No Going Back (4 page)

I let her continue what she thinks is seduction. It’s not that she doesn't have the capability of turning me on anymore. It used to be all about her, and now it's just fucking another bitch. But since I’m a fucking man and can’t just continue with the random hook ups associated with being on the road, I have no choice but to take what I can get and pretend to somewhat enjoy it as I do. I’m getting mine in the process. I honestly don’t think she really even cares if I don’t want to be with her. This probably is strictly about what she can get out of the situation, seeing that my band has gained some popularity this past year. But if this is the only sure way of getting a chance to be a dad to my daughter then I’m going to grit my teeth and do it.

“We really don’t have time to be messing around, do we
wifey
?” I try to hold back the bitter tone that’s threatening to take over.

“I bet you’re fully capable of pulling off a quickie. Don’t you think, hubby?” Bitch. If she only knew that I force myself to blow a nut as quickly as possible with her. I am a man and I have needs, but I hate that I have to use her to satisfy them.

I pull her in front of me and hike up her dress. I’ll show her a fucking quickie and she won’t enjoy it. This will strictly be for me. A much needed quick distraction.
A release.
Then I will need a double shot of whiskey to continue on with this voyage into marriage. Being a prepared man these days, I grab the condom out of my pants pocket. It is my wedding night, right? Meaning it’s a guarantee that I’d be getting some. Didn’t realize we’d be shacking up beforehand though. I rub my finger along her to test the waters, making sure she’s wet enough for me to plunge into her. I’m not trying to turn her on, but damn, I’m not trying to rub my dick raw either.

This isn’t intimate by any means. This isn’t how a loving couple about to take each other’s hand in marriage would be pre consummating the event. This is purely a quick fuck. A quick fuck into hell. That’s where it feels like my life is heading. A few pumps in and out, accompanied by her fake as hell moans and I’m done. I know the reason for my quickness was strictly linked to the fact that I couldn’t shake the image of Mallory out of my mind.

Allison’s pissed; she must have expected more. Not sure why as she was the one who said we had time for a quickie. Isn’t that what we just had? She doesn’t even say a word; she just adjusts her skimpy dress and storms off while slamming the door in her retreat. I dispose of the condom, wipe myself off and wash my hands. I go ahead and finish buttoning up my shirt and try to knot my tie to perfection, but it’s fair from it. Kind of resembles how I feel about my life right now. One big cluster-fuck of a knot. I wet my hands and run them through my newly cut hair. I’m still trying to get use to this shorter mussed style that women seem to refer to as bed head.

“Alright, let’s do this,” I say to the image staring back at me in the mirror. I’m praying as I make my way to the chapel where the Elvis impersonating preacher resides at the end of the isle where I see Derek sitting as well. He doesn’t get it, and I actually can’t fully confide in him just yet about the whole situation. He believes I’m getting played, and hell, that is a strong possibility. But I can’t risk the chance that this is all shenanigans when there is no proof to back it. There’s actually no proof to really back either side of it. I mean it’s just a piece of paper saying we’re married. If I find out all of it is a lie, all I have to do is get a divorce. Hopefully it all goes down before our band actually starts bringing in good money.

I walk up to Derek dreading the
Here Comes the Bride
music that’s soon to begin. There should be special occasions when it’s changed to
Here Comes the Trick.

Sitting down beside him, I look around for Jesika. I know she was supposed to be meeting him here in Vegas. “Where’s Jes?” Dumb question; I know where she is.

“Well, she ummm, took Mallory back to the airport,” he says with what looks like shame in his eyes, but knows nothing he can say is going to change my mind. Derek knows me better than any other, and he knows once my mind is made up, there is no changing it. No matter how stupid the decision is that I have decided on, there is no talking me out of it. There’s time for regret later, but how do you know you’re going to regret a decision later if you don’t go through with it in the first place? That’s what I keep telling myself even though I damn well know this is one of the decisions that I will regret. I’ll regret it like a motherfucker.

Chapter Five

*MALLORY*

Well, that went fucking well. I finally bucked up and grew some metaphorical balls and told Seth how I felt. I held absolutely nothing back. Not one fucking thing. Nothing besides the baby that is. I was so hurt and dumbfounded in that moment that I couldn’t even remember I was pregnant, as dumb as that sounds. I was blank. That was it, the last straw. He made sure I got the picture that he wasn’t interested. Message received — loud and clear buddy. Ten-four rubber ducky.

I ran into Seth’s soon to be wife as soon as I had opened the door to leave. I mentally beat her ass with a five second stare down before I pushed past her. I allowed myself to run into her and I muttered, “
Bitch,”
underneath my breath as I did. If it wasn’t for me being five months pregnant, it would have been a knockdown drag-out.
Ding. Ding.
I could take her.

“Did you just call me a bitch?” she asked with shock in her voice.

“If the shoe fits, wear it!” I had yelled back. Fucking skank. I mean seriously, who gets married in what she has on? She looks like she just walked in this place straight off the corner of the strip.

As soon as I rounded the corner I was about to take off in a sprint…only to have ran straight into Jesika before I could.

“Airport. Now.” I was on the verge of breaking down and there was no way in hell I was going to be caught doing it there; where the happy couple was about to tie the knot. She didn’t question me or try talking me out of it. She knew my decision was made. There was no reason for me to stay here. I needed to get as far away from him and her as I possibly could. For now, that was home. I wanted to get back to my life, and start the process of mending my heart back together all over again. Baring my soul to him like I had just done, and to be told that he couldn’t have those feelings for me, made all the pain fresh again. These fucking pregnancy hormones aren’t helping either. I’m doing okay right now at keeping myself somewhat together.

Jesika finally breaks the silence on the cab ride to the airport.

“Mallory, I’m sorry I talked you into coming. This is all my fault. I feel horrible. I just really thought if anyone could talk some sense into Seth, it’d be you. Dammit, now it’s all a mess.” I know she feels responsible, but honestly I’d always question the
what if’s
if I wouldn’t have at least tried.

“It’s not your fault Jes. I would have always wondered who he’d choose if I wouldn’t have ever tried. Now I know. It’s best for me to know where I truly stand. It’ll make it easier to finally move on. Hopefully,” I whisper the last part.

The next plane to home takes off in an hour and a half. There’s no way I can sit still for that long, so Jes and I walk around the airport checking out all the little trinket shops and book stores. I’m not a reader by any means…that’s Jesika, but I take my time scanning over the books displayed out on the front table, making little mental notes as I do. Hmmm,
A Graceful Mess–
I’m a mess for sure, but definitely not a graceful one.
So Much It Hurts –
ha! That’s about fucking right. I loved Seth so much it fucking hurts
. The Upside of Letting Go –
is there really an upside? Because I’m in search of mine as we speak.
Distractions –
now that’s something I’m definitely in need of — baby approved ones of course since drinking is a big NO NO while being knocked up
.

“Are you thinking about taking up reading?” Jesika asks. I know she’s trying to keep my mind preoccupied and it does help.

“Besides a school library, this is the first time I’ve actually gone into a book store or have ever read what a book was about. These actually do sound interesting. Netflix can only entertain me for so long. Plus, I’ve heard reading to your baby will make them smart.” I pick the three books up and head to the check-out counter.

The clerk eyes me and then one by one scans my books. “You picked out some good books. That will be $38.40.”

“Damn, has reading always been expensive?” I place forty bucks in her extended hand. She just smiles as she hands me back my change and then pushes my bag towards me. I mumble thanks as I grab my bag and head out to meet Jesika.

“Okay, you still have forty-five minutes until you need to be at your gate. I say we find something to eat and then use the restroom before heading back.” She scans the nearby stores looking for a place to grab a bite.

My stomach growls loud enough for her to hear it. “Yep, sounds like a plan to us,” I say as I rub my belly. “I think we are in the mood for Chinese. Do you see one around? I’m dying for a fortune cookie.”

“What is it with you and those damn cookies? I think there was one back there by that souvenir shop.” She points in the direction we came from.

“No idea. I’ve just always had a love for them. The fortunes inside are just an added bonus. Just like with Laffy Taffy’s…the jokes on the outside make them that much better.”

We finally find a little booth after we get our food. I’m sure I look and even sound like a pig by how I’m scarfing mine down. I don’t even care. I haven’t eaten in what feels like days. Shit, it has probably been a good day since I sat down and ate a real meal. With all the nerves of flying to Vegas for
Operation: Knock Some Sense Into Seth
, I wasn’t able to really eat. I lightly snacked around the whole time. Let me tell you that it has finally caught up with me.

“So,” Jes says, interrupting my silent feast. “What exactly happened with Seth?”

I sit my fork down and take a drink of my water. “Well, I confessed my fucking undying love for him and how he’s the only damn man for me...how he’s the only one who has ever gotten to know the real me and how I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and all that other bull shit mushy stuff that lame ass love birds profess hoping to win their true loves heart.”

Jesika doesn’t look one bit phased by my little rant. She’s all too familiar with me going off on one of my sarcastic tangents. “And…what did Seth say?” she eggs me on.

“Ah, he said that he doesn’t love me and that he never will. He said whatever is going on with him and that hussy is complicated. That’s all I got from him and it was more than enough.” I take a deep breath, urging the tears that are threatening to form to stay at bay.

We finished our lunch and made our rounds to the bathroom before making it back to my gate where they announced my flight was now boarding. I gave Jesika a tight hug.

“I love you Jes. I’ll see you soon. Don’t kill your brother-in-law.” I wink at her. She just laughs and tells me to call her as soon as I land. I turn around one last time and wave before I’m walking down the tunnel to my destination of home.

Chapter Six

*SETH*

So here I stand. Next to a fat Elvis preacher, who is ready to marry me off into oblivion. I’m sure he sees this plenty – a not so happy couple. The groom that is dreading the moment; the music cues the bride to make her grand entry. I’m starting to become slightly sweaty as the time slowly ticks by. Derek sees the regret that’s forming in my eyes as I search for the closest exit, knowing damn well my ass is staying where it is planted. “Dude, you don’t have to do this. Whatever it is she is hanging over you to make you do this, we can figure another way bro.” I know he’s trying, but dammit, he doesn’t know what’s all going on.

“No Derek. There is no other way. I have no other choice,” I snap at him. Now is not the time for us to pull out our brotherly love on each other. The music starts and I can’t help but tap my foot, making my own beat to it. Oddly enough, it starts to calm me down. I’m praying that she took off after our little quickie, but that prayer is quickly tossed to the wayside as I see her fake ass smile shining through the glass door. So many questions fly through my mind.
What am I doing? Why am I doing it? Is everything I’m doing worth what I’m losing?
I mentally answer the questions as I ask myself them, and I know without a doubt that I’m doing the only thing I can do to get my daughter back.

She makes her way down the aisle, and we face our impersonator. He goes through the vows quickly, and of course she is beaming as she says yes and I slide the ring onto her finger, but as she slowly slides the cheap one I found for myself at a pawn shop down my finger, someone busts through the door. The only objection I was expecting to hear had already took off back home on a plane.

“I object…or I disagree. These two should definitely not get married.” I look up and about shit my pants when I see Mr. Remington, red-faced and breathing heavily. Did he fucking run here?

“What the hell are you doing Doug?” Allison drops my hand and is yelling as she closes the distance between him and her. “Who do you think you are, coming in here trying to stop our wedding?” She’s about to poke him in the chest, but he grabs her arm before she’s able to.

“What the hell am I doing? More like what the hell are you doing trying to trap my son in this marriage based off nothing but lies? Huh? Did you think Seth would be stupid enough to just strictly take your word and not have someone else look into it? I jumped on the plane as quickly as I could when I got wind of what was going on. How about you tell good ole Seth what really happened to that baby of yours instead of filling him with false hope?” Did I just fucking hear him right? Did he just call me his son? Uh-uh. Ain’t no fucking way that King Pin is my long last dad.

“Wait a minute.” They are both too busy bickering to pay any attention to me. “Wait a fucking minute!” I yell. That sure got their attention. “What the
fuck
is going on? And why the
fuck
did you call me your son?” I turn towards Doug.