No Going Back (9 page)

“You could never be worthless company,” he says as he caresses my cheek. I’ve missed his touch, but before I can savor it he quickly yanks his hand back as if my face was fire. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I’m sure your wife wouldn’t appreciate you touching another woman. Hell, I bet she’d shit a cow if she knew you were here with me.” I can’t help the venom in my voice.

“Right, about that whole wife thing…we didn’t get married.” He lets out a sigh. “A whole lotta shit hit the fan and she booked it over a month ago. I haven’t heard from her since.” He obviously doesn’t want to get into the details.

“Huh. Well, she seemed like a fucking winner anyways. It’s probably best for you.” I plop down on my couch and try to pull my damn heeled boots off. Those fuckers are not budging, no matter how many times I yank.

“Hey, let me help.” Seth kneels down in front of me. I can’t lie; I like the view of him being on his knees in front of me. I see why men are all about it.

I lift my leg up to him. “Don’t get any crazy ideas mister. These boots are all you’re getting to take off. Got it?” I say, half-serious and half-teasing, because let’s be honest, I’d let him strip me right now if he tried. He lifts his hands up in surrender.

“You have my word.” He grabs the foot of my boot and pulls it off with ease. I let my head fall back against the couch. Even though I’m exhausted, I don’t want him to leave. I’d be stupid to let him walk out that door tonight. Plus, he deserves to know about our daughter. As much as I don’t want to talk about what happened to her.

“It was a girl.” I pause, “I had picked out the name Sophia for her…after my grandma, you know? You should see all the frilly stuff in the room I had bought for her.” I pause again, trying to hold the tears back, “I haven’t been able to go into that room since I lost her. I don’t know if I ever will.” I whisper that last part. Seth finally places my foot he’s been holding down and looks up at me. I see the sadness all over his face.

“I’ll go with you when you’re ready. If you want.”

“Not yet. Maybe not ever. Tonight I just want to forget. Just make me forget tonight, Seth. Stay with me...please.” He grabs my hands but doesn’t say anything. “Please.” I’m not usually a beggar and I might regret this in the morning, but right now I need him. I need him tonight in whatever way he will let me have him. He finally looks up at me and slowly lets my leg down before he stands up. Before I can beg again, he scoops me up and is carrying me to my room.

It’s not a far walk from the living room to my bedroom, and not once did he take his eyes off of mine the whole way there. He makes his way to my bed and he lightly lays me down. He sits on the edge of my bed beside me and starts unbuttoning my shirt. Yet he still never takes his eyes away from mine. Once my shirt is fully open his eyes trail down my body. I can feel the warmth of his gaze as he takes in every inch of me. He lets his fingertips dance the same trail that his eyes just etched into me. They hoover over the button of my skirt before they skip over it and then land on my knee and reverse their way back up my thigh instead. The feather light touch from his fingertips feels like a volt of electricity shooting through my body, awakening every single nerve ending that I had thought would need a complete rewiring.

I can’t help the little moans that escape my mouth as his hand trails past the edge of my skirt, and he leans over and starts lightly kissing my bare skin from where my shirt has opened. This isn’t typical raw Seth. He’s more of a rowdy type in the bed, not slow and sensual. I’m desperate to feel him though. I want every inch of him molded to my body. I want him to feel me up so that maybe my void will not feel so empty. I know it’s only temporary, but I
need
it.

“Seth,” I moan. “I need you in me. I want you in me.” I can’t hide the desperation I have for him at this very moment. I might look weak, but right now I could care less. I don’t care if he knows how vulnerable I truly am. I’m not afraid to show him that side of me. Not now anyways. He’s already seen every side of me, every side that I’ve kept hidden from anyone and everyone.

“Shhh.” He kisses his way up the center of my chest making his way to my neck. “This is what you need Mal. I’m going to show you what I feel for you by making you feel. Let me make you forget, just for tonight. Okay?” he breathes in my ear before parting my panties and pushing his finger inside where I want him most.

“Oh god,” I pant as I arch my head back, pressing it deeper into the pillow. It is as if he’s reenergizing my body between my legs, and he keeps kissing me all over and licking me as if he’s trying to savor the taste of my skin. His other hand finds its way under my head while his lips make their journey back up my body once more. He licks his way up my neck, lifts my head up, and then swipes my parted lips with his tongue before lightly biting on my bottom lip and then sucking it into his mouth. This is the kinky Seth I know, but I have a feeling that’s as rough as he’ll get tonight.

“Open your eyes,” he sweetly demands. “I want to watch you as I make you come. I want to feel your sweet pussy clenching around my fingers while watching how I make you feel etches itself across your beautiful face. I want to see what I do to you and afterwards I want to show you what you do to me.”

He thrusts another finger in and I instinctively close my eyes. “Open.”

I open them back up as he takes his thumb and starts working it in circles on my clit. I’m so close I can feel it, but at the same time I’m so consumed with what I see as I stare back into his ocean blue eyes. I can see so many emotions running through them — emotions I’ve never seen before. I know he’s in pain over the situation, but there’s more there. I see the sadness, I see the regret, but I also see the love there. The love he claimed he could never have and the love he still isn’t willing to admit he holds. I can feel that this is the last time I will have Seth this way and he will be all mine, so I’m making sure to relish in this euphoric feeling with him all night. I plan on making him fall over the edge like he’s egging me to do at this very moment.

He finally claims my mouth, and I can barely hold back the sob that’s threatening to escape. I’ve missed his kisses for far too long, and I’m not risking the chance of cutting them short by letting any sadness sneak its way into what we are sharing right now. The kiss is sweet and sensual. It isn’t filled with eagerness or rushed. It’s slow and smooth like we are slowly taking each other in, making sure to leave our mark along the way. He forces himself to pull away while rubbing his thumb across my cheek with his hand that’s holding my head in place. “I want you to come for me baby. I want you to let yourself go and fall all around me. Don’t hold back. Whatever you do tonight, make sure it is about us not holding back.” I had already come to that conclusion that there’s no going back tonight. I’m all in. And so I let myself go.

Chapter Twelve

*SETH*

Feeling the way her body clenches around my fingers and seeing the look of ecstasy that’s written all over her face and knowing that I’m responsible for it, is the most satisfying feeling. I slowly keep working my fingers in and out of her as the shudders slowly fade away. I stand up to undress and she sits herself up on the bed on her knees, facing me.

“Let me do it,” she says as she tugs on the hem of my shirt urging me to lift my arms. After flinging my shirt across the room, she traces the intricate cross tattoo on my chest. I’m not a religious man by any means, but something about this tattoo drew me to it. It was full of so much color and extremely detailed. To me, it was seeing if my buddy could pull off a complete replica. He fucking nailed it.

She bends in closer as if she’s trying take the time to really see it. “This has always been my favorite one.” That’s all she says before she flicks her tongue over it, swirling it around as if she’s mimicking the way the gun would have inked it in. Not sure why, but I’m instantly rocking the hardest boner known to mankind. She kisses and licks her way down my chest, making sure to give each nipple ring her tongue’s undivided attention before making her way to my deprived cock.

I’ve never seen a woman undo a belt buckle and have a pair of pants, boxers included, down as fast as she just managed. “Damn woman. Slow down. This isn’t a damn race.”

She wastes no time wrapping her hand around my dick and giving it a couple gentle pumps. “You have no idea how much I have missed this—” she touches the piercing that I know she loves, then looks back up at me, “—missed you.” I kick off my jeans and push her back on the bed. I know I said I was taking this nice and slow, but I need to be in this woman just as much as she needs me. I’ll take it nice and slow once I’m inside her, but I cannot stand another fucking minute waiting for it to happen. I pull her shirt the rest of the way off, making sure to undo her bra as I do. Then I work my way down, pulling her skirt and panties off in one swift move.

“Who’s in a hurry now?” She asks with a laugh.

“Well, you caught me at a good time you see.”

“Is that so?”

“Yep, damn fucking straight. You’re a woman in dire need of me and my mad skills,” I wink, “to rub you in all the right places, and I’m gonna make sure to do just that.” And without further ado, I push myself in. I’m not forceful since I’m not really sure how things are down there since everything that’s happened. She pulls my mouth to hers and I can sense that this is how it’s supposed to feel like. This is what making love is supposed to do to you. Turn you into a fucking pansy ass. But I don’t care. The way I feel right now, I could easily do this all the time. Duh, I’m sure any man would gladly have sex all the time, until their dick fell off, but making love and experiencing all the emotions that are involved make the
getting off
part, that much more monumental. It’s the KY to sex you could say. The whole ‘
the heavens are singing Hallelujah’
moment. It makes the whole damn experience a grand finale instead of it being a black cat kind of experience— you know…quick and loud and basically no satisfaction what-so-ever.

She feels so warm and tight and wet…and just for me. I want her to be mine. I want to know that this will never be anyone else’s, but I know I can’t. It’s not fair to her, after everything I have put her through. Plus, there’s still things I need to work out and no damn way I’m dragging her through all the bullshit while I do it. She deserves the happy life. The life I’m not capable of giving her — hell, even myself. I try to keep my mind distracted because this feels too good. So good I don’t want to chance blowing my load way too soon, especially before I’ve had the chance to get her off again. I know the moment her pussy pulsates around me that I will be a goner.

“Fuck.” I slow my pace, but I’m not able to completely stop.

“What?” She has a worried look on her face.

“I forgot to put a condom on.”

She gives me a weak smile, “It’s fine. I made sure to get the shot before I left the hospital.”

My head falls to the crook of her neck and my pace slightly quickens, but not much. “Mal, I’m so fucking sorry I wasn’t there. If I would have known—”

“Shhh.” She shuts me up before she pushes me on the shoulders, encouraging me to roll over, which I do while pulling her with me. I’ve always loved watching the way she rides me. She’s fucking hot. I know she puts off the whole vibe that she thinks she’s hot shit, but that’s furthest from the truth. Her attitude is only there as a mask to cover how she really feels. How do I know you ask? Because it’s the same fucking thing I do. Mallory and I are birds of the same feather. It’s why we are perfect for each other, and the reason we shouldn’t be together. It’s a blessed curse.

“You’re fucking gorgeous baby.” I want her to feel it. I want her to believe, that to me, she is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on. I have ever laid period. I can see her slight blush as she locks eyes with me, showing me how good this feels to her through her ecstasy induced gaze. Bending down over me, she positions her body just right where I want it. She has the perfect amount in the tit department, and I’ve always been a fan of the way they feel. I know what she likes and I make sure to take her advance as the suggestion for me to do it. My tongue does circles around her hard nipple before I suck it in my mouth and lightly bite down. She gasps. I grope the other one as I make sure to fully taste and tease this one before moving on. All women aren’t titty playing kind of chicks, but for Mallory it’s one of the things that gets her going. If I’m not doing it for her, she’ll fucking touch herself, and fuck, is that a glorious sight to see. I could fucking nut on cue just by her playing with her tits. She probably could too.

Her moans speak to me about how close she is. As lame as it sounds, I always made sure to pay attention to what made her body tick. I want to know what is responsible for pushing her over the edge like a domino effect. I want to be able to make her explode with the drop of a hat. Seeing that it’s been a while since I’ve gotten what I like to call
The Best of The Best
, aka Mallory — or hell, laid period — I’m not going to last much longer. I can feel my release building as if it’s a pin ball being pulled back with an unsteady hand.

“I’m so close Seth. I can’t hold it.”

“It’s okay baby,” I say breathlessly.

“I want you to come in me,” she says while kissing up my neck as she makes her way to my eager lips.

“Oh, I plan on it. I want your pussy to draw every single last drop out of me. I want you to be completely filled with me. I want to consume you.” I weave my hands through her hair, claiming her mouth before I move them down to her hips to help us reach our releases we are so eagerly anticipating. She collapses on top of me as soon as the first ripple travels through. I know she can tell as soon as I go. I might not have been forceful tonight, but dammit, the way my nut shot out like a rocket sure was. It felt like a damn slingshot being released.

She’s lying on her side with her body tightly curled against mine and her leg draped over mine as her head rests on my chest. My arm is around her in a perfect position to let my fingers drift through her hair. She rubs her fingers back and forth along my chest and I can’t help the content feeling that is taking over me right now.