I probably was. I didn’t have to work, although I volunteered my time to different places every summer, and my father supported me financially. But I would have traded every dollar I had for my parents to be like Maddie’s mom.

The thought of Mom and Dad coming to simple backyard graduation party was almost laughable. If it didn’t involve tuxes, gowns, and rich cigars, my mother would think it beneath them. Part of me was worried that they would come and be rude or insulting to Linda. Just thinking about that possibility made my stomach hurt.

I sat on the couch with my friends as they talked and watched some random movie, but I didn’t pay much attention. It wasn’t until my phone vibrated in my pocket that I snapped back to reality. I glanced at it and saw it was Sean again. I hadn’t spoken to him since I left his apartment the Friday before and he was starting to call and text more frequently. With a sigh, I stood from the couch and moved into my bedroom before answering it.

“Hey Sean.”

“Sydney,” His voice sounded mostly relieved, but I could hear a hint of annoyance laced in there. “Where have you been? I’ve been trying to get ahold of you for almost a week.”

I lay back on my bed and covered my eyes with my forearm, resisting the urge to scream. “It’s finals week, Sean. I’ve been busy.”

“Are you busy now? You should come over.”

“Sean…” I hesitated. “I can’t come over. This was just supposed to be fun, remember? I think that you’re forgetting that.”

He didn’t respond right away and his silence confirmed that I was right.

Sean cleared his throat. “I know, I really do. I just enjoy the time we spend together.”

“I just can’t give you what you want, Sean. I want sex, you want it all- even if you don’t think you do.”

He didn’t respond for a couple of minutes and I had to check to make sure he didn’t hang up.

Finally, I broke the silence, unable to take it anymore. “You deserve so much better.”

He sighed loudly into the phone. “Yeah. So do you, Syd. I’ll talk to you later.”

He ended the call and I immediately felt like the biggest asshole alive.

–––

Friday night I tossed and turned in my bed. Usually I would be out at the club, but with graduation happening the next morning I had opted to stay in. It had been a week since I had had any physical contact with anyone and I was getting antsy. I could have gone out any day throughout the week, but the words David had spoken to me stuck in my head. He said he could see through me, but I wonder what he saw when he did. Would he see the 10-year-old girl who was so desperate to be hugged by her mom that she’d mouth off in hopes of being slapped? Or would he see the 5-year-old girl who called her nanny ‘mom’ one day at breakfast and had to watch as her mother fired that nanny instantly? Or would he see the 22-year-old girl who craved the touch of someone so much that she had slept with more strangers than she cared to admit?

It was probably the last one, I decided, rolling over onto my side. The clock read 2:43 am and I let the memories of the night I met the good detective fill my head.

It had been almost a month before Maddie was assaulted, when I was going out a lot more. I had been out with Becca and Emily at a bar downtown. Normally we would stick to clubs, but we learned quickly that bars on nights of any sporting event were a great place to get free drinks from drunk men.

I was quite a few drinks in and flirting with some random guy, trying to talk sports best I could. It was when the words “49ers will probably choke again” rolled out of my mouth that I heard him.

He had been sitting at a table with a couple of other guys and I had been checking him out most of the night. He was wearing a red San Francisco 49ers shirt and a pair of worn jeans that made his ass look really good. His hair was in the state of perpetual muss, but his deep blue eyes narrowed when he looked at me.

“And what team do you root for, Tink?”

I swiveled in my stool so I was facing him completely and scowled. “Tink? As in Tinkerbell? How original.”

The guy next to me tried to get obtain my attention again, but I just shrugged him off as I kept my eyes fixed on the 49ers fan. I hopped off my stool and joined the three men at their table in my tipsy state.

“I don’t have a specific team that I root for, Ralph, I just call it like I see it.”

All three men laughed and the 49ers fan raised his brows. “Ralph?”

I shrugged and took a sip of my jack and coke. “It suits you.”

Just sitting next to him, I could feel the current flowing between us and I ached to touch him. I held off though and sat with all three men for hours until, eventually, it was the two of us at the table.

We sat there joking back and forth until the bartender announced last call at 2:00 am, and he stood up with a sigh. I hopped off my stool, but miscalculate in my heels and ended up stumbling into his chest. He put his hands on my shoulders to stabilize me and it immediately felt like my shoulders were tingling where his hands were. He leaned down until our faces were just inches apart and I held my breath, waiting for him to kiss me. Instead he smiled and straightened up, placing his hand on my lower back to guide me outside.

“Let’s get you into a cab, Tink.”

I scowled but allowed him to lead me out onto the sidewalk, and he put his hand up to hail one of the cabs that were waiting for the last call customers to stumble out.

When it pulled up next to the curb, he opened the door and waited for me to climb in. I shook my head stubbornly and fixed him with my best dirty look.

“All night long and you’re not even going to try to kiss me?” He didn’t respond and I shook my head again. “What is it? Married, attached, I’m too ugly?”

He laughed and reached out to run a finger down my cheek. “None of the above, but definitely not the last one. You’re drunk, Tink. I don’t take advantage of drunk people.”

“Tipsy, Ralph. There’s a difference. What if I want to take advantage of you?” I slid my hands over his chest until they were at his shoulders and I looked up to meet his eyes.

We didn’t move and we didn’t talk, but instead I just stared up at him and he down at me.

I could see the indecision on his face, so I moved my hands to the back of his neck and brought his face down until my lips could reach his. The moment they touched it felt like my whole body was switched on. I knew he felt it too because suddenly all of his trepidation was gone, and his mouth was devouring mine.

“Get in the cab,” He growled, giving me a small push. I did as he said, but grabbed his hand to make sure he followed. I quickly gave the driver my address and the minute the door closed I pulled him back to me. We kissed frantically, as if we were both afraid the other would disappear, and I forgot we were even in a cab.

By the time we pulled up outside my apartment we were both panting and the cab driver looked beyond irritated.

One of us tossed some cash to him before we stumbled out of the cab and I grabbed his hand to lead him up the stairs. We stopped outside the front of my door and our lips reconnected. When I pulled away I grinned at him.

“I have roommates so you need to be quiet. Don’t mess with them or I’ll kick your ass.”

He rolled his eyes and gestured to the door. “Come on Tink, let’s go in.”

I unlocked the door and led him to my bedroom quickly. The minute we were through the door I was pulling his shirt up over his head, and my hands roamed all over his glorious six-pack.

“God, you’re hot.” I said, fumbling with the button on his jeans. He just chuckled and helped me pull his pants down before undressing me frantically.

Once we were both naked, he wrapped an arm around my body and pushed me down onto the bed. His mouth left mine and his wet lips trailed down to my breasts. Everywhere he touched felt like he was leaving fire in its wake, and the second his lips connected with my nipple I arched my back into him.

“Inside me, Ralph. I need you inside of me.” I opened my eyes and he was hovering over me, staring with a grin.

“You’re so gorgeous. I just want to worship your body.”

I rolled onto my side underneath him for a second, reaching into the nightstand to pull out a condom. I rolled back to my back and held it up for him to see. “The next round we can worship. Right now I just want to feel you between my legs.”

Those were the magic words because he ripped the condom out of my hands and was positioned against me within seconds. He pushed all the way in and I let my eyes close at the sensation. Never had I felt so fulfilled by one guy and I wanted to savor the moment.

We spent the next four hours constantly lost in each other and I was sure that I knew his body better than I knew my own by the time we collapsed. 

I laid on his bare chest as his hand ran up and down my back slowly and I felt myself start to doze off after the sun had already come up. The sound of his cell phone snapped me awake less than an hour later and he sat up sleepily, gently rolling me off of him.

I cuddled into my pillow as I watched him dig his phone out of his pocket and he sat naked on the edge of my bed as he answered it.

“Hello? Yeah, hi sweetie. Oh no, I just lost track of the time when I was out with Ryan and Caleb. I’ll be home soon, okay? Okay, go ahead and eat breakfast without me. I love you. I’ll see you soon.”

He ended his call and laid back down where he had been, completely unaware that my whole body had gone ridged. He turned to reach for me and I rolled off the bed to a standing position, my hands on my naked hips.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

He stared at me with a confused look on his face. “What?”

I grabbed my robe from the back of my door and pulled it on quickly before picking up his clothes and pushing them into his arms. “Get dressed.”

He slowly started to pull his clothes on, but the confused look never left his face. “What’s wrong, Tink?”

I didn’t answer him, but instead grabbed my phone and called a cab to my apartment, spitting at them to hurry.

Once his shirt and pants were back on, I grabbed his shoes and shoved them into his chest before gripping his wrist and dragging him out of my room. I opened the front door and gestured to it. “I asked you, you said no. But one of my very clear, very firm rules is I don’t do family men. I don’t appreciate you lying to me and now you need to go back home to your wife.”

He shook his head slowly. “Tink…”

“Nope, I don’t want to hear it. I’m sure I’ve heard it before.” He allowed me to push him out the door and he turned to settled me with a hard look.

“If you’d stop for a second…”

“Thanks for the night, Ralph. It was something.” I closed the door quickly and locked the deadbolt before moving back to my room and flinging myself onto my bed.

That had been undoubtedly one of the greatest nights of my life and I had felt more connected to him than I had anyone. I was irritated with myself for not realizing he was married earlier, but I was more irritated with him for letting it all happen when I had asked. I finally fell asleep a bit after that, anger still coursing through my veins.

Of course it wouldn’t be the last time I saw him. The next time was when I was sitting in the hospital waiting room, waiting to hear about my best friend. He came strolling into my life and scowled when he saw me, but quickly schooled his expression. He introduced himself as David, not Ralph, and was all business. Every time I saw him after that we managed to keep contact as minimal as possible. Until that last night in the parking lot.

I groaned at the memories and forced myself to think about something else- anything else. By the time I finally fell asleep, the sun had started to come up.