Scars of the Future (4 page)

“He wouldn’t call, he was done. He told me not to walk away and I did. I just wanted to forget, Amanda.” I could hear the pain in her voice and I knew she was close to crying. “I’ve spent the last few days trying to be good, trying not to let it get to me, but it was too much. I went out with Emily and Becca and drank a lot. More than I have in a long time. I saw Sean and he tried to get me to leave but I wouldn’t, and I guess he called David. But by the time David got there I was trashed, Amanda. I was so drunk I could barely stand.”

I was confused but I didn’t say so. I just let her continue.

“A guy was all over me when David got there. His mouth on me, his hands under my skirt… David saw and pulled me away from him. He and Patty had to carry me out of the club and took me to Linda’s.”

“Oh shit,” I whispered.

“Yeah. Shit. I had promised him I wouldn’t do that, go to random guys. But Amanda, I swear, if I had thought he wanted to anything to do with me I wouldn’t have. I don’t even know why he came last night.” Sydney looked at me with pleading eyes as I parked and I nodded quickly.

“I believe you, babe, I do.” I led her inside and she fell on the couch, squeezing her eyes shut.

“I fucked up and I don’t even know where to go from this point,” Sydney said with a sigh.

“The shower might good place,” I told her with a smile before sitting down on the other side of the couch.

I paused before taking a quick breath and being brutally honest with her. “But seriously, get back on track. Get your shit together and try approaching him once you’re sane. And if you lost him, Syd, you learn from it and move on.” She didn’t know, but I was speaking from experience here.

“Learn from it and move on,” she repeated bitterly and I knew she wasn’t happy with my advice. “Right.” She let out a big sigh and stood. “I think I’ll take that shower. Thanks for picking me up.”

I nodded as she hurried away and once her door was closed I let my head fall back. Now definitely wasn’t the time to tell her about my little secret.

Chapter Four

“Two points!” I let out a gleeful cheer as the basketball sank through the hoop and grinned at Josh who was shaking his head with a smile.

“If I was a competitive man, I might have said that you traveled right there.” Josh dribbled the basketball and tossed it to Maddie. She let out a laugh and she moved around the court, attempting to stay away from Sean.

The sun had started to set, but it was still very warm in Linda’s backyard. Craig had the barbeque going and Josh had suggested playing a little two-on-two while we waited for dinner, stating we’d make it three-on-three when Sydney and Matt showed up.  Linda’s basketball ‘court’ was just a section of the cement patio that had a portable basketball hoop set up from Matt’s childhood, but it was still constantly used by the boys.

“No way. We need an impartial judge. Craig?”

Craig Pierce was Linda’s husband and the two of them had been married earlier in the year. They had met at the hospital where they both worked, Craig as an orthopedic surgeon and Linda as an obstetrics nurse, and kept their relationship quiet around their kids. Linda had been single since her husband had left all those years ago and so it was shocking for Maddie and Matt when Linda brought someone home last Christmas. Craig was amazing, and the two of them were so in love that Maddie and Matt seemed to be very happy with the new addition to their lives.

Sean was Craig’s son, and Linda had made him a member of the family instantly. He was currently going to law school and just started interning at a firm outside of Sacramento. He was almost twenty-four and a year ahead of us three girls, but a year behind Matt. Sean looked like a younger version of his father with his black hair always purposely messy on top of his head and chestnut eyes that gleamed playfully. We’d heard the stories from Craig about what a troublemaker Sean had been growing up, but despite all of his prior mischief, Sean was an amazing man.

Matt had a hard time adjusting to all of these men in his life when it had been him, Linda, and Maddie for so long, but he acclimated well and seemed to enjoy his new extended family.

Craig smiled from his chair on the patio, his now-silver hair shining in the sunlight as shook his head at Josh.

“I didn’t see any traveling.”

Josh burst out laughing and gave me a side hug. “Like he would argue with you.”

We had spent the entire day before shopping for Maddie’s wedding dress and our bridesmaid dresses, and now we were one step closer to the wedding. There hadn’t been any time to rest once we’d been done since Maddie and I had our final shifts at our waitressing jobs. I hadn’t put in hardly any hours over the past month between being so tired and getting my mom ready to move, so I wasn’t sad to see my last day come. My checking account was a little upset, but it’d survive. We’ve served until after midnight and then Sydney had wanted to talk the second Maddie and I got home. We had stayed up another hour dissecting her relationship with her dad and by the time I went to bed, I was exhausted. I still hadn’t told anyone about my pregnancy.  At thirteen weeks, I was sicker than before and constantly tired. I had almost bowed out of Sunday dinner in hopes of a nap, but Maddie had basically told me I had to go.

Jenny and I had moved Mom into the home that morning. She didn’t take much, just a couple of boxes, but it had been an emotional time that I didn’t share with any of my friends. I would have skipped dinner to stay with Mom that evening, but she insisted that she spend the first night getting to know the fellow residents. Jenny and I had hugged for a long time in the parking lot after we’d walked out and when I pulled away, she had tears running down her face.

“Keep in touch, okay?” She pushed the hair behind my shoulder and put her hands on my cheeks. “I want to be kept in the loop about the baby, too.”

I gaped at her for a moment and she just smiled.

“Your mom told me. She’s been so proud she could burst. Take care of yourself, Amanda, okay?”

I nodded and pulled her in for another hug. “You too, Jen. Thank you so much for all you’ve done for us these past few years. You’re family and I’m gonna miss you so much.”

I’d cried all the way back to the apartment and when Maddie had come to drag me to dinner I wanted to cause her bodily harm. In a loving way, of course. I was tired, sad, and sick, but after getting to Linda’s I was glad I had come. When I was down about my mom, the rest of my family- surrogate or not- was great at cheering me up.

I grabbed the basketball when Maddie missed her shot and passed it to Sean who sank it into the basket smoothly. Maddie turned to look at me, her head shaking.

“They make us look ridiculously bad at this.”

I laughed and nodded my head in agreement. I was actually fairly decent when it came to basketball, but these guys lived and breathed it which made me look terrible.

“I don’t even know why they asked us to play.”

Sean dropped his arm around my shoulder and let out a chuckle. “We just enjoy watching you ladies run around. It’s entertaining and morale boosting.”

“We can’t all be hot-shot college basketball stars,” I teased, gesturing towards Josh.

Josh Richards could have gone to the NBA if he had wanted to, but he played basketball entirely for the fun of the game. He still had the body of a basketball player, though: tall, lean, and agile. Topping it all off with chocolate brown curls on his head, Josh was a pretty gorgeous man.

I snatched the ball from Sean’s other hand and made another shot for the basket. It missed, ricocheting off the backboard before it went sailing towards the patio door that led inside. Matt stepped out and caught the ball effortlessly, as if he had been expecting it. He grinned and held it up.

“Who’s the terrible shot?”

I could have stared at him all day. He was wearing another pair of jeans that looked amazing on him and a t-shirt that fit his chest snuggly. I hadn’t seen him in a couple of weeks, the last time being briefly when he came to pick up Sydney to escort her to a fundraiser. It’d been an awkward five minutes while I’d worked up the courage to tell him about the baby, only to chicken out in the end. He’d left with Sydney and we had exchanged less than ten words. I missed him more than I cared to admit. I missed him as a friend and I missed him as so much more.

I forced my expression to turn nonchalant as I put my hands on my hips and shook my head at him. “I am not terrible. You just missed the one I made a few minutes ago.”

Josh held out his hands for the ball. “We’re waiting for Syd and we can make it three-on-three.”

Matt tossed him the ball and shook his head, gesturing for someone to follow him. The brunette from his Facebook page stepped outside onto the patio and she gave everyone an unsure smile.

“Guys, this is Kristen,” Matt said as he put his hand around her waist and pulled her to him. She was probably a couple of inches shorter than me, but they looked good together.

She beamed at Matt before turning to the rest of us to do the same. Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail that fell onto her back and her blue eyes sparkled as she looked at us. She was wearing a red tank top with jean shorts that made her legs look so stunning that I suddenly felt self-conscious in my own black linen shorts and sky blue t-shirt.

Matt pointed all of us out, introducing us by name and when he touched on me for a moment, I gave her a small wave. He led her to the patio table to sit down and I excused myself to go into the house for a moment. My chest felt painfully tight and wished I had just stayed home after all.

I went into the bathroom and splashed some cold water on my face as I pushed my messy hair back behind my shoulders. I stared at my reflection and the girl staring back looked like a walking zombie with the circles under her eyes and her pale complexion. I tugged at my shirt and ran a hand over my stomach when a very tiny bump had formed, but not enough for anyone to notice.

I left the bathroom quietly and moved into the kitchen to pull the lemonade out of the fridge. I was just pouring it when Matt stepped through the threshold of the kitchen and offered me a polite smile.

“Amanda.”

I returned his fake smile with one of my own but didn’t say anything as I replaced the drink in the fridge. I turned back around and Matt had his hip propped against the kitchen island, just staring at me.

“It’s been more than two months, Manda. We really aren’t going to just ignore each other forever, are we? We’ve been friends for almost fifteen years.”

I put my cup down and mimicked his stance on the opposite side of the island with a sigh.

“I don’t want it to be like this either. I messed up and hurt you, and I’m so sorry.” I worried my lips through my teeth as I looked at him, trying to work up the courage to tell him my secret.

His eyes moved to the floor for a minute and he let out a breath he’d been holding before meeting my gaze again. “It’s not just your fault. I’m to blame, too. Let’s just stop pretending like the other doesn’t exist, okay?”

I nodded. “Okay.”

Matt closed the space between us and wrapped me in a hug that I returned eagerly. Being back in his arms was like coming home and I knew I needed to tell him.

“Matt,” I said as I pulled back marginally so I could look up at him. “I have something that I need to tell you.”

He fixed his eyes on me expectantly but before I could get it out someone else said his name from the hallway. Kristen appeared to the entryway of the kitchen and Matt pushed back so that we were no longer touching. Kristen’s eyebrows furrowed for a moment as she processed how we were standing and Matt gave her a smile.

“Manda and I were just ending our almost three month long freeze out.” He walked over to his girlfriend and grabbed her hand in his before turning back to me. “I’m glad we talked.”

I nodded meekly as I stared back at him, forcing the smile to my face. “Me too, Matt. Thanks for being so understanding.”

He tugged on Kristen’s hand and they both went back towards the backyard while I stayed frozen in the kitchen. I’d come so close… again. I stood in the kitchen for a few moments wishing that I could sneak out and just head home. I started towards the backyard when the front door opened and Sydney appeared with a bright smile on her face.

“Hey babe,” she greeted as she dropped her purse onto the kitchen counter. “I miss anything good?”

I shrugged. “Matt brought his new girlfriend.”

“Damn.” Sydney pulled me in for a hug and I let her. Sydney may have seemed like her wild side took over for everything else, but she was the most perceptive person I knew. Maddie was probably aware of my attraction for Matt, but Sydney knew my feelings for him ran deep.

I swallowed the tears that threatened and hugged her back before pulling away. “I’m okay, honestly. He deserves to be happy.”

I led her outside where everyone was. Matt and Kristen were now playing against Josh and Maddie while Sean and Craig talked near the barbeque. I took a seat in the patio chair next to Sydney and I tried not to watch as the four of them played a happy game of couples basketball. The one time I did let my eyes find them happened to be when Matt and Kristen celebrated a shot with a passionate kiss that made my stomach hurt.

When dinner was finally ready, we all sat around the two outdoor tables eating and conversing loudly. I didn’t participate much but instead observed. I really wanted Kristen to be a terrible person, but she seemed to be the exact opposite. She was warm, friendly, and by the end of the night everyone seemed smitten with her. There was rarely a time when she and Matt weren’t touching in some way and when Linda gave her a tight hug before they left, I felt jealously burn all the way to my toes.

I rode with Sydney back to the apartment that night and she let me stew in silence. I knew she still had her own stuff going on since her and David had never fixed what had been broken and then the issues with her parents, but I was proud of her. She had really changed herself a lot over the past month and every change had been for the better. I knew she hadn’t liked my advice about learning from it and moving on, but that’s exactly what she had done.

Sydney gave me a squeeze before I headed off to my room. Despite my exhaustion it took me two hours to fall asleep and when I finally did, I woke up an hour later to vomit up all of the dinner I had eaten that evening. I slumped against the bathtub in the bathroom when my stomach was empty and let out a big sigh.

“Oh little one,” I murmured as I gingerly ran my fingers along my stomach. “What are we going to do?”