Scars of the Present (3 page)

Chapter Four

Saturday morning, I put on a purple halter dress that went to my knees and a pair of Jimmy Choo sandals that matched perfectly. After doing my hair and make-up, I left my room to find my friends. Amanda was in the living room talking to Josh, her light green dress looked great with her long, red hair flowing down her back in waves. Amanda was the tallest out of the three of us and so I wasn’t surprised to see her long, toned legs in flats.

Amanda turned when she saw me and smiled. “You look great, Syd.”

Josh nodded in agreement and I smiled at them both. “Thanks, so do you guys.”

Josh was wearing a nice suit with a pale pink tie and I reached over and pointed to it. “What’s with the pink tie?”

Maddie came from down the hallway in a dress that was the same color of Josh’s tie exactly and she grinned. “That’s my fault. I thought it’d be cute if we matched.

Amanda rolled her eyes and smiled at me. “They’re so disgusting.”

I nodded in agreement. “They really are.”

After we were all ready, we piled into Josh’s truck and he drove us to the campus. All three of us said goodbye to him and walked slowly to where the rest of our fellow students were putting on their caps and gowns. As I zipped up my blue gown, I suddenly had a feeling of déjà vu, having dong this just four years prior with both Maddie and Amanda.

I helped both of my friends pin their caps to their heads and we stood in a small circle, none of us speaking. Maddie’s eyes watered and I shook my head frantically.

“Don’t, Mads. Once you do, we will too.”

She smiled and took a deep breath. “I love you both.”

I moved towards both of my friends and pulled them both into a hug. We stood there like that for a few moments until we heard a lady calling for everyone to line up alphabetically. I dropped both Amanda and Maddie’s hands and found my spot among the other people whose last names ended with either ‘L’ or ‘M’. I stood between a girl that I didn’t know and a guy that I’d shared most of my classes with. He smiled at me and nodded as I took my place in front of him.

“Excited, Sydney?”

I turned to look at him and gave a small smile back. “Sure. Are you?”

“Oh yeah. I’ve got a job lined up in Seattle and I can’t wait to get started. What about you?” He fidgeted restlessly and I wanted to tell him to calm the hell down.

I shrugged a non-committal shrug. “Grad school for now and we’ll see later.”

I was happy when the line started moving and I didn’t have to make the small conversation anymore. I followed the girl in front of me out into the bright sunlight, keeping my eyes down as we found our seats. The ceremony was held outside in the football stadium by the time they were calling our names it had warmed up considerably.

Amanda’s name was called first out of us, and I stood up as I whistled and cheered at the top of my lungs. I could hear a cat call behind me and I knew Maddie was doing the same thing. Amanda grinned proudly at the two of us and gracefully strolled off the stage. Less than ten minutes later, I walked up on the state to accept my diploma and beamed as I saw my two best friends on their feet, cheering the loudest out of everyone. After it was over and caps were thrown, we found each other and broke into laughter as we shared a three-person embrace. When we pulled apart, we walked through the football field as we looked for our families.

We saw Linda and Craig first and Linda’s eyes were red as if she had been crying. Amanda’s mom stood with her and, although she was smiling, she looked lost. The live-in nurse, Jenny, had come to provide support and to be a familiar face. She stood next to Karen and gave Amanda a proud look as well. Josh was with Sean and Maddie’s older brother, Matt, all of them smiling as we approached. It took me a moment to realize that my own parents were standing behind Linda, especially since I hadn’t expected them to come.

Before we could hug anyone Linda held up her hand. “Stop! Let me take a picture of you three!”

We stopped and posed for what felt like a thousand pictures and the three of us laughed every time Linda promised, “Just one more!”

We took pictures in pretty much any way you could imagine and finally Linda said, “Okay, just one more with Sydney and her parents!”

My mom and dad didn’t move so I went to them, standing between both of them. Dad put his hand on my shoulder, but my mom stayed as still as a statue. I forced a smile on my face and sighed in relief when Linda said it was done. I turned to face my parents and neither of them smiled.

I looked a lot like my mother before all of the botox and liposuction. After all of her work, the only thing we had in common was our height. She had her blonde hair pulled into a tight bun on top of her head and was wearing a floral dress with sensible heals. Her face, which already looked like it was stuck in a permanent frown, showed disapproval when she took in my outfit.

“You’re dressed like a child, Sydney. I wish you’d stop cutting your hair.”

I ignored her and plastered a fake smile on my face. Her tone of voice sounded almost bored and I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes. “Hello dad, mom.”

My dad was much taller than both of us and what was left of his bright blonde hair had gone gray on top of his head. Although he didn’t give me a real smile, I could tell that one was playing on his lips as he looked back at me.

“Congratulations, Sydney. We are very proud of you.”

I shrugged uncomfortably and gave him a small smile. “Thanks dad. Are you going to come to the celebration at Linda’s house later?”

My dad shook his head quickly. “We can’t make it; I have a dinner with the mayor tonight.”

A normal girl probably would have been sad at that news, but I almost sighed in relief.

“I understand. I’m glad you were able to come to this.”

Dad leaned forward and gave me a stiff hug, releasing me quickly. “I really am proud of you, Sydney.”

He didn’t say anything else, but turned to leave and mom followed dutifully. I watched them walk away and just sighed. That had been the most affection he’d shown in years.

I returned to the rest of my group and Linda immediately pulled me into her arms. Her embrace was so fierce and so genuine that I almost wanted to cry.

When we pulled away she gave me a kiss on the forehead and smiled at me. “I am so proud of you, Sydney Rae. You have grown into an amazing young woman.”

I blushed and thanked her before giving the mandatory hugs to the rest of the family. Matt gave me a tight hug as well, being the big brother I never had. When it was Sean’s turn, the hug was awkward and he pulled away without saying anything to me.

As we walked back to the truck annoyance filled me. I had told Sean what this was from the get go. How could he be mad at me for sticking to my word?

–––

Linda Thomas had treated me like her daughter from day one. Maddie took me home a few days after the locker room incident and I had immediately been hugged and fed by Linda, and then grouped into the constant teasing incurred by Matt. The Thomas house always felt like home.

She had gone all out for the graduation party and decorations hung everywhere, including a big banner in the backyard that said ‘Congrats to all of our girls!’ The food was laid out on the table in the backyard, and everyone stood around conversing while eating. The yard was packed full of some family, but mainly friends that we’d accumulated over the years.

I stood talking to one of our classmates, Aaron and his boyfriend Ricky when Sean walked up and tapped my shoulder.

“Can I talk to you really quick?”

I smiled at the boys and excused myself before following Sean into the house. He didn’t stop inside the kitchen and continued on until we were standing in the guest bedroom upstairs.

He turned to face me and his expression locked into a neutral mask.

“What’s wrong, Sean?” I asked him, the confusion apparent in my voice.

“Not a thing. I just thought maybe you and I could sneak away for a quickie.” He moved towards me and before I knew it his lips where on mine.

In the back of my mind, I knew keeping our break clean was the best way to go, but sex with Sean was fun and I wanted to have fun. So I kissed him back and ran my hands though his hair.

A few minutes later we were both breathless and I turned around so that my back was to Sean. I pulled my panties down to my ankles before bending over and resting my hands on the bed. I glanced over my shoulder and Sean was rushing to unzip his pants, his eyes hungry. He produced a condom from his pocket and ripped it open before sliding it on. He flipped my dress up so it was on my back and didn’t waste any time pushing himself inside of me.

The sex was quick, hot, and dirty. Sean reached one hand up and dipped under my hemline and bra until he was roughly squeezing my breast. Soon, I was pushing my face into the blanket on the bed to muffle my moans and keep from exposing what we were doing. Sean growled as he finished and his fingers dug into my hip almost painfully. We sat still for a minute, me slumped on the bed and him draped over my back. We both straightened up and I grabbed my panties as Sean buckled his belt before tucking the condom into his pocket.

He leaned towards me and gave me a quick kiss on my lips. “Thanks Syd. I needed that.”

I tried to scrutinize him, to decide if he was playing cool for my benefit, but he wasn’t giving anything away. I smiled at him and nodded. “Me too.”

I followed him out of the bedroom and down the stairs to the kitchen where Amanda was just washing her hands. I silently cursed to myself as she took in Sean and then me and her eyes widened. I panicked and gave her a slight shake of the head that I hoped she’d understand.

But someone else was walking in the back door at that very moment that caught my attention.

Detective David Bradley stepped in the threshold holding a bottle of water in his hand and his eyes immediately found me. He, like Amanda, looked from me to Sean and then back to me, and he put two and two together. His face turned into a scowl and I froze as Sean obliviously brushed passed him and went outside.

Amanda walked up to me, not noticing David, and spoke in a low voice. “You and Sean? How long has that been going on?”

I peeled my eyes away from David, the panicked look still on my face and I shook my head again. “Let’s talk about it later, okay?” My eyes flickered back to the scowling detective and Amanda’s followed.

Realization dawned on her and she nodded quickly. She started to move to the back door and I grabbed her hand.

“Please don’t tell Maddie. I will, okay?”

She nodded against and squeezed my hand before moving past David and heading out the door that Sean had just moments before.

It was just David and I standing in the kitchen, and even though we were over ten feet apart, the room still felt suffocating. He set his bottle of water on the kitchen counter and took a few steps towards me, his scowl deepening.

“Is he your boyfriend?”

I wanted to move into his arms and inhale to see if he still smelled the same. The energy between us crackled and I crossed my arms across my chest as I shook my head. “Not that it’s any of your business. Maddie invite you?”

David nodded, moving to take another step before seeming to stop himself. “Yeah.” He rubbed the back of his neck and let out a sigh. “I better get back outside.”

He picked his water back up and turned to head out the door too, leaving me standing in the house by myself. I stood in that same spot for a few minutes before I finally decided to rejoin the party as well.

More people had showed up since Sean and I had originally snuck off and I wandered around the yard making small talk. I didn’t really listen to the conversations as I absentmindedly moved, but instead wondered if anyone would notice if I took off early.

“Hi Sydney!” A bright voice sounded behind me and I turned to see Maddie’s therapist, Sarah, standing with a man. I had only met Sarah a couple of times and it was always usually right after something bad happened.

“Hi Sarah,” I replied, reaching out to shake her hand. “It’s good to see you during a non-depressing time.”

She laughed and smiled at the man standing next to her. “Sydney, this is my husband Randy, Randy this is one of Maddie’s friends, Sydney.” He offered his hand to me, and I smiled at him.

“Nice to meet you, Randy. Thanks for coming today.”

“Yes, thanks for having us.” His voice was quiet and I assumed he was probably some sort of therapist too.

Suddenly, a little girl with her hair in two braids came running up to us, launching herself in Sarah’s arms. Sarah laughed and hugged her tight, kissing the top of her head.

“Sydney, this is my niece, Claire. Claire, can you say hi to my new friend, Sydney?”

A smile crept on Claire’s face and she extended an adorable little hand to me. “Hi Sydney.”

I shook her hand and gave her a grin before leaning in close. “Hi Claire. I love your dress. You are definitely the prettiest one here today!”

She just giggled and squirmed in Sarah’s grip. “Your dress is pretty, too.” She looked behind me and her smile got even bigger. “Daddy!”

Sarah put Claire down and she darted passed me. I turned in my spot and my smile faltered when the man’s arms she ran into were David’s.

He scooped her up in his arms and twirled her around once. “Hey Claire Bear. Are you being a good girl?”

She replied to her dad, but I didn’t hear it. I was fixated on the way his whole face was just bathed in pure happiness with that little girl in his arms. I don’t know how long I stood there staring, but I noticed that David was talking to me.

“I’m sorry, what?”

He smirked, liking that I had been caught not paying attention. “I was just asking if you’d met Claire.”

I nodded dumbly and forced myself to shut my jaw. “Yeah, Sarah introduced her to me. I didn’t realize you and Sarah were related.”

“Yeah, she’s my big sister. Claire and her are pretty close.”

David put Claire down and she took off to the dessert table where a couple of other kids were standing.

I glanced around before bringing my eyes back to his. “Am I going to meet Claire’s mom tonight, too?” I tried to tap down the accusatory tone, but when his eyes narrowed I knew I didn’t do it well enough.

He moved closer to me until I had to look up to meet his eyes.

“Nope. I told you, I’m not married and I don’t have a girlfriend. Had you bothered to let me talk before kicking me out of your place you would have known that I was on the phone with my 6-year-old that morning. Like I said- your assumptions aren’t always right.”

He turned to walk off in the direction his daughter went and I stood rooted to my spot, feeling like a dumbass.