Living Again (25 page)

“Ben,” they sing-songed, both of them beyond excited that Kayley was showing all the signs of being really into him.

“Did she tell you he stayed the night the other night?” Emily asked, looking at Rachel. Rachel’s eyebrows shot up, her eyes wide.

“He did
what?
” Rachel’s mouth dropped open. “You held out on me all week at work! Girl, I’m going to have to rethink our friendship.”

Kayley shook her head, giving Emily the evil eye. “Not like
that
, Rach. He came over, yes, and we talked a lot. There were some things we needed to discuss. Then, we fell asleep. In the guest room.” Kayley instinctually looked at the bed that she used to share with Alex, knowing she could never share that bed with Ben.
Maybe time to get rid of that
, she thought. She smiled at the thought that she
did
want Ben to be in her house, in her room. Progress. She smiled at the memory of waking up in his arms the morning after their accidental sleepover.

Kayley awoke, feeling warm and not remembering where she was. She blinked open her eyes, then realized she was in her guest room. As she shifted, she felt warmth next to her and it all came back. She and Ben had been talking on the bed. He told her about Zoey. They lay there together, and by the looks of it, had fallen asleep together. She was sleeping next to Ben.

She turned her face slowly so she could look at him. He was still asleep from what she could tell. His breathing was regular and his eyes were shut, and she took the time to study him. Her stomach constricted with unfamiliar feelings as she looked at his mussed blonde hair. It was long enough to fall onto his forehead, but not too long. The curled ends made her want to stick her fingers in it and play with the loose waves. His beautiful eyelashes fanned his cheeks as he slept, and his chiseled face was relaxed and peaceful. Her eyes fell to his full lips that were so good at kissing her. Her hand twitched with the desire to touch his face, but she didn’t want to disturb him. She knew that he usually didn’t get as much sleep as he needed, thanks to his choice of occupation.

She looked at his ears, perfectly proportioned. She wondered what it would feel like to take one of his lobes into her mouth and graze her teeth on it. Her eyes wandered to his chin, square and manly, with just a bit of stubble, and down his neck. It was then that she remembered he was only wearing boxer briefs, and her eyes couldn’t wait to feast upon that body. His toned arms were relaxed, his chest moving up and down rhythmically. His slight chest hair traveled his sculpted abs, then disappeared into his boxer briefs. His toned legs lay side by side. Watching him, Kayley felt a fire start deep within her. He was beautiful, in all ways. What he had shared with her last night had unlocked a part of her heart she swore she wouldn’t open again. And here he was, in her house, laying practically naked right next to her.

Unable to handle it anymore, she touched his face, running her thumb along his cheekbone and then, his lips. Stirring at her touch, his eyes blinked open lazily. When he realized where he was, he smiled.

“Why, hello there,” he murmured, pulling her to him for a quick kiss. “Fancy seeing you here. I guess we fell asleep?” Ben chuckled, running his hands through his hair. “I haven’t slept that good in years.”

Kayley laid her head on his chest, watching him. His eyes found hers and they locked gazes, knowing that even though it was accidental what happened here, it was still monumental for both of them. “I liked it,” Kayley whispered.

“Me too,” Ben agreed, pulling her face to his. “I like seeing you first thing in the morning. You’re just as sexy now, too. Damn you, girl, you’re too hot to handle.”

Kayley giggled, rolling over to look at the clock. 7 am. “What time do you have to be at work?”

Ben groaned. “Work? What’s that? All I can think about is a hot chick lying in bed with me.” He knew he was being bold, but he figured that maybe, after all they got through last night, he could force it a little.

Kayley giggled, swatting his chest as a blush crept up her cheeks. “Stop it. You’re pretty hot in the morning, too.”

“Just in the morning?”

“Ben,” she warned, leaning over him. “You’re hot every second of every day, and I can’t stop myself from saying that.”

“MAMA!” the voice came from across the hall.

“Princess calls,” Ben teased, helping her out of the bed. He pulled on his pants. “Do you want me to go, Kay? I don’t have to be here when you get her up.”

Kayley shook her head, putting her hand on his chest. “Stay, Ben. Alexis would love to see you.”

He smiled, and that feeling came back in her stomach. He pulled her close and kissed her. “You’re absolutely amazing, baby. And I’m going to get Alexis, then.”

“Hey!” she giggled. “Are you here for her, or me?” But secretly, she was thrilled. The fact that Ben wanted to do things for Alexis made her all fuzzy inside.

Ben kissed her breathless again, and swatted her backside. “I don’t really need to answer that, do I?”

She swatted him back as he left the room. Seconds later, she heard her happy squeal as she spotted Ben in her doorway.

“UP! UP! UP!” she yelled, and Kayley could hear the mattress of her crib squeaking, meaning she was jumping.

“Hey there, baby girl,” Ben cooed, and his deep, masculine voice send chills up Kayley’s spine. “How did you sleep last night? Need a new diaper?

As Ben continued to chat with Alexis, Kayley headed for the kitchen to make some breakfast before they had to get to work. As she scrambled some eggs and made some toast, Ben came in with Alexis. She was all dressed for the day in an adorable pink polka dot dress.

“Is this okay?” Ben asked, settling Alexis in her high chair. Kayley walked over and kissed her on the head.

“Hi, baby girl. Did you like seeing Ben this morning? And yes, Ben, she looks fabulous. Thank you so much.”

The three of them sat together, in her dining room, and had breakfast together. Alexis kept looking back and forth between Kayley and Ben and smiling. Kayley realized once again that this was a first for her. She had never had someone that resembled a father figure get her out of bed in the morning and have breakfast with her. Kayley smiled, a feeling of contentment washing over her.

“Helloooo- Earth to Kayley!” Rachel snapped her fingers in her face. “That is so crazy how you can just be gone like that.”

Kayley laughed. “Sorry, Rach, just thinking.” Thinking about one more piece of my heart that Ben Nichols took.

“So, no action?” Rachel asked pointedly, “Because there isn’t
any way
you’re getting out of telling us about that one.”

“Rachel!” Kayley said incredulously. “I would
not
tell you about that even if it did happen, which it didn’t. We just made out.” She also knew that while these two would never get all of the details once it finally did happen, they would never settle for not knowing anything. “Ben obviously knew my story about Alex, but I didn’t know that he had been hurt, too. Not by death, but almost just as bad.” Kayley proceeded to tell her friends the abridged version of what happened to Ben, not knowing if he would really want them to know every single sordid detail.

When she was finished with the story, Rachel and Emily’s mouths hung agape. “Pretty crazy, huh,” Kayley said.

“Who in the world would throw him out of their bed,” Rachel muttered. Emily nodded her head in agreement. “Seriously, though, Kay, that is so messed up. Poor guy. I can’t imagine.”

Kayley nodded, feeling a lump in her throat just thinking about the pain Ben endured over her.
If I ever see her anywhere, I will just have to thank her for being such a spineless bitch and leaving him for me…

“We need to get going,” she directed her friends, opening the door to the master closet. “Rach, you can do the drawers in the dresser. Alex’s things are in the three drawers on the right. Then, the nightstand closest to the window is his. You can clear that out, too.”

“Yes ma’am,” Rachel saluted, grabbing a box and sitting on the floor. “Someone cheated on Dr. Ben Nichols. Stupid, stupid woman,” she muttered, in disbelief. “Well, better that he was left for you, anyway.”

Emily and Kayley laughed, walking into the closet with two boxes. Kayley looked around at the closet, with her clothes on the left side, well, to be honest, her clothes were ¾ of the closet. Alex’s shoes were still on the shoe rack, his ties hung from the wall. She took a deep breath. She had looked at these things in her room for the last 16 months, but knowing that she wouldn’t see them again after today was shocking.

“You ready?” Emily asked, knowing that even though Kayley put up a good front, this was going to be very difficult to do. Kayley nodded, taking the first shirt down off the hanger. She folded it and dropped it in the box. Emily studied her, not doing anything.

“What?” Kayley asked.

“Just watching to see if you’re really going to do this without breaking down.”

“Thanks, Em,” Kayley retorted, dropping another shirt in the box. “Glad everyone’s just waiting for me to have a mental breakdown.”

Emily took Kayley’s hands. “That is not at all what I meant. Think about it. A few months ago, you could’ve never handled this. You’re growing and changing. Time has done some of this, but a lot of it’s due to the fact that you finally see.”

“See what?” Kayley turned from Emily and folded another shirt, dropping it in the box.

“You see that what you originally thought wasn’t true,” Emily took the ties off the wall and set them neatly in the box. “You can move on, your life did go on, and— you can be happy again. You’re falling in love, Kay. It’s wonderful to see.”

Tears sprung into her eyes, making the clothes in front of her blurry. Was Emily right? She knew she had made big progress, and that being with Ben was quickly becoming a very enjoyable part of her life. But was she falling in love with him? Butterflies encapsulated her stomach as she knew that Emily was right. She closed her eyes, visualizing Ben in every way. The way he had been with her, so gentle and understanding. The way he loved her daughter, and she loved him. He had opened up his heart to her and told her the saddest part of his life, and he had welcomed her to do the same.

She took a deep breath, her body shaky. She turned to Emily. “Isn’t it too soon? What would Alex think? How can I be feeling this way for someone?” She voiced all of the fears that were rolling through her head.

Emily closed up the box in front of her and sat on it. Pulling Kayley down on her box, she held onto her hands and looked her in the eyes. “No one ever plans to be a widow, Kay. And there isn’t a ‘set’ time that you’re supposed to grieve. I would say, in this case, you have given yourself plenty of time to grieve over Alex. You should never feel guilty. He wouldn’t want you to live your life alone. He would never want you to have to raise Alexis without the support and love of a dad. You said it yourself- Alexis loves Ben. And it seems the feeling is mutual. It’s like Ben was dropped down from heaven just for you, from Alex himself.”

Kayley gasped at her words, not able to stop the tears from streaming from her eyes. Emily wiped them away gently, and leaned over and hugged her best friend. “I love you, Kay. You deserve this. Don’t second guess it or think you shouldn’t. Okay?”

“Thank you,” Kayley said, her voice clogged with tears. “I honestly do not know what I would’ve done without you through all of this. You have always been my best friend, but this past sixteen months, you have been my life-saver.”

Emily pulled Kayley up. “Okay, girl, enough of this. We have stuff to get done. This is Operation Love Ben right here.”

She couldn’t help it, Kayley laughed. “What’s so funny in there?” Rachel piped up, still packing things from Alex’s drawers.

“Emily. She’s now calling this Operation Love Ben.”

“What happened to Dr. Yummy?” Rachel called back. Kayley rolled her eyes.

“Oh, you’re right, Rach,” Emily said. “Operation Love Dr. Yummy sounds even better.”

Several hours later, the group had successfully packed up and organized all of Alex’s belongings. Kayley had taken down all of their engagement and wedding photos, leaving a few pictures in Alexis’ bedroom so that she could remember who her daddy was. Kayley had in her room the maternity pictures, the ones taken right before Alex passed away, but later decided to go ahead and keep those in her closet as well. She just couldn’t stare at Alex while lying in her bed trying to sleep anymore. She had to put him to rest so that she could move on in a healthy way.

“Thanks for helping,” she said to Amber and Alex. The two had a box each of things they wanted to keep.

Amber hugged Kayley tightly. “I want you to know something,” she said, looking into Kayley’s eyes. “We’ll always consider you part of our family, and we love you. But at the same time, please, allow this man to love you, Kay. You have too much life left to give up now. Alex would want that. We all want it.”