Letting go of Grace (4 page)

“OK, so I will leave and go to another place where he can’t find me.”

“Without Aiden would be preferred.” I clock him and he steps back in awe of my hostility.

“I am none of your fucking business John. You are the one who keeps making waves. Go ahead and call your brother and tell him where I am. Then you can tell him I watched him throw it all away with that skank. See how he likes that. I bet you had no idea he was with her. He likes to hide the details.” I walk away from them and head into the locker room. I’m the only one in there and I’m so frustrated by John and the fact I can’t my gloves off that I punch a locker for good measure. I stand there after shaking in anger. I can’t let him get to me. I notice a trainer I recognize from yesterday walk in.

“You OK?” I nod and hold my gloves up.

“Can you help me get these off?”

“As long as you don’t hit me.” I laugh and drop my hands. He walks over to free my hands.

“Is John still here?” He nods. I immediately dread going back out there.

“You should go and watch. They all have been coming here for years. This is how they deal with things.” I follow him out and see Aiden and John in the ring. They look like professionals going at it. I feel jealous. I would like to fight John. I would beat the piss out of him with all my anger. I sit on a stool to watch. Aiden and John are swinging full force at each other. I cringe at a few shots John receives. It’ a good thing they are wearing protective gear. I look over at the trainer who has his eyes fixed on them.

“Do they always go all out like this?” He just smiles and nods at me. John gets in a cheap shot and Aiden returns it with a fast blow that knocks John over. I see Aiden back up to see if John is going to get up, but he doesn’t. The trainer jumps in the ring and helps John up. He seems shaky on his feet and unfortunately my instincts jump into effect. I jump in the ring to look him over. Surprisingly he lets me. Aiden is still on the other side of the ring leaning in the corner. I can tell he is angry, but I’m not sure if it’s at me or John. John’s gloves are off and his helmet is off as well.

“He won,” he says looking away from me. I shrug my shoulders not understanding the full meaning of his words.

“I won’t tell Grant.” I nod once then walk over to Aiden. He places his gloves out and without a word I start to untie them. He eases them off and starts to unwrap the tape.

“Let’s get out of here.” He looks like a caged animal.

I follow him out of the gym and remain quiet. It’s not until we are passing Grant’s house that I can’t keep it in anymore.

“I’m leaving. I don’t want you to get any more involved then you already are.” I say with conviction.

“Hannah, I told you last night to stay.”

“Aiden, I can’t. It’s not just about Grant. Look at you and John.”

“No, John and I are fine. We boxed it all out. I won, so he won’t say anything to Grant.” He is so matter of fact about this. It blows my mind.

“Exactly, you just fought your brother to keep his mouth shut. Aiden this is causing more problems than it’s worth.”

He slows down as he pulls into his garage. I sit there and he gets out and opens my door. I start to get out but he blocks me.

“Aiden I’m not worth it, trust me. He is your blood, I’m just water.” He places his hands on my face and I know I won’t be able to stop him.

“I could make a family with you, Hannah,” he breathes as I look into his starburst glowing eyes.

“I come with a family. I’m a package deal. Have you thought about that? It’s not just me. It’s Hunter and Ella, too. I don’t want to start something and have the kids fall in love with a man just to have him walk away when he feels like it.” I stop and glance away from his beautiful eyes.

“They lost their father already, Aiden, I can’t chance them losing another man.” I feel the tears slip out. His thumbs brush them away.

“I know you come with two kids, Hannah. I have thought a lot about it.” He pulls away and I get out silently and walk into the house. He is on my ass and when I turn around, he kisses me. It’s nothing like the way he has kissed me before. It’s like he is trying to kiss his love into me. I feel it flow out of his mouth and follow through my veins. I jump back but he catches me pulling me higher up to his mouth. I place my hands on his face, as his hand finds its way into my hair. It feels so right, but then again it felt so right with Grant. I have to pull away and when I do it hurts.

“Aiden, I can’t.” I shake my head and he slowly lets me down.

“It isn’t fair to you, me, or Grant. I have to deal with him before I can think of anything else.” He bites his lower lip in momentary concentration and then walks away from me disappearing down the hall. I just stand there thinking it was the right decision in pushing him away. I have to stop making messes. I have to start cleaning them up, and I have to start with Grant.

I SIT ON THE COUCH
and skim through a magazine waiting for Aiden to reappear but he doesn’t. After an hour I figure I should leave him alone so I wander outside for a walk. I notice a small trail and decide to do some exploring. It winds through woods, and as I walk I can smell sweet honey suckle and pine. I see a massive amount of butterflies and stop before them. It is a gorgeous sight. There has to be hundreds just flying their erratic yet lovely flights. I extend my arms out and watch as they land of me for a few seconds then fly away. They distract me for a while before I begin to walk through them and feel wings brush my arms and legs. I keep going and at the end of the trail is Aiden. He is sitting under a beautiful white pergola that overlooks the breathtaking Vineyard Sound. I stop and study him. He has his back to me and is sitting on something. I just watch as he kicks a wheel and leans forward. I don’t want to bother him but when I turn to walk away I step on a branch and that gets his attention. He turns to face me.

“I’m sorry, I was just leaving.” I walk away from him.

“Hannah, come back.” His voice is soft and I don’t want to fight with him, I just have to figure out what I want. I walk over to him and when I get to his side I smile nervously. My gentle giant, he goes from punching his brother with his fists to making pottery with his tender hands. I watch as he centers a piece of clay on the wheel, kicking it often to keep speed. Once it’s centered he looks up at me.

“You want to try?” His eyes are glowing and I’m instantly reminded of the movie Ghost. This is the biggest cliché ever, but I don’t think that will stop me.

“I haven’t done this since high school,” I admit.

“Well hop on.” He shifts back in the seat and I climb to the space in front of him. Once again we are in risky territory. He takes my hands in his and wets them. I lean forward and start to work with the clay. Slowly I press my thumbs into the top of the mound and so does Aiden showing off his skills. I take my hands away and watch as he opens the clay and brings it up into a perfect shape. I bring my hands back in to thin it out a bit as he takes his hands and places them on my bare thighs. I sit back down and watch our vase spin on the wheel. Aiden leans his chin onto my shoulder and he brings his arms around my stomach and hugs me. I take his hands in mine and we watch the wheel slowly lose speed and eventually come to a stop. We sit there for a long time, content with our bodies humming against each other. I don’t want to ruin our newfound friendship by treading on temptation, but it doesn’t stop us from holding each other. After some time he pulls his hands away and knocks the vase over.

“Why did you do that?” I shift forward so I can turn and look at him.

“I can make another.” He says, like it’s no big deal.

“I liked that one.” I get up and get off the wheel.

“I’m sorry. I never save what I make.” He starts taking the clay off the wheel and places it into a white bucket.

“Why? It’s so beautiful.” I stare at the wheel and wonder how the hell he got into this soothing hobby?

“I just never do.” He gets up and cleans everything up. I offer to carry stuff but he shoves it all into the large bucket at his side. I follow him back up the trail and all the butterflies are gone. I stop and look around and wonder where they all went? How could they all just disappear? I catch up to Aiden a ways down the trail. There is a little shed off the side of the house. He walks into it. I take that as him not wanting to talk anymore, so I walk back into the house. I try to keep busy making myself lunch. I make him a sandwich and place it all on the table. He comes in a few minutes later and walks past me.

“I made you lunch,” I yell after his departing body. He looks back at me and makes his way back.

“Thank you.” He sits and we eat in silence. It kills me that he is being like this, but I have to think of all of us. I can’t keep taking a ride on the Grace merry-go- round. I watch as he finishes up and places his plate in the sink, then he walks down the hallway again and disappears. I sit back in the seat and contemplate things I could do to distract myself. I get up and start to cook dinner. I look in the fridge and start to pull everything out. I cook for the next few hours. I make cookies and brownies but the sweet smell doesn’t lure him out of his hiding. I place the roast in the oven and begin to peel potatoes.

Once everything is set up I head for the shower. I walk into his room and he is nowhere in sight. I sulk in the shower and tell myself to get over it. I put on a new sundress when I get out and am regretfully reminded of Grant as I put it on. I find my phone and see more missed calls from him and some from Shane. I haven’t talked to him since I yelled at him for luring me into having lunch with Aiden back at their office. I see Becca’s name come up on the screen and answer it.

“Where the hell are you?” she blurts out.

“Hello Becca, and how are you?” I let the sarcasm flow.

“Han, you have been MIA since Thursday. What is going on? Grant has been calling me none stop.”

“I’m fine, I just took a little vacation by myself.”

“Where?” I don’t want to answer her.

“Nowhere.”

“Hannah, what the fuck is up with you?”

“Nothing, it’s just… I need to be away from everything.” I go back into the kitchen and turn the pot of potatoes on and check on the roast. I make popovers as I talk to her.

“What happened?”

“I saw him with another woman.” I don’t want to admit any of this to her because she is the queen of holding grudges.

“What? When?”

“When he was getting off the plane. I went to surprise him and watched as they kissed. Then I slipped out the truck door and hid behind it like a loser,” I answer bitterly.

“I would have killed him,” she growls. Her voice is getting deep. I can tell she is holding back.

“No, I don’t want to kill him anymore. I just want to stay in hiding.”

“And I take it you’re not going to tell me where you are?”

“Nope.” I take the cupcake pan out of the hot oven and fill them with the popover mix.

“Well I have plenty to say to him next time he calls.”

“Bec it’s my fight. I can handle it.” I slide the pan back in the oven and go and pour myself a drink.

“Fine, can you please just call me later so I know you are still alive?”

“Deal.” I hang up and take a shot. It warms my belly.

The next hour passes fast and I finally finish making dinner. I set the table and get the candles lit. I take my phone out and call Aiden. It rings a few times, then he answers.

“Hey.”

“I have dinner ready if you are interested.” Before I’m done talking he walks into the kitchen. I hang up the phone and smile at him.

“I thought you might be hungry.” I glance over at the table and he takes a seat. I sit across from him and he places his hands out. I take them and we say grace together. When he finishes he looks over the table. I made a lot of food for just the two of us.

“You didn’t have to cook again.”

“I wanted to.” I start to make my plate and he digs in. We don’t say a word, we just eat. He goes back for seconds and smiles at me as he does.

“Thank you, this is delicious.”

“I’m happy you like it.” Silence once again. I get up and clear my plate then start to do the few dishes I have left.

“I’ll clean them.” I can feel him behind me and I turn around and lean against the sink.

“Are you mad at me?”