Letting go of Grace (8 page)

“I can’t.” I look at him and he is surprised by this. He takes my arm and leads me outs of earshot from the group.

“She has been sobbing since you left. She needs to calm down and she won’t till she sees you.”

“I can’t.”

“You can and you will. She was your patient, and you owe this to her.” I get it, but I’m too deep to care.

“Fine, but I’m not going unless Aiden comes with me.” I look over at him as they are all stare at me.

“Fine, but he doesn’t go in,” he instructs.

“Aiden, please.” I put my hand out and he takes it. I glance at Grant and see his anger. I know it’s over me holding Aiden’s hand and not his.

“What is this all about, Hannah?”

“I need you to hear something. Please, just listen.” We get into the elevator and he doesn’t let go of my hand until we get close to her room. I point to behind the curtain and he stands there perfectly still. I see she is still very upset and is still crying. She sees me and tries to stop.

“Hannah, I’m s-s-sorry.” She stutters.

“You can’t tell them, I’ve kept it from them for all this time,” she pleads.

“He was an awful man. You can’t even imagine what he put us through. I did it to protect them.” Her voice is low and I know she is aware of the fact that we are surrounded by people.

“He did horrible things to those boys and I couldn’t get him to stop. I didn’t have a choice.”

“You always have a choice.” I step closer to her.

“I didn’t. I caught him molesting Shane and that was the last straw. I didn’t know how, or what they did with him until today.” She looks at her hands.

“Who is they?” I ask before I can stop myself. She just shakes her head. I’m better off not knowing.

“I let them grow up thinking their father was a great man. I never tarnished his name. I let his legacy live on.” I’m wide-eyed in shock from it all. Shit, I should have never let Aiden come up here.

“You feel better now that you got it off your chest?”

“Yes.”

“Good, your secret is safe with me.” I walk out and see Aiden shuddering. I come to a halt, waiting, to see what he will do. He walks into his mom’s area. I don’t feel the need to eavesdrop. I wait for him outside the door and it takes over an hour for him to come out. When he does, he walks past me and I follow him. We get into the elevator and still nothing. I have to speed walk to keep up with him. He speeds past his brothers and they all follow us. When he gets outside he goes right to the valet and asks for his car. I stand next to him and feel the anger radiating off of him. I should not have done that. I should have kept the secret and never talked to them again.

“Aiden what the fuck is going on?” Grant senses his foul mood, too. Aiden just shakes his head as he rubs his hands down his face.

“Hannah, what is going on?” Grant asks. Aiden shoots me a look and I freeze.

“Can one of you form a sentence?”

“Want to feed the swans?” Aiden grits out. Shane turns white. Grant gets tense and John looks around not understanding what is going on.

“She knew about it.” Grant steps back and stares at me.

“She fucking killed him.” Aiden’s eyes get dark. I watch as a storm appears in all of their eyes.

“What are you talking about?” John looks at all of them confused.

“Nothing, John, you were too young. Shane, Grant, we need to go for a ride.” Aiden’s car pulls up and they all get in. Aiden opens up the door and pushes the seat forward.

“Get in.” I hesitate and he grabs my hand and pulls me in the car. I maneuver into the back seat and Grant gets in next to me. I can hear John ask what the fuck is going on and Aiden tells him to go home. Why does he want me here? I watch as Aiden gets in and speeds away. I sit still hoping to become invisible.

“What did she say to you the first time Hannah? And don’t give me that “nothing” bullshit. You went up there knowing what I was going to hear.” Grant looks at me and back at Aiden.

“She said after all this time he was right in front of her. It was all off, the way she said it. I asked her if she knew and she said yes. I left at that point. I didn’t know he was a monster. I would have never had you come up and listen to that, Aiden.” I lean forward and he steps on the gas pushing me back in the seat.

“I asked mom how long she knew. She said she knew about Shane, but not us. I told her everything, G.” Grant brings his hands to his face. I now understand why they are all so fucked up. They all protect each other and now I know why.

“What did mom say?” Grant places his hands on his legs.

“She cried and said she would have done it sooner.”

“Does she think we would be mad at her?” Shane turns toward Aiden.

“She thought it would have been better to keep the secret and hold the burden instead of us.” I see them all take in his words and see collective looks of determination. Aiden pulls into his mom’s driveway but no moves to get out.

“Hannah this stays in the car. It never leaves here, and it will never be brought up again. Are you clear on this? John doesn’t know anything and we plan on keeping it that way.” Aiden seems like another person as he talks to me.

“Yes.”

“Swear to me.”

“I swear.” I look at him through the rearview mirror. I never want to think about this again. Shane gets out of the car and pulls the seat forward. Grant gets out next and I stay in the back. The door closes and Aiden starts to drive again. I don’t say a word and don’t plan on saying anything anytime soon.

WE PULL INTO THE GARAGE
and I get out after him. I follow him inside and stop at the living room. I watch as he walks down the hallway but I stop at the couch. I check my phone and see a few missed called from my mom and Becca. I glance at the clock and see that it’s after four. I should sleep, but I don’t. I look up rental car places in the area and take down the numbers to call in the morning. Aiden comes out after a while and he picks up my legs and sits down resting them on his lap. I meekly gaze over at him as he starts rubbing my legs and he stops at my knees, resting his restless hands over them. I can tell he is struggling and I wish I could help him. I wish I could take it all away. I start to think of Grant and how he is. It explains so much about him. He has major trust issues and it’s because of his childhood. What kind of man could do something like that to a child? It angers me as a person, and infuriates me as a mother. I would have done the same thing as Tori. I can’t blame her for doing it. They have so many skeletons in their closet. I close my eyes and try to escape from reality, and when I do Aiden leans forward and lays his head on my chest. He curls his body around mine and I hold him. I hear his breathing change and know he is holding back the tears. I run my fingers through his short hair and down his neck. He grips me tighter.

I hold him till the sun comes up. We didn’t sleep, we just lay in each other’s arms.

“You hungry?” He asks as he lifts his head.

“Yes.” I smile at him and watch as he gets up.

“I’ll make breakfast.” He walks into the kitchen and I roll over on my side remaining on the couch. I wonder how she is doing. Should I bring her up? I contemplate all my questions and as usual ask none of them. I smell bacon and decide to get up and shower. I enjoy a hot shower and get out finding Aiden sitting on the bed. He watches me as I get dressed. I go into his closet and grab a t-shirt and pull it over me.

“Do you still want to leave today?” His voice is low and weak. I walk out of the closet and sit next to him on the bed.

“I think I should.” He takes my hand and holds it, souls touching.

“I thought you had until tomorrow?” He looks at me waiting for an answer as I stare at our hands.

“You have a lot on your plate Aiden. I think you should be with your mom and brothers. You all need each other right know and I don’t think I’m making things better.”

“What are you talking about?”

“All the fights I’ve caused between you, John, and Grant. The news about your father, the talk you had with your mom last night.” I stop. It’s still a lot to take in.

“Hannah, you saved my mom. You saved all of us. If it wasn’t for you we would have never known the truth and she would have never known the truth. We are fucked up, I know this, but I want to work on it for you.” He brings my hand to his mouth and kisses each of my fingertips then opens it up and kisses my palm.

“Aiden, I have to go.” I don’t want to leave him, but I need to.

“Don’t leave me, I need you.” I finally look up at him again.

“I know, and I keep doing everything I can to make you feel better. Thinking about what you need. What about me? When do I get to think about me and what I need? I feel like I keep bouncing back and forth between you and Grant. When do I get a moment to figure it all out?” It sounds more selfish when I say it out loud. I am a horrible person, but I’m at my breaking point.

“You still haven’t decided?” He looks at me in disgust and pulls his hand out of mine.

“Reality check, Hannah, he cheated on you. He will never change.” He gets up and walks out. I start to tell him it’s him I chose, but the words get stuck in my throat. I get up and rush to pack my suitcase. His words don’t hurt me as much as they should. I have become numb in my heart again. They have broken my heart, both of them. I can’t let them do it to me again. I drag my suitcase into the kitchen and find him finishing up his breakfast.

“You’re really leaving?” He asks irritated.

“Yes. I told you I have to go home.”

“Do you always run when you don’t like something?”

“Who said I was running? Why do you keep saying that?”

“Well, I watched you run from Grant.”

“Stop comparing, Aiden. I never ran from Grant.”

“Yes you did. The night of the gala, you ran from him then, then again after you saw him with Ava. You don’t confront problems head-on. You’re a runner, Hannah.” I roll my eyes and grab my phone to call the car rental place. The first one is closed because today is Sunday. I hang up and call the second. I slam my phone down when I get their answering machine. How the fuck am I going to get home? I look up flights and see there isn’t one till tonight. Aiden watches me struggle.

“How are you getting home?” he asks sounding amused.

“Well, all the car rental places are closed because it’s Sunday. The airport doesn’t have a flight till tonight, so I have no idea. I have to wait, I guess.” I don’t look at him. I keep staring at my phone.

“Well, if you’re in a hurry, you can take one of my cars.” I get up and walk outside. I see the pack of cloves and walk over to them and light one up. I enjoy the head rush and smoke the whole thing. I decide on another and light it up. I watch the water as Aiden comes out and sits next to me.

“Why don’t you ask questions?”

“What?” I shift in my seat and give him my full attention.

“You never ask questions about anything.” Where the fuck is he going with this?

“You want me to ask you questions?” He just nods at me. I lean back in my seat. I have millions. Where do I start?

“Feeding the swans, what does that mean?”

“My father used to ask us if I wanted to go feed the swans in the backyard’s pond. He would take me into the shed and…” He stops and I get it.

“You knew that he was doing the same to Grant?”

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you go to your mom?”

“He told us he would kill us if we ever did. I was a child, I didn’t know any better.”

“I’m sorry you guys went through that. It breaks my heart.” I place my hand on his.

“Yeah…” he rasps. We sit in silence for a long time.

“Aiden, why did you sleep with Becca?” I whisper.

“I don’t know. I thought it was the right thing to do for the company. My job comes first. I can’t fuck up because if I do, its not only on me. It’s on all of us. We only have each other.”

“So you thought it was right to sleep with her?”

“At the time, yes. I needed her to sign on and work for us. I don’t know any other way, Hannah.”

“That’s bullshit, Aiden.”

“No it’s not. Sex has gotten me everywhere. And might I add that you left me, not the other way around, so we weren’t together.”