No Going Back (3 page)

“Yay. Merry Christmas,” I mumble. I can’t help the sarcastic tone in my voice.

Jesika laughs at me and tries to play off my reaction to the tech. “Mallory is dreading her daughter being born on or around Christmas. She’s a selfish woman and doesn’t want her sharing a birthday with the Big Man
.
” She points up, referencing Heaven.

“I don’t mind my daughter sharing the limelight. My problem is I see how the whole present giving goes for kids who are born around then. They get shafted, and my daughter doesn’t deserve that,” I huff.

“Well, how about we see this baby of yours? Do you want to find out the sex if the baby is cooperating today and not being shy?” She finishes typing my information into the computer from my chart and then turns towards me with her bottle of goo that I’m sure is about to be squirted on my gut.

I laugh at the last part of her statement. “If this little girl is anything like her father or me, she is not shy. That’s for sure. But I most definitely want you to confirm what I already know and have been telling everyone. I’m all about being able to say
I told ya so.
”

She lifts my shirt and pushes my pants down so my soon to be oversized belly is fully on display before she gives one good squirt of the gel. She maneuvers her wand around in a way as if she’s a skilled chef delicately whisking an intricate meal. Every now and then she will say something like ‘there’s the baby’s head’ and ‘over here is the heart…you can see it moving as it beats’. This made it very apparent by the looks of the way my belly was morphing around that she was awake and excited. Yep, always quick to put on a show — she gets that from her daddy.

“Well, Miss Prentice, I’m proud to announce that you are going to be the proud mommy of a baby girl.” She points to the screen indicating the area that shows gender…as if I can tell what it is.

“Booyah! Told ya so!” I proudly shout. Maybe a little too loud, but I can’t contain the excitement that’s bubbling over.

I get my slide show of pictures of my baby girl and I cling on to them tightly. It’s amazing how much more real this is now. I have the pictures to prove that there is really a baby — a baby girl — growing inside of my belly.

Jesika finally brings up her trip on the way back to my house. She knows I’m nosey and will usually pull fingernails off to get info out of people, but I’m not too sure I want to know what this is about.

“Aren’t you going to ask where I’m going? Seeing that its last minute and all…I expected you to want to know more.”

“Honestly Jes, based on that look you had when you first mentioned it and now have again, I’m pretty sure that I don’t want to know. I have a feeling it has everything to do with Seth, therefore I want nothing to do with it.” I huff and cross my arms, resting them on top of my slowly growing baby bump.

“You’re right. It has everything to do with Seth, and it’s exactly why you have to go with me. Mallory, you cannot let him marry that troll! You know she’s up to no good. You know she has him trapped. Maybe if you finally admit how you feel and tell him about the baby…maybe he won’t make the biggest mistake of his life. Please Mallory. I know you aren’t happy. You will regret this for the rest of your life if you don’t at least try. You are our last hope.” I give her a questioning look. “Yes, you are my and Derek’s last hope to talk some damn sense into that boy. We all know how he feels about you.”

I don’t know what I actually think I can accomplish as I board the plane to Vegas. Jesika told me that Derek had already bought me a ticket and it’s non-refundable. Way to make me feel bad. All I can do is pray that I’m doing the right thing right now. That I’m not going to break my heart a little more by putting myself out there for Seth yet again. I don’t want him to be with me because I’m carrying his child. I want him to want me for me. The real me. The me that only he knows.

I brace myself for the dreaded plane ride that I’ve been suckered into…along with what lies ahead at the end of the landing strip.

“Are you ready?” Jesika asks as she looks over at me, knowing that planes make me nervous.

“Yeah, sure. Ready as I’ll ever be.” I turn to look out the window as we start to pull away from the terminal and mumble, “There’s no going back now.”

Derek picks us up in what I can safely guess is a rental car since it isn’t a taxi and it’s not like any of them have their own vehicles here. The ride to the cheesy ass typical runaway wedding chapel is rather short and abnormally quiet. I know they’re depending on me to be able to defuse the situation, but damn, I’m not fucking SWAT. Derek parks the car and turns in his seat. I can see how this situation affects him as well, but I’m not a miracle worker. I can only do so much, and right now I’m pretty sure that this trip will be completely null and void for me. Nothing will come of this, but I’m willing to try because Jes is right; I’d regret it if I didn’t.

“You have to tell him about the baby Mallory,” Derek pleaded. “It could be the only sure way he doesn’t go through with this death trap of a wedding.” I feel his pain and more than anything don’t want him to wed that broad, but I’m not using my child as a pawn. Seth either wants me, or he doesn’t.

“Seth is a big boy, Derek. We all know he does what he damn well pleases and nobody changes his mind once it’s made. The last fucking thing I’m going to do is pull an Allison by using my child to get my way. Ain’t no fucking way I’m pulling that bullshit.” That reason alone is why I made sure to dress comfortably enough that the fact that I’m pregnant isn’t visible. If he finds out, it will be because I want him to know about it.

Before I get out of the car, I take one last look at the tiny 3D picture I received today. She’s worth the pain that will possibly come from this situation. She’s worth taking this huge risk to win the man I love, to only come out empty handed in the end. In this moment, the what if is worth it. I make sure to place the picture in my back pocket as I shut the door and adjust my shirt.

I look over at Jesika, who is tucked against Derek’s side, and give them both a weak smile. “Okay guys, it’s now or never.”

Chapter Four

*SETH*

It’s pretty fucking ironic that this cheesy ass Vegas chapel feels just as cold as my soul does. I had always thought the love I once had for Allison would instantly reignite no matter the fact that she yanked my fucking heart out three years ago. The sound of her engagement ring clinking on the floor after she threw it at me that day is a memory I’ve never been able to shake. All in the span of a day, I lost my child to a miscarriage, or so I had thought, lost my fiancé to bigger and better things, and lost my heart to a shredder. That day changed me forever. I wasn’t changed as a person, but the way I had envisioned women and my future with them was remolded that day forward.

I can’t help but replay what just went down between me and Mallory. The words keep playing over and over in my head, causing pain to my senses like nails down a chalk board.

There’s a slight knock on the door. “Come in,” I say without even looking back at it. I hear the door slowly creak open and then shut. It’s rather quiet. Whoever it is hasn’t budged since shutting the door. The curiousness of wondering who in the hell wanted in my room but hasn’t said a damn word yet is the only reason I bother to turn around. I start to bitch the person out until I’m face to face with the person — and just like that I’m speechless. I open my mouth and nothing comes out. Not sure what I’d say anyways, but I’m sure it’d be better than standing here looking like a fucking moron who can’t work his mouth.

She doesn’t move besides nervously twiddling her thumbs while scanning the room, looking everywhere but at me. This isn’t the Mallory I’m used to. My Mallory isn’t afraid of anything. She goes after whatever she wants, whenever she wants it. I guess that’s the problem…she isn’t my Mallory. I went and fucked that up with this cluster-fuck that’s about to take place in a good thirty minutes. I’m dreading every second of it. Finally looking up, she takes a step towards me. She must have given herself a mental pep talk for this sudden shift in stance to be taking place.

“Hey Seth,” she shyly says before letting out a shaky breath. “Okay, I’m just gonna lay it all on the line, and you can do what you want with it.”
Fuck, she came to win me back.
“First, me coming here was not my idea, but with that being said, I would have regretted it like a motherfucker if I didn’t try one last time because I think you’re worth the effort. I want you Seth. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted any other man — more than I ever will want any other man. You get me unlike anyone ever has. You know me…the real me. I know what we had was no strings attached, but dammit, I’m attached. I can’t help it Seth, but I fucking love you and knowing you’re about to marry that woman who emotionally fucked you up, kills me. It kills me Seth.” There is no way to push her away nicely. If I’m nice about it she will keep pushing and pushing until I give. I can’t risk that. There’s too much riding on this marriage.

“What the fuck Mallory? You know I don’t do love and neither do you. That’s what made what we did work. No expectations. You did your thing, I did mine, and at times we did our things together. No fucking feelings involved. And now you’re throwing that Godforsaken word at me. What we were was fuck buddies who became friends in the process. Plain fucking simple as that. That word you are tossing around ever so lightly,” I toss my hands in the air to mimic my words, “is not what this is and it’s not a feeling you are supposed to feel towards me. You can’t love me Mallory, please don’t.” I plead with her, but as she tried to close the distance between us, I knew I had to twist the knife I have already stabbed her with. “I don’t do love. I can’t love you. I just can’t.”

She gestures towards the door where my bride-to-be was sure to be standing on the other side, foaming at the mouth no less. “Then what’s that Seth? If you don’t fucking do love, then what the fuck do you call that?”

I shake my head and wish I could just make all this bullshit disappear before I say, “That’s—” I look back towards the door, “that’s complicated.”

“Ha, I’m sure it’s fucking complicated. You’re about to marry a fucking classy piece of trailer trash. Can’t wait to see how much more complicated this gets for you. Good luck with your wedding Seth. Hope your life fucking rocks,” she finishes before slamming the door on her way out.

I can’t help but replay what just went down between me and Mallory. The words keep playing over and over in my head causing pain to my senses.

Remembering the hurt I caused Mallory, as it washed over her face when I told her that I can’t love her and can’t be with her, made me physically sick. I vomited as soon as she walked out of the door of the dinky room that I’m getting ready in so that I can marry the woman who used to hold my heart. All while pushing away the one who now holds it instead. I don’t honestly know what the hell I’m doing. This seems to be the most logical way to regain custody of my daughter, the one I never knew I had. Hell, maybe if I go to the courts and just tell them that Allison lied and told me she had a miscarriage it would make a difference. Who really knows if anything this woman tells me is the God honest truth. I’m starting to think she wouldn’t know what the truth was if it came and bit her on her fucking ass.

I hear the door lightly shut as I wet a paper towel in the tiny bathroom and wipe my face off. I’m standing there in my black pants, white shirt nicely tucked but not buttoned all the way up, and my tie hanging around my neck. I look fucking pale as shit. This whole thing is starting to take its toll on me. But dammit, I don’t know what else to do. I saw what happened before when I followed my heart and I know I’m not ready to go down that road again. Even though I believe things with Mallory could end differently.

Should have known it was Allison coming to claim her prize and not Mallory running back in to talk some sense into me. I’m not sure I would have been able to resist her a second time. Doing it once was hard enough. She wraps her arms around me from behind and talks to me as we are both looking in the mirror.

“I know it’s not safe to see the bride before the wedding, but I think we’re okay.” She smirks at me, knowing she has me by the balls in this situation. She’s always had me by the fucking balls. She slowly slides her hands down the front of my chest, allowing them to gently slide down over my junk. I’m semi-hard and she thinks it’s because of her, but that’s the furthest thing from the truth. It’s because of the woman I let walk out that door. I have never wanted Mallory more than I did a few moments ago. Maybe it was because of how vulnerable she was. She’s not the only one hurting in this situation.