Letting go of Grace (9 page)

I ignore his comment and ask, “How has sex gotten you everywhere?”

“I slept with the majority of my female professors to pass my course and graduate. I learned then, that I could use it as a tool to get what I want.” It’s amazing how men can sleep around and people view them as powerful, but women do it and we are sluts.

“You knew Grant was with Ava in Rome, didn’t you? And don’t lie to me.”

“John told me.”

“Then why set me up? Why couldn’t you just tell me?”

“I wanted you to see how he is. I wanted you back so I thought I could use it to my advantage. I’m sorry.”

“So you thought if you showed up after, you could save me?”

“It’s not like that, Hannah. I love you, and I think you love me, too.”

“I don’t know what I think anymore. I would like to take you up on the offer to use a car.” I get up and walk into the house. I head into the kitchen and get my phone out. I see three missed calls from Grant. I ignore them and call my mom. I need to hear the kids’ voices. I need to be brought back to my life. It finally hits me. I don’t matter, the kids matter, they matter more than anyone or anything. I have to live my life trying to make theirs the best I can. Bringing one of the Grace men into my life will make them suffer. They’re too much work, and I don’t think they would be there for the kids the way I need them to be. Hunter is silly on the phone and I wish I was there to hug and kiss them both. When I hang up I know it’s the right thing to do by leaving. I didn’t hear Aiden come in, but when I turn he is sitting at the island behind me.

“I want to do this Hannah.”

“No you don’t. You think you want to.”

“I want you, all of it, you and the kids.”

“Then tell me this. Do you want kids of your own?”

“Yes.”

“Well, what if I tell you I don’t? Can you love my kids like they are your own? Do you have that in you?”

“What do you mean you don’t want more kids?”

“Answer the question first. Can you love my kids like they are your own?”

“Yes.”

“You have no idea what it’s like to have kids.”

“Why are you making this so difficult?”

“Because it is. I don’t want you in my kids’ lives toying with their hearts like you do mine. I might be able to forgive and forget, but you will break their hearts if you leave. You slept with Becca and thought it was just business. They are babies; God only knows what you would do to them.”

“You think I’m like my father?” I see the storm form in his eyes.

“God no, Aiden. That came out wrong. I would never insinuated that. I would never think that of you. I’m concerned about you sleeping with someone else and breaking my heart, because theirs would break too.”

“You have to trust me then.”

“Trust isn’t something I give out. It’s something you have to earn.” I learned that lesson with Grant.

“Then let me earn it.” He gets up and walks over to me and kisses me softly on the lips. I pull back and turn to walk away, but he backs me up against the wall leaving me trapped. The heat coming off of him is a sure sign of his lust and anger entwined. When his arms cage me in I feel his warm breath caress my ear and I know I’m in trouble.

“Does he fuck you like I do, Hannah?” My eyes snap open and lock onto his. My body moves on its own accord as if on command. I watch as frustration boils over as red creeps up his neck and onto his face setting off the color of his blue eyes.

“Does me make you comes as fast as I can?” His body being so close to mine is making heat pool between my legs. His hands slide down the wall till they are even with my head. Slowly he bends at the knees till he is eye level with me, piercing me with a heated stare.

“Do you think about me when he’s in you, Hannah? Do you think about having us both at the same time, because we have done that a few times. I am sure I can talk Grant into sharing you since we are both already fucking you.” He taunts. I wish I could look away, but this is Aiden. And there is no looking away.

“How dare you.” I spit out in sheer rage. My hands push against his chest.

“Don’t lie to me Hannah, I can tell by your flushed cheeks that you’re thinking about me being inside of you right now.” He stands firmly in front of me, like a mountain I will never be able to love.

“You like to be fucked. Isn’t that right, Hannah.” His words might as well be bullets. With every syllable spoken my chest heaves, my heart palpitating at warp speed. Then I slap him without thought. Then I slap him again. He remains stoic for the next two, then catches my wrist before my hand reaches him a third time. His vise-like grip sends pain shooting up my arm.

“Let go of me. You’re hurting me.” I scream.

He pulls me against him in quick jerk. “Hannah…” His head drops to my neck and I instantly look away. I can feel his chest pounding. His warm breath sends shivers down my spine. His scent is driving me crazy having him so near.

“Baby look at me.”

“I’m not your baby. I’m not your anything.” He lets go of my hands roughly, as if he had touched something dirty. When I dare to look up at him, his face is contorted into a look of disgust.

“You are so fucked up, Hannah.” I can feel my eyes welling up. But I’ll be damned if he sees me cry. I snatch my phone from the kitchen counter, pick up my suitcase, and rush to the hallway bathroom. Slamming the door, I unlock my phone and call the last number that called me.

“Are you home?”

“Yeah.”

“Come get me from Aiden’s.” I hang up, grab my bag and start making my way to the front door. I walk out and down his driveway toward the street. The Porsche pulls into Aiden’s driveway. Grant jumps out of the car and runs to me.

“What happened? What did he do?”

“Nothing. I need to get home, Grant. I need to get home now.” He brings his hands to my face and I pull away. I walk over and get in the passenger door. I haven’t cried and I’m hoping I will be able to keep it together until I am alone and on my way home. He climbs into his father’s Porsche. I wonder why he kept it?

“I will call the pilot and have the plane ready for you.”

“No Grant, I can drive home. I just need to get a car to drive home or take me to the airport and I can figure it out.”

“Hannah, I’ll have Sam drive you home.”

“Grant, are you listening to me? I can get home on my own.” I glance over at him and realize he is pulling into his driveway.

“Please, Grant, I don’t want to do this again,” I plead with him.

“I’m not doing anything, Hannah. Take one of my cars home.” I shut up. He pulls outside of his garage and the doors open. I see all new cars in there. Where does he get them from? I follow him into the garage and spot the Shelby he was talking to my dad about. I stop at the door when he walks inside his house. I’m not going in there. I walk back outside and look around. I pace till he comes back out. He has keys in his hands.

“You can take the Panamera,” he says as he points at it. It is a dream car to me and extremely expensive at almost two hundred thousand dollars. I shake my head at how rich he is and take the keys.

“You sure? I could always rent one.”

“I trust you, take it. I don’t know when I will be back to get it so drive it when you want.” I look away from him and walk over to the car.

“Thank you, Grant.” is all I can say.

“Hannah.” He walks over with my suitcase and I watch as he puts it in the trunk.

“For what it’s worth, I do love you.”

“You don’t know what love is, Grant.”

“After losing you, I know what it is. I’m hurting Hannah. I have all this shit going on in my life and it doesn’t matter to me. I just want you back. You are the only thing that matters.” I finally meet his eyes.

“You never know what you have till it’s gone.” I slip into the car and start it. I glance around at all the buttons and wish he had a normal car. One I could get into and drive away quickly in. He opens my door and gives me a rundown. I am grateful because I have no idea where the windshield wipers were or the lights. After he is done he stands up and gazes longingly at me. I feel the pull even after what he did. How can that be? How can I still feel the need to be with him after I watched him with another woman? I go to put the car in drive and stop. I get out of the car and come face to face with him.

“I hope your heart hurts as bad as mine does.”

“It does, Hannah. Can you just hear me out?”

“No, I don’t need to. I saw what I saw, and you can’t change that.” I study him and he doesn’t fight with me. He is going to let me walk away and I have already accepted this. He brings his hands to my face and I feel the tears prick at my eyes. I pull it together as best I can.

“I love you and that’s not going to change.”

“But what you did changed everything.” He kisses me and I let him, kissing him back with more urgency. He wraps his arms around me and lifts me off the ground. I bring my hands to his face and kiss him deeper. He tastes like oranges and it reminds me of the first time we kissed in the elevator. I give him the last bit of love I have for him and leave it with him. I pull away and he leans his forehead against mine.

“Tell me we are going to be OK.” He whispers.

“It would be a lie, Grant.”

“What can I do?” He is almost pleading with me.

“Nothing.” I hesitate, then decide to tell him what I really feel.

“Learn how to love. This way when you find the right person you won’t fuck it up again.” I give him one last soft kiss and get into the car. I put it in drive and pull away. I honk when I get down the driveway and I can see him through the rearview mirror standing in the driveway watching me leave. I hope it hurts him as much as it hurts me.

IT’S TWO IN THE AFTERNOON
when I get home and I decide to give Grant a courtesy text.

I’m home and your car is in one piece.

His response is fast.

I wasn’t worried about the car. I was worried about you. I love you.

I lock my phone and leave it on the kitchen counter. I let out a mirthless laugh. When I left the house on Thursday, I was so happy and excited and in love. So much has happened in the last four days. I get my suitcase to search for my trusty pills. I pop two in my mouth and head up to bed.

I wake up to my name being called and get confused. I sit up and hear my name again.

“I’m in bed.” I rub my face and realize it’s Kevin.

“Are you alone?”

“Yes, who the hell would I have in bed with me?” I lie back down and turn the TV on. It’s ten thirty as Kevin walks into my room and lies down next to me.

“I have been calling you for days. I just came by to check on the house and I saw a car here. I called your cell, but got no answer. Whose car is that?” I roll over on my side so that I’m facing away from him.

“I’ve been away. It’s Grant’s. I borrowed it to drive home.”

“So you two are getting serious?”

“Not at all.”

“Well, you have his very expensive car, so that has to mean something.”

“No it doesn’t. I needed to get home and it was the least expensive car in his garage for me to drive.” I start to laugh at my own words.

“What’s going on Hannah?”

“Nothing, I’m just tired,” I lie to him and he knows it.

“It’s me, Hannah, you don’t have to lie to me.” I know it’s only him. He is one of the few men in my life that I trust and I don’t have to worry about. I roll over and face him. He lies on his side facing me.

“They are so fucked up and twisted, Kevin.”

“They?”

“Aiden and Grant.”

“I thought you were with Grant?”

“Well I started out with Aiden and ended up with Grant.” I close my eyes because I know he is judging me and I don’t want to see it.

“I’m listening Hannah. I’m not going to say a word.”

I take a deep breath and proceed to fill him in on my last few days in the Grace men tornado. He considers what I have just told him, all the while staying quiet, until now.

“So if you were staying with Aiden, how did you end up with Grant’s car?”

“I had to get away from him.”