Letting go of Grace (5 page)

“No, Hannah.” He pauses, staring at me as he rubs the back of his neck with one hand.

“It’s hard having you here and not being with you. I don’t want to be around you because of the temptation, but I can’t stand being away from you.” He leans his body against me and I hug him. I lay my head against his chest and stay there as his hands find my hips and his chin rests at the top of my head.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come here.”

“Stop with that shit. I want you here, it’s just…” He brings his hands to my face and makes me look at him.

“You need to talk to Grant and deal with this. You need to decide what you want and let me know. I’ll wait… If it’s me you want.” My heart plunges as his words come out. He will wait for me…

“OK,” I pull away and start to clear the table and wrap everything up. We work around each other in silence. I take the dessert out and place it on the table. He finishes the dishes and then comes in and looks at the cookies.

“I could get used to this.” He takes a bite and I think how I could get used to this, too. I miss having a man around at home. I miss sleeping next to someone. I miss laughing with someone. I miss talking to someone. I miss a lot of things. I smile at him and sit back down. I take a brownie and start to eat it, enjoying the time I do have with Aiden.

“You want to go outside and watch the sunset?” I wait for his response, but he just shrugs his shoulders.

“Talk to Grant,” he insists.

He isn’t going to make this easy for me till I talk to Grant. Part of me wants to go and get my phone and call him and tell him he is a fucking asshole, but I can’t. I know when I hear his voice I will grow weak and I don’t have the strength to deal with him just yet. It’s amazing how when I’m with Aiden I could care less about Grant, and when I’m with Grant, Aiden doesn’t exist. I really need to get my head out of my ass. I get up and stroll outside and onto the beach. The water has always had a way with me. It’s a comfort I need right now. Aiden doesn’t follow me and I’m grateful to have some time to ponder my current dilemma.

I’M MAKING A MENTAL PROS
and cons list for both men. Grant is gorgeous, powerfully sexy, charming, and can be thoughtful with me. I think about the morning he left for Rome. Shane had said he had never seen Grant so affectionate. It’s sad that he has never loved before. I hoped to love him and show him the way, but then I caught him with her. Her! He cheated and betrayed my trust. Definitely a con. He is also possessive, controlling, and domineering. He thinks I should listen to him all the time. I take a deep breath and gaze out at the ocean as the sun turns orange over the water’s edge. Aiden, where do I begin? He’s slept with Becca. I guess they all cheat. But he never cheated on me. We weren’t together, we had just slept together. I’m so caught up in the middle. Aiden is amazing. He is caring, exciting and unpredictable, sexy as hell, and he took a big risk bringing me here. He put himself on a warpath with his brothers for me. He is showing me he loves me. I stare up at the house and see the lights are still on. I shouldn’t have come here. I keep thinking I should call and get a rental car and drive home. This is his family I’m putting him against. I wonder what he and John talked about. He hasn’t really said much besides telling me I have to choose. I want to choose Aiden, I want to forget about Grant and stay here with him. I try to picture him spending more time with my kids. He was sweet with them, but Grant had made a better impression. Aiden did think of them and get them the shields. Shit, I never gave them the shields. I make a mental note to give them to the kids when they get home, and I will tell them they are from Aiden, not Grant. I get up and start walking back to the house, but I stop when I see John sitting on the steps leading back up to Aiden’s house. We stand there and stare at each other.

“What is it you want, Hannah?”

“For you to get out of my way, please.” I attempt to go up the stairs and he blocks me.

“You realize you’re putting two brothers against each other?” I glare at him.

“I realize that they keep putting
me
in the middle.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I consider him and realize I had him all wrong. I thought he was the shy one, but he is the nosy one, always putting himself in everyone’s business.

“John, I’m not with Aiden. Grant broke my heart and Aiden was there to help me pick up the pieces. I’m a guest in his house, nothing more, nothing less.” I lean against the bottom railing as he stares me down. I can tell he has learned that from Grant, but he still doesn’t intimidate me.

“Well it doesn’t look so great for you.”

“And I care about this, why? You’re the only intrusive individual who seems to care what I do.”

“I care about my brothers.”

“As you should, John. I understand that, but when will you give it a rest? Grant cheated on me. I didn’t imagine that, I watched him kiss another woman. Do you think that’s OK?”

“I can’t speak for Grant; I didn’t know he was with Ava again.” I scrutinize his words. Again?

“Whatever, John. I’m leaving tomorrow. Does that make you happy?” I snarl.

“Yes, the sooner the better,” he replies in a clipped tone. He gets up and I quickly walk past him. What a fucking asshole. Does Aiden know he is here? I get back up to the deck and see John making his way back to his house. I go inside and pour a drink and settle at the table. At this rate I’m going to become an alcoholic.

Once again Aiden is MIA, and I feel the need to see him. Finishing my drink I pour another and bring it with me on my search of Aiden. I look around the living room and notice my cell light up. I walk over to it and answer it. It’s my mom so I put on my most pleasant voice. When she asks me about Grant I say he’s great. I hate lying, but I don’t want her to know anything. I talk to the kids and tears poke at my eyes. I miss them with all my heart and soul. They are having so much fun and I wish I was there with them. Hunter tells me we have to go back next month with them and I agree. I know I can get a week off. I make another mental note to talk to Michele about it. When I hang up with them I pour another drink. I really have been drinking a lot more since Chase died, and ever since I got on the Grace merry-go-round I have been drinking even more. After I refill my drink I walk down the hallway. I get a few doors down and I stop. I can hear a guitar. Standing there I listen to a soft song being played. I inch towards the door and see its open just a crack. I know he did it on purpose. He is trying to keep his distance from me, but it’s never more than an arm’s length. I listen to Aiden singing softly. I marvel in all the little things that make up Aiden. There are so many things I would have never guessed about Aiden. He is a beautiful man who is so masculine, yet so deep and gentle. The more time I spend with him the more I discover who he really is. He is talented in many other things besides his hugely successful company. I listen to him sing softly about giving up. The more I listen the more I realize I know the song. I push the door open a little and slide my body through. I remain quiet as he keeps singing. I stay by the door and soak him up. He is playing an old acoustic guitar and he stares at the floor as he sings. I feel like a moth drawn to a flame. I inch closer and sit across from him in a leather chair. I sink into it easily and bring my legs up. I watch his fingers move forming different chords. His fingers move with ease. His eyes move onto me as he finishes.

“That was beautiful, Aiden.” His eyes shift back to the floor as he puts the guitar back in its stand.

“Do you mind if I play?” He nods giving me the go ahead as he hands me his guitar. I remember the first lesson my father gave me. He was patient, but I could tell I was driving him crazy. I warm up just strumming the strings. It has been about a year since I picked up a guitar. I feel it come back to me and I wish my dad was here to play with me. I start to play “Over the Hills and Far Away.” I love this song, and the first time I ever heard my father play it I begged him to teach it to me. I’m surprised at how easy it comes back to me. I look over at Aiden who is wide-eyed in complete shock. I smile at him and keep playing. When I finish I hand him his guitar and he smiles at me while shaking his head.

“What?” I ask with an ear to ear grin plastered on my face.

“You are filled with surprises.”

“So are you.” I grin at him, but notice he is distracted. He takes his phone out but ignores answering it. I want to ask him who is calling, but I ignore my interfering side and decide against it. He places it on the table, and I can see it light up with the words “missed call.” He starts to talk and his phone goes off again, this time he picks it and answers it.

“Yeah?” He eyes me uncomfortably and I can see his whole demeanor change. I put my legs down and shift to the edge of the chair. The color drains from his face, putting me in full alarm.

“You sure?” He brings his hand to his face and rubs his forehead roughly.

“Yeah, I’ll be there in a few.” He hangs up and drops the phone to his side bringing his other hand to his face. He nervously rubs his hands across his face. I stand up and inch closer to him.

“Is everything OK?” He puts his arms out and pulls me to him. I stand still as he buries his head into my chest and wraps his arms around me. I wrap my arms around his neck and attempt to soothe him. He doesn’t talk and I can’t make him. I’m itching to know what is going on. Is it his mom? Is she sick again? I cringe at the thought.

“Aiden, what’s wrong?” I slide down so that I’m kneeling in front of him. I gently place my hands back on his neck and I can see the cloudiness in his eyes.

“They identified the body they found on my mom’s property.”

“Well, that’s good, right?” I try to sound hopeful, but he is scaring me.

“It was my father.” My heart drops to the floor, and I grab him in my arms holding him as tightly as I can. He needs me right now, and I want to give him some of the peace he has bestowed upon me this weekend.

“I’m so sorry, Aiden.” I whisper the words to him and he tightens his grip on me and buries his face into my neck while bringing me onto his lap. I want to take away the pain so bad. I don’t want him to feel like this. After all this time, why now? He lost his father almost thirty years ago. He mourned him as a child and now he has to relive it all over again as an adult. I could only imagine what he is feeling right know. His breathing slowly steadies after a while.

“I have to go.” He doesn’t loosen his grip so I don’t either. I squeeze him tighter and he does too.

“We are meeting at my mom’s house to tell her.” I pull back and look at him. His eyes are so lost and I wish I could help him. He sits limply with his hand on my leg and runs his thumb back and forth on my thigh. I watch and wonder what he is thinking. I wonder who told him and how they told him. All the questions fill my head, but I ask nothing. He gets up and I slide down his body, as we just stand still hugging each other. It feels good, liberating even, and I think I know what I’m about to do. He tenderly kisses my forehead and pulls away from me. I follow him down the hallway and into the kitchen.

“I’ll be back later.” He turns and gazes at me longingly. I want to kiss him in the worst way, but I don’t. He looks to hurt and I just want to comfort him. I walk over and hug him and settle for a kiss on the cheek. He leans into my kiss as I bring my hands to his neck. He moves in closer and kisses me. I don’t stop him. He kisses me softly and I kiss him back. He pulls back and I steal one more small kiss hoping it will make him feel better.

“I don’t know when I’ll be back, so don’t wait up.” He starts to walk out the door.

“I’ll be up.” He strides back to me to kiss me again, grabbing me and pulling me into him. I follow his every move because I know this is what we both need.

“Thank You.” His lips are still on my mine as he whispers this. Then he is off and out the door before I can say anything. I walk over to my phone and see Grant called me. My good mood ruined, I sit down and feel the cluster fuck again. I start to think about him and how he is taking the news. I’m curious as to how they are all taking it. Poor Annie is stuck in the hospital in New York I wonder if Shane is here or if he is there with her? John pops into my head, but I’m so pissed at him I could care less how the fuck he feels. I sit on the couch and muse over how Mrs. Grace is going to take the news. They all thought he died at sea, and all this time he has been at rest close to home. A shiver runs through me as I consider the whole situation. I sigh in frustration. I haven’t a clue how I would react if that were me. The ache in my chest lets me know the pain would be the primary sentiment to a discovery of this magnitude.