Scars of the Future (8 page)

“I understand, but it’s not rational. I had no idea they were monitoring you that closely. But you know why? Because if they catch it early enough it can be beat. Alzheimer’s is already being studied so closely that they might have a cure for it in your mom’s time. You can’t live your life afraid to love for that reason. I’m willing to bet my brother would tell you the same thing.”

I laughed humorlessly. “Of course he would and that’s why I never told him the reason I wouldn’t be with him. It doesn’t matter, though. I’m too late. He’s so happy with Kristen, Mad, and it’s hard to watch.”

“She’s a nice person,” Maddie said slowly. “But my brother doesn’t look at her with a tenth of the adoration that he does when he sees you.”

“He won’t even talk to me. He’s so mad at me and I don’t know how to fix it.”

“Why is he mad at you?” She gave me a worried look but her phone rang from the couch next to her. She looked at it and sighed, giving me a glare before answering it. “This conversation isn’t over, Amanda Paige.”

“Hey Craig.” She answered as I drank the rest of my juice. “Yeah, we’re going to leave soon, we just have to wake Syd up. We can do that. See you soon.”

She ended the call and got up to walk into the kitchen. “We should get moving. Mom forgot Claire’s headband so we need to stop by the house. We better wake up Ms. Sunshine over there.”

It took Maddie tossing two pillows before Sydney sat up from where she was on the floor and groaned. “It’s so early.”

Maddie and I burst out laughing and Maddie shook her head. “I love your hatred of mornings, Sydney.”

We were on the road by ten and when we pulled into the hotel, Linda was waiting with Claire. Maddie had included Claire as a flower girl sort of last minute, but she was beyond excited to be a part of the wedding. Maddie’s mom took in all of us strays and made us feel like family. She had been smitten when Sydney had brought Claire into their lives and insisted that Claire call her ‘Grandma.’

“Hello girls! Did you have a fun night last night?” Linda beamed and hugged every one of us as Claire bolted into Sydney’s arms. Sydney had never imagined being a mom of any sort, but she was amazing with that little girl. It was hard to believe that a couple of months ago she was freaking out about just meeting her, especially when you saw the two of them together now.

Maddie nodded. “Just like old times. Where’s Craig?”

“He’s upstairs with Matt, Sean, Ben, and Josh. Those boys spent their night playing video games and eating pizza. It was like déjà vu or something out of Matthew’s childhood.”

We went upstairs to the suite that would be Maddie and Josh’s when the night was over and decided to get ready there. We spent a few hours lounging around and eating room service before we decided to actually get ready. After we were all showered, we started doing make-up and hair before getting dressed.

I sat on the stool near the window as Sydney curled my hair slowly. The feeling of her hands in my hair made me sleepy and I had to fight to keep my eyes open.

“Do you want it up all of the way or halfway?” She asked as she put the curling iron down.

I yawned and shook my head. “You pick, Syd, I don’t care.”

She gave me a look in the mirror before picking up the brush, but she didn’t say anything.

Once Maddie stepped out, we fawned over her, fixing her veil and making sure everything was as it should be. She looked perfect in a backless, white satin gown that flowed down her body perfectly. Her hair was curled up on her head and she looked like she was going to float away with happiness.

After I changed, I stood in front of the mirror for a moment and made sure my stomach wasn’t obvious in it. Luckily the seamstress had listened to me about the measurements and the knee-length purple bridesmaid dress seemed to fit just right. I slipped into the white heels we were wearing and tucked a curl that had come loose out of the up-do behind my ear. I bit back a yawn and caught Sydney’s eye in the mirror as she studied me curiously before I gave her a reassuring smile.

At 4:30 Linda and Claire reappeared, both of them looking gorgeous. Linda had her gray hair down straight, wearing a dress that matched the color of mine and Sydney’s. Claire was wearing a white dress with a pale yellow bow, and her light brown hair was held back by a floral headband. I watched as Sydney fawned over her and Claire gazed up at her lovingly. Linda announced the limo was here and we all walked down into the hotel lobby.

Matt, Sean, and Josh’s brother, Ben, were all in the limo when we got in and they adjusted to fit the rest of us. I watched as Sean, Sydney, and Claire sat together on one of the side seats, and I was happy they were all able to get along. Sean and Sydney had been involved in a fling earlier in the year, and Sydney had to end it when Sean fell in love with her but she didn’t reciprocate. It took some time, but they seemed to move past it okay.

I sat next to the door on the back row, Maddie between me and her mother, and Ben and Matt sat opposite of Sydney. All three boys wore tuxes that had accents that matched Claire’s bow. Ben looked a little out of place, being in a limo full of people he didn’t know, but he fell into conversation with Maddie easily.

I looked around the limo and met Matt’s bright blue eyes as he stared back at me and suddenly it felt like we were in the limo alone. Everything about Matt made my body tingle, and I wanted to reach out for him.

“Right, Amanda?” Someone had spoken my name and I looked over at Maddie to respond. When I glanced back at Matt he was talking to Ben and our moment was over.

Chapter Eight

Maddie bounced in her heels to my right, looking anxious to get started. We stood at the end of a long path covered with a white aisle runner that lay in the sand. Once we turned the slight corner we’d be able to see all of the wedding guests and, most importantly, the groom.

I grinned at Maddie’s enthusiasm and watched as Matt placed his hands on both of her shoulders to try to calm her down. Maddie was being walked down the aisle by her big brother, and I couldn’t think of anything more appropriate.

“The aisle was reinforced, right?” She glanced up at her brother who nodded.

“Yeah, it’s fine. We added some plywood under the runner so that Ben can use his cane and girls don’t sink. Don’t stress, Madelyn. Everything is perfect.”

Ben had been in a terrible car accident two years prior, and although they had said he never would walk again, he was a champ with his cane. He had just turned nineteen last month and was probably one of the sweetest guys ever. His speech was a little slow and had a slight slur at times, but otherwise he did really well. He had been in town for a few days and Maddie had mentioned that he’d progressed even since the last time she’d seen him. The brothers didn’t look alike but they shared many traits, including their six-feet tall frames, dark brown hair, and love for basketball. But where Josh had dark curls on top of his head, Ben had shaggy hair. Their light brown eyes were the same color, but they looked different on each man.

I was going to be walking with Ben since my five-foot-nine inches put me at the same height as Sean with my heels on. Ben still had an inch or two on me in the heels and made us look perfectly proportionate. I turned to where Ben was sitting on a stool and adjusted his tie.

“You look pretty snazzy, Benjamin,” I said, giving him a smile.

“Thanks Amanda. You look pretty hot yourself. I’m excited to have you on my arm.”

He gave me a soft grin that looked so much like Josh’s. The faint scar on his face ran from his chin up to his head, but it didn’t deter from his good looks and instead made him look ruggedly handsome. He straightened his glasses and took a deep breath, his expression turning serious.

“I hope I don’t make a fool of myself out there.”

I shook my head and brushed some hair off his forehead. “I won’t let that happen.”

Sydney was crouched in front of Claire, giving her last minute instructions when the music began to play softly. She gave her a big kiss before tickling her side and Claire started off down the aisle, tossing flower petals as she went. Ben stood, gripping his cane in his right hand before holding out his left arm for me.

“Ready?”

“Ready,” I replied, taking his arm gently in one hand and picking up my purple and yellow bouquet in the other.

We waited until Claire has disappeared around the corner and we started out ourselves. We walked a slow pace for Ben’s sake, and when we came around the corner I was about to cry at how beautiful it was. The sun was getting close to setting, illuminating the whole area with the orange waves that bounced off the choppy water. The Golden Gate Bridge was in the background, shining a reddish color in the late afternoon, and white clouds peppered the blue sky. About fifty people sat in white chairs facing the ocean and near the surf stood Josh, who looked the happiest I’d ever seen him.

When Ben and I made it to the end he took his place next to Josh and I moved to the other side by Claire. She waved frantically to her daddy, making most of the people in attendance laugh, before looking up at me with a brilliant grin. Sean and Sydney came next, and I caught Sydney making eyes with David who looked like he wanted to rip off her dress and ravish her in the sand.

When Maddie came next, everyone stood, and I watched Josh look at his bride, his expression morphing into awe as she came down the aisle. She looked radiant in her silky dress and flawless hair, but what made it perfect was the expression she wore on her face. Her nerves were plainly obvious for everyone to see as they came around the corner, but you could tell the instant she and Josh locked eyes because the nerves disappeared only to be replaced with exuberant joy. I turned my head to look at Josh and he gazed upon Maddie like she was the most precious thing he had ever laid eyes on.

They made their way down the aisle and her brother dominated her by about five inches with her heels, but he looked so proud to be escorting her. A small smile was on his lips and I had never seen him look more handsome. His muscular arms and toned body were obvious, even through his tux, and standing there watching him I felt like the temperature had gone up ten degrees.

He caught my gaze again and I knew he was aware of what I was thinking. Although he was only twenty-five, his eyes were knowing and made him seem wise beyond his years. I looked away quickly and felt a blush rise in my cheeks.

The ceremony was beautiful. Sydney and I clutched hands halfway through as we cried, pulling tissues out of Claire’s flower petal basket where Sydney had stashed them with the chocolate candies Claire had hidden in the bottom. When he was told he could, Josh dipped Maddie in an extravagant kiss, sealing the deal. Mr. and Mrs. Josh Richards were announced to cheerful applause, and I took Ben’s arm as we followed them back down the aisle.

We spent almost an hour taking pictures on the beach, standing in every pose you could imagine. When the bridal party was finally dismissed, we left the newlyweds in the sand for solo pictures and clamored into a waiting limo to head back to the hotel. The reception was in full swing when we arrived and I sat down with Ben and Sean to eat as we waited for Josh and Maddie. All around us people ate, talked, and laughed and suddenly I wished my mom could have been there. I knew that it would have been too much for her though.

Even though she had adjusted to the nursing home really well, I had my paranoid moments regarding her care. I still spent a lot of time with her, several evenings a week, but she was definitely happier there than she had been at home by herself. The doctor has also started her on a new medication that was supposed to help increase her memory and retention, but the jury was still out on whether or not it was working. I missed her, though. The house felt so different without her and I was lonely. We spent most of our visits finalizing my housing upgrade plans and talking about the baby. Mom would brag to anyone who listened about her impending ‘Grandma’ status.

As dinner was winding down, they announced the couple’s first dance. I watched as Josh twirled Maddie around the dance floor and I couldn’t help but smile.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. and Mrs. Richards now request their bridal party join them on the dance floor.”

Sean offered up his hand to Sydney and she gave David a quick kiss before accepting. I knew Ben wouldn’t be dancing and he offered me a sympathetic look from across the table.

“I’m sorry, Amanda.”

I waved my hand at him and grinned. “No big deal, Ben. I’m a terrible dancer anyway.”

“No you’re not.” I looked up and Matt was staring down at me with his hand outstretched. He had shed his suit jacket and loosened his tie slightly. “Come on, we have too many guys and not enough girls.”

I hesitated as I remembered the last time we’d spoken. That was the night he all but kicked me out of his mom’s house. I sighed internally, torn between maintaining our distance and the need to tell him my secret.

I placed my hand in his and reveled in the soft, warm grip before standing to go with him. He led me to the dance floor and twirled me once before placing his hand on my hip to lead me around the dance floor. I had always been a tall girl and it took a lot to make me feel even the tiniest bit petite. Being in Matt’s muscular arms, however, I felt so feminine and fragile. In my heels, I would have been able to bury my nose into his neck to inhale his skin. I let the daydream run through my head briefly before I shook myself out of it.

We didn’t speak for a several beats and so I tried awkwardly to break the silence. “You look very handsome, Matt.”

He gave me a soft smile and twirled me again before pulling me back to him. “I’m sure you could wear a white sheet and look gorgeous, Amanda.” He lowered his voice and brought his mouth to my ear. “Actually, I know for a fact you would.”

I blushed and averted my eyes from him, taken aback by his playful tone. I tried to think about anything else other than Matt naked but it was a difficult task.

“I hate this,” I said softly. “We said we didn’t want it to be awkward, but I guess it can’t be helped, huh?”

He didn’t answer for a moment and I started to think he wasn’t going to when he finally let out a sigh.

“It’s hard, Manda. It’s almost like really wanting that special piece of decadent chocolate cake. You know, the one dessert that is always on your mind, but you don’t get it often. You see the cake, you want the cake, but you can’t have it. So you settle for the vanilla one instead. The vanilla one is good, of course, but as you try to enjoy the piece of cake you took, that chocolate cake stays within your view, reminding you of what you really wanted and how much better than ‘good’ it is.”

I swallowed loudly and inclined my head marginally. “I know what you mean.”

His eyes met mine at my vague admission and we maintained the eye contact as we moved.

We spent the rest of the dance in silence and when the song was done,+ he opened his mouth to say something, but we were interrupted by someone tugging on his pocket.

“Uncle Matt,” Claire said with a smile on her face. “I want to dance now.”

Matt grinned at her before looking back at me. “Another one before the night is over, okay?”

I didn’t answer and just backed away as he picked up David’s daughter, twirling her around quickly. She squealed in delight and the elation on his face was incredible to witness.

I watched them through the entire song, and when it ended I pried my eyes away to look around the room. Sydney sat down next to me, flushed and fanning herself.

“Dancing with David is exhaustingly fun.” She laughed as she rolled her eyes. “Sometimes his jealously over Sean still shows. The minute the first song was over he all but ripped me out of Sean’s arms.”

I grinned at her enthusiasm and still could not believe how crazy in love she was. I picked up a breadstick, nibbling it slowly in hopes it stayed down, and looked at Maddie as she danced with Josh’s father.

“She looks so blissful, Syd. I love seeing you both so happy.”

Sydney nodded, staring at the happy couple, too. “You deserve this happiness too, Amanda.”

I gave her a small smile but didn’t respond. I thought about the tiny child I was growing in my stomach and I knew I would have a different kind of happiness. I silently wished for the millionth time that I hadn’t pushed Matt away.

“Ladies and gentlemen we’re going to go ahead and open the floor up to toasts, and we are going to start with the best man.”

I watched as Ben slowly stood and took his place in front of the microphone, a shy smile on his face. Josh had told me that before the accident, Ben was cocky with a devil-may-care attitude. Post-accident Ben was so reserved and so unsure of himself, and I wanted to scream to him that he had no reason to be.

“Hi, I’m Ben. Josh is my older brother and I could not have asked for a better one. He is always there for you when you need him. During his year without Maddie, I could tell something was missing and the minute he got her back he was complete again. Maddie is the other half of perfect that Josh needed, and I am so happy they found each other. To Josh and Maddie.”

Everyone murmured in agreement and Syd grabbed my hand to pull me to where Ben was. We both gave him a hug and we stood where he had in front of the microphone.

“Hi I’m Sydney, and this is Amanda. We are two-thirds of a crazy trio, Maddie making up the last part. We’ve known Maddie for many years, and even though you know her as this sweet girl, we know her fierce side.” Sydney glanced at me, a huge grin on her face.

I smiled and looked out at everyone. “I first met Maddie in elementary school on the first day of third grade. Someone had bumped into me in the lunch room and my sandwich went sliding across the floor. Maddie saw it happen and she said, ‘Hey, redheaded girl! Come sit with me and I’ll share my sandwich.’ So I did and we shared our lunches every day until the end of sixth grade. I will never forget that kindness that was so easily offered up, just like it was second nature. Maddie would still give you half of her sandwich if she saw it fall on the floor.” I wiped a rogue tear that had fallen from my eye as Sydney leaned her head against mine.

“I met Maddie and Amanda in seventh grade when someone was picking on me. Little, sweet Maddie stepped up to defend me, pushing some girl on her ass. I mean, butt. Sorry Claire.”

Sydney shot a look to Claire who was sitting in David’s lap as he laughed. “Anyways, I never would have guessed Maddie had it in her, but she offered me dry clothes and defended me that day. She and Amanda made me feel loved, cherished, and like I belonged when I wasn’t so sure. Maddie, you are so strong, so brave, and so kind. We are so lucky to be able to call you our sister.”

I nodded in agreement before turning my eyes to the groom. “Josh, you are amazing in every way. Your kindness matches that of Maddie’s, and the two of you are so strong together. Thank you so much for loving her the way you do, and please continue to keep her happy like you have.”